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what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D's c... - 5/3/2005 4:18:18 AM

subcharmedlilone

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/1/2005
Status: offline

here is one for the books, what evry happen to honesty and trust amoung sis and bothers in the lifestyle. see to me that there is alot of wanna be's but none are willing to commto it, to a poly but say they do. we are a poly couple and have talked to several over the years and find out as long as u are talking on line, every thing is fine and then all of sudden when things get serious they just decide, not respond to u anymore or they change there name and run and hide, i honestly believe if we cant have honesty and trust then we are not real bothers and sisters. so please dont address me as sis unless, u are really my friend or serious about a relationship just my opinion. all inquires welcome thank u all be well.

< Message edited by subcharmedlilone -- 5/3/2005 8:37:09 AM >

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subcharmedlilone formally lilonegww

Post #: 1

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/3/2005 6:10:45 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi Charmed, it's good to see you posting, but very difficult to read and understand your posts. You lack any real punctuation between words and sentences and your use of internet slang makes it hard to distinguish the points you are making.

< Message edited by EmeraldSlave2 -- 5/3/2005 6:33:17 AM >

(in reply to subcharmedlilone)

Post #: 2

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/3/2005 6:17:53 AM

cellogrrlMK

Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Hi Charmed, it's good to see you posting, but very difficult to read and understand your posts. You lack any real punctuation between words and sentences and you're use of internet slang makes it hard to distinguish the points you are making.

Thank you Emerald.... what punctuation?

VERY difficult to decipher!

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 3

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/3/2005 8:12:41 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

Can't really help you there. That hasn't been our experience.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to subcharmedlilone)

Post #: 4

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/3/2005 8:38:00 AM

subcharmedlilone

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/1/2005
Status: offline

there puncuation now used should be able to understand thanks lilone.

< Message edited by subcharmedlilone -- 5/3/2005 8:42:27 AM >

_____________________________

subcharmedlilone formally lilonegww

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 5

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/3/2005 9:08:14 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Is this a post about honesty in on the internet or about using informal forms of address (such as sister)? I am kind of confused on what you are asking about......

(in reply to subcharmedlilone)

Post #: 6

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/3/2005 8:02:50 PM

HypatiaSwan

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

The problem is online, period. There are too many people online who haven't a clue about real life and everybody wants to be a slave/bottom/submissive/top/dominant etc. etc. so long as they can sit behind a computer screen and type out how to serve cyber drinks. My advice is to nix online completely. Get out to local events - munches, leather events, local demos etc. Get to know people. In my experience, you can be perfect for each other online, but when the rubber meets the road, the compatibility falls apart. Then again, there are some people who you meet in real life, and if you had hooked up with them from a profile on one of these sites or something, you'd probably never give them a 2nd look. But in real life, the chemistry works.

The important thing is meeting face to face and being firm in your wish to meet with people and spend significant time with people before getting serious. Meet with a candidate as soon as possible instead of messing around with online garbage. If they don't want to meet with you within a reasonable period of time, forgetaboutit. And you'll get a much better feel for who they really are from a face to face encounter.

If it makes you feel any better, your complaint is one that spans the spectrum of serious lifestylers. Nearly everyone has had experiences similar to yours. Dom/sub/top/bottom.. etc. Most of us have been burned more than once by posers, players, people who lie, people who stalk, people who disappear in a puff of electrons. It can take years (many years) to find the right match.

Also, yes, I caught the reference to brothers and sisters. It would be nice if we were all brothers and sisters in leather, but in cyberland, you can't count on that. Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

"Once we meet and talk, we are brothers and sisters." - Okinawan Proverb

(in reply to subcharmedlilone)

Post #: 7

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/4/2005 5:55:32 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HypatiaSwan
My advice is to nix online completely. Get out to local events - munches, leather events, local demos etc.

Well that means she wouldn't be posting HERE. Online has its place just like anything.

quote:

Meet with a candidate as soon as possible instead of messing around with online garbage. If they don't want to meet with you within a reasonable period of time, forgetaboutit. And you'll get a much better feel for who they really are from a face to face encounter.

Couldn't agree more with this.

quote:

If it makes you feel any better, your complaint is one that spans the spectrum of serious lifestylers. Nearly everyone has had experiences similar to yours. Dom/sub/top/bottom.. etc. Most of us have been burned more than once by posers, players, people who lie, people who stalk, people who disappear in a puff of electrons. It can take years (many years) to find the right match.

Yeah but what does this have to do with being online? And I don't think this is a "serious lifestyler" issue. I think people who go on about how the lifestyle is being degraded is just another version of what EVERY generation does...the "those darn kids, back in MY day..." rant and really has very little merit.

Everything you mentioned happens offline too.

quote:

Also, yes, I caught the reference to brothers and sisters. It would be nice if we were all brothers and sisters in leather, but in cyberland, you can't count on that. Good luck in your search.

Actually I don't want to be anyone's brother or sister (sometimes that even applies to my biological sister). I don't like the term or the assumption that I have a connection with someone just because we're both into kink.

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)

Post #: 8

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/4/2005 1:03:29 PM

rickskajira

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

Sorry Charmed that you got that impression but there are alot of people on the internet who say they want it and then chicken out. You just need to screen those people out. Perhaps they have just reason, they want it but never approached their significant other. They are underage, or perhaps they just got scared about meeting someone online. I am a little worried about meeting people online, especially in the lifestyle. On the other hand, perhaps it is the way you approach them on the subject. You might scare them off by pressing the matter too soon or waiting until they've become comfortable with someone else and they don't have the guts to tell you.

(in reply to subcharmedlilone)

Post #: 9

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/4/2005 10:13:14 PM

HypatiaSwan

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Well that means she wouldn't be posting HERE. Online has its place just like anything.

No, online isn't just a place like anything. It's a place where people can tell you they are in Arkansas when they are in Ohio. It's a place where people can type out whatever the hell they think they want to be, and tell you that's who they are and you'll never know the difference (until you meet or talk REAL LIFE). You could be talking to a 24 year old, 400 lb sumo wrestler who's into crusher movies who has told you that he's a 40 year old paper thin lesbian ballerina looking for a master to take 'her' to bed.

quote:

Yeah but what does this have to do with being online?

Actually, that part of the post didn't have much to do with online at all and was a general statement. However I think it's fairly straightforward and fairly well known that it is much easier to misrepresent oneself online than it is face to face.

quote:

And I don't think this is a "serious lifestyler" issue. I think people who go on about how the lifestyle is being degraded is just another version of what EVERY generation does...the "those darn kids, back in MY day..." rant and really has very little merit.

There are no doubt people who are serious about meeting like-minded folk, and people who just want to play and string people along on the internet (or string people along, period - the internet notwithstanding). That's a fact. If you've never met a poser, consider yourself sheltered.

Additionally, I have no idea what you are referring with the rant about "degrading the lifestyle." Perhaps you have mixed up my post with someone else's. My post wasn't a rant at all. It was a response of encouragement and support to someone who was frustrated with the number of posers she/he was running into. It was a response amid the other responses from people who could only muster criticism of the original poster's grammar.

quote:

Everything you mentioned happens offline too.

No, it doesn't. If I am face to face with someone, I have a fairly good idea of that person's location - seeings as it would be very close to mine.

I could discern a 24 year old 400 lb sumo wrestler from a paper thin 40 year old ballerina. I can get a much better feel for someone's entire person. This is in stark contrast to mere words typed on a page.

quote:

Actually I don't want to be anyone's brother or sister (sometimes that even applies to my biological sister). I don't like the term or the assumption that I have a connection with someone just because we're both into kink.

Actually, it's an expression - much more common in the gay leather community than in cyberland. And my leather community, is, for the most part, my extended family. If that doesn't float your boat, kudos to you.

_____________________________

"Once we meet and talk, we are brothers and sisters." - Okinawan Proverb

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 10

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/5/2005 6:25:28 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HypatiaSwan

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Well that means she wouldn't be posting HERE. Online has its place just like anything.

No, online isn't just a place like anything.

I didn't say online is a play like anything else. I said online HAS ITS PLACE like anything.

quote:

If you've never met a poser, consider yourself sheltered.

Oh I've met tons of them, plenty of them are the "well-respected" members of the community even, real time.

quote:

Everything you mentioned happens offline too.

No, it doesn't.
Well the words you used were "people who lie, people who stalk, people who disappear"

All of those things happen offline too.

quote:

Actually, it's an expression - much more common in the gay leather community than in cyberland. And my leather community, is, for the most part, my extended family. If that doesn't float your boat, kudos to you.

I know, one of my best friends is in Catherine Gross' leather family and they use those terms all the time, she knows it irritates me. :) It's more when someone presumes to use it in a universal fashion or refer to me as such automatically that really gets me.

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)

Post #: 11

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/5/2005 8:13:31 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

No, online isn't just a place like anything. It's a place where people can tell you they are in Arkansas when they are in Ohio. It's a place where people can type out whatever the hell they think they want to be, and tell you that's who they are and you'll never know the difference (until you meet or talk REAL LIFE). You could be talking to a 24 year old, 400 lb sumo wrestler who's into crusher movies who has told you that he's a 40 year old paper thin lesbian ballerina looking for a master to take 'her' to bed.

Well, this is true enough, but despite the drawbacks, I feel the internet makes the world a much smaller place, and that it gives the opportunity to know someone from the inside out. Its kind of a given that honest communication on both parts is key to the end result. While one may not be able to fool you as to their location or their appearance, they can certainly fool one with regard to their character...yes...even in real life.

One would think that at some point prior to having their feelings engaged, they would actually meet someone in person.

best regards,
f (who feels like the internet is a great place to meet, but "make it real or else forget about it "

)

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)

Post #: 12

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/5/2005 8:25:59 PM

HypatiaSwan

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Well the words you used were "people who lie, people who stalk, people who disappear"

All of those things happen offline too.

Pardon me Emerald, but I have never maintained that these things don't happen in real life. Please do not assume what I have not written. My point is that it is much easier to pull the wool over someone's eyes when they are on the other end of an electron stream as opposed to being right there in front of you. This is common knowledge and it is silly to debate it.

Someone posts to this board bemoaning the fact that they are having trouble meeting serious, honest people, I gave them what I consider to be an excellent piece of advice: get out from behind the computer and actually meet people so you do not waste time with obvious cyber losers. Does this mean they will not meet losers in real life? No, it doesn't. But any jackass can fire up a computer, log onto a chat room with an appropriately-cased screen name and suddenly become a "master" or a "slave." OTOH, It takes more effort for people to meet in real life and there are more risks involved. Sure there are still going to be players and posers. But one more big hurdle to honesty and sincerity of intent has at least been removed.

quote:

I know, one of my best friends is in Catherine Gross' leather family and they use those terms all the time, she knows it irritates me. :) It's more when someone presumes to use it in a universal fashion or refer to me as such automatically that really gets me.

Trust me, Emerald, you have nothing to worry about with being counted as a sister against your will. The fact is that the LGBT leather community is a small, small world. So small, that Catherine and I actually spoke a couple a weeks ago in DC concerning her interest in the sisterhood of the club of which I am an officer. This expression, sisterhood or brotherhood in leather, is about family. Some of us (members of the leather community) have known each other for a long, long time. Decades. It is about knowing, loving and honoring the people who know some of your most cherished secrets (i.e. the fact that we live in leather or are, at least, kinky). Or, at the very least, it is about trusting people in the community to be truthful and sincere with others in the community. This, is the spirit of kinship in which I believe the original posting was referring. It isn't about you personally, Emerald. Nobody was calling you personally a "sister." If this spirit of kinship isn't something you want to be included in, again... kudos to you.

_____________________________

"Once we meet and talk, we are brothers and sisters." - Okinawan Proverb

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 13

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/6/2005 6:46:26 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HypatiaSwan

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Well the words you used were "people who lie, people who stalk, people who disappear"

All of those things happen offline too.

My point is that it is much easier to pull the wool over someone's eyes when they are on the other end of an electron stream as opposed to being right there in front of you. This is common knowledge and it is silly to debate it.

True, I was simply clarifying that point.

quote:

Trust me, Emerald, you have nothing to worry about with being counted as a sister against your will. The fact is that the LGBT leather community is a small, small world. So small, that Catherine and I actually spoke a couple a weeks ago in DC concerning her interest in the sisterhood of the club of which I am an officer.

Yes I was sorry I couldn't get to the Crucible that Friday night.

quote:

Nobody was calling you personally a "sister." If this spirit of kinship isn't something you want to be included in, again... kudos to you.

The terms just don't resonate with me. Perhaps its the same reason why people won't even think of a collar for years or more, they just have a resonance. For example, I will play with only three hard limits with a new person- no unprotected sex, no permanent marks without the Owner's permission, and no blood play.

The bloodplay one is purely for personal emotional reasons. It's a type of play that is sacred and intimate for me. Why that and not anal sex? Why blood play and not breath play? I have no idea, it's just how it resonates for me.

Similarly with the "familial terms." They rub me the wrong way. While I feel close to people, and love them and hold them closer than some of my biological family, the terms themselves are just irritating for me. It's not the spirit- it's the term.

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)

Post #: 14

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/6/2005 7:06:44 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: HypatiaSwan
My advice is to nix online completely. Get out to local events - munches, leather events, local demos etc.

Like everything I think there is a time and a place for online. I think that technology, the internet like everything else in life if done in excess can be very damaging. I also think that it makes people have a false sense of security at times.

quote:

Meet with a candidate as soon as possible instead of messing around with online garbage. If they don't want to meet with you within a reasonable period of time, forgetaboutit. And you'll get a much better feel for who they really are from a face to face encounter.

I completly agree with this statement. I have come to think that if someone is forever putting off meeting in real life, there is probably a good reason, however I also think that sometimes life simply happens and we dont always have control over it. I also think that people should be cautious when meeting for the 1st time, I have seen many say well meet me at my place, and they never once have meet the person in rl. To me this is neither safe nor sain.

quote:

If it makes you feel any better, your complaint is one that spans the spectrum of serious lifestylers. Nearly everyone has had experiences similar to yours. Dom/sub/top/bottom.. etc. Most of us have been burned more than once by posers, players, people who lie, people who stalk, people who disappear in a puff of electrons. It can take years (many years) to find the right match.

HypatiaSwan
No, it doesn't. If I am face to face with someone, I have a fairly good idea of that person's location - seeings as it would be very close to mine. I could discern a 24 year old 400 lb sumo wrestler from a paper thin 40 year old ballerina. I can get a much better feel for someone's entire person. This is in stark contrast to mere words typed on a page.

You have never been given a bogous phone number? Or told by someone that your having drinks with or dinner with that they have one job but do another. Or that they arent married but truly are, or that they dont have kids and have half a foot ball team at home in bed?The reality is people lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and stalk both online and off. The eky I think is to be safe and to be aware. If someone is a predator, you may not always know it even in real life until it is to late.

I think that weither online or off we all should remember that weither you a top or bottom to be safe, to be sain, and remember that predators are out there online and off.

nika Phoenix's deviant

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)

Post #: 15

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 5/6/2005 2:42:23 PM

HypatiaSwan

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

You have never been given a bogous phone number? Or told by someone that your having drinks with or dinner with that they have one job but do another. Or that they arent married but truly are, or that they dont have kids and have half a foot ball team at home in bed?The reality is people lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and stalk both online and off. The eky I think is to be safe and to be aware. If someone is a predator, you may not always know it even in real life until it is to late.

nika, I have no idea why you have the impression that I do not think there are also posers, players and idiots who show up in real life. As I have stated about 50 times through the course of this thread, that is not my position at all. There are going to be risks of meeting whack jobs everywhere - obviously.
However, it is much easier to string someone along in an 'online' encounter than it is when people meet and talk in real time. I just can't break it down any simpler than that. If you would like to learn more about my position, I cordially invite you to read my other posts in this same thread.

_____________________________

"Once we meet and talk, we are brothers and sisters." - Okinawan Proverb

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 16

RE: what ever happend to sub/slave being honest with D... - 6/14/2005 4:16:06 PM

asissyforher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline

whatever happened to honesty of dominants when you DO commit and they decide later they changed their minds?

it goes both ways.

but sadly?

it is part of the modern new generation...not of the olde world ways from when i was growing up.

a sissy

_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to subcharmedlilone)

Post #: 17

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