new and searching for answers (Full Version)

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amyndlyn -> new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 10:30:25 AM)

Hi I just wanted to say hello.  I or We are totally new to sites like this.  My spouse is 60,  I am 50.  We have been together for 16 years.  We are interested in finding out more about who we are and what we want.  He was in the military for 22 years,  was in 3 combative stations or wars.  He was in a position of command as a MSG,  but is having a very dissicult time adjusting to civilian life.  He is interested in a Dom/sub lifestyle but has no idea how to start.  I have always been submissive but never trusted my other partners enough to let them know.  I am also ex-military with honorable discharges.  I couldn't handle the bull in the army/navy .  We are trying to find our way into a lifestyle we both want (myself more than him,  I think)
Amyndlyn



NakedGirlScout -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 10:35:09 AM)

Hi Amyndlyn,

Nice to meet you both and it's nice to see people who have been together for a long time. I'm sure it's more complicated to start as someone's dominant when you're already well used to interacting as equals. Not that I'm any sort of expert, but maybe it would be less intimidating for him to begin with some bedroom domination and see if it turns him on? Maybe some light bondage, or telling you how to position yourself, or how to please him? These things tend to be less demanding than full-scale domination outside the bedroom and might introduce him to the concept in a very rewarding way.




kitbaloo -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 10:36:29 AM)

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/58133/bdsm_for_beginners_safewords.html

http://www.castlerealm.com

http://www.leathernroses.com

The key is to start out slowly.  Don't dive into the lifestyle head-first, without experimenting a little.  Find a group in your area that has events, where you can meet and learn from others face-to-face.  A search at http://www.drksdsyre.com will lead you to a list of groups by state.

Good luck, and have fun.  But, most of all, be safe.


Hope this helps.



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 10:41:11 AM)

Welcome to the dark side...... i hope you and your spouse have a wonderful journey. Dont be shy about asking for help....just be perpared for all kinds of answers and viewpoints is all. 



MsBearlee -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 10:46:21 AM)

Read.  I like amazon.com's 'used books'.  You can 'search' these threads for more info.  I'd suggest starting with general BDSM and D/s topics and branch out on stuff that appeals to you.
 
Also, find and join a BDSM group in your area and go to 'munches'.....vanilla get-togethers where good people and  good conversation are often found.
 
B
 
Here's an older list of books I've read and enjoyed:

GENERAL INTRODUCTION:
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns – The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism: Philip Miller and Molly Devon
Different Loving – An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission: Gloria Brame, William Brame and Jon Jacobs
On the Safe Edge – A Manual for SM Play: Trevor Jacques, Dr.Dale, Michael Hamilton & Sniffer
SM101 – A Realistic Introduction, 2nd Edition: Jay Wiseman
Sensuous Magic – A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples: Pat Califia

DOMINANCE:
The Loving Dominant, 2nd Edition: John Warren, PH.D
The Mistress Manual – The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance: Mistress Lorelei
Sexually Dominant Woman – A Workbook for Nervous Beginners,2nd Edition: Lady Green
The Master’s Manual – A Handbook of Erotic Dominance: Jack Rinella
The New Topping Book: Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy
The Art of Sensual Female Dominance – A Guide for Women: Claudia Varrin

SUBMISSION:
Erotic Surrender – The Sensual Joys of Female Submission:Claudia Varrin
The New Bottoming Book: Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy

OTHER:
Fantasy Made Flesh – The Essential Guide to Erotic Role Play: Deborah Addington
Erotic Bondage Handbook: Jay Wiseman
The Kiss of the Whip – Explorations in SM: Jim Prezwalski
Flogging: Joseph W. Bean
A Hand in the Bush – The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting: Deborah Addington
The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex – A Complete Resource for Women and Men: Karlyn Lotney
Family Jewels – A guide to Male Genital Play and Torment: Hardy Haberman , forword by Fetish Diva Midori
The Ethical Slut – A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities:Dossie Easton & Catherine Liszt
Polyamory, The New Love Without Limits – Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships: Dr. Deborah Anapol
Open Marriage – A New Life Style for Couples: Nena O’Neil & George O’Neill

BDSM FICTION:
Tales of the Marketplace – A Series: Laura Antoniou
The Erotic Adventures of Sleeping Beauty – A Trilogy: Anne Rice as A.N. Roquelaure




m0rgan -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 11:45:41 AM)

welcome both, i have few answers, for i am searching for some too, but i have a first step;

write a short script, each and on your own without consulting, as if writing a short play, containingbrief descriptions of 3 things you would like to happen to you on one relaxed evening or afternoon 3 days hence! once done, screw the paper up into 2 separate balls, throw them in the air and the first one to hit the ground you both read! this is the important one!!





you then perform the other one in 3 days time, gently and slowly!!! good luck in your life, both.



amyndlyn -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 4:22:50 PM)

Hi,

We have started out slowly...too slowly for me,  but I'll wait.  He was in a very long marriage that was with a very self centered uncaring person,  I tend to give heart soul and all.  I don't think we will get to the point that all of our lives will be
dom/sub.  I am very much his support system as he is mine.  I think asking him to be dominant all the time would be too much.  So far he says he is interested but time does not give us much playing time.  Neither does family.  We tried the motel once but we stopped off at the vfw first and visited with old friends and since he worked all day,  the beer took its toll,  after a few hours there he fell sleep and  I went downstairs to visit the woodlands and its 5 bands by myself......tried to wake him a little later,  but he was too tirted.  The next morning we called our son and he was missing us too much so we didn't stay,  we just went home to the family.

I don't think either of us are brave enough to attempt meeting a group, yet if ever.
He is so conservative, and though I might have tried something in my youth, at 50,  I am not that brave either. 
But I am hoping that as we learn more,  we will try more and feel comfortable trying new things.



amyndlyn -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 4:28:20 PM)

I like lots of answers and viewpoints, so thanks for that.  Also I have read some of those books and am sending for a few more.  When I imagine us going to a meeting like you all are talking about,  I have to giggle because my red-headed man would be mortified to even think about such a thing and I not too far behind him.  I call his family the "Waltons" just to give you an idea. 



amyndlyn -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 4:32:31 PM)

I might be able to get him to try this idea.  Right now I have a giant wolf (Malamute) wooing in my ear for my attention and a sibe puppy calling to be played with so I have to put fun aside and appease my child and nosy pets.  But I think I shall enjoy getting to know you all. A



MsBearlee -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/27/2007 7:37:43 PM)

 

Redhead...I'm a readhead.  What's the problem?



amyndlyn -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/28/2007 7:55:19 AM)

mOrgan,

    I tried something like that a few weeks ago and he got the whole wrong idea....but please tell me where to go on this siter to have further conversation as I think this one area is just to say hello.  thanks A



amyndlyn -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/28/2007 8:02:21 AM)

Not a problem with redheads although he is the first red headed male I ever met that wasn't a jerk.  My nickname for him was "richie cunningham from Happy days"  when I first met him because he was so conservative.  BTW never had any problems with RH women, had several friends that were.  2 of my sister-in-laws are RH.  and I get along with them most of the time.  And since I met him,  I have even met a few other men that were both red-headed and decently behaved.  I even have a future son-in-law with long beautiful red hair that would rival anyone's even women.  LOL A 



niceirishguy -> RE: new and searching for answers (4/28/2007 9:32:57 AM)

Hi there, i have just become a slave, i am in need of a mistress, as i am new i am inexperienced but am very keen to learn, if this interests anyone please send me a message.



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