RE: Calling all Male Dominants (Full Version)

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Focus50 -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 3:01:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

I have a question and I am directing it toward male Dominants as it is who is effected when pertaining to me. 

Do you feel/believe that a female switch cannot be 100% submissive to a owner while maintaining a purely dominant side with all others?

Interesting question.....
 
I've never owned a switch so I'm not speaking from experience.  And since I NEVER switch, the actual relationship dynamic would have been ratified as D/s (or M/s) from the outset; that she is *always* submissive to me when required.  I would imagine a switch agreeing to that requirement of our relationship means she also has no problem being 100% submissive within it. 
 
People are still people; I've still had occasional heated exchanges with the fem/subs in my life, usually from a breakdown in communication.  Whether or not that would be more commonplace with a switch is something I can't answer.  I don't mind allowing a sub to vent at these times but it'd probably get ugly if a switch went into Domme mode with me - it WOULD test our relationship.
 
And since I never allow my sub to defer or submit to anyone else, I'd have even less problem with a switch who needs to adopt a dominant persona outside the relationship.
 
I like hypotheticals....  lol
 
Focus.



Level -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 3:05:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

I have a question and I am directing it toward male Dominants as it is who is effected when pertaining to me. 

Do you feel/believe that a female switch cannot be 100% submissive to a owner while maintaining a purely dominant side with all others?


Of course they can be totally submissive to someone, while dominating another.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 3:09:30 AM)

I would personally find it hot as hell.  Anyone can tame a mouse but who can tame a lioness?




harlindolcett -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 3:20:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

I have a question and I am directing it toward male Dominants as it is who is effected when pertaining to me. 

Do you feel/believe that a female switch cannot be 100% submissive to a owner while maintaining a purely dominant side with all others?

It depends on your dom.  Does he/she favour using you and your submissives together?  It's this aspect of the d/s relationship - how your dom relates to the third, that will dictate your dom's feelings.



CrazyC -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 6:20:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

I have a question and I am directing it toward male Dominants as it is who is effected when pertaining to me. 

Do you feel/believe that a female switch cannot be 100% submissive to a owner while maintaining a purely dominant side with all others?


I know they can. I met a beautiful lady the other day who is a switch in just that manner.



rhiona -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 9:01:18 AM)

greetings All,
 
this situation described in the original post sounds to this one as the way it is with Gorean Free Companions.....the Free Woman is a "Dominant" everywhere except to her Companion and then She is subservient only to Him
 
from the Free Companionships this one has seen in the past anyway and that is the way she reads them in the Gor books........
 
granted this may not be considered a Gorean type question......
 
respectfully submitted,
rhiona




daddysprop247 -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 12:23:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I would personally find it hot as hell.  Anyone can tame a mouse but who can tame a lioness?





but that tamed lioness will never be a submissive. of course, if that's not what you desire in the first place then it's a moot point.



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 12:54:32 PM)

I believe one can be submissive towards a one and dominant with others.
D/s can be a relative thing.  Where as one with a Dom personality may
only submit to another Dom that they deem is worthy of submitting to,
and Doming others.  Call it a sort of middle level tier.   I think life is full
of D/s tiers itself.



smilingjaguar -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 1:23:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
but that tamed lioness will never be a submissive. of course, if that's not what you desire in the first place then it's a moot point.


What is this mysterious "a submissive"?  Is this one of those natural submissive ideas?  This whole idea always seemed to me like people who get run over their whole life find a dominant to take care of them because they can't take care of themselves.  As you said, if that's what the dominant desires, it's a moot point, but it would never stand with the one who tamed me.

This tamed jaguar is very submissive to the one that has tamed her.  Everyone else can take a long walk off of a short pier.  The one who tamed me didn't want "a submissive".  He wanted a strong, capable woman who would defer to his authority.  He wanted to put my talents and intelligence in service to him, so if I have special knowledge in a given area, I am delegated those tasks and handle them in a manner that pleases him.  I have the majority of the responsibility of handling the budget, the ums, helping him evaluate new job opportunities, etc.  He hates paperwork and dealing with red tape of all types, so he wanted someone with the chops to get things done in those areas so he doesn't have to. 

Being submissive is ultimately about bearing the weight of the preferences of the one you're submissive to.  It has nothing to do with who takes the most abuse, humiliation, and degradation or what limits there are in a given relationship.  It's about obedience and deferring to the dominant's idea of what submission is.



KnightofMists -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 1:51:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

Do you feel/believe that a female switch cannot be 100% submissive to a owner while maintaining a purely dominant side with all others?


some can.. and some can't



SimplyMichael -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 4:08:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I would personally find it hot as hell.  Anyone can tame a mouse but who can tame a lioness?



but that tamed lioness will never be a submissive. of course, if that's not what you desire in the first place then it's a moot point.


What some can do with a lioness and what I can do are clearly VERY different things. 



EasyE -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 5:17:02 PM)

No!  I think a female switch can remain fully submissive if the Master knows how to control his slave.  There are a lot of people that say their Dom that don't know what their doing.  I hate people that say their Dom and all they do is look at BDSM porn and fantize.  It takes a lot of control and self-confidence to Dom.  That doesn't mean they are unbreakbable but they should be able to handle almost any situation the slave presents.

Switches get the short end of the stick.  Look at me.  My profile says that I am equally devoted to either side whichever I am at the time, and I really feel that way.  I have gotten a few emails saying they want to make me decide what I want.  Screw that I like both [sm=sodoff.gif].

Whew that feels better.

Good luck



minnetar -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 5:29:39 PM)

i feel that this question basically is asking what others think of switches.  There are some in the lifestyle who understand and others who do not.  i personally am a submissive who has no understanding of a person who would want to control the dynamic but that is just me.  No disrespect intended.

minnetar



Sicarius -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 5:33:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

I have a question and I am directing it toward male Dominants as it is who is effected when pertaining to me. 

Do you feel/believe that a female switch cannot be 100% submissive to a owner while maintaining a purely dominant side with all others?


I do not believe that, but my belief hinges upon a single word in your statement: "cannot."

I will also say that we could not possibly know what percentage of Switches could/would.  I assume that some can, certainly ... if one told me that she would, I would trust her unless (and up until) she gave me a specific reason not to.

-Sicarius



CreativeDominant -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 5:43:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

I have a question and I am directing it toward male Dominants as it is who is effected when pertaining to me. 

Do you feel/believe that a female switch cannot be 100% submissive to a owner while maintaining a purely dominant side with all others?


I think it depends on the individuals involved.  My first submissive was very submissive...to me.  She ran her household, made sure her husband kept all appointments and did all the planning for them.  She ran the dental office she worked at.  Her friends did as she told them.  She was submissive to me.
When she began wanting to dominate others, she remained submissive to me.  However, in our discussions, she noted the difficulty of going from dominating another (vs. topping) and coming back to being submissive to me.  We decided to end our full-time dominant-submissive dynamic so she could explore her dominant/top side more fully.  To this day, she has gone from one submissive to another....enjoying quite a few along the way...but finds it difficult to be the "guiding factor".  This is where I get to play "Former Master/now dominant advisor" occasionally.  She listens because she respects what I have to say and because I still bring out the submissive in her.  But for her and I, it could not work because her desire to dominate conflicted with her desire to be a good submissive to me. 

I have known...though not been with...switches who were clearly dominant with everyone else but that one special person.  They have worked things out so that their need and desire to dominate another is secondary to their need to submit to that one person.  For them, their first choice is always their submission and they have, in turn, found submissives who understood that.  It can be done...with difficulty, to be sure...but it can be.

I personally think that...as Bearlee says...that topping another vs. dominating another while submitting...would be easier to navigate through but not having experienced it, I can only speculate.



MaamJay -> RE: Calling all Male Dominants (5/2/2007 7:36:01 PM)

A topic close to my own heart! Like the OP, I consider I have 2 separate sides to my personality. To make it easier to talk about, they've got 2 different names!

Jay is Domme, and when She Dommes, She is the One in control. She is more than a Top as She takes control of all aspects of Her sub/slave's life, She is not merely Topping for BDSM play or sex. She sets up the training regime, monitors the slave's performance at tasks She sets him to do etc etc. She decides on slave's reward or punishment. She can CHOOSE to ask Master's advice if She wants to, but She doesn't HAVE to do so. If She has a male sub/slave Master doesn't really want to be involved, He only expects Her slave to be respectful to Him. (It might be a bit different with a female slave *grin* ... in which case He would have to work out with Jay what His interactions are. In their eyes that doesn't make Him any less a Master, it makes Him sensitive to His chosen partner in life's needs).

violet is Master's slave. she is submissive to Him at all times. Should Jay even start to appear in their interactions, His gentle reminder "pet, your capitals are showing" is sufficient to remind her of her place. violet has tasks to do at His command and she cannot (and would not want to) delegate them to Jay's slave in order to shirk doing them herself. This is perhaps the only area of "compromise" for Jay, She agrees with violet to not set the slave to do a task Master has allotted to violet. But then, violet has spent 3 years living with Master and knows how He likes His food or other things done! It's really not that much of a compromise (maybe 5% at most?).

It is eminently likely to hear and see the following exchange:
Master is seated at the table.
Jay in the kitchen: slave x, please carry the drinks to the table. slave x does so and returns to the kitchen.
violet carries Master's dinner to the table, curtseys and says "Here is Your dinner Master".
Master: Thank you pet, you may sit down.
slave x carries in Jay's dinner and bows as he sets it on the table. "Here is Your dinner Mistress".
Jay: Thank you My boy, you may fetch yours now and be seated."

Even though slave x sees violet serve Master, he doesn't see Her as a fellow sub, She is always Jay, his Mistress to him. And even though Master sees Jay Dominate Her slave, He doesn't generally see Her as a fellow Dominant and His equal, He generally still sees violet, His slave. Only if they agree to take time out and discuss something Dominant to Dominant, would that differ. And that's no difference to a Master and slave choosing to take time out to talk as equals and renegotiate something, which happens in many M/s relationships.

That's how it was when Jay had a full time trainee sub (whom She released when it became obvious that he was purely a fetishist CD not capable of being a sub). It may be so again soon if negotiations with a potential slave come to fruition. And Master and I are BOTH hoping it will work, for much as violet loves being His slave and has wished to be totally fulfilled in that, this other side of her, Jay, just longs for an outlet. Master recognises, understands that and applauds her ability to be, not a switch (as she doesn't flip-flop back and forth, and definitely not with Him), a Duality.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



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