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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 1:54:29 PM

DiannaVesta

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I think that it really all depends on the people and the protocol they prefer. Sometimes the terms are used loosely more in a lighthearted context then anything else. When you’re around others of like mind its kind of nice to converse in a fashion that lets you escape. I agree that some people take it out of context and far too literal.
A lot of people call me Goddess and have for years. I never really thought much about it.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 5:02:28 PM

earthycouple

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Wow....this was all over the board. First of all, if you don't give me a modicum of immediate respect when contacting or meeting me, you'll never make it to full respect. Second, I can't ever remember meeting, for the first time, any human being that I didn't show a modicum of respect because we as HUMANS deserve that. When will people realize no matter what kinks we have, we are human beings who deserve and demand basic human Maslow Heirachial needs.

Having said this; I agree with the latter posters in that this was a poorly masked question slamming Dominant women.

D~

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 7:09:46 PM

ArtificerOfKink

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GuidingLite
So your saying in ur opinion the mistress doesnt deserve respect "when the only thing she does is label herself a mistress and post a sexy picture". than how is that different from a you as a dom wanting intitial respect from a female sub when the only thing you did yourself to deserve it is to 'label yourself a master and post your most attractive photograph.'

What? Actually I'm one that demands no inital respect. I actually prefer to be called Sir after I deserve it.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 7:16:00 PM

ArtificerOfKink

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GuidingLite
Most of these dommas are not pay me I expect it mistresses just like your not a "dom me anyway" and by the way where did you happen to get to see all the male subs you know so much about?

All over Collarme. A good half of them I come across have the behavior I describe above. Other times in different chat rooms I see the same thing and Some Mistresses accepting it as normal. It was a question, I don’t really see how you can presume so much about me based on it.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 7:21:09 PM

ArtificerOfKink

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

There is a difference between respect and patronization. Most of Us are smart enough to know when the gift, or the respect, is sincere, and when it's just kissing up.

Do you mean to tell us, perhaps, that you can't tell the difference between when a sub is being sincere and when you're just being patronized?

What was the point of this question?

Ah, yes, but then, you've probably just labeled yourself a Dom and posted a wee wee pic somewhere to impress, no doubt.

Holy cow. Pleas stop talking and relax for a second and remember it was just a question. I know it's crazy behavior, I want to know how YOU feel about it.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 7:29:59 PM

Najakcharmer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtificerOfKink
The question I have is, doesn’t this cheapen the respect given? The fact that they give it so freely with the only thing done to earn it is to label yourself as a Mistress and post a sexy photo?

Yes, I feel that it does. A would-be sub who approaches me in this way gets ignored and blocked, since he's demonstrated that his submission is worth so little that he hands it out to random strangers. Also he's demonstrated that he's not actually interested in me. Obviously his sole interest is in interacting with a fantasy role, not an actual human being. I'm just some cardboard fetish cutout that he wants to jack off to, and he could care less who I am or what I want as long as he gets to play his fantasy. No thanks. I'd much rather just talk and act like normal people during the process of getting to know a prospective sub. Submission should mean something, and it should be offered to a person you have come to know and respect.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 7:30:45 PM

MistressSassy66

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Well...I guess I'm in the minority when I expect a title of respect when
chatting with potentional submissives/slaves.
I like the name Mistress but any title of respect is appreciated.
Nothing gets you on the go away list faster than a "hey baby whats up".

If your one of the ones who gets to session,you best be using Mistress,Miss or Ma'am or else
you will suffer.

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"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 7:54:12 PM

Najakcharmer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

Well...I guess I'm in the minority when I expect a title of respect when
chatting with potentional submissives/slaves.
I like the name Mistress but any title of respect is appreciated.

Hey, it doesn't matter if you're in the minority if it works for you and the folks you chat with.

If it ain't broke, it doesn't need fixing.

What I've found personally is that if I encourage that kind of D/s interaction right off the bat, it tends to turn annoyingly shallow. It's way too easy for a horny wannabe to start calling me Mistress, and in my experience it is more likely to indicate that he's using me as a jackoff object than any genuine respect. But there's respect and there's respect. If I'm talking to a male sub, I'd like him to actually be paying attention to me as a person and interacting with me as a person. Normal social courtesy, pleasant conversation about subjects of mutual interest and genuine friendliness goes a lot farther than a kinky fetish title, and it's a lot harder to come by.

quote:

Nothing gets you on the go away list faster than a "hey baby whats up".

My perception is that calling me "Mistress" is exactly the same as calling me "baby" - it's inappropriate intimacy, it's annoyingly intrusive, and it conveys the message that this person wants to treat me like an object and is not interested in getting to know a real human being.

As always, YMMV. If you get good results with your approach, more power to ya. I don't see anything particularly wrong with it if it works for you.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 8:05:02 PM

ArtificerOfKink

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I think the OP was just Domme Slamming, Red.
But that's just My take on it.

I don't know who REd is.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 8:09:22 PM

TigressFL

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If the person is not under me then they have no business calling me "Mistress" and I will correct them should they do it. If they do not know me from Adam and they say "Ma'am" to me then I know that they are not doing it out of literal respect for me, they are doing it out of habit or for some other reason but not literal respect. It does cheapen the meaning to me because the BDSM public scene is a sub- culture of our society which means that often words within our sub-culture are not used in the same context as general society; i.e. Calling someone a whore, bitch, slut, etc. in general society is a very negative thing yet is often a very positive and desired thing within the BDSM sub-culture. Many people view saying Ma'am or Sir as a courtesy, a "Southern Thing" or because of the military usage, however, the BDSM public scene is not any of those, it is in fact a sub-culture with very different views of how things are done, viewed and used. To me Ma'am and/or Sir should only be used "if" the person has "high regard" for the dominant they are using it with (or their owner does) for that to me is the actual meaning of "respect" and you cannot highly regard someone that you do not even know.

With all that being said, people are going to use it in any manner they see fit and so be it. All I can do is educate those that are under my charge as to what my point of view on the subject is and appreciate those that get where I am coming from.

Tigress~FL

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 8:14:46 PM

ArtificerOfKink

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

quote:

I have seen quite a few male subs who upon meeting a mistress they will treat her like a goddess or show an extreme amount of respect.

I have also seen this. Come to think of it I have also seen male doms do the same thing when meeting a lady. Perhaps they are being gentlemen?

Seriously, though, what exactly is an extreme amount of respect? I have gone on my fair share of vanilla dates a long time ago in a galaxy far far away and it was not uncommon for a guy to bring flowers or a small token.

quote:

The fact that they give it so freely with the only thing done to earn it is to label yourself as a Mistress and post a sexy photo

Why would you make the assumption that this is the only thing that person did to garner such respect from a potential mistress?

I'm not talking about respect, I'm talking extreme respect. I'm not going to define it for you rather I'm going to let you make of it what you will.

I'm not talking about respect from a mistress, but I think you meant to say 'for'. If that's the case I don't really know what was done. All I know is when it’s a first meeting and it's often in a profile which seems to be the first thing they offer.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 8:19:08 PM

ArtificerOfKink

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Anyway, I'm done with this thread. Thank you for all who responded seriously. Just something I was curious about. I blocked those who couldn't help but respond ____ly... multiple times.

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RE: First Respect - 4/30/2007 8:38:31 PM

Najakcharmer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam
I think the OP was just Domme Slamming, Red.
But that's just My take on it.

I don't personally see it that way. It's a question I've asked myself a number of time, and I'm certainly not interested in domme slamming. (Cute subbie boy butt slamming, now that's a different story). LOL

I think that most people who aren't into femdom, and even most people who *are* into femdom in real life, are likely to go "what the fuck?" when they see people expressing the more stereotyped and exaggerated aspects of femdom which aren't particularly realistic or sustainable. I'm talking about the "Submit to Dominant Bitches now, you worthless worm!" fantasy, where a would-be submissive guy is expected to immediately hand over his ass and his wallet to some random stranger because she is dressed in a sexy bondage outfit. Reality check, anyone?

Fantasies are great, and so is the reality of a femdom relationship. But when fantasies get built on fantasies without the involvement of real people and real long term relationships in the real world, you get exaggerated stereotypes that don't work even though they may be extremely appealing jackoff material. It's a great fantasy to imagine that you can spend the rest of your life being humiliated and beaten and chained to the dungeon wall by a bitchy and totally uncaring (but attractively leather clad) domina in high heels and perfect makeup 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In real life that would stop being fun in very short order for both the sub and the domme. It's another great fantasy that some stranger in a chat room or on a web site actually has this kind of relationship with you. Your reality check is going to bounce in a hurry the first time this fantasy collides with real life, and if you are too obviously deluded and start believing your own fantasy propaganda, people will probably laugh at you.

Some aspects of D/s look pretty damn silly when the fantasy elements are far enough removed from the reality of real people, real long term relationships and realistic negotiation between consenting adults. There are probably more professional femdom sites out there exemplifying the non-reality-checked stereotypes that don't work so well outside of fantasy cyberspace than there are male dom sites doing the same thing, mainly because commercial demand essentially creates them. But no gender or orientation is immune to the silliness of unrealistic fantasy thinking. If it's any consolation, it's equally hilarious when male doms do it.

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