quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Creative writing, as part of an assigned daily journal task, or as an expression of fantasies and desires fulfilled or not, seems pervasive within our lifestyle. There are a LOT of story tellers among us.

In the "Vanilla" world they've had this contest that I think would be great to emulate. It's a contest to write the first line of a "bad novel". Below are the "winners" for 2004. Read them over and try writing a similar one for a lifestyle themed story.

For example...

"As they said in the old Letters to Penthouse, I can't believe this happened to me but when I logged on to CollarMe, my favorite lifestyle internet site, in my mail box there were 10 VERY explicit pictures of an attractive woman whose body from face to toes, was covered with the words "PLEASE let me be your slave" and her email address written in bright red lipstick."

Anyway, I'm sure you can do better. Here are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest -- AKA the Dark and Stormy Night Contest--(run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:

10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."

9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."

8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."

7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"

6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."

4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."

AND THE WINNER IS.....

1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!' "

quote:

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.