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Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 10:11:46 AM

MDlittlegirl

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This is directed more towards submissives. For those of you who do not live with your Dominant, do you ever feel down after having been with them and then had to leave? And if so, how do you get yourself out of this slump?

A little background as to why I'm posing these questions. I spent the weekend with a Domme whom I've been submitting to for about a year, and when I left I started to get really depressed. This has happened before and it takes me weeks to get over the depressed feeling, I was wondering if there's anything I can do to speed up this process.

Thank you all in advance for your thoughts/feelings/advice.

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 10:13:40 AM

Areflectionofyou

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we moved in together ...and life is good. Its called sub drop and being dependent onhim to feel down after.

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 10:14:26 AM

spanklette

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It's called "sub drop". There are quite a few threads on this particular subject...you can use CM's search function to find them. Good luck and I'm sure you'll feel better soon.

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 10:22:26 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 10:24:22 AM

MstrssPassion

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it happens to the doms too

& yes, we moved in with one another & it's all better now

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 10:30:47 AM

MDlittlegirl

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Thank you all for your advice. The moving in together thing, I'm don't think this is an option in my case. She lives in NJ and I in MD, but she also has a boyfriend. He is open to the relationship that she and I have, but I would feel as though I was imposing. I guess what I'm looking for is a quick fix, even if temporary. I'm at work and can't function right, I burst into tears at the most random times and I'm unsure of how to deal with this. This is the worst case of sub drop that I've experienced and although I do have a quick fix, it's something that she has asked me to not do anymore because it is detrimental to my health and well being.

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 10:59:01 AM

slavegirljoy

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Dear MDlittlegirl,

i feel really bad for what you are going through right now. While i have never and would never have a long-distance relationship with anyone for very long, i know how bad it feels to have to leave my Master, even when i knew it was only going to be for a few weeks until i was to be living with Him permanently. The thing that kept me going on those few separations was knowing that it was temporary and Wwe kept in constant communication with emails and phone calls. So, that helped a lot, too.

i'm wondering if the reason you are feeling so badly is that you are wanting more than you are getting from this relationship. Are you wanting your relationship to be more full-time or, at least more frequent and closer? i also wonder if you have communicated these feelings to your Domme. Is she sympathetic/understanding? Do you have a close friend nearby who you can talk to about this? It can be really hard to deal with this all by yourself. It can be especially difficult when you feel you are all alone all of a sudden after you have felt so close to another and then they are gone.

i really hope you can either get a better handle on how to deal with your feelings and/or improve your relationship with your Domme so that you aren't going through this slump repeatedly. Depression can really drain a person, emotionally and physically. i hope you can find a way out of this soon. Life is too unpredicably short to spend it unhappy.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 11:08:02 AM

MagiksSlave

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I get sub drop too, was going through it this weekend... I guess Im lucky because even though me and Master dont live together we live very very closeso i get to see him lots and we talk on the phone nearly every night, anyway Master had taken me out for my birthday on saterday to Paddles and we played rather heavy, i got all the after care I needed and even shed a few tears which felt good to do because I had been haveing a pent up need to cry for a while but was unable too.. I felt really great after but sunday I droped like a tun of bricks.. What helped me was calling Master and talking to him.. I told him how I was feeling and he said "Ok sub drop we have dealt with this befor we know what we are doing" hearing his voice talking to him and also the fact that he said that (makeing it sound like ok this is nothing big we can handle it) really made me feel better also reconecting with him the day after by phone I guess is another form of aftercare, and while Im still feeling a bit moody (that also has a lot to do with its the end of the sumester and Im stressed) talking to him did take the edge off and I was able to relax.. try it if you can give her a call to talk for a bit i think it will help.

Magik's slave

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 11:19:50 AM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Dear MDlittlegirl,
i'm wondering if the reason you are feeling so badly is that you are wanting more than you are getting from this relationship.

I don't think any of us really "wonder"... It looks to be pretty obvious.

quote:

i really hope you can either get a better handle on how to deal with your feelings and/or improve your relationship with your Domme so that you aren't going through this slump repeatedly. Depression can really drain a person, emotionally and physically. i hope you can find a way out of this soon. Life is too unpredicably short to spend it unhappy.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

I'm with you on that.

The best advice I can offer anyone who finds themselves with relationship woes of any kind is to NEVER settle for anything less than what is best for you. If only having this person in life for short visits here & there results in you being so broke up about it that you can't function or carry out responsibilities such as going preforming your job or maintaining control of your emotions... you really need to reconsider this involvement. This doesn't sound like a healthy choice for you.

Good luck

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/30/2007 11:24:32 AM >

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 11:37:15 AM

MistressSassy66

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MDlittlegirl

This is directed more towards submissives. For those of you who do not live with your Dominant, do you ever feel down after having been with them and then had to leave? And if so, how do you get yourself out of this slump?

A little background as to why I'm posing these questions. I spent the weekend with a Domme whom I've been submitting to for about a year, and when I left I started to get really depressed. This has happened before and it takes me weeks to get over the depressed feeling, I was wondering if there's anything I can do to speed up this process.

Thank you all in advance for your thoughts/feelings/advice.

I'm not a submissive,but I know from speaking with My submissives that it can be a huge downer for some even days later.I deal with this by being a listener and comforter either in person on the phone or online.

I find those that are single not dating to be the ones who fall sort of in love their Domme,its not the typical love you would have between two people,but its a love that they feel and needs to be addressed, if any sort of relationship is to continue.

For those who date,they dont seem to get as attached.There has been some exceptions,communication and honesty are the best tools to deal with issues.

The ones who are married,I never worry about getting too attached.
When they have a SO at home that accepts they need this but dont want to do it with them,they are very devoted to their SO.These are generally the people who are truelly looking for pain,bondage etc without any sexual wants.

With all the above instances communication is the key to solve any problem.
I would tell your Dom how you feel,perhaps there are ways to help you with the sub drop.

I also wanted to note that Dom/mes can feel the same sort of drop.
Myself I feel it several hours later,the first few hours I bask in the glory of a great scene/session with a huge smile that makes My cheeks hurt.Then I come off that high and I'm exhausted and need a nap...lol

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RE: Wondering how others deal - 4/30/2007 1:17:59 PM

slavegirljoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Dear MDlittlegirl,
i'm wondering if the reason you are feeling so badly is that you are wanting more than you are getting from this relationship.

I don't think any of us really "wonder"... It looks to be pretty obvious.

Point taken. Still, what is obvious to those of us who are outside looking in isn't always so obvious to the one who is in the middle of it. i was just raising this question for the girl to consider, if she hadn't already.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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