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Padriag -> RE: Doms should show dominance everywhere (5/3/2007 7:17:08 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: VASDEF187
with a long term relationship it is easy to transform the sex into whatever you want it to be. sorry a im twenty and i am not really looking for a long term relationship with all sorts of emoltional investments. but i do like bondage and rough sex. for a while i found it difficult to mix my fetishes with my promiscuouity becasue i thought girls would think i am weird. what is cool is that most girls i've been with have liked my kinky side and found the sex to be very enjoyable. maybe more people are into or at least open to bdsm than i thought.
If you don't want to settle down with one girl, that's fine. By all means, have fun. Just be responsible about it. Right now BDSM has become quite a fad with a lot of people, you're probably just starting to figure out just how popular. There are a lot of people splashing around in the "shallow end of the pool." Nothing wrong with that. Here's what you don't seem to have quite figured out. You're now talking with people who regularly "scuba dive in the deep end of the pool" and what they're trying to tell you is that if you're serious about this then your methods won't work in the "deep end" and if you keep going the way you're going, you're gonna "drown."
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i think a lot of people are exaggerating how disrespectful i am to girls, i'm talking about little things like for example, i'll help a girl with her chemistry and make her feel a little dumb, but i still helped her right? or telling a girl her six in heels look really confortable and then challenge her to a foot race, or commanding girls to bring me food while im studying. these things show dominance, they are kinda dick but its all fun.
People play humiliation games all the time. But, don't mistake a game for dominance. What you're saying sounds like you need to make a girl feel dumb or insecure in order to dominate her. What happens when you run into a gal who isn't insecure and won't buy that? What happens when you start to realize the only gals you are attracting are the dumb, insecure, needy, clinging, likely to stalk you types? What happens when you start to realize there are some women out there who are a lot more interesting, that are now out of your reach? Which is what Michael was alluding to when he said this...
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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
No offense but you are unstoppable with little girls. Getting a strong independent woman who can have anyone she wants to be willing to bend her knee before you is an entirely different proposition.
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thanks for your posts, ive read them all. things change all the time and i am sure what i want out of women will too. but right now i think i am doing exactly what i am suppossed to.
Don't think it... be damn sure... cause if a lot of people with more experience than you are telling you you might want to rethink things... before you decide not to listen, you better be damn sure of yourself. In the end, its on you, you're the one who will have to deal with how it affects your life. Ain't my problem, isn't going to affect me if you turn out to be wrong.
quote:
ORIGINAL: VASDEF187
Why is there a correct way of incorporating bdsm into your life? Many of you seem very closed minded here which is actually the opposite of what i expected.
There are definitely some things that are wrong... and there are definitely some things that do work. What some are trying to tell you is, what you are doing now will not work for long. You have a very narrow and limited understanding of dominance, people who have a lot more experience with it are trying to get you to realize there is a lot more too it than being a lil pushy, a lil arrogant, a lil condescending, and getting laid. Actually, there's a lot more to it.
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For everyone that isn't in a monogomous relationship how do you go about finding people to have sex with? and how do you incorporate bondage into casual sex?
I attract them, plain and simple. I turn down more offers from others than I accept. I'm honest about who I am and what I want, by the time it comes to sex, they already know what I expect and what will happen.
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Women have to choose to have sex with me. The only way i thought i had a chance at that happening was by standing out. i stand out by being bold and occasionally saying some outlandish shit. one part of me says if its not broke don't fix it, ive been getting what i want. but maybe one of you has a better angle for me to try.
Did you ever consider maybe it is broke and you haven't enough experience to realize what you are missing? I'll agree with you, you need to stand out. I stand out. The question people are trying to get you to consider is how you choose to stand out.
You made the claim that dominants should be dominant everywhere. That's where we agree. Here's the thing, what you are describing isn't being dominant everywhere, its being dominant with some silly, insecure 20 somethings so you can get laid. Now if you're serious about being dominant, and being dominant everywhere, you need to rethink that. Because those methods are not going to work when you need a waiter to give you good service at a resteraunt (more likely they'll be spitting in your food when you aren't looking), your methods won't work at a job (where instead you most likely get you fired), and they won't work with people who are secure about themselves who will most likely just get pissed with you. Being an asshole, being arrogant, condescending, being a bully are the poorest forms of dominance, and some of the weakest.
If you really want to dominate people (anyone), learn to build them up, learn to make them feel better about themselves, learn to encourage them to try new things. So far sounds like all you've done is try to control their self esteem by lowering it. There's far more power in controling someone's self esteem by raising it.
So the question is, do you just want to get laid and have some kinky sex... or do you really want to be dominant? Deep end or the shallow end of the pool?
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