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Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as you ... - 5/4/2005 12:29:49 PM   
infyniti


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline 		I posted yesterday a thought about Long Term Relationships and how communication is essential. I was very surprised to see how many replied that many a Dom or male will run the other way if confronted with the long term relationship question. For me, it could well have been my age, I was in my late 30's at the time, had 2 kids that were getting out of high school and actually looking for an older Dom.
But, with all this said, it does bring a situation to mind. I had met many Dom's prior to the person I am with. I wanted to get to know them, befriend them, and lastly, I needed to feel safe, and the last thing anyone wants is to be restrained with someone who is NOT on your wave length nor does not know your limits etc.
In my doing this, apparently I was not acting the part of the true submissive, who would meet a person, and pretty do whatever they asked from the moment they met. My wanting to take things slowly seemed to confuse some. " I am Dom, you are sub, therefore you will now be controlled by Me."
I have talked to other Dom's who say that apparently this is more the norm than the unusual, they meet a sub in person and if things hit it off in a public place, they seem to end the evening by playing somewhere private, even to the point of having sex on the first "date" shall we say?
Honestly, does this happen most of the time? It just never worked for me. Not that there weren't a few that I wouldn't have really wanted to have hot play followed by hot sex with after the first hour but I really was trying to be the good girl. ( smile )
Anyone want to share what is their own personal style when meeting someone for the first time in person? I am feeling like I did this all wrong now.... Ok, though I am now the commited subbie wife, it is all history, but my curiousity really has me wondering.
Even Master says that it was never a problem to have a person he met to play with him on the first date even to the point of sex.
Wow.... feelin abit " non- slutty" here and I don't think I like it....
And do submissives who are looking for a long term relationship really try to put their best foot forward by doing " anything" for the new " Master" in order to make sure he remains the Master??
The psychology of all this is mind boggling for me at times. Sure, I wanted someone to flog me, spank me and make me serve them, but I really wasn't sure that was something I wanted after we had met and had one drink. I wanted them to think I actually had a brain, a personality, some wit... Okay, it doesn't always show here... ( ha ha) and a sensual side. To me, it seems that for some it is just one big game.
For me, I wanted to be as much the mental submissive as the physical one.
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/4/2005 12:36:30 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It depends on how/why we are meeting for the first time.

Personally, if chemistry is there and I feel good about it, sure I will have sex and play and all sorts of stuff on a first date, whether we've known eachother online before that or not.

But what matters here is the motivation, not the action.

Is the sub doing it because they are clueless and overwhelmed and not making a good judgement? Are they doing it because they don't feel they have a choice? Are they doing it because they don't know what else to do?

Or are they doing it because they honestly want to, feel it's right and best and know how to make a good discernment here?

(in reply to infyniti)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/4/2005 12:37:00 PM   
cellogrrlMK


Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		infyniti, I believe that "Master" is an honorific that must be earned. So in answer to the title of this thread my reply would be an unequivocable "NO"



cello

(in reply to infyniti)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/4/2005 1:09:32 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Many questions here...
First off the person you describe is indeed I feel the "norm"
Its all the "wannabes" that are the "I AM DOM WORSHIP ME NOW SLUT" types
and those are fairly easy to spot. But I am sure there are some who are fairly 'slick' at it.

Most true "Dom" types do NOT require you to call them by a title but prefer that they 'earn" that right and when it happens it will come naturally from you and be meaningful.

Yes I have met girls whom I have played with on the "first" date. I also have met girls who are very clear that we will NOT play. And I have met some who have been "burned" and want to be careful.. all is equally OK. I tend to enjoy things that may go "slowly" as it may become a lot more then a "date" but then there are those that just hit it right off.
and there are those who as a "fantasy" want to be chained and cuffed and taken and used and then never seen again. Again all is OK.
The Key is that its consentual and not a pressured situation.
Te big issue is Truth and openness. One should not "change" who they are for another regardless if the "love" them or not. To even attempt to do so is a sure sign that the relationship will NOT work. If one is "poly" interested and the other has a hardlimit on that then it will NOT work.



_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to infyniti)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/4/2005 1:16:29 PM   
BobcatsLilMinx


Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		The unquestioning "yes Master" does not leave my lips until his collar is around my throat, and I have submitted myself to him. Until I have begged to be his slave, and he has accepted my submission, I tend to make the rules. I decide where we meet (somewhere public, in an area I know, for my protection) and how far we take it. I do not EVER want to be in a vulnerable position with a man I can't trust, and I do not EVER want to belong to a man who "masters" me in the bedroom, and nowhere else. The best meetings are those where we sit and talk about what we want from a D/s relationship, and perhaps play with light obedience - nothing that puts me in an unsafe position, perhaps dictating what I should wear, or telling me to order and fetch the drinks, effectively serving. I just don't enjoy being used by any Master that comes a-callin'. Guess that makes me pretty non-slutty too *grins* But I want to feel the man is interested in what lies behind the pretty face, the pure physical does nothing for me. I'm a fiery lil Minx... I need a Master who can command my mind, not just my body. Course, being taken now, this isn't an issue anymore

(in reply to cellogrrlMK)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/4/2005 5:38:59 PM   
angelthighhighs


Posts: 104
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline 		usually my question to those type is this.... if i surrender to each and every Dom that i've spoken to, how specially would my submission to you be...would it be being submissive or would it just be being easy? they dont' usually like the question but that's their problem. i will not call anyone Master nor just obey them without question until i've gotten to know them, to care for them, to trust them and the desire to obey them and to surrender to them comes from my heart and soul. if they consider me not submissive enough for them that's their problem...i don't consider them Dominant enough for me for the one that receives that submission will not expect it from the beginning but realise he needs to earn my trust just as i need to earn his dominance.






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(in reply to infyniti)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/4/2005 7:11:57 PM   
darlingjade


Posts: 54
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline 		Unusual? Not for me it isn't.

I'll be honest and say that at the first meeting I'm so busy processing as much information about the man as I can that, quite frankly, if asked afterwards I can't even tell you honestly if the man is attractive.

I also happen to be incredibly shy and awkward in social situations and know it so I tend to be too nervous to even consider more than a handshake. That, and grrr, I'm also very physically reserved by nature and upbringing so it takes me some time to adjust to someone touching me. Oh, and errr I'm also a teensy bit on the cautious side.

All of that said, I love the aniticipation and build up of a slow knowing of someone. After all, you only get one first kiss, etc. So I tend to enjoy and savor each small step towards intimacy.

(in reply to angelthighhighs)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/4/2005 7:21:51 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
mental and sexual submission?
whoo hoo girl now your talkin.
i've *tried* to be a good girl too, i've been berated for not
being *correct* and using some self gifted title both online
and in person, and confused some when i'd assure them not
a thing was gonna happen.
But......... i blew that good girl right
out of the water when i met my *stalker* not too long ago.
then again we'd spent months exchanging Nilla talk
thru an IM box, at least enough for me to know i had
to meet this man. Maybe it was that i felt no pressure,
maybe it was *chemistry*, maybe maybe maybe who know's
but i'm glad i did. ..........
seem's Q's a slut after all.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to darlingjade)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/4/2005 10:39:48 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		In a direct answer to the question posted as the title for the thread.........no. Titles and commands will evolve with the relationship. There is though usually a very specific awareness of our respective roles, especially when discussing D/s issues.

I have in the past met people for the first time and played. Thankfully nothing I've regretted. I've also met people for the first time and not played. However, definitely more did not than did. I now though specifically make it clear that I will not play at first and actually those that I meet now tend to prefer it that way also. I don't think of this as it was wrong to do it before, it's just now I am more sure of what I am looking for and at this time, that is a long term relationship and I feel that requires a lot of discussion and getting to know each other.

I truly understand that strong desire to break that dang rule, and have been talking to and meeting with someone recently who feels it is important to wait and thank goodness, because in this case my resolve would be gone, lol. (And thank goodness I think his is almost gone too, lol.) But I am very interested in getting to know him as a person, as a man, and a Dom, and am very glad that he feels the same way, to know me as a person, a woman, and as a submissive.

Be well and play safe,

harmony

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/5/2005 5:01:09 AM   
infyniti


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline 		I would agree that it all depends on the person. I think some problems arise when a Dom meets several submissives who say " yes" to anything on that first date.
I did that before I met Master, I met a man on line, that of course led to the phone, then we even had the webcam thing going, I could hear his voice, see his mannerisms so to speak. We decided to meet after about 3 months. He flew to an airport about 2 hours from where I lived. I had alot of passion built up for this person. He had alot of expectations. The moment we met, it was like instant Master/slave. All the playing ended in my climaxing. I felt so bad as afterwards, something hit me, I didn't want to be with this person. I felt awful. There was such a built up on my part prior to our meeting, and all along his telling me how wonderful things were going to be etc. Well, I tried to be polite the rest of the evening. We went to dinner, a movie. We even spent the night together as we rented a motel way in advance. Nothing happened that night or after . Nothing. The next morning, I spilled out all my feelings, to which he said he could change my mind. I was so clear that he couldn't , but I agreed to spend a day near the coast with him. We agreed to " talk" only. The day went well enough, but on the way back he wanted to start to play again, when I told him I wanted to leave, he said I couldn't... said it was time to resume our " roles" again. Being one of those people pleasing people, I had a really hard time telling him NO. It was completely awful, we had my vehicle, he needed to pick up some work in the area and asked me to wait in the car while he ran in to get it, I left him there!! Worse yet? He left his cell phone in the car!!! I had it sent back via FED EX the next morning.
Being 3 states apart again, he felt the need to send me a long email about his past experiences and how I was a terrible submissive, how I would never find someone, how much he disliked me. I found the delete key and tried to take another look at myself, I still saw the submissive, I just needed to make some rules for myself.
I never talked to him again. Four months later, he emailed me again to tell me that he had found a submissive and they were very happy and his life was wonderful. Apparently, he just found a " need" to do this. I never replied.
I believe it is all about learning. We all need to find our place within the lifestyle. Trial and error? Maybe.
That was ages ago now but I look back at it as a learning experience. One that probably helped form me.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/5/2005 6:12:50 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelthighhighs
if i surrender to each and every Dom that i've spoken to, how specially would my submission to you be...

As special as it was the first time. To me that's like saying how many people can you fall in love with, being poly, it has nothing to do with numbers.

If I do something, sincerely and because I want to, then it doesn't matter if I do it to everyone or only one. If someone does it insincerely, then it's not special at all, even if they do it with just one.

This is why active sluts get a bad name- somehow it can't mean something if they do it a lot or with a lot of people. False of course.
quote:


would it be being submissive or would it just be being easy?

Can't it be both? Is there something wrong with being easy? I thought submissives liked being compliant and helpful to the ones they felt connected to submitting to?

Oh that's right, we're supposed to TEST and make them PROVE THEIR WORTH.

quote:

i don't consider them Dominant enough for me for the one that receives that submission will not expect it from the beginning but realise he needs to earn my trust just as i need to earn his dominance.


That's cool with me, in fact I operate the same way- I have to feel a connection to someone (with the obvious caveat of what the Owner wants) in order to submit to them. I just don't put a time or number limit on it.


(in reply to angelthighhighs)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/5/2005 12:47:26 PM   
darlingjade


Posts: 54
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline 		grrr....I see that I didn't answer the main part of the question. Sorry ya'll my brain is overloaded these days.

So to answer the question. No, because I do not use those terms lightly. Since I've yet to be collared I've never used the term Master. Well, other than a couple of times when forced to say it during play.

As for Sir? Again, I don't use that term lightly either. My last Sir didn't become a Sir to me until probably 5-6 months into the r/t relationship after an incredibly emotional and intimate moment we shared.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/7/2005 12:02:28 AM   
TolerableCruelty


Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		errmmm, yeah, it depends on the person/people involved usually. Although I've met fellow Gorean lifestylers whose girls called Me "Master" at the very first introduction....but its a sign of respect there, and I'm sure their Master had informed them to follow protocol of His choosing. In My opinion, I could care less... I'm just Trav, but think no less or more of a girl that calls Me "Master, Master Trav, Master TC" or anything else...

btw, in My state, its the law....
http://www.jamesfuqua.com/lawyers/jokes/sex_laws.shtml#Illinois

-Trav-

(in reply to darlingjade)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/16/2005 9:50:53 PM   
SirSTRYKER


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/15/2004
Status: offline 		To Me, the title Master is personal. I do not readily accept the sub is a true sub just because she says she is, and I know most subs don't accept a Dom on His name alone either. Respect is earned by B/both and don't worry time weeds out imposters. So I'd have to go with no to the question.

_____________________________

B.O.H.I.C.A. (bend over here it comes again.)

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/16/2005 10:02:31 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		My dom and I have been together over 6 year's now. Master is yet to leave my mouth.


(in reply to infyniti)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/28/2005 10:49:14 AM   
masterdarkthorn


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline 		No...there is no obligation to adress him as master.

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/29/2005 10:00:00 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

infyniti, I believe that "Master" is an honorific that must be earned. So in answer to the title of this thread my reply would be an unequivocable "NO"


I agree 100%. My dom and I have been together over 6 year's and I still do not call him Master. Agree'd upon...we have 2 more month's and he gets the title.

(in reply to cellogrrlMK)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 5/29/2005 11:01:33 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		YEA I AGRE I INSIST THAT ANY SUBB WHO WANTS TO MET ME HAS TO SAY YES AMSTER EVEN AT THE FIRST MEETNIG BECAUSE LIKE OTHERWISE SHES NOT SUMBISIVE RIGHT?

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 6/14/2005 3:03:01 PM   
fillepink


Posts: 124
Status: offline 		i have this same problem/question. i get tons (well, alot) of email from men who have entitled themselves "Sir(enternamehere) or Lord or Master; and i do not use the honorific when i write back; and they are generally upset about it..but gee whiz..i intend to call only one Man my Dom..and hopefully W/we will not use silly honorifics..but i suppose if it pleases Him W/we will. to me, it's pretty simple..not every kid has to call me "mommy"; only the one i gave birth to. and i cannot understand why these men get so figety when they are not addressed in an initial response -- which is very polite -- without using the titles they awarded themselves. fillepink




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RE: Do you just say " Yes Master" as soon as ... - 6/14/2005 3:32:18 PM   
URmine1


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/7/2005
Status: offline 		I think it is soley down to the participating couple. Idont expect anyone to call me "Sir", "Master" or whatever until i am in a relationship with them the same goes for other peoples subs unless it is there Domss wish, which I will go along with to keep a harmony for them in their relationship.
The same goes for "play" & "Sex" on a first meet or what ever meet it happens to be. It is down to how you and your "new friend". If your not comfortable with it dont do it. It is a "joint" decisison meaning "both" parties are happy with it.
If anyone insists on it walk away.
It isnt something you should worry about, if the person is for you they will understand.

(in reply to fillepink)
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