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Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 7:57:05 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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The Faking Orgasms thread:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_118872/tm.htm

has left me with some other thoughts.

I know that many Doms wish to train their subs to cum on command...or not cum without permission. I wonder if repeated attempts at such may "short circuit" the bodies ability to naturally orgasm. If you are constantly trying to interrupt the process, could you get to a point where orgasming could become work....or even impossible?

Also, due to the number of people who responded that they have regularly "faked it"...I wonder how many of those who are cumming on command are faking it and their Doms are unaware.

For me, orgasm is a natural process that follows a natural progression. I have been with Dominants who have tried to "teach me" how to control my orgasms. Maybe I am just a failure at such but once that train is rolling down the tracks I have had absolutely no success in trying to impede it's progress. I can't stop or hold back an orgasm any better than I could part and hold back the waters of the sea. I've attempted different methods of trying to accomplish the goal....concentrating on non-sexy things.....biting my lip to the point of drawing blood to distract me from the pleasurable sensations(found that to be very counter productive to the "not orgasming goal....masochistic as I am). But ultimately, my bodies ultimate response appears to be something that does not respond to my attempts to "Dom" it.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

Post #: 1

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 8:08:40 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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I can put it off, for a certain amount of time, but then when i get the go ahead i am so numbed out i find i cannot cum at all. There were times when it just erupted (for lack of a better word) and i had no control at all over it.

i have heard some women can be trained to cum just by their doms voice, with no touch just his telling them to cum. This i find unbelievable and would say if its possible i would think a very small percentage of woman ever get to that point. i have heard doms say they can train any woman to cum on command, highly doubt they'd be successful with me

. But beside the point - what's the big deal? Is it that important to be able to cum on command. i wonder how many subs fake that one

< Message edited by velvetears -- 4/26/2007 8:10:07 AM >

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 2

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 8:10:17 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know that many Doms wish to train their subs to cum on command...or not cum without permission. I wonder if repeated attempts at such may "short circuit" the bodies ability to naturally orgasm. If you are constantly trying to interrupt the process, could you get to a point where orgasming could become work....or even impossible?

Yeah, I could see this happening to someone who has been trained to COC and then have found them selves without the one that has trained them so.

quote:

For me, orgasm is a natural process that follows a natural progression. I have been with Dominants who have tried to "teach me" how to control my orgasms. Maybe I am just a failure at such but once that train is rolling down the tracks I have had absolutely no success in trying to impede it's progress. I can't stop or hold back an orgasm any better than I could part and hold back the waters of the sea. I've attempted different methods of trying to accomplish the goal....concentrating on non-sexy things.....biting my lip to the point of drawing blood to distract me from the pleasurable sensations(found that to be very counter productive to the "not orgasming goal....masochistic as I am). But ultimately, my bodies ultimate response appears to be something that does not respond to my attempts to "Dom" it.

Have you ever tried to just stop the stimulus? I know that with some women, once the stimulus has stopped they go back to the begining of building it again but wouldn't this effectivly stop the "train" until you're given or give the final go ahead for the orgasm?

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 3

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 8:11:33 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
If you are constantly trying to interrupt the process, could you get to a point where orgasming could become work....or even impossible?

Yes, but you can train it back also.

quote:

Also, due to the number of people who responded that they have regularly "faked it"...I wonder how many of those who are cumming on command are faking it and their Doms are unaware.

At least some of them.

There's also a big difference between "cumming on command" and "keeping you on the edge" I see a big difference between someone who is able to hold off orgasm for an hour after intense and direct clitoral and veginal stimulation versus someone who can, while telling their toddler they can't have cookies today, legs completely spread so as to not have ANY friction on the clit or touching whatsoever, be told to have an orgasm and immediately respond.

quote:

For me, orgasm is a natural process that follows a natural progression. I have been with Dominants who have tried to "teach me" how to control my orgasms. Maybe I am just a failure at such but once that train is rolling down the tracks I have had absolutely no success in trying to impede it's progress. I can't stop or hold back an orgasm any better than I could part and hold back the waters of the sea. I've attempted different methods of trying to accomplish the goal....concentrating on non-sexy things.....biting my lip to the point of drawing blood to distract me from the pleasurable sensations(found that to be very counter productive to the "not orgasming goal....masochistic as I am). But ultimately, my bodies ultimate response appears to be something that does not respond to my attempts to "Dom" it.

I'm not closed off to the idea that perhaps one day it could possibly happen to me...but I haven't seen any evidence to suggest that it's likely and I do know that putting pressure on me to orgasm negatively affects the overall experience and my sense of self esteem.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 4

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 8:14:51 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44
Have you ever tried to just stop the stimulus? I know that with some women, once the stimulus has stopped they go back to the begining of building it again but wouldn't this effectivly stop the "train" until you're given or give the final go ahead for the orgasm?

In my opinion, that is probably the ONLY method that has brought me any success. Stopping all stimulus. The problem is though that most Doms that I have had experience with don't stop the stimulus. They want to somehow prove that their influence is more powerful than my bodies response....so they keep providing that stimulus, sometimes even increasing it in intensity....all the while saying "Don't cum". Well guys, I am here to tell you that THAT tactic doesn't work.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 4/26/2007 8:24:28 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 5

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 8:26:23 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I've never quite managed to get a girl to the point of comming just from voice control and nothing else.... getting highly aroused certainly, but cumming no, not without at least a little stimuli, not neccessaraly genital.

It starts with the waiting for permission, holding it back waiting for Me to allow her that release. Yes you have to be careful not to disconnect and short circut..... or push her too far for her to control. It needs building up over time

Once however they are VERY keyed in to that wait, for your voice giving the permission... you can pull a little switch on her.

she thinks things are normal, the build up, the holding on, the waiting for that voice, the permission she is now aclimatised to before going over the edge....... there is the premission... she cums.... you catch her just before it stops and this time she hasn't begged for the permission You force it on her..... again..... and again.... using the fact that she now reacts to your voice as a trigger.... forced orgasms are FUN

Again over time, using both of those you can key them in more and more to the voice trigger, needing less actual stumuli. As said, never quite got to voice only, but bringing a girl to orgasm simply with voice and dragging My fingernails over her back was 'interesting'

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 6

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 8:40:14 AM

aSlavesLife

Posts: 347
Joined: 12/1/2006
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Interesting topic to me because it relates to what my pet is going through at the moment. She has went through almost 3 months of orgasm denial with very frequent stimulation, and now I am starting her training for orgasming on command. She is having a difficult time with it right now because her body has been conditioned to hold the orgasm in without release. But as LA mentioned, any training can be reversed. I had intended for this process to take longer than usual, and have not been disappointed so far. The difficulty she is having with it is an enlightenment for her, as it is a harsh revelation of how much she has been altered physiologically without even realizing it. The self realization of her condition strengthens the mindset I desire in her.

_____________________________

It takes a village to raise an idiot.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 8:58:49 AM

charismagirrl

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

This practice ended up shooting me in the foot once....

The first time that my Daddy and i were alone together he was manipulting my g-spot...this was really new to me and so intense, the only other times (2) i had had this done it had been a bad thing....i was trying so hard to please him that i just took it and the act of taking it for him pushed me to the edge so quickly that it scared me. At that point i was so nervous and afraid to ask permission to cum that i ended up blocking the orgasm mentally and Poof it was gone .i was trained prior to my Daddy to always ask permission and it is so engrained that if i am with a partner i cannot cum without asking and being told yes. Since then i have only managed to cum that way (gspot) once, and am kind of frustrating to my Daddy that i have such a hard time with it.

During sex i always only cum with permission, holding off as Daddy demands but cumming on COMMAND????? .... i haven't even come close to that yet, Daddy has tried but so far i just can't.

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Post #: 8

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 8:59:39 AM

MellowSir

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Joined: 4/17/2007
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I like to sometimes make her wait, at others see how many I can provide, all depends.....lol

(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Post #: 9

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 10:04:02 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

i have heard some women can be trained to cum just by their doms voice, with no touch just his telling them to cum. This i find unbelievable and would say if its possible i would think a very small percentage of woman ever get to that point. i have heard doms say they can train any woman to cum on command, highly doubt they'd be successful with me . But beside the point - what's the big deal? Is it that important to be able to cum on command. i wonder how many subs fake that one

Greetings all,

i have been trained to cum on command and there is a process to both the training and then the execution of the command. my Mentor saw early in our relationship that the way i reacted to his voice was suitable to this training. so not only can He make me cum on command - i have had multiples doing it.

In terms of our times of play, i do beg to cum and while i have gotten better about being able to "hold it" until He gives permission, every once in a while its too far gone and i can't control it...to His credit - his 'punishment' is usually to make me come again.

The exception to the rule about permission or cuming on command is when i ride the sybian. then its an orgasm free for all and there are no restrictions. i think having a stimulus where i can cum without worrying about orders or instruction helps to keep me out of that "now i cant cum without the instruction" head space. Just letting my body naturally react to how the sybian affects it.

well wishes,

fairer than she

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 10

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 10:18:55 AM

Suleiman

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Joined: 9/9/2004
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Now, you see, I don't continue with stimulation when I'm playing that sort of game. It's as much a test of my skill as of her self control. Since the whole process is interactive, and I'm not trying to produce temporary frigidity on command, I've never had any problems with shorting out my playmate's ability to orgasm. I just like having the poor sod writhing and gasping and begging me to let them finish (and if they do so without my permission, that's just another part of the game). Time, care, attention, and patience are all that's needed - especially the attention part. No matter how arrogant the persona of the dominus is in-scene, they should still be paying close attention to their partner, looking for all those little signs of delight and distress that the sub may be too distracted to communicate clearly. I suppose short-circuiting is possible, but I've never experienced it.

Also, while it's possible to grunt and groan and flail around in imitative paroxysisms of orgasmic delight, I find that the peculiar muscular spasms if the vaginal walls are completely different for a real orgasm than the controlled kegel-flex that some pretenders use, making trickery fairly easy to spot. But that's just me.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 11

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 10:41:39 AM

Missokyst

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I thank the fates every day that I have never found a dominant who needed to control that aspect of myself. I figure he has me any way, it just doesn't seem necessary to me to control something that comes so easily for me. The occasional "don't cum yet." is doable, but anything over wouldn't be a turn on for me at all. This is one of the things I ask before becoming intimate with someone for the long term.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 12

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 10:45:03 AM

FelinePersuasion

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I have actually sent a person home for thinking it was fun to start stop start stop start stop me. Of course we didn't agree to it or anything he just thought it was fun,I lost the mood got irritated and told him You know what it's late I have school in the morning you should go.

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 4/26/2007 10:46:51 AM >

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 13

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 10:46:27 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I have actually sent a person home for thinking it was funt o start stop start stop start stop me. I lost the mood got irritated and told him You know what it's late I have school in the morning you should go.

lmbo!!! that is hilarious, poor fella...lol

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 14

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 10:46:52 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I thank the fates every day that I have never found a dominant who needed to control that aspect of myself.

That was nice to see. I've never liked anyone trying to control that aspect, since it's a hit or miss thing with me anyway and I hate to feel as if I've disobeyed by not being able to either cum or to keep from cumming on command (if anyone says "don't cum yet" then it's very likely that I won't cum at all even if told to later). I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't seem to be ecstatic about orgasm control.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 15

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 11:02:29 AM

Suleiman

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Joined: 9/9/2004
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Ah, now that's the sort of thing I do enjoy. The first step is learning enough about the other person's responses to be able to coax an orgasm out of them reliably, quickly, and pretty much when I want to - it's not "on command", that is to say there's no pretense of me ordering the person to achieve orgasm, I just learn how to stimulate an orgasmic response.

THEN I start playing around with games like orgasm denial. It takes a year or two to get through the first part, before I can really do the second. Hasn't failed yet, and I can proudly day I've actually helped a few women to overcome problems with frigidity.

I'm such a *&@$ing humanitarian, I sometimes can't see how I fit my head through the door.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 16

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 11:22:38 AM

sunfleur

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
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anyone who fakes orgasm is surely in for a boring time of things and are short changing themselves and their partner. my wee lil opinion.

that said... i ADORE orgasm control and denial. um.. wow did i really yell that out? hehehe ahem, well, it's fun to me. a challenge that i usually can achieve, sometimes not. i dont have a fear of becoming so programed that i cannot reach it naturally.

i pray you dont really see yourself as a failure.

sunfleur

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 17

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 11:32:28 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunfleur
i pray you dont really see yourself as a failure.

Thank you. No I really don't see myself as such. I think that it would be an easy trap for some to fall into though.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to sunfleur)

Post #: 18

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 11:39:27 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

A girlfriend of mine is so conditioned to cum on command she can't orgasm at all without permission now.
I personally can't cum when ordered to yet, and as far as not cumming without permission I just have to think of terrible things like maggots in potatoes, dead animals, and the most nasty unsexy things to stop an orgasm from happening if I can stop it at all.
There have been times I was with one who said I had to have permission and an orgasm just caught me off guard and I didn't even feel it cumming till I was pulsing and twitching.
Most times I can control not cumming, but every once in a while my pussy takes over and sneaks one in.
When that happens I come clean and tell on myself right away, but most of the time my body already told them.
Good luck with your training, I know I'll need it once I'm back to having D/s sex.
suzanne

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 19

RE: Don't cum until I say you can..... - 4/26/2007 11:43:16 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Oh, I'm not in training....sorry if that was unclear. I was just speaking from what my experiences have been and are.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 20

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