Advice on attending Y/your first Munch?

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Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 11:10:58 AM

xxKyu

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I have recently been talking with a good friend of mine - we've known each other for quite a few years now, and fairly recently discovered we were both into BDSM. After some deliberation - and finding out a little more about the scene from sites like this one, InformedConsent, and a few which aren't made as matchmakers, - we came to the decision that we both wanted to go to a Munch, to meet likeminded people like ourselves. Our circle of friends don't seem to share our same passion for it; in fact, they regard it as pretty odd.

My question to Y/you is how did Y/your first experience of a Munch go?
What should myself and my friend expect?
Do Y/you have any advice for us? If so, what is it?

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 11:13:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxKyu
My question to Y/you is how did Y/your first experience of a Munch go?

Pretty well, awkwardly- too many girly subs trying to prove how subly they were.

quote:

What should myself and my friend expect?

Hopefully decent food, curiousity of the new people, and a lot of bad jokes.

quote:

Do Y/you have any advice for us? If so, what is it?

Don't worry, we all survived. Act like it's any normal adult social eating function thing, good manners, respect boundaries, no biggie.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_833058/mpage_1/key_first%252Cmunch/tm.htm#833180
Munches

http://www.collarchat.com/m_438399/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#438658
Advice on a first munch

http://www.collarchat.com/m_133075/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#133214
munches

http://www.collarchat.com/m_123477/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#123520
munches and sloshes

http://www.collarchat.com/m_120380/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#120646
first munch...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_264730/mpage_1/key_munches/tm.htm#264747
normal reaction?

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 11:15:03 AM

mistoferin

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You can expect to encounter a group of friendly people who are casually dressed enjoying a meal or drinks together. My advice would be to dress casually and be friendly and polite.

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 11:21:34 AM

crouchingtigress

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it was ok. we met at the beach. ate some good food, laughed a lot, talked about kinky stuff and i saw my first shark...that was the coolest part though.

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 11:22:54 AM

crouchingtigress

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ooops forgot the advice part: have fun!!! be natural...if you are new dont pretend you not, and if you have questions ask them.

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 12:07:52 PM

darkinshadows

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quote:

My question to Y/you is how did Y/your first experience of a Munch go?

Went well when I finally attended. People were great, and atmosphere was good.

quote:

What should myself and my friend expect?

Maybe some food if it is in a pub. Lots of people who know each other. Some little cliques on occasion. Most are well run and organised.

quote:

Do Y/you have any advice for us? If so, what is it?

Go without expectations and be prepared to mingle and make conversation. Don't expect it to be just about BDSM as just like any other group function, conversation revolves on many subjects. Don't have to go all dressed up unless it specifically states so. And it is ok to leave when you want - dont feel you have to stay until the end.

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 4:39:56 PM

topcat

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Wear clean underware.

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 5:45:52 PM

mp072004

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As LuckyAlbatross wrote, it's like any other social function thing, with a touch more flirting than happens at other meetups, I think. Treat it like a book club or a knitting circle or a foreign language conversation gathering. Don't apply special manners to it because it's a "BDSM function." Good manners and your existing social skills should stand you well. Respect other people's boundaries, as LuckyAlbatross said, assume their boundaries are "normal," and enforce your own. Polite assertiveness is a good strategy--for munches, and, in my view, for social interaction. If how to dress is an issue, dress as though you came from work at a desk job, and you should fit in reasonably well, because people who attend weeknight munches frequently have come directly from work at their desk jobs. Each munch is a little different, because of the mix of people, and sometimes different occasions of a given munch differ, so if there are multiple munch groups in your area you should check out more than one.

Monica

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 5:56:53 PM

spanklette

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My first munch was a dissappointment, but I've enjoyed them since then. Depending on your area, some munches can be rather, um..."rustic".

Basically, it's just like any situation where everyone knows everyone else, except for you...a few munches later, you can look at the new faces and smile.

My advice would be...don't expect too much. It's just a bunch of folks talking...sometimes, they'll have a topic, but in general it's just talking.

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/24/2007 7:16:42 PM

Elorin

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My first munch was fun and overwhelming. I went alone. Going alone sucked. I knew NO one. I was also grabbed by the community talk-a-lot and had my ear gabbed off. Half the time he was talking local gossip which I knew nothing about, and no one around. The other half the time he was talking to me like I had walked in off the street and knew nothing about BDSM.

It was, however, very awesomely titillating. It included an upcoming events portion of the evening, and hearing about all the kinds of things that go on in my area was pretty exciting. I also heard about some seminars I really wanted to go to.

It did, unfortunately, feel awkward. Almost everyone there knew one another, and there was very little room in the location for mingling. I was stuck with the people sitting around me and only one person wanted to talk...and he talked my ear off.

I would e-mail someone beforehand to find out what to expect. You'll want to know if it is a small room with just enough room to sit down and socialize with those around you, or if it is a stand up and walk around area. Ask if they have a newcomers welcome group, or someone who will introduce newcomers around to others (these help a LOT). Find out if they have announcements or not. Find out if there is any special dress code - both things expected and things not allowed. I prefer a munch that has a section with tables to sit, eat, and chat, but also an area where you can walk around and mingle.

My advice is be mellow, don't have high expectations of meeting the dom/me or sub of your dreams, realize that kinksters are people and as such you will see ALL kinds of people. Not all munches have nametags or identifiers, so be willing to ask "Are you Dom, sub, switch, or do you identify in another way?" and to answer similar questions. Be prepared to be treated as "fresh meat" if the munch has an overpopulation of your reciprocal partner (munches with too many male doms treat femsubs like fresh meat, and other kinds of things). Realize that some will equate "new" to mean "clueless". Don't let anyone try to boss you around, touch you, or do anything other than chat carefully unless you want them to.

I think going with a friend is the best thing you could do, as my normal piece of advice is "find someone to go with so you don't feel alone".

~E

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/25/2007 10:40:33 PM

Whiterabbit0117

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You've received some good advice. If you can contact the host of the munch it is helpful because you will have at least talked to someone there, have a better idea what to expect, and they are more likely to introduce you around.

The first one is always hard. You will be walking into a group that knows each other and you are the outsider. Inside jokes, discussions about events you haven't been to, gossip about people you don't know. Good groups will work to make you feel welcome. We didn't go back after our first one for quite awhile. We eventually found a different group that was much more welcoming. You may or may not have that problem, or that option.

If the group hosting the munch has an open discussion list, join it so you start to get to know the people involved. Even if you don't post, you will start to get an idea of who the players are.

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/25/2007 11:38:49 PM

Isaidnow

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I attend a lot of munches on another site. I've never been to one off here, so I'm someone will correct me if I am wrong

but:

A munch is a purely social event held in a totally neutral environment, often somewhere like a pub, where members get to meet each other. As there's no play involved everyone can relax which gives newbies a chance to ask questions of the more experienced without any fear of getting jumped on, and gives the regulars time to catch-up with old friends and make new ones.

One thing we do and may be worth speaking to the organisor about, is see if they have a 'handholder' scheme in place.

This is a more experienced munch go-er who will come out to meet you, bring you in, introduce you around and keep an eye on you until you are comfortable.

Happy munching

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RE: Advice on attending Y/your first Munch? - 4/26/2007 2:21:01 AM

MaamJay

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Some good advice here. While it is a social event, and the talk won't all be bdsm-orientated, there are just a couple of other points to keep in mind. Don't press anyone for a full name, and be a bit wary of asking what they do for a living. People don't want to risk being "outed" so they will be a bit more careful with their personal details than they would at a knitting circle! In a well-run munch, the hosts should help you to circulate a bit, but if that's not happening, be brave enough to bowl up to someone, introduce yourself and start a conversation. The advice so far on dress code is pretty accurate, we always recommended basic black, casual not fetish dress. Ideally nothing that draws attention to yourself or the group. The only other "rule" if there is waiter service involved, is to keep an eye out for their approach and be prepared to change the subject rapidly! It's not really cool to be loudly discussing the merits of suede vs plaited leather floggers as the waiter is serving your meal! Contacting people ahead of time is also good as they may have a way of identifying the table. It could be a tad embarrassing to ask the staff (or worse still, to go from table to table) asking which is the bdsm group? We used black balloons and were indentified as "the Internet group" to the staff. However, kids parties aren't what they were ... one night there were THREE tables with black balloons LOL!

Good luck, have a good time! I thoroughly enjoyed my first munch, I just found it such a relief to meet and talk to like-minded people!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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