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Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 12:49:39 PM   
ArouseMe07


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, I need some etiquette advice. D/s couple with profiles on CM suggesting they wanted another Dom to play w/ the sub, supervised by the Dom. So, I message the Dom saying I was interested, but got back a "you're a jerk, go away" response.

He was probably right, but that was not my intent. What is the proper way to approach such a situation on CM? In rl?
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 12:52:46 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

Okay, I need some etiquette advice. D/s couple with profiles on CM suggesting they wanted another Dom to play w/ the sub, supervised by the Dom. So, I message the Dom saying I was interested, but got back a "you're a jerk, go away" response.

He was probably right, but that was not my intent. What is the proper way to approach such a situation on CM? In rl?


Well

IF the other profile stated that they were looking for play partners
and
IF the other profile stated to contact the dom in the relationship
and
IF you were respectful in how you approached him

AND you still received a response like that; then I would chalk it up to a waste of time, forget about it and move on.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to ArouseMe07)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 12:56:48 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Lady has a point.

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 1:02:42 PM   
ArouseMe07


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		I probably wasn't respectful. I guess that's my question, in a nutshell. How to be respectful. Asking nicely doesn't seem to fit the bill. Not something I feel comfortable yet doing, and it probably showed/shows. Any advice?

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 1:04:05 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

Okay, I need some etiquette advice. D/s couple with profiles on CM suggesting they wanted another Dom to play w/ the sub, supervised by the Dom. So, I message the Dom saying I was interested, but got back a "you're a jerk, go away" response.

He was probably right, but that was not my intent. What is the proper way to approach such a situation on CM? In rl?



Maybe they thought you were a jerk cause you admitted you needed some guidance?
I dont know, people are funny...they write one thing but seem to want something else.
Dont give up.
Maybe find someone whose writings on the boards you respect, and approach them with your desires to learn, either by sharing the sub or by instructions in play.
Everyone starts somewhere and I truly believe that those who want or ask for some sort of guidance end up not being abusive cause they think they are doing it right.
 
I do have my private thoughts on this issue and wish people werent so rude... to others of less experience
 

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to ArouseMe07)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 1:08:58 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

I probably wasn't respectful. I guess that's my question, in a nutshell. How to be respectful. Asking nicely doesn't seem to fit the bill. Not something I feel comfortable yet doing, and it probably showed/shows. Any advice?


If you approached my Sir stating you were looking for instruction and would like to know if He could share me ... just like that, He would NOT find it disrespectful, infact, He would want to know more about you and then He would discuss me.
 
But then that is Him.  Not pretentious and very patient.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to ArouseMe07)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 1:14:13 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
IF the other profile stated that they were looking for play partners
and
IF the other profile stated to contact the dom in the relationship
and
IF you were respectful in how you approached him

AND you still received a response like that; then I would chalk it up to a waste of time, forget about it and move on.


Can't improve on that advice.... *points* wot she said!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 1:33:46 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Perhaps you receaved a response from the "sub" who did not know what was "planned". or its a single male doing some "fishing"

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to ArouseMe07)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 2:36:12 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

I probably wasn't respectful. I guess that's my question, in a nutshell. How to be respectful. Asking nicely doesn't seem to fit the bill. Not something I feel comfortable yet doing, and it probably showed/shows. Any advice?


I'm curious as to why you wouldn't ask nicely. This other dominant is not below you. You should definately be respectful or be completely unsurprised and, indeed, expect the response you are getting.

I often play with other doms at play parties. But if one were to be rude to or about my dominant or my relationship, I would tell him exactly where to get off and possibly tie his gentials into a pretty bow.

I mean... I'm a complete sweetheart...

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/28/2007 2:37:16 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ArouseMe07)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 2:39:16 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

I probably wasn't respectful. I guess that's my question, in a nutshell. How to be respectful.


How did you ask?  Maybe your version of nice wasn't his.

"Pardon the intrusion, but I noticed the comment on your profile about other Doms playing with your sub.   I am in discussing this with you.  If you are interested, please drop me a line at your convenience.  Thank you."

Can't see something like that as being a jerk.

(in reply to ArouseMe07)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 2:44:06 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

I probably wasn't respectful. I guess that's my question, in a nutshell. How to be respectful. Asking nicely doesn't seem to fit the bill. Not something I feel comfortable yet doing, and it probably showed/shows. Any advice?


I'm curious as to why you wouldn't ask nicely. This other dominant is not below you. You should definately be respectful or be completely unsurprised and, indeed, expect the response you are getting.

I often play with other doms at play parties. But if one were to be rude to or about my dominant or my relationship, I would tell him exactly where to get off and possibly tie his gentials into a pretty bow.

I mean... I'm a complete sweetheart...

LOL, ok, why does the thought of you tying thier genitals in a knot not surprise me?

and I thought I was mean



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 2:58:20 PM   
ArouseMe07


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		Okay - I understand now. The distinction I would make between being respectful and asking nicely is between being courteous and being too pleading. I don't think I was rude, but rather terse and to-the-point. Everything is a learning experience.

Appreciate all the thoughts and advice.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 3:41:13 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

LOL, ok, why does the thought of you tying thier genitals in a knot not surprise me?

and I thought I was mean




I'm an art major?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 8:19:25 PM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

Okay, I need some etiquette advice. D/s couple with profiles on CM suggesting they wanted another Dom to play w/ the sub, supervised by the Dom. So, I message the Dom saying I was interested, but got back a "you're a jerk, go away" response.

He was probably right, but that was not my intent. What is the proper way to approach such a situation on CM? In rl?



Greetings Arouse,

If someone sends me an email stating that they have seen the post and would like to enquire further, then a reply giving more info would be benefitting.  If you got back a reply that you had, then red lights flashing above your head...danger will robinson, danger.  The bottom line would be that the profiles would be the same person and just wanting to get some emails from people that they would show their mates at school.  The profiles would be false and just wanting to get people to send emails, simple.

Don't loose sleep over it.

Be well.

Frank Ar.


< Message edited by FrankAr -- 4/28/2007 8:20:43 PM >

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I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/28/2007 8:44:02 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

I don't think I was rude, but rather terse and to-the-point.


It's probably terse and to the point that earned that response. Without knowing what you wrote, everything we say is just a guess. But, I think people sometimes lose sight of the fact that even if a Dom is looking for another Dom to play with his sub.....it doesn't mean that he'll let just anybody play with his sub.

Within that context, Master would want to know who you are and if he can trust you with his most prized possession. Any conversation that started out by degrading me such as "slut" etc. would end quickly. Any conversation that started out with description of sexual acts, or that asked about my body parts would also end quickly.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ArouseMe07)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/29/2007 12:49:05 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArouseMe07

Okay - I understand now. The distinction I would make between being respectful and asking nicely is between being courteous and being too pleading. I don't think I was rude, but rather terse and to-the-point. Everything is a learning experience.

Appreciate all the thoughts and advice.


One person's terse and to the point is another's rude.   On of the challenge with those quick response boxes on profiles is the seem to lend itself to really short messages when what might be needed is a bit more finesse.  I guess in some ways it is not different than you might approach a person in the flesh.   IMO the same finesse and people skills are required. 


_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to ArouseMe07)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/29/2007 2:48:42 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok well I dont know about others but I cant think of how to explain how to be more repsectfull without knowing what you said to begin with... maybe you where rude maybe you werent but we dont know that and I cant tell if the guy was beeing a jerk or you where.


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 4/29/2007 6:28:57 AM   
fingerman075


Posts: 45
Joined: 11/15/2006
Status: offline 		gee i dont know how i did it but i got the wrights too play with a other dom,s slave all ready,first i ask the sub if she had a master.she told me a little about him.but we talked.now as of about a a year ago i had a will trained dog,still have him you all know were im going with this,dont need too say no more,but eneyway he jump a fence and got a foot caugth in the fence,he can no longer be used this way.will i had too renig on what the sub wanted.so yes go too the dom first

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 5/4/2007 12:07:07 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		~using fast reply~
Do you care to share what you said to them, and then perhaps your note could be critiqued? Privately or on the board.

~Elorin

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'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

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RE: Proper way to approach another Dom about his sub? - 5/4/2007 12:24:03 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I think this is the best advice you're going to get.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Well

IF the other profile stated that they were looking for play partners
and
IF the other profile stated to contact the dom in the relationship
and
IF you were respectful in how you approached him

AND you still received a response like that; then I would chalk it up to a waste of time, forget about it and move on.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 20
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