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What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 7:45:07 AM   
CinatasForums


Posts: 19
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		Well althought people seem to ignore my posts or they are thread stoppers maybe people can answer a question for me.

As with all relationships trust is key.  I cannot just trust someone out of the blue even with talking to them beforehand.  As I stated before I have started thinking about just meeting someone and spotting signs or unobtrusively hinting or asking about that type of relationship.

Are there any signals or signs that dommes look for that they can spot submissives that way?
Are there any signals that we give off in every day settings that could clue you in?
Are there any signals that you give off that will allow us to spot you?

Well thanks for taking the time to read this post,  hopefully it wont flop as my other posts have.
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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 8:14:40 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		You usually can't tell in public if someone is a Dominant or submissive in private life. Often the whip cracking, order giving person is the one who wants to let it all go and just do as they are told in private. But not always..

As for telling a Dominant, a good number of my friends in the local scene (as well as myself) have something on their key ring that is fetish related. This is usually a flogger of some sort, but I've also seen miniature handcuffs, the BDSM emblem, a tiny paddle, a mini silver bullet vibe, a mini whip, a mini dildo, and my favorite .. a lil bondage bear.

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 8:35:01 AM   
KaramelGoddess


Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline 		I wear the BDSM emblem on a ring on My right ring finger.  I've been told many men sense something "sensual" about Me, but I think some would be shocked if they found out what My preferences are sexually. 
 
I think the best way to find out is to ask the person out on a date or two and find out their interests.  You can learn a lot just talking to people.  Keep in mind that some women may find certain questions inappropriate, so be careful what paths you tread.  Good luck!
 
~Kara

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 9:13:45 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		When I lived on the East Coast I would flag my orientation wherevere I went -- what flagging met was well known among people I would have been interested in.

Here in the midwest, I flagged whenever I went to kink events. However this method of signalling is not widely known so it is less likely to be worn or recognized by someone I might be interested in.

Basically if you go to an event, find out if flagging is known in that area where the event is held and then you can use those methods. Or you can just use things like jewelry that looks like handcuffs or something (I have a carriage whip pin I wear to special vanilla events to subtly signal).

I personally don't like collars on folks unless that collars signals a relationship because I will assume it means relationship and thus I won't approach for more than casual conversation. If I'm informed it just means "I'm a bottom/sub" then that becomes a turn-off because I consider a collar to be a relationship signal. (yeah, I am a bit of snob about these things)

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 11:10:27 AM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		A very interesting question with interesting answers. I shall have to start paying closer attention.

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 12:00:53 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with Tammyjo about collars.  To me that signifies ownership.  I personally love the BDSM emblem because most don't understand it. I caution however, that you KNOW what the symbol looks like because there are other similar that do not signify BDSM.  *Hunting for link....shoot can't find it...*  there is a website that shows the distinct differences....but this Domme can't find it and my wonderful slave *to be* is not available to research for me...

D~

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 12:50:06 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		I have been told by men that are in the "life style" that i come across as submissive. I have been told by a handful of ( over the past 5 years or so)*vanilia* men that there is something about me thats different, my demenor...the way i carry myself....One guy even had the balls to say to me.........* "I can't believe i'm gonna say this to you ...but i want to reach out and touch you...i want to throw you down and fuck you right here" LMAO!!......I'd have paid money to have a picture of the look on my face at that moment.....I believe my reply was, "OMG!  thankyou for the compliment" and strolled out of the room. Was it bullshit perhaps, it doesnt really matter to me to any big degree at all.....I myself am not sure if i could point to just one thing when out and about that would alert me to someone...male or female that was in the life style unless of course they were wearing jewelry that was a definate indicator (btw, i would totally approch someone that had on bdsm jewelry. just to say hi ya know!) ...its like that guy said( forget who) "I can't tell you what pornography is, but i know it when i see it." Its kinda like that for me personally.  I find that in this stage of my life, i can better understand my gut feelings, and listen to them alittle faster then i did 20 years ago.

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 4:46:30 PM   
temptressofsouls


Posts: 208
Joined: 3/29/2005
From: Toledo, OH
Status: offline 		I believe it was "I dont know what obsenity is, but I know it when I see it." But I cant remember whom said it, either.

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 5:38:20 PM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		Potter Stewart Supreme Court Justice 1958-1981 is the person you can credit for that phrase.

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 10:07:19 PM   
CinatasForums


Posts: 19
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		Ah so it is usually subtle such as a key chain?  I have spoken with people and they have said it is demenor as well.  Unfortunately I am not always the best person about noticing demenor in a person,  (sadly I am also not always the best speller when typing fast my apologies).  That is ironic about the subtleness of the keychain idea.  I myself actually keep a handcuff key on my keys, it actually stems from when I worked in security a couple years back but haven't removed it due to fact I am submissive, granted it also may be seen as a dominant emblem but I know my demenor is that of a submissive so it wont be seen the other way.

Also, if I may ask another question in addition though I do thank you all for the current input and hope others respond, feel free to respond to this second question as well.  How many dommes like to see a creative side or like to read literature about fem domme?  I am currently writing a fem domme story that in all likely hood is turning into a novel albeit a shorter one (80 pages so far and growing).

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/29/2007 10:21:38 PM   
Red82


Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		ahh demenor is not saying much really. In everyday public i can be very gruff, standoffish, basicaly a mean looking guy. But think of it more in terms of that really nice Rotweiler dog that lives down the street from you. He barks alot, and looks like he would tear your face off, but he really just likes his belly rubbed.
All depends on the people i am around.
As far as signs, i too have been known to wear the BDSM emblem.

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/30/2007 7:17:04 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CinatasForums
Are there any signals or signs that dommes look for that they can spot submissives that way?
Are there any signals that we give off in every day settings that could clue you in?
Are there any signals that you give off that will allow us to spot you?

Well thanks for taking the time to read this post,  hopefully it wont flop as my other posts have.


I can't go giving away trade secrets, the union would hand me my head but I will say this.... we are stealthy hunters & we can catch your scent in the wind. We move without making sound & you'll never see us coming in for the attack.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/30/2007 8:27:42 AM   
CinatasForums


Posts: 19
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		Is decidedly afraid now.

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/30/2007 9:32:23 AM   
Enyo


Posts: 35
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline 		I also have to agree with Tammyjo about the collars...they definitely signal "taken" to me.  I've known people that have interesting key chains also.  In the past I have had a (good sized) stuffed animal dressed in bondage gear in my car.  I have items in my home that make it pretty clear I at least have an interest in the lifestyle (granted I tend to put these items away when I have invited certain company over).  Generally I prefer a subtle approach and would be much more likely to drop a hint in conversation or feel somebody out casually if I find myself attracted to them at all.

As for the second question, I personally read a lot....though generally not fiction on the topic unless it is written by a friend who asks me to read it or if it is written by a sub I have a personal interest in.  I think that you can learn a significant amount about an author by reading what they have to say.

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/30/2007 10:11:36 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CinatasForums

Well althought people seem to ignore my posts or they are thread stoppers maybe people can answer a question for me.

As with all relationships trust is key.  I cannot just trust someone out of the blue even with talking to them beforehand.  As I stated before I have started thinking about just meeting someone and spotting signs or unobtrusively hinting or asking about that type of relationship.

Are there any signals or signs that dommes look for that they can spot submissives that way?
Are there any signals that we give off in every day settings that could clue you in?
Are there any signals that you give off that will allow us to spot you?

Well thanks for taking the time to read this post,  hopefully it wont flop as my other posts have.



I have several things I wear or have on Me that make it obvious,the hand cuff earrings for instance,the black wrist bands (feminine in nature),the keys to padlocks on a necklace I wear almost always.I made keyrings with black blue white with heart shaped beads.
I advertise being Lesbian just as much.Rainbow colors on My keychains,stickers on the vehicles,etc.
I dont hide who or what I am,to do that makes Me feel like I am ashamed of Myself or My life... I'm not ashamed, I am proud of who I am.

I act like a Domme 99% of the time,so that should be a give away,but like others have said what you see on the outside isnt the truth behind closed doors all the time.So its hard to determine at times if people are Dom or submissive.
I dont think there is anyway to know for sure except communication with that person,which can be tricky in a public place.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: What can one do? Signs? Signals? - 4/30/2007 3:04:26 PM   
bowandserve


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/2/2007
Status: offline 		I realize now guys that were submissive were drawn to me before I realized what I was. One random (oops sharing too much) actually asked me to keep my boots on and starting licking them which at the time freaked me out. He ended up switching and mildly dommed me. I also have typically been the aggressor sexually, again there must have been some vibe that I gave off. I don't know why it took so long to hit me over the head but now it all makes sense. On the other hand, I rarely get approached by undrunk guys because I give off that intimidation factor, I've been told. I always thought they just didn't have the cajones to talk to a hot chick because other than that I'm pretty nice and friendly. Now it's fine, I couldn't deal with them anyway. Of course if I could only find the bootlicker again...

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