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Tears - 4/30/2007 9:45:53 PM

Red82

Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
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Im not sure what post just made me think of this, but i would like to hear others opinions on the matter.

I have read countless threads on "my suffering bringing her pleasure". And it made me think of something.

I very much enjoy being broken down to the point of tears. And different methods of doing so brings upon different results.

Humilation that brings on tears (which, must be done carefully or i suppose you could hypotheticaly cause some pschological scarring) makes me feel so very horrible WHILE it is being done. Makes me question myself, who i am, and why i allow myself to be subjected to it. However, afterwards, seeing the joy, arousal, even pride in her eyes is what puts me into space, and gives me the floaty feeling that can last up to days even (mind this is with good aftercare though, i have never been that good with humiliation, course i am not very experienced with it either).

Pain that brings me to tears is most amazing (what i am experienced with the most i assume). It is almost a cleansing of the emotional system for me. All of my emotions seem to overload and reboot themselves in the process, leaving me feeling extremly...well flushed i suppose is a word that will work. I just feel so good afterwards, that i find myself wanting that extreme pain just because i want those emotions to be frayed, stretched, and re-set.

So i want to know if i am the only one that feels this way about tears, and if any of the Dominant's here have opinions on the matter.

Thanks for checkin out my thread!

Post #: 1

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 2:01:13 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
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I would like to answer but I have to say first I have never experienced making somone cry through BDSM.
I think sometimes that I would like to make my boy cry by spanking him, I like the idea of doing that to him and then spending half n hour making him all better. I dont know if I ever will do that though.

As for making him cry through humiliation, I'm not surewhere I stand on that. Whilst I love humiliating him I'm not sure I would feel that great about myself if I did it to the point that he cried. I love him and cherish him and would feel like I have damaged him in some way by doing that. Of course if he approached me and said he wouldnt mind it I would give it some serious thought but wouldl ikely say no.

I have spoken to quite a few people who enjoy doing things to make others cry in bdsm. Its mainy been subs that have said they enjoy it though, I havent really heard any dommes mention they enjoy that but I am sure there will be some out there.

Not sure if my reply was helpful in anyway lol

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Proud mistress

(in reply to Red82)

Post #: 2

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 2:55:06 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greetings

i love when my baby has tears and it excite me. he ;love the ideal of crying also. and i found out he wants a hurt beating and i gave my baby what i want him to have what i great post you have place here. take care

mons

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 3

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 3:01:39 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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As a Domme, I have made a sub boy cry through pain, even though it wasn't all that severe. he found it very cathartic and slipped into a space and then a deep sleep. I wasn't worried, I had controlled the situation very carefully, and could see clearly that he was fighting inner demons about being hit that he really needed and wanted to work through. I have also had a boy cry tears of joy, which was also very cathartic for both of U/us. I am hesitant about using humiliation anyway so would be VERY hesitant about pushing someone to tears through humiliation. I would have to be very sure that the sub wanted this sort of treatment and sure that I wanted to inflict it. I don't think I'd get any pleasure from that, I'd be too worried!

As a sub, i tend to have extreme reactions! Master was first disconcerted by my tendency to laugh ... but He got used to that and now recognises it as a sign that i am about midway to subspace. Only once did a flogging lead to tears ... i "saw it coming" and welcomed it, sensing it was something i had to work through, somewhere i wanted to go. Wasn't "with it" enough to communicate that to Master though, so He got a bit of a shock! He was immediately concerned and tender, i managed to assure Him i was OK and the tears were OK. So He just held me and rocked me till i cried myself out, and W/we talked about it later. i felt so good afterwards! i have cried tears of laughter and joy with Him though, and He loves those (especially when they follow a huge orgasm!).

Tears ... as long as the reason for them is discussed later ... are part of the many "normal" reactions to play!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 4

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 3:23:27 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
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MaamJay it sounds like both expereinces were good. When I sat and read your post I realised I hadnt even thought about the times we have both cried and there have been many out of love and laughter when we have played in both a vanilla and bdsm way, those have been very special times for us both.

I think because I automatically thought of crying in a negative way I just didnt think of those at all. I'm very cautious when it comes to humiliation. Giving it is something that doesnt come naturally to me. I dont think I would feel happy at all about making him cry by humiliating him in a strong way. If he seemed to want that a lot it would require a lot of talking it through and for me to be able to understand it completely why he felt he needed that. And I would still feel a bit odd then so I doubt that would ever happen bewteen us.

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Post #: 5

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 5:14:59 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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I fully believe that crying can be a catharsis. I am not a fan of heavy humiliation oh heck, even medium for that matter...so I can't speak to that...

Pain that causes tears when administered in a loving way brings us both to a place of release and contentment. I love it.

D~

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 6

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 5:29:53 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I've helped sub/slaves cry through both pain and through reflection; never humiliation because that's one kink I don't do.

Crying from pain is actually a bit scary to me because I want my partner to enjoy the pain. If he cries it almost automatically makes me assume something has gone wrong until I can check in.

Crying from reflection, getting him/her to talk about desires and feelings, is very erotic to me. To me it's a profound sense of trust and openness as well as a breakthrough in self-acceptance. It is powerful to help someone come to those levels of realization.

When anyone cries with me in scene I encourage them with words and caresses to continue because I think it can be a positive thing to do.

Someone who can't cry will bore quickly. Someone who cries too often tires me out. Neither is attractive to me and won't last long with me.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Red82)

Post #: 7

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 6:26:23 AM

DommeChains

Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline

I totally get the catharsis thru tears during a scene. I have bottomed a couple of times to a dominant friend/lover whom I trust to take me there through heavy play. It was the only way for me to release some long held emotional pain. He was merciless during the scene which allowed me to finally break down that inner barrier and let it rip. Afterwards he was loving, warm and tender but detached enough to not feel obligated to "fix" things for me.

One of my boys has come close a couple of times to breaking down and crying during a scene.....but he is not ready yet to purge himself that way. I hope that when he is I am able to give him the safety net he craves and the right balance of tenderness and concern during after care.

(in reply to Red82)

Post #: 8

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 8:06:19 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I fully believe that crying can be a catharsis. I am not a fan of heavy humiliation oh heck, even medium for that matter...so I can't speak to that...

Pain that causes tears when administered in a loving way brings us both to a place of release and contentment. I love it.

D~

.....agree with that completely!

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 9

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 8:46:54 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Red82

being broken down to the point of tears.

Having no/little rt experience myself this is just my perception so take it however you like.... I'm a strong willed and bullheaded individual but I have a feeling deep down inside that I'll probably have to be "broke" to tears at least once before I can completely and truly submit. Not sure how that will happen but deep down inside I think it's gonna be needed at least once.....jmo

(in reply to Red82)

Post #: 10

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 10:50:58 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

I have no experience with playing with a Mistress to speak of as I'm a straight female sub.
I do know there's a kink for arousal by tears section of some fetish checklists so indeed some Dominant people enjoy tears.
I thin kthe Mistresses here feel about the same way I as a sub feel. It may be a womans point of view vs a man's but I don't find humiliation to tears as hot or safe play for me personally. I think I'm not emotionally strong enough to be pushed to tears without damage that's long lasting for me.
If (HAHA I'm so not wired this way) I was a Mistress I don't think I'd feel in control or safe enough to make someone cry from humiliation without the burden of possibly doing real damage.
It would just be off limits for me.
Now could I could push in pain to tears if I was on top without worrying I'd done psychological damage.
suzanne

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 11

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 11:13:09 AM

Lucidian

Posts: 47
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

So i want to know if i am the only one that feels this way about tears, and if any of the Dominant's here have opinions on the matter.

To let her see me cry would be (to me at least) the ultimate form of trust.

I'm not an emotional person and if I do cry it's either because someone died or I stubbed my pinky toe!

_____________________________

-Devil's Advocate-

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 12

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 2:54:17 PM

Enyo

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline

Tears can be incredibly humbling...they are wonderful to share in any relationship and can cement a relationship unlike any other experience. I think this is partially why I prefer a relationship where the sub feels that they can cry if they need to/want to. I'd much rather see a sub cry then try to refrain from crying in fear of retribution.

I _do_ like humiliation play...but it's something that needs to be carefully evolved in my mind. I have to make absolutely certain that I am in the right place when I am using it during a scene and that my brain is in control of my tongue because I know that I can push it much too far without effort. I know that words can hurt permanently and I am very careful that I'm positive that the love and trust are the foundation before entering this type of play and I can't say enough about appropriate aftercare.

(in reply to Lucidian)

Post #: 13

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 4:01:31 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

In terms of 'giving', I cannot say that I am necessarily turned-on by tears, but if it seems as if 'going there' is appropriate, I'm certainly not afraid. Nor do I consider tears a 'safe word'. When I first started, I became concerned when a partner might cry, but I realized the health in it. We all have times when stress needs to be released in one way or another.

And it is that health that I have come to believe that many people should experience. I, for one, have never been taken to that place, but think that I would like to. Have I a dark side that needs to see daylight, or is it simply being 'played with' (however that manifests itself) to that extent that I want to see? I'm not certain.

One of these days, perhaps.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Red82)

Post #: 14

RE: Tears - 5/1/2007 5:49:39 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Oh, heck yes, crying is hot, and sometimes also quite emotionally fulfilling. Emotionally-motivated tears are fun, and physically-motivated crying is fun, too.

The word "dacryphilia" might help you out.

(in reply to Red82)

Post #: 15

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