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help? - 5/2/2007 12:04:45 PM

KissThis

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline

how would u advise some1 thats just entering the lifestyle?

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 12:15:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Do not make any commitments for at least six months.

My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KissThis)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 12:15:22 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Find or order books on the subjects that you find interesting. Read.

In the meantime, find 'groups' in your general area that you can meet people in real life to start building 'friendly' relationships. Learn all you can.

Certainly you want to get started 'participating', but taking a little time to get your feet under you and feeling safe enough to do so takes a short while.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to KissThis)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 12:34:31 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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I agree with the others READ. Also be patient don't jump at the first Dom that shows intrest wait until you find a match. Took me a year and some even longer.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to mstrjx)

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Post #: 4

RE: help? - 5/2/2007 2:05:07 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Remember when you let someone tie you up you literally put your life in their hands,

remember to check references of the Doms who say they are experienced and want to play with you (if they have no references move on because they burned the bridges behind them for some reason or another),

don't agree to meet people privately till they've met you in public at say a coffee shop, restaurant, a mall or some place that you will not be alone with them,

be careful who you give your home number to as they can figure out where you live before you're ready for them to have that info,

know the Dom/Top's trained in the avenue of play you're choosing to follow on with them in before you let him play with you as if he's not you may be permanently damaged or can even be killed by accident,

just because you choose to be a sub does not give any Dom the right to order you to do a damn thing or expect you to treat any Dom in any special way unless you've chosen to. Before you submit to them you have all the rights you had before you became a sub when it comes to dating and making choices in how to do that or how to behave,

trust your gut if something throws up a red flag warning for you follow that instinct and trust your instinct more than what you hear from others as many say all the right things,

find a sub your respect in your local area to mentor you and help you get acclimated to the whole BDSM world where you live,

And lastly before you give your submission to a Dom only participate in the things you want to do for yourself, don't do things with people you really don't want to just to get them off your list. If you don't feel you want to do something don't be pressured to do it for someone else as this is your choice and your life.

Good luck, be safe, and if you ever need a friend who can keep her mouth shut and your conversations confidential if need be on the other end feel free to write me any time.
I'd be more than glad to help you or find someone that can help you if you have a question or problem.
suzanne

(in reply to KissThis)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 3:06:24 PM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
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Read books, read online sights, and stay here and learn from those who give rational reasoning. Then once you have a handle on some the vocab, go out and meet some people in real life. You can meet some from the computer, but realize that these are not real life BDSM it is more a play thing. Though i learned alot from the first few Doms i met over the net and felt safe in a way as using them as stepping stones.

You will get thousands of e-mails, so be easy on yourself. Don't expect to reply to everyone. Many of us have come to a point of what those limits are, and you will find yours too. It could be distance, age, or just those emails that show they didn't read your profile and aren't creative enough to send you a letter longer then three words. I was told by a dear friend of mine that it annoys him and he actually deams as fake subs when they don't reply to his well thought out emails. So remember, to at least send a thank you when you can...but not required. (He got an ear full on thinking that way from the subs point of view.)

Oh and let your imagination run wild...it is the fun part of being in this lifestyle.

(in reply to onestandingstill)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 4:05:05 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
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i would also advise someone to read as much as they possibly could and not get involved in anything right away. Unfortunately, there are some unscrupulous folks who say they are in the lifestyle who aren't. The more you read the easier it would seem to be to see that something someone does is a "red flag".

minnetar

(in reply to KissThis)

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Post #: 7

RE: help? - 5/2/2007 4:33:58 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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I know people here have mentioned online forums...that's fine. Just remember that they can be a double edged sword, so take everything said with a grain of salt. It may not be a lie, but it may not be true for you.

Learning the vocabulary will come fairly quickly, but knowing yourself is a much harder task than people realize.

Just remember...if you don't know what you want, how will you find it?

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to KissThis)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 6:24:52 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

I know people here have mentioned online forums...that's fine. Just remember that they can be a double edged sword, so take everything said with a grain of salt. It may not be a lie, but it may not be true for you.

Learning the vocabulary will come fairly quickly, but knowing yourself is a much harder task than people realize.

Just remember...if you don't know what you want, how will you find it?

Grrr..took the words right from my mouth spanklette..:0)..Tempting

(in reply to spanklette)

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Post #: 9

RE: help? - 5/2/2007 6:40:49 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Read a lot and figure out what you do and don't want. Don't allow anyone to push you into something you don't want. There is no reason to try to do everything overnight, it will all still be there in six months or six years.

Compatibility and communication are key, like they are in any other relationship. And like every other relationship, it won't be successful unless both parties needs are met.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 7:18:13 PM

IrishMist

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I would second what LA said; no commitments for 6 months.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to KissThis)

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Post #: 11

RE: help? - 5/2/2007 7:58:22 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Grrr..took the words right from my mouth spanklette..:0)..Tempting

You were obviously thinking out loud.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 8:07:04 PM

moki1984

Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
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trust your instincts and follow your desires

(in reply to spanklette)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 8:25:01 PM

Casie

Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
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Read, I suggestion Sm 101, the loving dominant, screw the roses send me thorns, Erotic surrender: The sensual joys of female submission. And the website castlerealm.com The message boards are a desent place to ask your questions, but like others said take it with a grain of salt. Get involved in your local community. Make sure you are careful. Don't play with someone whom you litterally wouldn'y trust with with your life, and I agree you should defintally not get involved for a while.

(in reply to KissThis)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 8:26:24 PM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
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Do yourself a favor and find like-minded folks in real life. Educational societies such as TES, BESS, WHIP, or any of the ones across the nation are excellent places to meet others and learn from presentations, classes, and play parties.

The online world can be very skewed so the perspective of real-life interactions is valuable. There is an appropriate place for both the internet and real-time interactions.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to moki1984)

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RE: help? - 5/2/2007 8:41:26 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
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And if someone asks you to cam on the first meet, and tells you that you aren't a real sub if you don't cyber or masturbate in front of the cam ... eh ... probably a very bad and highly suspect way to enter the lifestyle. There are a lot of HNGs hanging around looking for inexperienced young women and men to manipulate for free wank material.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Tapestry)

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RE: help? - 5/3/2007 12:01:08 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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slow and steady wins the race!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to slaveish)

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RE: help? - 5/4/2007 3:28:47 PM

subboi3382

Posts: 379
Joined: 8/4/2005
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easy into it and try a lot of different things

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

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RE: help? - 5/4/2007 6:46:32 PM

mnottertail

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I; I took the one less traveled by---

Robt. Frost

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: help? - 5/16/2007 6:12:54 PM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

Get into the community and get to know more experienced people.

Differentiate between experienced in theory and experienced from practice, listen to both but believe the latter a shade more.

Keep an open mind, experiment.

Don't do something you're not comfortable with. Don't meet someone you're not comfortable with.

Be prepared to make mistakes and learn from them.

Understand that things happen with time. Be patient.

The more experience you have may result in it being harder for you to find who or what you are seeking and it taking longer to find it. Don't give up.

Trust. Communication. Consent. These three words are the basis.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to KissThis)

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