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Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 8:22:30 PM   
SubmissiveBBW4U


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Ok so...

I have been in a LDR with my Master since September.  We have known each other for 4 years. In less then 24 hours we will be moving in together.

I love him with all my heart and we are engaged to be married.

So what is the freak out about:

I am so afraid that real time I can't be what he wants me to be.  I want this lifestyle...this is where I am comfortable and feel complete.  I am just so scared of taking it real time and how it will work.

Please tell me this is a normal feeling to be having....

_____________________________

~melissa
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 8:40:22 PM   
CdnExplorer


Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		I've never been in your situation, but it would seem pretty normal to me. LDR to real time is a huge step, even in a vanilla relationship. Submitting to your SO jacks the stress level of that up even further.

Honestly you shouldn't waste your time worrying whether or not your feelings are normal. They are what they are, and brushing them off as not normal won't help. We all have our various feelings for a reason, so don't think about what other people might or might not feel. They're not you, and they all have different backgrounds and personalities. Once you accept what you're feeling you can start to figure out why.

(in reply to SubmissiveBBW4U)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 8:51:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Cold feet, huh?

I would just say, take a deep breath and just go with the flow... don't think about it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 8:53:01 PM   
RexLongBeach


Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveBBW4U
I am so afraid that real time I can't be what he wants me to be.

Please tell me this is a normal feeling to be having....

you're going from LDR to living together and planning to be married. There's no possible way to know whether you can be what he wants you to be, nor is there a way to know whether he'll be all the Master you're hoping he'll be.

This doesn't mean you stop, or call it off... but do accept that you're making a leap of faith that things will work out for the better.

There's nothing wrong with that. People that commit to relationships often take a leap of faith.

you're talking about marriage: that's a serious, long-term commitment. People change over the decades. Who will your Master be 5, 10 years from now? Who will you be? How will you change?

There's no way to know.

you asked if it was normal to feel the way you do. Perhaps it'd be abnormal if you didn't.

Good luck and have fun,
Rex

(in reply to SubmissiveBBW4U)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 9:08:02 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		congratulations on your recent progression. Wish i could help ... but i have no experience here. I will however wish you good luck  =)

(in reply to RexLongBeach)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 9:43:19 PM   
moonspirit43


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/21/2005
Status: offline 		The two minsters who married my husband/Dominant and I said something to us at the beginning of the ceremony that made us both feel better.

They said they would have been worried about us if we had not gotten cold feet, if we had not both been nervous.  It meant we were being realistic about the step we were about to take and our apprehensions about being good enough for each other meant we cared enough to be together and to last.

Congratulations and good luck

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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 9:45:06 PM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveBBW4U
Ok so...
I have been in a LDR with my Master since September.  We have known each other for 4 years. In less then 24 hours we will be moving in together.
I love him with all my heart and we are engaged to be married.
So what is the freak out about:
I am so afraid that real time I can't be what he wants me to be.  I want this lifestyle...this is where I am comfortable and feel complete.  I am just so scared of taking it real time and how it will work.
Please tell me this is a normal feeling to be having....


Of course it's normal. Be it D/s or vanilla...your fixing to take one of the biggest steps in your life. I'm pretty sure your partner may be experiencing some of the same feelings. But you can't let the fact of being scared get to you. Take a deep breath and think about how great the future can be with the two of you together, growing as a team.

(in reply to SubmissiveBBW4U)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 10:47:35 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Im sure its very common to freak out. Its all part of the experience. Treasure each thrill as the speed past you. Some day, you'll be sat in a old ladies home, remembering the good old days. Dont make that mental DVD a boring one!
You have no idea if you can be what he wants you to be. How could you? Youve never lived with him before. He's never lived with you either.
I can tell you that my fantasy of what it would be like, to be able to live with my dominant, was nothing like the reality. Some better, some worse. and i know he'd say the same. 24/7 is a long time to be in 'dom mode' he needed to work out a way to take 'down time' which you dont have to concern yourself with, when its just a play partner. So no, neither of us knew what we wanted it to be like. We had to unravel the fantasy to re-enact it to suit us. The way we wanted and needed it to be. Its a lovely time together. Enjoy
little1

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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 11:11:38 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I am so afraid that real time I can't be what he wants me to be.


My suggestion is don't try to be "what he wants you to be", but be yourself.  If that's not what he wants, better to find out sooner rather than later.

Have you spent any real time together?

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 11:14:26 PM   
Stazia


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		i cant say anything better than what has been said before me so just let me offer you the best wishes and good luck!!

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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/25/2007 11:25:00 PM   
SubmissiveBBW4U


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:


Have you spent any real time together?


Yes we have.  It's always wonderful!!!

He tells me over and over that I am his perfect slave.  I guess it is just normal worries about taking that next step!

Thanks everyone!

_____________________________

~melissa

(in reply to proudsub)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/26/2007 5:37:43 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		When you focus on your fear, the fear manifests itself twofold. When you feel it creeping up on you, put your energy into something else like writing or dancing or something entertaining and fun. The fear will still be there, as it should be, but it will be background noise. Kinda like stopping smoking - redirect your thoughts until the urge passes. Congratulations and good luck.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/26/2007 8:05:13 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If those truly are your only fears, then just keep breathing and see what life brings you.

Also, check out the other threads on the boards that discuss dealing with the common problems of going LDR to live in.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/26/2007 8:24:18 AM   
angelgirl9631


Posts: 19
Joined: 4/6/2007
Status: offline 		Congratulations! I am also in a LDR with my Master but He is over so much that I wouldn't know the difference. We are also planning a permanent move this year as well.

Whether it is a d/s relationship or a vanilla one, you are bound to have butterflies about it. Just relax, take a deep breath and take it day by day. In reading the website from castlerealm.com, I have had a good laugh about when your Master moves in. For one thing you might notice is the glitch in the Master program that doesn't run on football Sunday's or the lawnmoving program conflicts with the Master program.

Just be yourself. Remember your Master already knows what you are like and still wants to move in together.

_____________________________

O teach me calm submission to thy Will...William Wordsworth (1888)

Slave to Wyldecat. My wonderful Master.

(in reply to SubmissiveBBW4U)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/26/2007 8:43:02 AM   
LadyMarmalade1


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline 		Dear SubmissiveBBW4U,

I'm not a sub, but I know the situation you're in, my sub and I have been apart for 1 year and 2 weeks tomarrow.  I'm expecting him back soon, and we are both planning to live together when he returns.
The problem with being apart is you build up how it will be when youre together again... and you build it up so high that you start to think it can't be that perfect in reality.

Since I havent been reunited yet with my sub, I cant give my experience, but only tell you what I tell my sub and myself:  be realistic, and communicate with your Master.  Like any situation it will take a while to get used to living together.

I wish you LOTS of luck and remember you are not alone, and that it is normal to be afraid you wont be able to serve your Master all the time.  But most importantly you should talk to your Master and tell him about your concerns.

Sincerely,
Lady Marmalade

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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/26/2007 3:51:51 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:

Honest Sharing:....

When I was picking Master up from the airport, the only thing that kept me there was I felt so faint from terror I couldnt move to run.

Good Luck with everything

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to LadyMarmalade1)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/26/2007 3:54:49 PM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Yes it's extremely normal to feel anxious in this situation. Normal for kinky and vanilla people alike. My sister nearly called off her (very vanilla) wedding from pure nerves the day before. Don't psyche yourself out by dwelling on why you are anxious, or else the anxiety will inensify while you're thinking about it and feeding it energy. Congratulations !!

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/26/2007 4:25:24 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline 		Congrats!!  It is normal to have doubts and concerns.  Nothing wrong with that but why not try and concentrate on the positive aspects?

minnetar

(in reply to SubmissiveBBW4U)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/26/2007 6:10:32 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Have you talked about the mundane aspects yet? Because if you're an owl and he's a lark, that is a disconnect that needs to be worked out. If you prefer to sleep with the windows open and he likes them shut, talk about how to compromise. Honestly these are the things that need to be worked out first.

Now you don't say who is moving to whose house but if one of you is moving from out of town expect some sadness. That person is leaving family, friends, coworkers and will have no support system nearby.

About playtime, before you got all the chores done during the week so you could play when you got together. Now the chores will take over some weekend time. But you can play midweek instead.

(in reply to minnetar)
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RE: Having a freak out.... - 4/27/2007 5:35:09 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Its normal to be nervous but living together doesnt mean you practice the lifestyle 24/7. There are jobs, kids etc to deal with. So just ask him what his expectations are beforehand. Also decide what yours are also, then talk about it and come to an agreement. Good communication is the only way it will work.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to SubmissiveBBW4U)
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