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Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 4:04:41 PM

DaddyDeSade

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

I don't think of myself as a scary fellow. Not exactly a teddy bear no matter how hairy I may be, but I am not the type that reduces children to tears with my very prescence. Yet today i got what I believe to be the fifth girl I have never spoken to, never even looked at her profile, who says that she is blocking me just to make sure I never contact her. She says she doesn't think she could handle that. Exactly what does she suppose I'd do? To me this falls under the same banner as girls I emailed before I moved asking what they thought of living in whatever town they were in. These were respectfully put research questions about where they lived. Weather, economy, if there was a community there. And I got back very angry letters about how I was too old or too fat or too whatever and they weren't interested. It's like, 'fine I don't care I was just asking a question.' I'd say what happened to a sense of fellowship in the community. But I am not sure there ever was one. So instead I will ask, has there ever been a sense of fellowship in this community. If so, where?

Post #: 1

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 4:14:53 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Well, you've got a couple of things to consider. One...you're online. People will do and say things that they would never dream of doing or saying in real life. Two...I think sometimes the forums give a false sense of community. Really, we're just a bunch of strangers sharing thoughts and ideas. Sure, you can get to know a lot about a person's online persona, but you never really know if that's real or not.

I don't waste too much thought on it. If you told me you were a "Liger"...I'd say, "Okay." And then we'd move on from there. This is online...people can be anyone they have enough imagination to think up. I wouldn't put too much stock in any sense of community from an online forum.

That being said, there are many here who's opinions I have come to consider more than others. There are others who's opinions I take into much less consideration.

The bottom line is, how much power are you going to allow people who are online to have over you?

< Message edited by spanklette -- 5/3/2007 4:15:20 PM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 2

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 4:43:34 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

Which community? The online? NOPE...no fellowship. The BDSM? Oh yes....I find much fellowship within my local BDSM community. I can't imagine why you would hear things like you mention. I always try to at least say "no thank you" when approached by someone I'm not interested in and when asked a ligit question I always act nicely...I like knowing my opinion matters...

I wish you luck and for the record....your profile is close to the kind I would respond to, were I in search of a Dominant. Your pictures are fun and I like big rough hairy guys....ask my husband. Thought that "daddy" part freaks me a bit..but that's me, not you...I don't do age play. You seem well educated, interesting and fun.

D~

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 3

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 5:00:30 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings daddydesade,

i don't think there is much of a sense of fellowship here. i think some posters are closer to each other than others; for example, i know olorin in real life so of course we are going to have a bit of a rapport, and i have a great deal of respect for other posters like knight and his girls, ravensmuse, luckyalbatross, fukintroll, etc. so of course i will probably respond differently to them than i might to other posters.

the fact is, cm isn't really meant to be a fellowship - it's a place to learn and throw out ideas and discuss, but it's a message board, not like the homey communities you might get in smaller groups or on boards about other subjects. for example, i post on three other boards, one of which is sort of a mental health support group (and i am a mod there). it's a mostly closed community and for the purpose of making it a safe haven, a lot of the things that go on here couldn't go on in that community - it's much more moderated than cm. likewise, the other two boards i post on, one i own and one i help mod, are based around a book series and are meant to build a real sense of community and fellowship between the members. so again, aside from the smaller population, which probably makes a difference, in the spirit of preserving community, a lot of the behavior here would simply not be acceptable.

then again, i can't imagine collarme being like any of the other boards i post on...that would take a lot away from its appeal as a personals site and as a place to share information, disagree, etc. while i do enjoy the sense of community i get from other boards, and i'd love to have that here, it would mean giving up a lot of what makes collarme collarme...horny net geeks and all ;)

annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 4

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 5:19:53 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

To me this falls under the same banner as girls I emailed before I moved asking what they thought of living in whatever town they were in. These were respectfully put research questions about where they lived. Weather, economy, if there was a community there. And I got back very angry letters about how I was too old or too fat or too whatever and they weren't interested.

Look at the bright side -- at least they wrote back. Usually we see fellas in here complaining they get no response at all, so you're miles ahead of them!

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 5

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 6:15:47 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Online is full os so many different people. It has a mixture of people that are genuine and those that are not. So its hard for a sense of fellowship to develop when no one is on the same page. You have to take what you see and hear on the internet with a grain of salt.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 6

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 9:39:47 PM

BondageTopJere

Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Look at the bright side -- at least they wrote back. Usually we see fellas in here complaining they get no response at all, so you're miles ahead of them!

* Snorts coffee out of his nose *. Too funny!

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 7

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 11:29:50 PM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

I did a post about this, not so very long ago. I think the yawning chasm between what men say and what ladies hear is showing itself, again.

I'd like to know where: "I'd like to know if you know of any good, clean, dungeons, in your area since I am anticiapting a move there" turns into "Oh, and I want to tie you up and do stuff to you that a decent person wouldn't do to farm animals".

Seriously, my own peeve was something as simple as: "Great profile. I hope you find the one you're looking for because you seem like you've got your act together" and I get: "I don't share and I'm not poly. Be well", in return.

You're right. It speaks to common human courtesy and it is something that is going by the wayside, very quickly. ANY positive comment means that we want to move in with these young ladies (or "steal them" from their dominant/master/daddy or whatever.). It's just plain aggravating.

I feel your pain, brother. Maybe we all need to learn how to speak Venusian?

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

Post #: 8

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 11:44:34 PM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Your profile is honest, friendly and too the point, not a smoke screen that makes you wonder. I have no idea why it would scare or offend anybody.

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www.starhillcreations.com

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 9

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 11:45:21 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

quote:

Seriously, my own peeve was something as simple as: "Great profile. I hope you find the one you're looking for because you seem like you've got your act together" and I get: "I don't share and I'm not poly. Be well", in return.

I think I can explain where that comes from. I try to respond politely for the most part with a Thank you when I receive mail like that. The problem however comes about that after politely responding they take it further. It's like the nice little compliment was just to get the foot in the door and then they decide to go beyond that nice little compliment and turn it into an introduction. Which then has to turn into my being not so nice and point out the big bold red lettering on my profile that states I'm not looking. If it was simply a compliment and that's it that's fine. It's when they use that compliment to push their plea a little further..well then it just becomes frustrating.

quote:

You're right. It speaks to common human courtesy and it is something that is going by the wayside, very quickly. ANY positive comment means that we want to move in with these young ladies (or "steal them" from their dominant/master/daddy or whatever.). It's just plain aggravating.
While you may not be..that doesn't mean that there aren't others that are simply doing as I explained above and are trying to move in on another's territory.

Although I do agree with both you and the OP that common courtesy is indeed falling by the wayside. What I wouldn't give for the days when a man actually held a door open for a Lady, or opened her car door for her and helped her out of the car. Chivalry and gentlemanly behavior is a truly wonderful thing.

I feel your pain, brother. Maybe we all need to learn how to speak Venusian? I think we might need a crash course in Marsian as well.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 10

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/3/2007 11:45:25 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I had a girl back in highschool report me for stalking her.

It was a pretty funny time, when the dean called me in to tell me about it. The girl was someone whose name I didn't even know nor did I find even pleasant to be around.

I later realized she was stalking me and was just trying to get my attention.

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 11

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/4/2007 12:26:31 AM

BondageTopJere

Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

What I wouldn't give for the days when a man actually held a door open for a Lady, or opened her car door for her and helped her out of the car. Chivalry and gentlemanly behavior is a truly wonderful thing.

Feminism generally speaking put the nail in the coffin on this one in the 70's, although it had been in severe decline for a few decades by then. Acting like a gentleman and chivalrous was totally against sexual equality, as that sort of of behavior was "chavuanistic". 90% percent of men born after 1970 aren't taught these behaviors as children. By taught I mean in observing and experiencing the social norms of those around us, irregardless of our own parents efforts. About that the only thing that managed to survive is "You don't hit girls" and even that isn't as firmly instilled as it used to be ( see rising abuse and violence against rates over the last few decades ).

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 12

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/4/2007 4:29:15 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

Maybe they are just skim reading over the profile & the phrase hair dragging neanderthal pops out at them & it turns them off. (????)

Who's to say why they wish to block you. We can't expect everyone we encounter to welcome us with open arms.

Nearly everyone has received "hate mail" of some sort on here. I get less than favorable mail all the time. It is what it is & life goes on.

At any rate, welcome to the boards.... stick around, there are plenty of kind folk here.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 13

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/4/2007 6:40:39 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i find it curious that these women initiate the contact with a message saying they intend to block him. i would say if they indeed felt that way they would simply just block him. i think these women are just looking to create drama.

Satyr, i understand your frustration in recieving email back assuming you are trolling them. Lots of females have had the experience of having a male email them, then they respond being polite and curteous in return, which sends a message to the guy that was NOT intended (i am interested) only to be told they are fake wannabe lesbians who should get their knees sewn together. After a few dozen of those outcomes and the woman will get a bit defensive.

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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Post #: 14

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/4/2007 8:39:36 AM

sunfleur

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline

unfortunately, this being online especially, people cant hear your tone which may be quite friendly. they also have the safety of their keyboard and screen to hide behind when they are feeling rude. you're not alone in being on the receiving end of petty behavior. chin up though, i've met some great folks here and just have learned to use my personal 'filter' on the rest.

sunny

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 15

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/4/2007 9:20:32 AM

LondonGodFather

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

sorry to hear about the reception you've been getting DaddyDeSade. You have to remember that the girls get a lot more mail than us guys do and a lot of it is irrelevent or isn't very nice... this means that some very nice emails may get ignored (not your situation by the sounds of it), that they may take out the anger they feel at other members on you, or simply that the disproportionate amount of attention has unreasonably inflated their sense of self worth and thus they feel comfortable being rude.

I'm at a loss to explain the pre-emptive blocking though... that just strikes me as plain weird!

(hi by the way everyone... this is my first post!)

(in reply to sunfleur)

Post #: 16

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/4/2007 9:22:27 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Hmmmmm miles ahead could mean miles ahead DEEPER into the Earth's core. If you see what I mean.

Hmmmm...

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Post #: 17

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/4/2007 10:06:38 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

There is no sense of community - there never was... no more or no less than there is in life.

Being involved in BDSM doesn't mean that people are better, or more polite or more friendly because - we are all just people.

DeSade, Just ignore the negative and move on.

And welcome to the forums GodFather! Always room for more from the UK... (But I am biased)

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to LondonGodFather)

Post #: 18

RE: Common Decency isn't that common - 5/4/2007 11:41:16 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

If I found you incompatible I would just block you, I wouldn't write to tell you about it.

However I wouldn't respond to an apparently innocuous question about the area where I live. Because I have had email with men on kink sites that start out innocuously and within two days turns out to be him hitting on me. If you are interested in the weather in that area your best bet for a response is someone you won't hit on, another dom, a sub male etc.

I also look at your blog comment about not getting along with other doms suspiciously. I would have serious misgivings about someone who boasts about not being able to be civil with other men. I would assume that you have trouble keeping a steady job, that you would not get along with my male family members who wish to know that you would treat me well. That you wouldn't take a class in an advanced technique to learn it safely before risking my well being, etc. I don't think you meant it that way but that is how it reads.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 19

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