Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Relationship lengths


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Relationship lengths Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 12:16:39 PM   
CharRN


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline 		    Hello all!

I am new to this site and found it quite enjoyable; I hope to chat with others sometime.

My question is this:  Have any of you been in long term relationships with your partner?  I am talking of 8-10 years or more.   If so, did you find it a struggle to keep the D/s or play into the relationship after that amount of time?

It seems with mine, after probably 7 years it basically turned vanilla with some play thrown in.  Occassionally the M/s would slip into it.   Let me state that our relationship started out with it being totally power based, vanilla acting only when out in public, etc.          I know a few other couples in these long term relationships where it has turned out the same way, so I was curious about others.

Thanks for listening!
char                
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 12:18:52 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My question is this:  Have any of you been in long term relationships with your partner?  I am talking of 8-10 years or more.   If so, did you find it a struggle to keep the D/s or play into the relationship after that amount of time?

My first relationship lasted for more than 10 years; ended when he passed away.

There was no struggle what so ever to maintain the dynamic; even with kids in the house. As for play; we left that for behind closed doors or times we went to clubs.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to CharRN)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 12:27:46 PM   
Milivoje


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		In my opinion, it seems that you lost the spark.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 12:30:19 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharRN

   Hello all!

I am new to this site and found it quite enjoyable; I hope to chat with others sometime.

My question is this:  Have any of you been in long term relationships with your partner?  I am talking of 8-10 years or more.   If so, did you find it a struggle to keep the D/s or play into the relationship after that amount of time?

It seems with mine, after probably 7 years it basically turned vanilla with some play thrown in.  Occassionally the M/s would slip into it.   Let me state that our relationship started out with it being totally power based, vanilla acting only when out in public, etc.          I know a few other couples in these long term relationships where it has turned out the same way, so I was curious about others.

Thanks for listening!
char                


LOL. I haven't even been "legal" for 8 yrs! I can say that I have noticed that kink fades though after a while from my experience, if you don't work hard to keep it going!


_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to CharRN)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 12:34:22 PM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with geeky, gotta try not to become complacent in enjoying your partner, and definitely don't take each other for granted, don't forget the kinky lol, grab a new toy, think up a new scene, try poly, always something.......

(in reply to GeekyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 12:35:11 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		We started out as M/s; there was never any chance for it to fade away as so many say that it does. Perhaps because he made it plain from day one that it was his way or the highway; and that there would be no arguments in that area from me.

I think that anyone who wants to keep the dynamic going can and will do so; and that it does not take all that much effort if both want the same thing. I found through the years that it took more effort to resit than it did to just go with the flow.

edited to add:

darn, ya'll are only talking about play

< Message edited by IrishMist -- 4/28/2007 12:36:08 PM >

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to GeekyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 12:46:24 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

edited to add:

darn, ya'll are only talking about play


LOL. What I've seen is the M/s and D/s can stay in place though they seem to change and morph into something different as time goes on. Playing, OTOH, takes a lot of creativity and attention. But, I'm only talking about what I've seen in other's relationships.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 1:53:10 PM   
SleeplessGypsy


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/26/2006
Status: offline 		15+ years and still going strong..

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 2:20:21 PM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline 		Keeping the dynamic in place does not take much effort; much like Irishmist said, if all parties involved want it, they will have no issues with keeping it in place.
 
As for play aspects; you just have to make the time for them. Make 'play' dates; find someone to watch the youngins during those times; be creative.

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to CharRN)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 2:56:08 PM   
jaunty1


Posts: 102
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		Hello charrn
 
Our relatinship is not play based, nor do we have UM's to contend with; I can not help you on that aspect except to maybe suggest that you plan time each week for activities.
 
In regards to the D/s; it is always present. 24/7/365; privatly and publicly. It is something that is natural with the both of us; not something that we have to force or work at.
 
Live well
 
Alex

_____________________________




(in reply to CharRN)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 8:52:56 PM   
CharRN


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for all your replies!   

Seeing if some of the M/s (not just play) can be put back, or decide that it is too late for that now.  We have been together for 10 years, so it's hard to think of being with someone else, etc.   But, we each need to do what fulfills us.

char

(in reply to jaunty1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/28/2007 9:24:14 PM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		W/we have been together for 9 years and during that time W/we have had our ups and downs.  Depending on what else was going on in O/our lives, the BDSM was lesser or greater, but the D/s was always there. 
W/we have recently hit a new level as Master has collared another submissive and not only have the three of U/us been enjoying each other, but it inspired Master to push my limits more which has lead to a new level of exploration.  Things that seemed to be "hard" limits before have given way a process of redefinition. 

Cordially,
minxy

(in reply to CharRN)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/29/2007 5:33:42 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharRN

 My question is this:  Have any of you been in long term relationships with your partner?  I am talking of 8-10 years or more.   If so, did you find it a struggle to keep the D/s or play into the relationship after that amount of time?

It seems with mine, after probably 7 years it basically turned vanilla with some play thrown in.  Occassionally the M/s would slip into it.   Let me state that our relationship started out with it being totally power based, vanilla acting only when out in public, etc.          I know a few other couples in these long term relationships where it has turned out the same way, so I was curious about others.

            

Doug and I are working on our 9th year now.  It takes two people to hold together a relationship.  Vanilla relationships also sour with age if you don't work at it every day.  Try to spice things up.  Communicate. 
It can be done.  We are more into power exchange now than we were before.  Before we were much past everyone we had ever known most people didn't understand it.
So it can be done.  It is just work...hard work.

(in reply to CharRN)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/29/2007 12:24:11 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Longest so far was just short of a decade. Like misty there I didn't find ANY problem maintaining the dynamic. Play did tend to slip from time to time but never for too long.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/30/2007 5:21:26 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharRN

My question is this:  Have any of you been in long term relationships with your partner?  I am talking of 8-10 years or more.   If so, did you find it a struggle to keep the D/s or play into the relationship after that amount of time?
    


Alandra has been in my life for approx  20 years.  Never have we struggled to want to be in this relationship.  Never did we struggle to be who we are in this relationship.  Never have we struggle with keeping the play or the power authority within the relationship. 

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to CharRN)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/30/2007 6:03:47 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		On April 27Th, 2007, Slave Jack and I celebrated the 10th anniversary of our collar :)
 
We remain M/s.   You learn there is more to the dynamic than just play.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 4/30/2007 6:04:08 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to CharRN)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Relationship lengths - 4/30/2007 6:09:08 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Master X and slave y have had a relationship for 30 years, since they were teenagers. The relationship is changing. She gave herself to him when she was 16 and doesn't know any other life. She finds that she yearns to do more, to be more her own person, to learn and to grow, to take classes, to have her own career (some of which he does not agree). Her attitude is changing - she is becoming very outspoken to the point of being belligerent at times. I hope it resolves because it is a wonderful relationship and he is a magnificent Master (and it goes without saying that she is a slave beyond compare). There's got to be a happy medium somewhere.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Relationship lengths Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.516