Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (Full Version)

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Aristogeiton -> Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 7:28:13 PM)

I have never personally been in a BDSM relationship, but I'm worried that this will be a problem if or when I do find someone.  I often find my interest in BDSM activities waxing and waning depending on my mood, and that my fetishes often fluctuate wildly from one night to the next.  Interestingly, the fluctuations seem tied to orgasms; one will often bring about a dropping in my ardor and a change in my tastes (this may explain why so many couples practice chastity, though I imagine this would be as much a problem for the dom as the sub).  However, in the times in which I haven't orgasmed, I've found that an emotional catharsis is as effective as a physical one in bringing about the change

I'm worried that if I do go into a relationship, this waxing and waning will present problems for my partner.  This would be at least work aroundable in scene-based play, but I fear the fluctuating nature of my personality would make a 24/7 relationship impossible.  Does anyone else have this problem?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 7:32:43 PM)

We go through this all the time. Our interest in the actual play-based parts of our relationship come and go depending on our moods.  Since we are not yet 24/7 and we are very close friends outside of the lifestyle interactions, it hasnt been a problem.  I asume if you and said partner ONLY have BDSM in common  then it could be problematic.  But if you are part of a well rounded relationship, then the ups and downs do not derail things, they just change the timing.

DV



MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 7:36:35 PM)

You and I have similarities.  I've had "play" relatationships with submissives that have been intense, but I have not been in a full-on D/s relationship.  I find that sometimes I want to control someone down to minute details, sometimes I want to play with him, and sometimes I just want to live my life (with him) and not dictate the terms.  My impulses are variable, and the way forward (to me) is to do it, communicate with my partner, and see how it goes. 

I am very interested to see the responses to this question.

MSS



mstrjx -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 7:52:24 PM)

When I started, lo these many years ago, I was fairly fortunate in that my first BDSM relationship was pretty shortly after I 'started my journey'.  So I never faced the on-again/off-again sorts of feelings you seem to have.  I've been 'on' since the beginning, and I wouldn't allow myself to feel any other way.

There would be no point.

Jeff



akbarbarian -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 8:04:56 PM)

Some people are part time.  Realizing that is crucial to finding out if you are compatible as mutual expecations needs to be similar.  It is my experience that subs are more likely to vary in their submission depending on the mood or situation, versus slaves that stay in an on mode most/all of the time.



Smythe -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 8:10:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aristogeiton

I'm worried that if I do go into a relationship, this waxing and waning will present problems for my partner. This would be at least work aroundable in scene-based play, but I fear the fluctuating nature of my personality would make a 24/7 relationship impossible. Does anyone else have this problem?





I think that kind of thing is really normal. BDSM is just one kind of relationship, and relationships change all the time.

For me, BDSM play/sexual interaction requires a lot of energy, good feelings towards my submissive, enough time and so on. All of these things can make me more or less interested in that, and it definitely ebbs and flows. The power dynamics don't really seem to change all that much, though.

Also, I snipped the part about orgasm, but men are notorious for being less eager to please after that little spurt. Gotta plan around that!

Smythe



MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 8:13:56 PM)

Thank you, ladies, for your responses. 

MSS



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 8:34:49 PM)

We all do it, the trick is to find someone who you can both ride the waves with together and be happy.



Daedalus84 -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/29/2007 10:59:07 PM)

I have to admit the my interests come and go as the rest of my life is more or less busy. When i have 1001 other things to focus on sex and kink couldnt be further from my mind.



Quivver -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 2:50:45 AM)

My Passion for this lifestyle fluctuates to some degree, currently it's on a downslide.
For me, what this lifestyle provides is beyond sexual.  I need some kind of connection to
a strong male to balance myself.  The kink, although I enjoy it, benifits him more then it does me.






mistoferin -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 6:32:00 AM)

I don't think that I have ever experienced a waxing and waning of interest when it comes to Dominance and submission or BDSM activities. What I have noticed though is that sometimes I need to pull back from the lifestyle community to a degree. It doesn't really have to do with how I feel about my submission but usually arises when the local "clique" factor gets to be too much.



MstrssPassion -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 7:05:11 AM)

the only immediate problem I can foresee is if, at this point, you attempt to promote yourself as geared for a 24/7 relationship that is based on structure outside of sexual play rather than that of an exploring sexual bottom.

best to be upfront & honest that you lack experience & you've only experimented with your own responses through personal orgasm

The way you write this doesn't reveal whether this was achieved with a sex partner or if it was strictly through masturbation but somehow I'm thinking it is the latter of the two



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 7:12:33 AM)

Once in a blue moon I ask my self what am I doing here,is it worth my time and engery, only to be jerked back to reality.THIS is what I love,the so called LS..I find passion here,not to mention great joy,I am here for the long ride..bounty



thetammyjo -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 7:57:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

We go through this all the time. Our interest in the actual play-based parts of our relationship come and go depending on our moods. Since we are not yet 24/7 and we are very close friends outside of the lifestyle interactions, it hasnt been a problem. I asume if you and said partner ONLY have BDSM in common then it could be problematic. But if you are part of a well rounded relationship, then the ups and downs do not derail things, they just change the timing.

DV


*applauds*

This is how it is for us too.

The biggest changes for me in terms of BDSM interests are being involved in public communities. Sometimes I want to be involved, sometimes I don't. Its more a reaction to experiences though than personal interest waning.



Aristogeiton -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 3:08:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

the only immediate problem I can foresee is if, at this point, you attempt to promote yourself as geared for a 24/7 relationship that is based on structure outside of sexual play rather than that of an exploring sexual bottom.

best to be upfront & honest that you lack experience & you've only experimented with your own responses through personal orgasm

The way you write this doesn't reveal whether this was achieved with a sex partner or if it was strictly through masturbation but somehow I'm thinking it is the latter of the two


There is a part of me that still wants what a 24/7 relationship has to offer, though.  Does this fluctuation preclude a 24/7 relationship altogether?  Are there any couples in here that find their passion waxing and waning, and still manage to pull off a 24/7 relationship?  And if there is, how do you work around it?



Padriag -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 3:20:58 PM)

For the relationship, the dynamic, no... that's a constant.

For various fetishes, sure... that changes with what strikes my fancy... and I'm an imaginative guy.

Keep in mind relationships are not about fetish play, you can't build a relationship solely on just fetishes.  Think of it like making beef stew... fetishes are like spices, they can add flavor to the stew, but you can't make the stew out of just the spices... you still need the "meat" of a relationship to make a good "stew."



AAkasha -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 3:36:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

For the relationship, the dynamic, no... that's a constant.

For various fetishes, sure... that changes with what strikes my fancy... and I'm an imaginative guy.

Keep in mind relationships are not about fetish play, you can't build a relationship solely on just fetishes.  Think of it like making beef stew... fetishes are like spices, they can add flavor to the stew, but you can't make the stew out of just the spices... you still need the "meat" of a relationship to make a good "stew."


I am somewhat different.  My fetishes are fairly rock solid and don't change, although I do gain new ones.  My fetish for bondage, restraint, gags, breath control, and all things black and shiny has been so ingrained into me, I can't remember NOT having a fascination with it. 

Moving on to my more non-tangible fetishes -- the most important/strong one is my craving/urge/lust to see a man submit to something he finds uncomfortable/scary/humiliating/painful in order to please me, and the reactions it causes in him - the inner struggle, the conflict between shame and arsoual, the desire to do more but fear about what might happen.  Those feelings/urges/desires can be satisfied in me in so many different ways, from subtle things no one would notice to hardcore, sexualized, heavily kinked-out BDSM "Scenes."  It's all good.

As for my appetite, it's always there in the background, but peaks when I am stressed out, overly tired or just finished a large project and never goes away except for 1 - 3 days after a really, really intense "blow out" of a bdsm experience. When I really want it, and it's been too long (more than a couple of weeks) I get distracted, cranky, obsessive, and have a totally kinky one-track mind.  I've always called it, playfully, "the hunger."  

Akasha



Elorin -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 9:21:53 PM)

My interest in BDSM is constant. It is my passion, and I love to learn about it and share about it with others.

My desire for certain forms of play waxes and wanes.
My emotional availability for participating in the communities like message boards here, munches, and play parties has gone through several low points when life was busy or I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil.

My desire to serve M has been very steady since our relationship started.

~E



spanklette -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 10:26:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aristogeiton


There is a part of me that still wants what a 24/7 relationship has to offer, though.  Does this fluctuation preclude a 24/7 relationship altogether?  Are there any couples in here that find their passion waxing and waning, and still manage to pull off a 24/7 relationship?  And if there is, how do you work around it?


 
We live quite happily in a 24/7 relationship. For me, everything waxes and wanes. Sometimes I'm much less ecstatic about serving than other times...but I continue to serve. That's what makes ours work. I'm sure it happens for Him too. We have lives outside of BDSM and it affects things inside of our dynamic. So, it can be done and is done. It just takes time, patience, and a mutual respect for the other partner(s) needs.



MissDiscipline -> RE: Do you ever find your passion for the lifestyle waxing and waning? (4/30/2007 10:39:44 PM)

Because I am not in a 24/7 D/s  I dont not  necessarily experince a  decrease  in passion for the life style. At times I do find my self in more vanilla settings  and begin to feel and over whelming sensation like a fish gasping for air while out of water and realize it is time to return to my comfort zone. Although the search for the perfect sub in between the flakes does indeed  at times feel like thunderstorms on my fierey Passion.



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