How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms?

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How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 2:05:05 AM

phoenixinchains

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How do the needs of a female dominate differ than that of a male's, or do they ? just wondering- Phoenix

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 4:48:59 AM

phoenixinchains

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i'm too vague, i think. that'll teach me to write without sleeping... well, i believe reguardless of gender that there are "alpha types". but i was wondering if men become Doms to keep to "tradition", and women become Dommes to break it?

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 4:51:17 AM

DiurnalVampire

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I think its more of those who are Dominant follow it. We arent oing it to kep or break tradition, we are just doing what comes naturally. It may be seen by those outside of us as breaking tradition in some aspects. Speaking for myself at least, I never think about how a relationship should go versus how mine go. It just happens to be how we relate best, and we run with it.

DV

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 4:54:53 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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I have served both and can tell imo you its a personal preference. Every dominant man or woman does things their own way. Its just one is a man and one is a woman. I have had non tradional male doms and tradtional ones. I have had non traditional fem doms and tradional ones. I think it is more of the person themselves not whether they are male or female. I have never found anything set in stone.

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 5:01:12 AM

Lashra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

i'm too vague, i think. that'll teach me to write without sleeping... well, i believe reguardless of gender that there are "alpha types". but i was wondering if men become Doms to keep to "tradition", and women become Dommes to break it?

Many men feel that they have to become Doms because it is expected of them. My sub was in that boat for many years until he finally found the strength to be who he really is in this life. He is submissive by nature and for so long he wore a mask of lies just to please his female partners.

I can't speak for all Dommes but, I am Dominant by nature and I do not pretend to be anything. Tradition is not a big thing with me because so many traditions are just plain wrong in my opinion. All humans have Dominant and submissive traits and one or the other will prevail over the other. Except switches, they seem to be balanced or they just know how to have a lot of fun without the worry of labels.

~Lashra

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 5:31:52 AM

phoenixinchains

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                   yes, i suppose that each P/person has that calling within that guides T/them. and S/self realazation is a powerful thing.
                  i think it's really cool that the bdsm world gives acceptance to so many people that find the vanilla world crazy with it's rules that make little sence. i read on a thread that there was a study in Austrailia saying men in bdsm lifestyles were less depressed then those that weren't, and it doesn't take to many brain cells to figure why.
                  the old standard was that "men are heads of the house, and women are domestic babymakers", but as i was growing up women were "supposed" to go to college, have carreers, and act superior to men. some women still look down their noses at me b/c i am a housewife. of corse they are vanilla and don't understand that being a housewife is what i want.
                   hehe, convictions make convicts, i suppose... what a confussed girl to do?                Phoenix

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 5:38:18 AM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

i'm too vague, i think. that'll teach me to write without sleeping... well, i believe reguardless of gender that there are "alpha types". but i was wondering if men become Doms to keep to "tradition", and women become Dommes to break it?

Tradition?? Maybe you could explain what this tradition is or how you came to learn of it because I don't know about it.

Is this some sort of age old tradition where little boys are sent off to a dominant finishing school & the ladies scoop up the little girls & sneak them down to a cellar so that they can indoctrinate them into this secret world that will turn "tradition" on its ear. (ok, being silly)

I guess that is one perspective I don't share. Just like I don't share the perspective you seem to have when you pick words like we become.. is it so hard to comprehend that we simply are?

I'm not doing something because I'm not supposed to do it & I definitely not becoming something that I wasn't already meant to be. I y'am what I y'am!

Sometimes to understand things that are different you have to step out of your own perceptions, preconceived notions & view them with eyes that are not your own. Because when you try to force fit things that differ something will always be lost in the translation & you aren't going to come any closer to understanding it.

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 7:39:46 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

i'm too vague, i think. that'll teach me to write without sleeping... well, i believe reguardless of gender that there are "alpha types". but i was wondering if men become Doms to keep to "tradition", and women become Dommes to break it?

No, I think it's a personal preference based on two things: personality and knowledge.

When a society does not offer leadership models for one group, that group develops ways to express their leadership skills within the confines of the culture until things change. They may or may not work for that change depending on several variables.

Some thing in the opposite direction. Someone who is not a leader by their nature may find others to follow that are socially acceptable or they may lead a secret life in private.

As for breaking tradition....

I think one of the greatest differences between BDSM and vanilla is communication -- open, honest, and touching on so many things communication. Vanillas often follow a role because they have traditions to build on. I think even a male dom/female sub BDSM dynamic entails far more communication about what is expected and who does what.

Raised in a primarily vanilla world though it is difficult to break all traditional ways of doing things.

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 8:13:19 AM

TigressFL

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Everyone dominant I know has similarities and differences. Each person has their own style, own beliefs, protocols, etc. I cannot say the difference is due to being male or female as I do not know any male dominants that have the exact same style, protocols, etc. as any other male dominant I know.

Tigress~FL

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 3:59:48 PM

phoenixinchains

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MP, by tradition i meant the main stream way of life. i'm still new to bdsm so i wouldn't even claim to understand the traditions therein. someday i really hope to be very knowledgable on the matter, but today is not that day : ) as for the word "become" well , there a tricky matter. i don't consider a virgin to be hetero/bi/homosexual until they have expirienced sexual contact with another. i may have been born wired with my programming of artist/bi/lover of caffiene/submissive, but i didn't always know this about myself, and how else could i disscribe to process of self-realazation? growing into yourself?
A/all, thank You for replying. I've truely enjoyed learning from the insights of Others. I've been a little isolated (geographically) in the world of bdsm, so CM has been so wonderful. There is something human about trying to make sence about the things that occur in the mind and soul, imho.
Thank Y/you Again- Phoenix

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 5:03:58 PM

earthycouple

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one has a penis and one a vagina.

That's like asking how a braeburn differs from a granny smith.

D~

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 4/30/2007 5:06:01 PM

Najakcharmer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

one has a penis and one a vagina.

Nope. There's a lot of Daddies and bois who are biologically female, and some very cool trans dommes who haven't transitioned or don't intend to fully transition. Gender isn't always a function of genitalia.

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 5/1/2007 5:22:28 AM

LadyPact

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Are We really going to get into the politically correct terminology about something that has nothing to do with being either political or correct?

I think Tigress came closest to My thoughts on it. I'd give the only similarity to the fact that We want to be the Ones in charge. After that, it's anyone's ball game. Some things We find We have in common with our male counter parts, and others We don't. It really depends on who is making the comparison, and who is involved. It's impossible to lump Us all into the Dom vrs Domme catagories that some find easier to understand.

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 5/1/2007 9:33:08 AM

Najakcharmer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are We really going to get into the politically correct terminology about something that has nothing to do with being either political or correct?

If it has to do with how a person identifies and feels, I am certainly going to use the correct terminology to describe them out of basic respect and courtesy. It has nothing to do with politically correct and everything to do with respect for individuals in the scene, some of whom are my good friends.

quote:

It's impossible to lump Us all into the Dom vrs Domme catagories that some find easier to understand.

Eeeeeexactly.

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 5/1/2007 10:04:44 AM

joyinslavery

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A VERY broad generalization (which sucks) but...you could just as easily ask how women and men differ. After all, you can put the dominant in the woman/man but you can't take the woman/man out of the dominant.

How's that for a detailed answer?

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RE: How do You feel Dommes differ from Doms? - 5/1/2007 11:17:28 AM

MsKatHouston

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I like that

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