I am in hell

I am in hell (Full Version)

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stopthesickride -> I am in hell (4/25/2007 8:58:35 PM)
I got involved with a guy 8 months ago. He threatened me not to do a background check on him, and I didn't. Said he'd been CIA, had PTSD, etc. This is a small town, we know people in common, so I trusted him. Seemed to have the smarts to back it up. Said he's got millions of bucks, too. Got me a job with his employer. (Stupid me, I was content with a job, not a cash handout.) I was changing careers. But the abuse went too far- emotional, wholly nonconsenting - and we broke up for the 20th and final time yesterday. Now I'm writing nothing but 100% work-related emails.... and suddenly he's got some supposed brand new third-party secretary we'll call Flipper auto-responding to my emails with useless gibberish. We've got a boss and clients to answer to, yet I don't want to even dignify "Flipper" with a response. The worst of it is, I can't financially afford a professional misstep now (Shoulda soaked him for money when I had him apparently, but inconveniently I have morals, which he appears to have missed out on completely.) I'm so angry and I'm also frightened. I need to get out of this nightmare... my career is dependent on a madman. But I have so little experience in my field after only 6 mo - who'd even want to hire me? Can't believe I'm in this situation, I'm not a careless girl. This all comes from thinking I could heal someone really really sick.

stopthesickride -> RE: I am in hell (4/25/2007 9:04:36 PM)
As you can see - I'm bitter, I'm paying a sick, sick price with little to show for it. A golddigger would have done much better, she'd have soaked him for tens of thousands by now. All I ever begged him for was to love me. Let's take a poll: how should I date next? Continue to try to believe in love, or soak the sod for all he's worth? - Disheartened and distraught, and on the edge of financial ruin.

astarri -> RE: I am in hell (4/25/2007 9:12:08 PM)
obviously love is the way to go ... that does not mean you have to keep blinders on ... make rational decisions

Satyr6406 -> RE: I am in hell (4/25/2007 9:14:17 PM)
First off, not only are you upset but, you're a bit confused (Your post certainly confused the bejesus outta me). You ask: "How should I date next?" You SHOULDN'T. You need some time to heal and some time to re-assess who you are and what you want in a guy and then you need to promise yourself that you will NOT "settle" and then, maybe, you're ready to date. Peace and comfort, Michael

Owned1 -> RE: I am in hell (4/25/2007 9:51:20 PM)
I agree wholeheartedly with Satyr, Well said on all fronts! Owned

ElectraGlide -> RE: I am in hell (4/25/2007 10:20:04 PM)
I just dont buy this story. If the bull shitter has millions of bucks, why the hell is he working. He has been gold digging you for a fool if your story holds any water. Please add more madness to the story, so it can even make less sense.

HutchGarahl -> RE: I am in hell (4/25/2007 10:20:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Satyr6406 First off, not only are you upset but, you're a bit confused (Your post certainly confused the bejesus outta me). You ask: "How should I date next?" You SHOULDN'T. You need some time to heal and some time to re-assess who you are and what you want in a guy and then you need to promise yourself that you will NOT "settle" and then, maybe, you're ready to date. Peace and comfort, Michael Great advice Micheal. stopthesickride....never give up on love. Just be a bit more careful next time.

servilecat -> RE: I am in hell (4/25/2007 10:35:11 PM)
For a bit i was wondering if this person was dating my ex.....there is no profile for stopthesickride so not sure what to believe even though i am sure it is common for the timid, shy, embarrassed to make up a name to post with, this story seems a bit freaky odd. i am always amazed what women will endure for so called love...yuck

Termyn8or -> RE: I am in hell (4/25/2007 10:36:48 PM)
Every 12,000 years I guess someone has to say it, give the news so to speak. So here goes : You can't heal the sick, nobody ever could. They must heal themselves. Where were you seven months ago when I had a business plan ? So this guy's all rich, how would you like to GET rich instead ? It is alot more exciting. I've been from rags to riches to rags to riches to rags to rich,,,, you get the idea, so many times. Know what, it is cool though, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I learned thing that put hair on my chest, curled it and then took it off. I found out who my real friends are. I found out later who my family is. And I got past the need for material things. You can always leave with the clothes on your back. I won't because I am tied in to some of my family's finances. It would hurt them. do you owe this guy that kind of loyalty ? Up to a certain point, I don't see a problem, but why is he fucking with you ? W H Y ? In general, business is brutal, why would he want to hurt productivity in any way ? I bet he's connected politically. Maybe you should leave. T

stopthesickride -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 3:55:00 AM)
Thank you for the posts. Yes, the story is bewildering and makes no sense. Disturbingly, it's also true and I am living it. Servile, thank you for the sympathetic words, they help. Satyr, thank you for the advice, which is not what I wanted to hear but valuable. Termin8tor, I don't know why the guy is doing this - apparently because he is one messed up fuck. He says that because we are no longer dating I am now "the enemy". Because otherwise he'd stay in love with me, so he has to completely obliterate me from his life. Emotions aside, there's a practical problem with this: my income depends on working alongside him, so I am going to be forced to uproot my life again. Which is bad enough.... But even more frightening to me is the hatefulness of this all. I'm not the kind of person who has enemies. I try to love everyone; I tried and tried to love him enough to make him stop abusing me. (I can't believe I'm the one writing this. How did I get here? I'm too smart for this.) Yet this man seems determined to make me hate him, like he has some sick childhood dynamic he's trying to recreate. Every contact with him, he finds a new way to hurt me viciously - like last night, by being hateful enough to go out and hire someone to respond to his email. It's another personal slap cloaked in business attire. How do I even respond to that? If I comply, that's accepting his stupid hatefulness. If I respond in anger like I want to, that's unprofessional and not who I want to be. Plus I have the feeling he's just waiting for some reason to go on a campaign of revenge. It's like his kink is to try to get me to lash out at him. I've got to walk away from everything. I don't want to be a person that walks around with hate in my heart. How do I avoid that? Fuck, I'm going to have to quit my job.

LadyEllen -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 4:20:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stopthesickride Can't believe I'm in this situation, I'm not a careless girl. This all comes from thinking I could heal someone really really sick. Dont beat yourself up over it - its a widespread "disease" to think we can fix someone who is broken. I'm extremely well educated, intelligent and experienced in this world, yet I have that disease and get into the same sort of scrape you have here. Would I swap a compassionate attitude for a cynical one that views others as they truly are? No. Should I? No - but I (and perhaps you) need to understand what Termyn8or said already, that we cannot fix people who are broken - the breach usually runs too deep even for the person themselves to fix it. And we need to understand that when we recognise such breaches, we ought to be on our guard if we cant just leave - which latter is always the best choice, as otherwise these broken people will harm us. How we get to that stage though, is another matter. When I reach it, I'll be happy to advise. E

jodima -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 5:04:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stopthesickride Thank you for the posts. Yes, the story is bewildering and makes no sense. Disturbingly, it's also true and I am living it. Servile, thank you for the sympathetic words, they help. Satyr, thank you for the advice, which is not what I wanted to hear but valuable. Termin8tor, I don't know why the guy is doing this - apparently because he is one messed up fuck. He says that because we are no longer dating I am now "the enemy". Because otherwise he'd stay in love with me, so he has to completely obliterate me from his life. Emotions aside, there's a practical problem with this: my income depends on working alongside him, so I am going to be forced to uproot my life again. Which is bad enough.... But even more frightening to me is the hatefulness of this all. I'm not the kind of person who has enemies. I try to love everyone; I tried and tried to love him enough to make him stop abusing me. (I can't believe I'm the one writing this. How did I get here? I'm too smart for this.) Yet this man seems determined to make me hate him, like he has some sick childhood dynamic he's trying to recreate. Every contact with him, he finds a new way to hurt me viciously - like last night, by being hateful enough to go out and hire someone to respond to his email. It's another personal slap cloaked in business attire. How do I even respond to that? If I comply, that's accepting his stupid hatefulness. If I respond in anger like I want to, that's unprofessional and not who I want to be. Plus I have the feeling he's just waiting for some reason to go on a campaign of revenge. It's like his kink is to try to get me to lash out at him. I've got to walk away from everything. I don't want to be a person that walks around with hate in my heart. How do I avoid that? Fuck, I'm going to have to quit my job. Sounds like you already know what you have to do. Now you just have to find a way of doing it. Easier said than done, but follow your heart and your head. Forget about dating for a while and just focus on getting on with your life and finding your place. Living well is the best revenge.

samboct -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 5:35:23 AM)
I'll throw in my $0.02 1) You can't make someone love you. 2) The best way to find a job is when you're still currently employed. Spend your time and effort looking for where you want to work. 3) Yes, it's a rock and a hard place. 6 months isn't much of a track record- but sticking it out longer in a miserable position may be worse. (Been there, done that.) This may be a point where candidness with a potential employer will yield dividends- "I discovered my values differed from the organization- I now have a much better idea of what to look for." Six months is enough time to show that you can do the normal things business expects- like show up- have some ability to do what's expected. Lots of people don't last that long. 4) You're sweating stuff you can't control- i.e. Flipper, ex-lover, emails etc. It's done- move on. 5) If you think you have to date somebody to get a job- well, this then is the life you're choosing. Nobody's holding a gun to your head. Sam

BeingChewsie -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 5:36:20 AM)
God this sounds like a man I used to date, I mean the similiarities are creepy...he doesn't live in Florida does he?

KatyLied -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 6:09:34 AM)
quote: He threatened me not to do a background check on him You didn't recognize this has a huge red flag?

stopthesickride -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 6:12:33 AM)
Man, you all have really helped me this morning. It's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one and that life goes on. Seriously, thank you... Chewsie, the guy lived around Tampa for a short while in 2005 or 2006, not anymore. Ok, I need a fitting private nickname for the creep, so that I can disrespect him everytime I say his name, but I can't think up a good one yet. Any suggestions?

temptressofsouls -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 6:17:21 AM)
No kidding...I mean, if he had nothing to hide, he wouldnt have mentioned a background check, at all. When I was involved with my first serious D/s relationship, my parents found out about it a bit (understatement of the year) sooner than I had intended them too, and when I had told my then Dom about it, we all three (He, I, and my mother) sat down in a private yahoo room with voicechat (as we all three lived in totally different areas of the country at the time) and answered any question she had about the lifestyle or about him, and he OFFERED to submit to a background check to ease her fears that was not some 80 year old rapist, or whatever.

stopthesickride -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 6:20:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: He threatened me not to do a background check on him You didn't recognize this has a huge red flag? I did & went to great lengths to verify his identity in other ways. Never occurred to me I'd need to verify mental health though.... given our mutual friends and his professional & community standing, I just chalked it up as his weird "trust issue".

Sinergy -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 6:30:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owned1 I agree wholeheartedly with Satyr, Well said on all fronts! Owned I agree as well. If the approach to dating you have been taking so far is having poor results, I suggest you sit back and reassess your approach until you figure out why you have been attracting what you have been attracting. Just me, etc. Sinergy

Llyren -> RE: I am in hell (4/26/2007 6:32:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stopthesickride Ok, I need a fitting private nickname for the creep, so that I can disrespect him everytime I say his name, but I can't think up a good one yet. Any suggestions? My sister calls my ex "hemorrhoid". We started out calling him "That Asshole", but I've moved on to "asshat". She's a nurse, and she pointed out that assholes are indeed useful, but no one has ever longed for or valued one's hemorrhoid. You might want to consider that, since you can say it in public. [sm=preen.gif]

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