what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (Full Version)

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oceangem -> what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 9:53:04 AM)

if it is discussed beforehand like a time limit who watches the clock?
if there is no time limit what is the best way to say its over?




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 9:55:39 AM)

Generally the top should be keeping an eye on time, but setting an alarm is a fine idea.

If there's no time limit, then you let the scene go until it's over.  If you need it to stop for some reason (tired, gotta go to work, have a scene with someone else) then a) you need to let them know BEFORE the scene that you only have so much time and b) during the cool down, just do what you would do at the end of a dinner with someone.




domiguy -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 9:56:21 AM)

I think the sub usually gets the hint when she hears me inviting someone else over and they will arrive in the next five minutes or so.  Or sometimes I use a little more of a direct and personal touch by informing them that it might be time for them to get their fat ass out the door.




MsBearlee -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 10:01:47 AM)

 
...slow it down, offer a hug and say thank you for a wonderful time.
 
<shrugs>  People gotta ask this stuff?
 
B




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 10:09:10 AM)

Newbies think everything changes or is "special" when it involves bdsm...it takes them time to come around and realize it's all about the same.




MsBearlee -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 10:14:48 AM)

 

Yeah...and that was kinda bitchy of me.
 
Sorry




gypsygrl -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 10:35:00 AM)

I tend to discuss things like this openly.  I tell the other person how much time I have, or, if they're the one under time pressure, find out when they need to go.  Generally, I'm the one watching the clock because I'm just a little bit nutty, and its not something I'm able to let go of. :)

I don't do well without time limits so I can't address that question. 




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 10:36:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee
Yeah...and that was kinda bitchy of me.

Sorry

Hey we all think it sometimes.  And isn't being bitchy what being a fem dom is all about? *ducking*




Kitte9 -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 11:24:25 AM)


[/quote]
Hey we all think it sometimes.  And isn't being bitchy what being a fem dom is all about? *ducking*
[/quote]
WOOT!




Aileen68 -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 11:26:04 AM)

Clock watching is a hard limit for me.




MsBearlee -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 11:35:47 AM)

 

LMAO... yer great, LA!!!
 
Thanks, I needed that.
 
B




mstrjx -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 12:26:24 PM)

I don't think too many doms go about it this way, but this is certainly an idea.

'Honey, another hour's passed.  If you want to go any longer, you're going to have to pay extra.  You up for it?'

But aftercare's free.

Jeff




MsBearlee -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 12:44:52 PM)

 


<<  ~ ~ ~ ~ ...thinks Jeff is incorrigible!
 
 
(and  worse than I am!)




Casie -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 1:44:36 PM)

Setting a timer is fine or looking at the clock I guess. I don't know. I've never had a scene that was timed lhmm. If we plan on playing we usually do it when we have no other obligations. And if we are on a time restriction we just keep it simple.




earthycouple -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 1:54:53 PM)

Ending a scene is always a slow down for me...timed or not...I never abruptly stop anything.  I touch and talk and smile and be a bit silly and sensual.  The toys go away and the hands and lips come out *more* they were out for the session I assure you....I always try to make sure my bottom feels he's had adequate after care.

D~




windchymes -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 1:58:54 PM)

Ending a scene abruptly is always like derailing a train for me.  I appreciate it a LOT when the dom winds things down gently and eases out of the scene, rather than just turning around and putting his toys away.




PairOfDimes -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 2:10:49 PM)

It's often good to have some idea of what you want to accomplish in a scene--this goes both for people leading and people following (i.e. dominants and submissives). Having goals doesn't mean that you have to want to do lots of emotional-growth stuff, but rather, that you have some central theme or mission for the scene. If you know what you want out of a scene, then you can likely get what you want out of a scene. Then, when you've accomplished that, whatever it is, you'll know that it's time to bring a scene to an end.

How do you structure a scene so that the end isn't a surprise? Think of structuring a novel or a play. You generally want a buildup, a climax (note: I did not write orgasm, I wrote climax), and a denouement--a cool down, for our purposes, or a tying of loose ends. You can end abruptly, immediately after the climax, perhaps, but you must recognize that that is an artistic choice, just as it is in writing.

It is good to be somewhat mindful of time when you play, even if you don't have a later appointment. Tops usually do the clock-watching, possibly because it's difficult for people to look at their wristwatches with hands tied behind their backs. :)

And yes, what I've written above is much like structuring any number of other things--a game, a dinner, a lecture.

Monica




Argentopal -> RE: what is the best way to have a casual session come to a end? (4/27/2007 2:29:49 PM)

In my beginning of play from the "topside" I too worried about this, because I wanted it to be good for the bottom so they'd want to come back!  Somehow my "inner clock" seems to have this little alarm at about an hour, so when it "goes off" I usually realize that I am also getting tired.  Maybe it's  really vise-versa?  But that menas I start to just slow down and beging to add lots of little bare hand touches and sort of mini massages and maybe some softer talking.  Perhaps  a few sensual toys fora  few miutes.  It sort of just seguays very slowly into aftercare - no toys,  but little massages, soft caresses, hugs, maybe just holding them if it feels right.  Finally softly telling him to kneel down for me and I remove the "playtime collar", more hugs. Ad I always tll them Thank you.  Might seem to some not very D-like, but I appreciate someones trust in a casual scene and I do not feel any less D or Top when I hug them and say thank you.




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