being a dom..... (Full Version)

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dznutzx69 -> being a dom..... (4/27/2007 8:59:27 PM)

what is it about a dom that attracts you to them being a dom?

Is it about a person who, "its all about them, and you dont matter."
Or is it about strength like they don't NEED you they just want to use and degrade you for their own pleasure

I am sure its different for different people. Lets hear your answers and opinions.



AquaticSub -> RE: being a dom..... (4/27/2007 9:24:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dznutzx69

what is it about a dom that attracts you to them being a dom?

Is it about a person who, "its all about them, and you dont matter."
Or is it about strength like they don't NEED you they just want to use and degrade you for their own pleasure

I am sure its different for different people. Lets hear your answers and opinions.


It's neither.

I am intiatally attracted to a person who doesn't need me but prefers to have me around. A dominant person who is also caring and understanding of my emotional and physical needs. Someone who can say "No, you can't have this now" but who won't deny me forever because emotional sadism just isn't something I'm into. I'm attracted to a dominant who supports my long-term goals for my life. I may spend a good many more years in school and school does have to come first or it's just a waste of money. At least, that's what's attracts me to a dominant and inspires me to make them the center of my world and offer them my submission.

For a simple scene in a dungon? Not hidiously repulsive, either physically or personality, and has skill with the toys they are using. It's not like I'm going home with them so I tend to regard scenes at play parties as something done for both our pleasure and feel no need for any in-depth connection. Perhaps I would feel differently if I were single submissive.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: being a dom..... (4/27/2007 9:51:52 PM)

I think you mean "What style/personality/managerial type do you prefer in a dominant?"



hisannabelle -> RE: being a dom..... (4/27/2007 10:18:28 PM)

greetings dznutz,

like aquatic, other than humiliation in play (which could arguably not be seen as emotional sadism, to begin with), i really don't care for emotional sadism. i want to be with someone who enjoys being in authority, and who takes ownership of me, but at the same time, i want someone who enjoys the same things i do in life, supports my goals, etc. that's not necessarily to say that i wouldn't change those goals for them, but i would not be likely to get involved with someone in the first place whose view of life was vastly different from my own. i want to be with someone who i can make the center of my world, as a slave, but also who values his property. i also would not want to be in a relationship that didn't involve romantic love.

as far as managerial style or style of dominance...He is not possessive and also does not micromanage...almost to a fault, hehehe. He encourages me to form sexual and emotional relationships with others (although my service to Him and our relationship will always come first), as well as for the most part not choosing to micromanage my school, work, finances, etc. some of that will probably change as time goes on, but for the most part, it works well for us.

annabelle.



tricia -> RE: being a dom..... (4/28/2007 3:32:03 AM)

I’m not at all interested in men who wake up one morning and decide to try their hand at dominance.
 
I’m most attracted to dominants who have an unspoken aura of strength and confidence.  A man who ultimately believes I serve him, not only because I’m a submissive, but more importantly because I’m a woman and he’s a man.  D/s is a strong thread in the fabric of their life but not the only thread.  Someone who is sensitive enough to appreciate the simple things in life – a good book, a thunderstorm, a beautiful flower and a submissive who believes the sun rises and sets on him.  He seeks progress, not perfection.  At times he is demanding and selfish and self centered.  And sometimes he is not.
 
I haven’t had very many dominant play partners, but like aquaticsub, most importantly I expect them to be skilled with the toys they are using.   Someone who makes me feel safe.  Respects my limits in the context of casual play but doesn’t treat me like a fragile china doll.  I’ve been fortunate enough to find play partners that I speak with outside the dungeon.  Men and their subs/slaves that I socialize with  - so ideally I can connect with them on a level outside of the dungeon.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: being a dom..... (4/28/2007 8:41:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dznutzx69

what is it about a dom that attracts you to them being a dom?

that he takes the time and effort to learn about me and what makes me tick inside and outside BDSM ...that he understands i'm not into certain aspects of this "alternative" lifestyle ...that he knows he will one day be owning one unique woman whose gift of submission will be very special to him and that she will be proud to wear his collar.

quote:

Is it about a person who, "its all about them, and you dont matter."

he would be added to my long list of blocked doms/dommes

quote:

Or is it about strength like they don't NEED you they just want to use and degrade you for their own pleasure

been there and done that twice with two of my former "do me come hither, suck my cock / fuck and then leave when you're / we're done" doms. they were kinky married men (one is a member here) looking for play partners or a stable of women.



Asraii -> RE: being a dom..... (4/28/2007 11:13:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dznutzx69

what is it about a dom that attracts you to them being a dom?

Is it about a person who, "its all about them, and you dont matter."
Or is it about strength like they don't NEED you they just want to use and degrade you for their own pleasure

I am sure its different for different people. Lets hear your answers and opinions.

What attracts me is the confidence that a person exudes; his self-reliance, arrogance, at times ego [:)]; a caring nature; one who is not afraid to admit to feelings of inferiority at times. The list goes on and on.
 
What you have listed here means very little to me when I exchange words with another person.



Celeste43 -> RE: being a dom..... (4/28/2007 8:05:13 PM)

A certain quiet confidence speaks to me. The ability to focus intently on me and pay attention to my needs and my responses. Just because there are lots of subs out there doesn't mean I'm going to respond in the same way the one he knew before me did. We're individuals, not pressed out with a cookie cutter.

And most importantly that he wanted the responsibilities that come with being in charge, not just the rights.



temptressofsouls -> RE: being a dom..... (4/28/2007 8:56:26 PM)

I really appreciate Someone who is strict, fair, and firm, but yet is still easy-going and playful.



charismagirrl -> RE: being a dom..... (4/28/2007 9:06:12 PM)

What attracts me is knowing that the man i am with will take control and put his foot down when needed...that he will keep me safe from the world at large and from myself....i've learned that sometimes that means making me face my fears...and get out of my own way.

Someone that knows what he wants and isn't afraid to take what's his...Someone that can show me a soft side but who won't get run over by me.... Someone that gives me the reason to respect them, by having honor.

There are sooo many things....those are just a few





eyesopened -> RE: being a dom..... (4/29/2007 6:24:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dznutzx69

what is it about a dom that attracts you to them being a dom?

Is it about a person who, "its all about them, and you dont matter."
Or is it about strength like they don't NEED you they just want to use and degrade you for their own pleasure

I am sure its different for different people. Lets hear your answers and opinions.


If someone wants to use and degrade me for their own pleasure then how could i possibly be anything special, different or unique?  i am not attracted to anyone who doesn't think i matter or has no need of me as being who and what i am.  If that is being a Dom, no thank you.  There has to be an exchange in the power exchange.  How can anyone have a power exchange where no power exists, where none is exchanged?  It is that power that attracts me, that my power comes from His appreciation and His the pleasure He finds in me, and i mean me as an individual, unique, different, special in my own way.  i find nothing attractive in being just the same as everyone else just a party doll without the bothersome inflation.  This might work for others but not for me.



bandit25 -> RE: being a dom..... (4/29/2007 6:30:34 AM)

Although I am sure that some like that, I'm with the majority here.  If I don't matter, then why me?  Find anyone.  Nope, that certainly wouldn't work for me.  I may see things a little differently than most.  I think doms do need subs/slaves...two sides of the same coin.



Kitte9 -> RE: being a dom..... (4/29/2007 11:17:40 AM)

For me it is about giving up the control that has ruled my life for many years. I want to be able to trust that someone else will look out for me and never hurt me more than I want to be hurt. I hate mind games and don't respect those who practice it. It is truly a trust issue for me and the need to give up what I have so conciously protected in my life.



Einzelganger -> RE: being a dom..... (4/29/2007 5:37:22 PM)

As for me...I like the idea of finding a woman to take me by the hand and lead me through life's journey.  I have never enjoyed being in charge, be it at work, on my team in online gaming, in my relationships, you name it.  I'm much happier taking orders and simply doing as I'm told.  I also love that fire that dominant women have in their eyes.  I'm usually reduced to monosyllablic mumbling when one of them looks me straight in the eyes.  I don't know if I have an eye fetish or what, but I never forget those moments, lol.

-Einzelgänger



MagiksSlave -> RE: being a dom..... (4/29/2007 10:04:28 PM)

((crucles C none of the above))

Like aquas quote says... "Without my dominace you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different."  we both need and want eachother ever heard the quote "never treat someone as a priarity that makes you an option" that kinda sums it up. I would never have it any other way, Why would I want to be with someone who I didnt matter to or that just wanted me around so they could degrade and use me.. I dont know about anyone els but Id get used up real fast and then no longer be good to anyone.. I can only give so much without getting anything, its like your bank acount you can keep takeing from that account but eventualy if you dont make a deposit there will be nothing left to draw on and your gunna go broke but in this case its gunna be the sub that is broken and they are much harder to fix then bank accounts!!


Magik's slave



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