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RE: Need help with wording - 5/1/2007 5:13:27 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
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Communication is a huge deal in any relationship. If they are not willing or able to discuss it, YOU may have to move on.

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/1/2007 6:59:46 PM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret

quote:

simply ask him. No games, no pussy footing around, no accusations. Simply ask him if he still wants to spend time with you.

Thank you, I have, again tonight even. Time will tell.

Be well,

I'm not sure I understand... time will tell what? You've asked. Are you waiting for him to answer, or to answer in the way that you want him to? Or are you waiting to see if you can live with his answer?

< Message edited by losttreasure -- 5/1/2007 7:01:33 PM >

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/1/2007 7:07:26 PM

sophia37

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" How would you advise a sub to get this out in the open? " You're already out in the open! Seems more to me, like you need to come in out of the cold! If you're the dog, then try biting the hand that feeds you once. See how that works.

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/1/2007 8:25:57 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
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From: central NH
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quote:

If they are not willing or able to discuss it, YOU may have to move on.

true

quote:

I'm not sure I understand... time will tell what? You've asked. Are you waiting for him to answer, or to answer in the way that you want him to? Or are you waiting to see if you can live with his answer?

I told him I am feeling empty (he already knows why), He said he understands and he’s trying. Then he made a joke, I told him it wasn’t funny. He said he knows but it was cute. I told him I didn’t think so considering, and that it made me wonder if he really understood how I feel. He said he does and feels the same way, and then he had to go. He wasn’t feeling good.

Time will tell what the next move is.

quote:

You're already out in the open!

Good point!

quote:

Seems more to me, like you need to come in out of the cold! If you're the dog, then try biting the hand that feeds you once. See how that works.

Due to the fact that I am running out ways to say “I need you”, the thought has crossed my mind. I’m not sure I am willing to risk everything on the chance it might work.

Just in case it does come to that, what would you suggest?

Thank you.

Be well,

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/1/2007 9:29:52 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well I don't see any actions towards the last steps of my post: Agree on specific new behaviors (at least temporarily) and then assess things later.

"Trying" is nice- "Three phone calls a week unless there's an emergency" is a clear, easily achieveable goal which will get everyone what they want (or at least is worth a try to start) and is a change in behavior to follow up with the feelings. It shows a prioritization above other things in life and gives you a regular ritual in which to feel secure.

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/1/2007 10:01:13 PM

gentlethistle

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KeirasSecret

I'd just like to put in a good word for your original analogy, even though most others seemed to hate it and advise that you don't use it. Actually, I'm not necessarily advising that you try using it with your owner either, because I don't know him...and I'm just some random stranger.

But I did want to make the point that for myself, a metophor often conveys or expresses an emotion more subtly and directly than bald, awkward statements of fact. Sometimes this can be frustrating if I realise that I can't actually describe a thing *as it is*, but only ever in relation to some connection it makes that triggers the same response. But it may be that metaphor is your natural way of expressing things too. I have no idea if it is something that your owner responds positively to, or whether he would, like some respondents here, just find it manipulative and obfuscating. I suppose I just wanted to stand up for the value of metaphor (or indeed simile, which is what yours actually was) in communications.

Laura

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/2/2007 4:19:13 AM

losttreasure

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret

quote:

I'm not sure I understand... time will tell what? You've asked. Are you waiting for him to answer, or to answer in the way that you want him to? Or are you waiting to see if you can live with his answer?

I told him I am feeling empty (he already knows why), He said he understands and he’s trying. Then he made a joke, I told him it wasn’t funny. He said he knows but it was cute. I told him I didn’t think so considering, and that it made me wonder if he really understood how I feel. He said he does and feels the same way, and then he had to go. He wasn’t feeling good.

Time will tell what the next move is.

*sighs* I'm sure many here will completely disagree with me, however...

You're a single mother of three who works a full time job. Are you busy?

What lengths would you go to to spend time with your dom?

What would it take to keep you away from him?

If he told you the same things you are telling to him, what would be your response?

What do your answers to the above indicate to you?

Are you willing to accept that?

LA made the comment that you should "own your own feelings". This means that you need to understand and accept that your feelings are just that... yours.

Just as what you feel towards him and your relationship is what you feel... the importance you place on him and the time you spend together is how you prioritize.

You also need to understand and accept that he may not feel exactly the same way. That is his perogative and you cannot change it.

And as I said before, you get to decide if you can live with and be happy about it.

If you can't...

quote:

ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret

Just in case it does come to that, what would you suggest?

The truth.

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/3/2007 4:18:34 AM

Eldritchdancer

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After reading this thread I have a few things to say that may sound mean:

1) The fact he made light of the situation means He doesn't get it or Doesn't Care.
2) Yes, he's busy. Life sucks. It's understandable. But if he cared about you he'd take time/make an effort to be with you/show He cares.
3) The fact he suddenly 'didn't feel well' was likely just an excuse to get away from a situation he didn't feel comfortable in.

Now, I can only base my thoughts/opinions on what has been said on this forum. I'm not there, I don't know either of you, etc.. So, take it as you will. But, if this was happening to one of my friends, I'd advise her to Get Out Now. It will either make him wake up and smell the roses, or willprove that he was already gone emotionally.

Master Darkmoon

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/3/2007 5:00:40 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

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Kiera,

Don't know you, don't know the nature of your relationship (LDR, phone, online, RL) but I do know this - if you've made repeated efforts to communicate and he's not trying, that's a huge Red Flag. Is this the conduct and revelations of character of the person you wish to give ownership to?

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/3/2007 5:54:51 PM

earthycouple

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I'm on board with LuckyAlbatross....

You have to state how you feel...don't state how he screws up or how you are this or that. Open communication starts with "Feeling" statements. "I feel X when Y happens."

D~

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RE: Need help with wording - 5/17/2007 5:10:30 PM

KeirasSecret

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From: central NH
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For the sake of a little closure, I’d like to thank those who responded to this thread.

To those that mentioned the “not so good” possibilities; thank you, I had wondered if I wasn’t going crazy. At times like these, it is not always easy to tell if one is being a loyal pet, or freakin’ idiot.

LA…. It took me a couple of tries but, I did manage to get that request in. He said it sounded like a great idea. We’ll be working out details asap.

MrDiscipline44…. Thanks for the push.

Satyrc6406….Hope you weren’t planning on rode kill. ;)

Everyone else… thank you for the ideas. I appreciate it.

k

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