No Time

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littleone35 -> No Time (5/3/2007 12:40:53 PM)
I was talking to a friend the other day (no it's not me). She has been with her Master for 2 years and is collared but in those 2 years she has only seen him a handful of times (they don't live that far away an hour tops). They talk on the phone almost every day if she can get him. She has invested her whole heart in this relationship. She told me he is thinking about releasing her because he does not have much time for her. He never had much time for her but she thought it would get better . He did not tell her to start he would not have much time. My question is if he knew he was not going to have much time for her do you think he should have collared her in the first place? Matt's littleone

DianeB269 -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 12:43:08 PM)
Makes me think he's married. Diane

MadameStar -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 12:48:03 PM)
totally agree or is in some sort of relationship full time

littleone35 -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 12:50:34 PM)
No he is not married she has his home # if he was married he would nto have given her that. At least i don't think he would. And she is allowed to call him any time of the day or night(she also has his work #) Matt's littleone

gardenia100 -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 12:54:49 PM)
Different people want different things in life and in relationships. If time together and a future was something that was important to her she should have made sure they were on the same page to start with before she accepted his collar. As you said she thought it would get better, maybe to him it was good just the way it was. I don't see him any more at fault then her, I'm assuming they are both resonably functioning adults. They just didn't ask all the right questions before they offered and accepted a collar. Chalk it up to a learning experiance and be more aware before she accepts the next one of what she really wants and what hes really willing to give. Barbara

jaxbeachgirl -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 12:56:26 PM)
He deserves her HOW?! This is only her real life being wasted. What is it about her he truly doesn't like? Because when a man likes a woman, he MAKES time. He's jerking her around to meet a twisted need he can't communicate. Maybe she puffs up his ego? I'd guess she's not great looking, or for some other reason doesn't meet his need for society--she meets his need for companionship, pretend dominance, whatever--but sounds to me like he has free phone sex. Tell her to MOVE ON.

MstrssPassion -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 12:56:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 No he is not married she has his home # if he was married he would nto have given her that. At least i don't think he would. And she is allowed to call him any time of the day or night(she also has his work #) Matt's littleone Maybe he is honestly just not interested in anything beyond what he has offered & she has expressed that she needs more.. or at least he has picked up that she needs more than he can offer. If this is true then releasing her is the most honorable thing he can do since it will free her to find what she needs. Only he can answer this

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 1:01:20 PM)
He was willing to put forth the commitment he shows to her. She accepted it. Unless he lied and gave her a false impression that things would change and then didn't- no one really did anything wrong to the other person here.

MstrssPassion -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 1:01:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jaxbeachgirl He deserves her HOW?! This is only her real life being wasted. What is it about her he truly doesn't like? Because when a man likes a woman, he MAKES time. He's jerking her around to meet a twisted need he can't communicate. Maybe she puffs up his ego? I'd guess she's not great looking, or for some other reason doesn't meet his need for society--she meets his need for companionship, pretend dominance, whatever--but sounds to me like he has free phone sex. Tell her to MOVE ON. what... you aren't going to point out that he is an abuser as well??? geezzzus... don't you think you're over reacting just a tiny bit?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 1:03:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion what... you aren't going to point out that he is an abuser as well??? geezzzus... don't you think you're over reacting just a tiny bit? Don't you know if a woman isn't happy, it's because the man didn't act right? Women never have to take any responsibility for their own choices or their consequences.

MstrssPassion -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 1:07:32 PM)
ohhhh, thats right.... silly me [sm=ofcourse.gif]

KatyLied -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 1:09:41 PM)
I think he's active in another relationship.

littleone35 -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 1:42:15 PM)
jaxbeach girl just cause she want more of his time you think she is not attractive?????? She is not a supermodel (not many people are) but she is pretty. Why she hooked up with him i don't know, but he is what she wanted. I am gonna give her your advice however to move on she deserves better, a Master who is looking for a real relationship. Matt's littleone

Aubre -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 1:56:12 PM)
I agree , he's poly but wants her to be mono.

mstrjx -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 1:58:17 PM)
This is what you are telling 'us': The Dom does not have time for her, although the amount of time she has been with him has never been great, for the little distance there is between them. He is thinking about releasing her. She has his home and business telephone numbers. She has always hoped for more time, but it never came to pass. These, as I've read are the facts. Maybe there's another relationship, maybe not. Maybe he's coming to the realization that he's not being fair to her, maybe not. Maybe she's been to his home, maybe not (and maybe it's not relevant). Maybe she's in another primary relationship, and there are implications of her allowing more time of her own. But what you're not really saying is how 'she' (really) feels about all of this. Is it you posing this question independent of her, or is this her question. If it's your question, maybe what we are not understanding is that on some level she is all right with this situation, save for 'wanting' more time. An hour distance, if it were me I would be with this woman several times a week if not daily. Overnights, weekends. But we really don't know enough of the whole picture to allow for what should be easily casting aspersions on him alone. Jeff

windchymes -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 2:50:55 PM)
Look, if he wanted to make time for her, he would. To paraphrase Greg Behrent (sp?). he's just not that into her.

littleone35 -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 3:45:25 PM)
She is not on CM so i am posing this question for her Mstrjx. Mayby you are right windchymes. Thank you all for you answers i will make sure she gets them. Matt's littleone

mp072004 -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 3:56:24 PM)
I think it is important to consider your available time and energy when entering a relationship, especially when you're nurturing multiple relationships (which, by the way, is a perfectly okay thing to do!!) It's fine to enter a relationship with the understanding that there will be little time invested in it, and it's best to know that going in. Over the course of two years, it's quite reasonable that time demands and desires to change, both within the relationship, and outside it. Availability changes over time because people determine that they want to organize their time in different ways. If a person determines that he or she no longer wants to invest his or her available leisure time in a relationship, including a d/s relationship, it's perfectly okay to end it. Some sadness is likely, especially if one party wants to continue and the other does not, but there really isn't any wrongdoing in such a situation.

slavegirljoy -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 4:11:25 PM)
*Maybe* he didn't know that he wouldn't have much time for her when they started. Maybe her expectations of what they would have together was very different from his. Maybe she misread what he had told her. *Maybe* they each have a different idea of what giving/recieving a collar means. *Maybe* he wanted to have more time with her, but couldn't because of his job or other obligations. Maybe, as time went on and he got to know her better, he realized she wasn't the one he wanted to spend time with. The possibilities are endless. The lesson is that people need to be very honest and open, from the very start, about what they seek, what they want, what they expect, what they are capable of and not capable of doing, and what they are willing and not willing to do, before they enter into any type of "serious" relationship with each other. Make sure you are very much in agreement with each other about what the relationship will and will not entail before accepting a collar and investing your whole heart in the relationship (how anyone can invest their whole heart in a relationship that flounders for 2 years and that has little time for growing, i can't understand.) Bottom line: There are no guarantees in having a collar, just as there are no guarantees in having a ring or anythig else. Shoot, people get tatoos all the time with their one true love's name, sometimes with the word "Forever", only to have to have it removed later on after they part. People can be very fickle and unpredictable and that's why it's better to know before you leap what you are getting into and who it is your getting in with. That's how i see it, any way. slave joy Owned property of Master David quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 I was talking to a friend the other day (no it's not me). She has been with her Master for 2 years and is collared but in those 2 years she has only seen him a handful of times (they don't live that far away an hour tops). They talk on the phone almost every day if she can get him. She has invested her whole heart in this relationship. She told me he is thinking about releasing her because he does not have much time for her. He never had much time for her but she thought it would get better . He did not tell her to start he would not have much time. My question is if he knew he was not going to have much time for her do you think he should have collared her in the first place? Matt's littleone

spanklette -> RE: No Time (5/3/2007 4:23:34 PM)
If the relationship is not fulfilling for her, then it's her call. From what you said it doesn't seem like the situation is likely to change. Ultimately, the decision will be up to them...or just one of them...but it's their decision to make. I don't feel I have the right to sit in judgement on a relationship I know nothing about. If I were you...I would merely be supportive and not push her in either direction. It's her choice to make. Be a friend and support whatever decision she makes, regardless of whether you think it's the right one. It's her life, let her live it.

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