Who goes.....??????? (Full Version)

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stockingluvr54 -> Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 10:33:56 AM)

Question for the dominant ladies or any subs that have had their Domme come to them.

Ladies..... if you've struck up a relationship and it comes time to be together, have any of you packed up everything and gone to be with your sub? If so...how did that affect the relationship...if at all? Did you feel less powerful because you were on his "turf" or in his house...???? If your sub was not willing to move to you...would that be a deal breaker?

Thanks....



thetammyjo -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 10:45:05 AM)

My answer is that the sub has to move to me because I have a house and a poly family all ready.

Single people may feel differently.



BeachMystress -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 11:37:07 AM)

Over the past 7 years, I've seen 14 people relocate to be with partner they met online. 9 of those were BDSM relationships. ONE of them has lasted four years and is going strong. Of the others, the longest lasted 14 months. Most of them didn't make it past three months! After watching these fall apart, I do not believe in relocation. In each failed case, it was expensive and traumatic for the person who moved. I'd never put myself in that position, nor would I inflict it upon someone else. Yes, I understand that it is hard to find partners some places. Yes, I understand that sometimes you can have a magic online relationship. But to me the proof is in the pudding and 99% of the ones I've personally watched from the sidelines failing means that I just can not endorse them!



MsKatHouston -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 11:41:52 AM)

I would have no problem moving to someone in theory and no I would not feel less dominant.  Sometimes the situation dictates that one moving over the other is simply the more logical regardless of orientation.

However, if this relationship was struck up online, no way.  To me, until you can spend significant time together in person, there is no real relationship.



BeachMystress -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 11:45:41 AM)

Clarification...
The relocations I mentioned were all from online relationships. I do not have data for relationships where the people met in person and spent any great amount of physical time together before relocation. I would expect that type of relocation to work about the same as any couple moving to be closer to each other.



stockingluvr54 -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 11:54:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

However, if this relationship was struck up online, no way.  To me, until you can spend significant time together in person, there is no real relationship.


Thanks MsKH and everyone else!   I agree with you 100% on the  significant amount of time (rt)......

I was thinking more of if the relationship was beyond cyber....like if both had met and talked on phone and had some rt interaction and it became time to be together...for good...as in rt live in relationship. Sorry if I didn't make that more clear.



Lashra -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 11:59:15 AM)

With my present sub he would have to come live with me as he doesn't own a home. But if he did, I guess it would depend on whos place I liked better. If I did move in with him I wouldnt feel less Dominant, its just who I am and it doesn't stop.

~Lashra



MsKatHouston -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 12:08:27 PM)

I think when it comes down to it, if there's a solid relationship it just boils down to practical matters.  Who is more willing to move, who has the better place, who lives in a nicer area, who can find a job easier, etc. 

Then there's always the third option of sticking a pin in a map and both of you moving.  Whatever works best practically is usually the best approach



BeachMystress -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 12:12:17 PM)

You described the type of relationship for all the failed relocations.. The one that worked out, on the other hand, he went to visit her for their first meeting (flew overseas) and never left. The failed ones all spent hours on the phone and would spend a week together every few months. Relocation wasn't a snap decision for most of them. They were sure they were head over heels in love and ready to live together. That just wasn't enough, it seems.

 In actuality, thinking about it, I "relocated" when I got married. My husband lived (and works) an hour away from me. For the sake of his job, I moved to his city, instead of him to mine. Rather than continue to live in the apt that had been his, we got a new place. We didn't do this to establish territory or such, but because his place had a huge number of stairs and I have a bad knee. Even if we had decided to stay in his place it wouldn't have affected my power or control. I'd already been staying there and controlling him there three to six days a week.



stockingluvr54 -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 5:10:05 PM)

Thanks to all for your responses!

For some reason I was expecting to hear more things along the lines of.... "No way I'd move to my sub...he'd have to come to me!"...????

So it basically sounds like any other long distance type relationship and the situation(s) would dictate who goes where....

Thanks again....



pixelslave -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 5:11:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

You described the type of relationship for all the failed relocations.. The one that worked out, on the other hand, he went to visit her for their first meeting (flew overseas) and never left. The failed ones all spent hours on the phone and would spend a week together every few months. Relocation wasn't a snap decision for most of them. They were sure they were head over heels in love and ready to live together. That just wasn't enough, it seems.



Isn't that common with many "new" relationships?  People tend to be on their best behavior while they're together for only limited periods of time. 

When it becomes a case of day in and day out without reprieve, the dynamic changes and the "real person" that's perhaps been lurking inside no longer has a place to hide. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m24.gif[/image]   All the quirks and habits that others might object to; perhaps concluding their new partner is at a minimum either a "rare bird", neurotic, or just decidedly annoying to be with, are things that are going to be quickly discovered. 

That's when a couple's ability to communicate and negotiate effectively is going to be tested.  It's usually the first time of any significance they've genuinely had to learn to work things out between them, and also learn to let go of things that aren't of major importance to one or the other.  Its been my observation that either they begin to learn and lay the foundation for how things will best get worked out between them - establishing a pattern to follow that works for both of them, or else they tend to fall flat on their faces with unresolved conflicts quickly ending the relationship (unless they simply like a lot of drama in their lives). [X(]

Beyond that, I don't think it especially matters who does the moving beyond the fact that I agree with Ms Kat that practicality should be the primary criteria to base decisions on. [&:]   I'll add though, that in my opinion, moving into a place with lots of history with past relationships with one of the parties past partners is not the best idea.  When that's the case, moving to a different or neutral place in which to live where a fresh start is more likely to happen is wiser IMO if one is genuinely looking to get off to a good start. [8|]

- pixel



MzMia -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 6:37:19 PM)

I met my EX-husband online about 11 years ago, we met real time after about 3 months.
We took turns visiting each other, I was in Maryland, he was in Florida.
He asked me to marry him and I moved to Florida, WITH the agreement that we would
move back to Maryland in a few years.
We did just that. So we both lived in both states.
I knew him about 1 year prior to marriage and moving, and did a background check.
I have to admit at that time I wanted to get married and told him I would not move, until after
we married.  I went down there we got married, then I came back to Maryland and did not
officially move all my things down there for another month.
At that time, I was not moving 5 states away to live with someone, needed the ring FIRST.
LOL [:)]



PsyVamp -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/25/2007 7:23:27 PM)

Since I have my own house and unmentionables, it would be out of the question for me to move.  At this point in time, the sub would have to come to me. 
If I was single and didn't own my own home, I might entertain the thought of moving.  I moved 3 hours to be with my ex after spending just a few weekends together and we were together for 12 years.

Psy



jovonna -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/28/2007 7:58:23 AM)

I don't consider moving,however going to a sub does not mean I am any less dominate. It is always clear who is control.  Beside travling from time to to time opens up the possibly of meeting others who have my interest in that area and meeting and speaking may open up new horizons.



PsyVamp -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/28/2007 7:54:25 PM)

Oh, I've traveled to play with subs, but to have an actual relationship, they would have to come to me.  I like the D/s factor and enjoy it more on a r/t long term than cyber or telephone.



SweetDommes -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/28/2007 8:44:06 PM)

It wouldn't make us feel less dominant to move, and we were considering it when we were both getting ready to graduate from college - however, at this point, with having just bought a house, and the issues of having to transplant not one or two, but three people (changing jobs, getting certifications/licensure changed over, etc.) we won't be going anywhere.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/28/2007 8:47:11 PM)

i wont go anywhere.....too pretty here.



MstrssPassion -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/28/2007 8:59:51 PM)

I've tried both.

Once I had a sub move to me after we maintained a long distance relationship for about 1 1/2 yrs. The relationship lasted six months...... because it took me 5 1/2 months to get him out of my house.

The relationship I am in now....  actually we both moved but I made the biggest move to be with her. We moved a home in her area s
that would accommodate our family since where she lived was too small. We have been living together for almost 3 yrs now & every time we look in each others eyes it is just like the first time.

I don't think one's role determines who stays or who goes. In all reality you have to just look at how the relationship will best benefit & this should be the only thing that determines who relocates.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/28/2007 9:10:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54
Ladies..... if you've struck up a relationship and it comes time to be together, have any of you packed up everything and gone to be with your sub?
Yep, I dd that this January, actually.  Packed up and moved from Las Vegas to Nashville.  Angel wasnt the only reason I moved out of Vegas... but he was the main reason I decided on Nashville for my final desitination.

quote:


If so...how did that affect the relationship...if at all?

So far, we have had more time together.  We can do things on a whim, and aside from having to work around a school schedule that can be tricky at best, our relationship has grown nicely, and it has been redefined into something that makes us both very happy, though it has nothing to do wit our original plans.
quote:


Did you feel less powerful because you were on his "turf" or in his house...????
Not at all. My power doesnt come from my location. Besides, this is my turf now as well. I was neve dependant on him when I moved, aside from for directions to a few places.

quote:


If your sub was not willing to move to you...would that be a deal breaker?
It wasnt then, and it probably never would be, however it might be a problem since I am not willing to move again. If things with Angel and I didnt work out, I dont think I would be willing to up and move again so it might be in the long term.

DV



DiannaVesta -> RE: Who goes.....??????? (4/29/2007 5:27:34 AM)

It would depend on the circumstances. I own my own home but I do travel to meet with slaves & there is always that chance I'll want to spend more time. Maybe it wouldn't be full time but I'd consider part time.

There is only one way I'd even consider moving into a slave's household "turf" and that is if we were very compatiable and he signed it over to me. lol - then hell yeah



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