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RE: No Time - 5/3/2007 4:58:49 PM

andreaC

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No, if he knew he didnt have much timefor her, why did he collared her???

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RE: No Time - 5/3/2007 6:23:06 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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Maybe he thought she understood the circumstances or maybe she agreed to them and now has second thoughts. I was once in LDR with a dom from Florida and it when on for 3 years. I was happy with the way things were for 3 years. Then one day I wasn't and told him about it. He blew it off, I become more unhappy and asked for my release. LDR's are hard and only wor if everyone agrees on how things will be and understands that.

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RE: No Time - 5/3/2007 8:39:56 PM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: andreaC

No, if he knew he didnt have much timefor her, why did he collared her???

Same reason people give & receive collars when they have never met one another. She asked for it, he gave it or he offered it & she accepted it.

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RE: No Time - 5/3/2007 8:43:43 PM

FelinePersuasion

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No.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

My question is if he knew he was not going to have much time for her do you think he should have collared her in the first place?

Matt's littleone

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 12:36:05 AM

MissOchistic

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i don't really think it matters why or who else. Whether he's married or not or if it's perfectly honest or not, they are not making eachother happy and need to leave the relationship and move on.

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 12:46:05 AM

m0rgan

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could it not be just that either the "newness" has worn off, or just boredom? maybe by one, or the other. while a reason might be articulated to you, that doesn't mean it is the actual reason! bollix to relationship mumbo-jumbo, sometimes people get bored with what is, and want what isn't!

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 12:50:33 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

He never had much time for her but she thought it would get better .

My question would be 'why did she think it would get better?"

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 4:34:34 AM

windchymes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

He never had much time for her but she thought it would get better .

My question would be 'why did she think it would get better?"

Perhaps "hoped" it the better verb there. She "hoped" it would get better.

The question is, did he give her reason to hope, or was she just having wishful thinking, or was she in total denial, believing what she wanted to believe, rather than what really was?

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 4:41:10 AM

Areflectionofyou

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the same thing happened to me a few years back, it was only good if he had time for me....after some creative questions from me i realized that he kept d/s seperate from his "real" life. He had been dating vanilla outside of building a relationship with me. I was hurt and angry b/c he promised more for me than what he had ever intended on giving. My motto is honesty at all costs...i wish it was his too.

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 5:51:35 AM

daddysliloneds

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sometimes people do things for a mirad of reasons; it doesn't mean that those reasons were always selfish or bad, so i have no definite answer to this: should he have collared her in the first place question...

having time for someone isn't just a matter of physical time spent together; sometimes having time for someone is more of a 'being able to take responsibility for them' kind of thing, and that is doable when it comes to emotional needs, even when time together is far and few between...

when that part of the equation is no longer doable, then release is a very valid option and something that a 'good' dom, in my opinion, would do.

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 6:59:15 AM

MrDiscipline44

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

I was talking to a friend the other day (no it's not me). She has been with her Master for 2 years and is collared but in those 2 years she has only seen him a handful of times (they don't live that far away an hour tops). They talk on the phone almost every day if she can get him. She has invested her whole heart in this relationship. She told me he is thinking about releasing her because he does not have much time for her. He never had much time for her but she thought it would get better . He did not tell her to start he would not have much time.

My question is if he knew he was not going to have much time for her do you think he should have collared her in the first place?

Matt's littleone

Unlike others, I'm just going to stick to the question as posed and not try to be a third-hand wanna-be relationship counselor whose only going to make up implications that aren't really there.

That being said, yes, he should have collared her. At the time, the relationship fulfilled some part of both of them enough to warrant the giving and accepting of the collar.

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 7:05:11 AM

windchymes

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I'd rather be a third-hand wannabe relationship counselor and be interesting than a second-rate wannabe know-it-all.

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RE: No Time - 5/4/2007 11:58:59 PM

FelinePersuasion

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When I begged to stay w/ith a dom who had next to no time, I thought it'd get better because you can not be always busy to the extream 24/7. There's vacation time, and there's hours off work, days off, and he eventually got a cell phone which meant easier contact at random times, And surely someone who had a submissive he wanted to see regularly would eventually have better living conditions than when we met. There's quite a lot of reasons to hope it'll get better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

He never had much time for her but she thought it would get better .

My question would be 'why did she think it would get better?"

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RE: No Time - 5/5/2007 2:06:33 AM

katinkka

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I live about 4/5 hours away from my Dom.. We are also both married to other people and have small children. We are still able to meet on almost a weekly basis. I guess because we BOTH want to and BOTH make the time. Anything less than this wouldn't meet my needs and would be a total waste of time. Why do people settle for so much less than they deserve!?

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RE: No Time - 5/5/2007 4:59:17 PM

swtnsparkling

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quote:

My question is if he knew he was not going to have much time for her do you think he should have collared her in the first place?

sure why not

my question: If she was not happy with the amount of time he gives, or she gets- why did she accpet the collar?

In the begining stages did she ever bother to ask him just how much available time he would have to be with her?

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RE: No Time - 5/5/2007 7:44:10 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

My question is if he knew he was not going to have much time for her do you think he should have collared her in the first place?

The thing is in general if this situation occurred without the dom being married, dominants cannot predict the future, and hindsight is 20/20

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/5/2007 7:48:27 PM >

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RE: No Time - 5/5/2007 7:59:54 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Such a shame this happened to your friend..and that she now realizes that she is not in any way shape or form a priority in his life..she is simply a convenience, and she now knows it..Face it people, many go into a relationship with some things left unsaid..you can talk til the cows come home and you will never cover all eventualities..yes she knew at beginning that he was not coming over often..does this mean that she can NEVER expect that to change.We all have busy lives, and at TIMES those lives can be even busier,but on a constant 2 year scale..nope..he simply just never made room for her...