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vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/26/2007 11:42:28 PM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		---i knew a woman and was in such awe of her,,, she was fun, sensual, and stronge. She was a military police until an UM happened, then she became a prison guard. oh, i had such a crush on her, but she was straight and married, so i was happy to be her friend. but,,,,,,,,,, she told me all she wanted in sex was that her husband take control for a change.---
       my question is; is it common for someone's orientation to be the opposite of what the vanilla world "sees" us as being?
         i'd have thought she'd like control in all parts of her life, but i was wrong. but, then it wouldn't be the first time thinking got me in trouble : ) Phoenix
             
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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/26/2007 11:54:13 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Sometimes it is nice to be something different.
I would say that probably 3/4 of the submissives I know are very strong, and are in control throughout the majority of their daily life. They are in positions of authority at work, they are parents...and their D/s relationship is a chance to let go, let someone else make the decisions, let someone else take charge.

It's nice to let go of the load.

And while my personality is predominantly dominant, and I enjoy being a domme and top, at work I do NOT want to be in charge. So it's not uncommon at all for the face we present to the vanilla world to be vastly different from the role we choose for our intimate relationships.

~E

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 12:04:15 AM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline
quote:

is it common for someone's orientation to be the opposite of what the vanilla world "sees" us as being?

Absolutly. I think that you will probably find that most probably are this way.

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Andre Gide

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 12:09:39 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		i'm not sure how common it is, but it wouldnt surprize me if it was...i would say the same about myself in this regaurd.

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 12:32:17 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Talking to others I tend to find Myself being somewhat an anomily. Given I was always in Management roles (Or union roles dealing direct with upper management) before retiring. So in the work enviroment I was also drawn to the Dominant role..... a great many submissives I know are VERY strong, capable people in vanila terms, but only because they have HAD to be and they crave the chance to let go of that control.

It'd be My idea of hell, but it suits them


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Owner of metalmiss

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 1:09:21 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I think that you will find many submissives in the work world who are in positions of authority, and many dominants who are not.

It goes many many different ways.

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 1:19:39 AM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		hmm, strange how these things work out. as a dancer, i really got a thrill from the power i had over men. of corse, in those clubs, everything is an illusion... i could tease my little heart out and the customers could only just sit there and suffer from it. lol. and then the night is over, the tippers go home, and the club lights come on. then i was me again. and all i would want would be to go home and surrender all unto my Mate,,, and the girlfriend every now and again : ) in work i liked my power, but at home i wanted none of it... odd odd odd          Phoenix

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 2:21:38 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings
 
I am the same with everyone I meet; submissive. However, there are times that I am required to be quite assertive; this does not take away from my submissivemess though. It still shines through
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 5:44:55 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		It's a truism that powerful men are likely to be clients of prodommes. How true it really is I don't know. But it makes sense that if you have to control things all day, you might want a break from it in your private life.

After all, do you do on the weekends for free the same thing you do at work?

With that said, there are people who thrive on handling responsibility and they thrive both at work and at home.

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 6:02:39 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i  can be in control in all parts of my life.  Its not difficult to take the bull by the reins.  i've done it all through out my life, but its not actually my nature.  Its a skill i taught myself because i got tired of being trampled on.  Its usually what i subconsciously revert back to if things start getting rough.  This iron will control that i can use to make things A ok. 


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i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 6:32:03 AM   
ownedkitten


Posts: 200
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings phoenixinchains,
Greetings all,

If the situation warrants that I take a more dominant role, then I will do so, but it is not in the nature of who I am.  I am most content and fulfilled being submissive and of service to others.  But it is not impossible for me to take charge.


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"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." -Marilyn Monroe

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 6:41:13 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains
      my question is; is it common for someone's orientation to be the opposite of what the vanilla world "sees" us as being?                    


Yes, it's pretty common.  Some of my subs have been hard-driven, Type-A personalities who needed some balance in their lives.   On the other hand, I have had subs who were laid-back, fun-loving, and not the least bit achievement-oriented (which I have learned to stay away from, as it drives me up a wall).  Others had a good work ethic, but were on the shy and quiet side.  I worked for a woman who had employees quaking in their boots, yet I got to be friends with her and she confessed that there was nothing she enjoyed more than going home and catering to her husband's every whim, letting him be totally in charge.  From her outward demeanor, that's about the last thing anyone would ever have guessed about her.  At the time, I was positively stunned, but today I understand the dynamic. 
 
I have come to the conclusion that you can't really judge a person's orientation by how they appear in the vanilla world.
 
Lady Topaz

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 6:58:34 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

---i knew a woman and was in such awe of her,,, she was fun, sensual, and stronge. She was a military police until an UM happened, then she became a prison guard. oh, i had such a crush on her, but she was straight and married, so i was happy to be her friend. but,,,,,,,,,, she told me all she wanted in sex was that her husband take control for a change.---
      my question is; is it common for someone's orientation to be the opposite of what the vanilla world "sees" us as being?
         i'd have thought she'd like control in all parts of her life, but i was wrong. but, then it wouldn't be the first time thinking got me in trouble : ) Phoenix
            


I don't think this is as common as you think, the reverse is true if books and documentaries are to be believed; people in control in their worklife often want to give up control as a way to escape from the usual amout of responsibility they have.

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 6:59:41 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I find alot of truth to your statement,in fact the percentage of females that approach us are from large cities with HP positions is large.Many seek to find the release from having to make important decisions day after day for months on end just need a week at the circle c..Some male Dom's are in High positions but most are blue collar just like me smiles..THe balance is un equal as I see it...just the views of this ol" master

< Message edited by BOUNTYHUNTER -- 4/27/2007 7:00:40 AM >

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 1:32:11 PM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		BH, what do You mean "unbalanced"? that more Dom/mes stay the same in work and play as opposed to subs that tend to be work-powerful then play-powerless? or did you mean by gender? just wondering and a little unclear,
Thanks to A/all for posting-         Phoenix

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RE: vanilla this, lifestyle that? - 4/27/2007 1:42:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains
      my question is; is it common for someone's orientation to be the opposite of what the vanilla world "sees" us as being?

It's common to have the false belief that a persons orientation means that someone will act a certain way in the world.

But yes, it's quite common to be "dominant" in public life and want to be submissive in a personal life.

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