Elorin
Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
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Quinne
There are two aspects to this question. The first falls under what I would call technique. That is learning how to throw a whip, flog, spank, and cane, and how to do rope bondage. There are a wealth of resources out there for picking up these techniques, from websites (check around as websites come and go, and some have bad information), to published books (I recommend Greenery Press), to BDSM "conventions" where seminars and hands on learning are taught. Local BDSM organizations might also have educational SIGs (special interest groups) where you can pick up techniques, and most people are receptive to sharing a skill when asked politely and respectfully. So if you see someone doing something you'd like to learn at a party, wait until they are through with their scene and walk on over and talk to them about it. If they won't teach you, dollars to donuts they know someone who would be willing. Two books I recommend to anyone are The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book, both written by the lovely ladies Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton (you may come across the authors listed as Catherine Liszt and Dossie Easton, as the books were first published under a pseudonym). A website I recommend is The BDSM Resource Center - www.thebrc.net
The other side of the issue is what I would call style. That is your personal domination style. Some are strict, some are indulgent. Some are interested in humiliation, others in loving and nurturing. Some are into all of the above! This is something that you develop over time, and is much harder to learn from a book or website. There are a few great websites out there that are communities of other female dominants where you could talk and ask questions and learn about the style others have while you develop your own personal style. Hopefully those websites will get listed by others as I don't know them. There are also a few books, such as Female Dominance by Claudia Varrin and The Art of Sensual Female Dominance, again by Claudia Varrin. The Master's Manual by Jack Rinella is also a book that talks about personal style.
The way to be a good dominant is to be true to yourself, to be honest with yourself and your submissives, to communicate your desires clearly and insist upon the same from your submissives, and to do things the way that YOU want to do them. Being dominant is about embracing your personal power, and surrounding yourself with others who respect that personal power - whether they are fellow dominants or submissives, whether they surrender power to you or not. You are the domme, and you get to decide what you want. There is no ambiguous "them" that decides in committee what dom/mes are and what they aren't, or what we do and what we don't. You get to make up your rules, and you get to enforce them. So if you want to wear pink bunny slippers and let your sub drive the car because you hate driving, that's what you do. And if you want to wear skintight leather and stilletto heels and drive the car because YOU are in charge, and you get to decide where to go, then that is what you do. There is no right or wrong way to be dominant.
As for protecting yourself and your submissive, I'm not sure what you are asking so it is hard to answer.
~Elorin
_____________________________
'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things
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