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health and Ds - 5/4/2007 4:54:01 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		having read through the revealing a disability thread i wanted to ask a question of the Masters, and Mistresses about something i am going to have to deal with and want some help preparing for.


In my profile i have said i am dealing with health problems at the moment that have meant i have had to withdraw from the active real time lifestyle for a while. I am now beginning to take small steps back into it as my health improves. I am a brittle asthmatic, this means that contact with certain triggers - varying from a  strong chemical smell, shock, stress, illness, laughing, anything really it would seem - can cause a sudden, severe and very serious asthma attack. I almost always need hospital care to bring these attacks under control, and the most frustrating thing is that its very inconsistent, something will be fine one day but trigger me the next.

Now to the meat of my post. When i first became ill around 3 years ago i was single and developed a coping strategy and a personal system for monitoring and maintaining my health (emotional and physical) totally based on being alone and needing self sufficiency. After about a year of being ill i was in a Ds relationship where the Dom could not accept that while i was ill .. i needed complete and unfettered control of myself and my headspace. The control you hand over in play is totally different from the control snatched from you when your body begins fighting itself. Just like the difference between consensual non-consent and rape. This caused an ongoing battle between Uus about what to do when i was ill. I needed him to follow my wishes to the letter or not to be around me, i want only to have to think about my self, the last thing i need as my airways are closing is more stress. having somebody question me, or to take over my conversations with medics etc. The Dom i was with foud it almost impossible to step back and let me command the situation, to the extent that once i had him removed from the A&E department because he was stressing me so much.

Its the difficult situation of the balance between my need to be utterly selfish and centre all my energy into my needs and the need to acknowledging the fact that someone i care for will be just as frightened if not more so than myself. At the moment i can only see the problem from my persepctive ... i would like some input about how you would see the situation. 

so sub.slaves .... if this was you .. how would you approach the situation .. am i being selfish wanting to be alone and cope with it myself .. am i beig proud? .. or am i being wise ... is it too much to ask that someone either betray no flicker of stress to me or not be with me at all while i am ill. is it to much to say to a Dominant .. my way or the highway? we talk as slaves and submissive as our very life being in the hands of our Owners .. but i often wonder how many of those people have actually looked death right in the eye and know its a matetr of medication adn willpower that it keeping it at bay. Its very romantic to believe we would give our last breath for our Master if the asked it, but as one who has taken .. if not her second to last breath .. then at least as close as i am ever willing to get ... its not romantic at all, its the worst thing i can imagine ... and in those moments i dont think i could cope with looking across the room and seeing the \Man i love seeing me like that.


have also posted this on the ask a Master thread, soMasters/Mistresses can contribute too. I dont mean this to be a long thread about health and safety of play with asthma either; i have taken much advice from kink aware docs and know any play will have to be softly softly baby steps for me

thankYou in advance for Your input


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio




Profile   Post #: 1
RE: health and Ds - 5/4/2007 5:44:04 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		my perspective? it isn't a d/s problem at all...

when people care about you deeply, they can't help but want to make sure that physically/emotionally you're going to be okay. it doesn't mean that they think they know better than you how to handle things; it just means that when they're scared for your life, then they will do whatever they deem necessary to try to save you. it doesn't mean they are trying to save you from yourself.

i see it happen everyday, in all types of relationships, from children and their parents to spouses and their significant others. there is no guarantee when someone says they won't step up to the plate and interfere; because when the time comes that they are afraid they are going to lose you, and i mean die when i say lose you, they will pull out all the stops to try to prevent that from happening...

hell, just look at people that are diagnosed with cancer for example...

one of my clients was 91; he was found to have a cancer that caused him to lose control of his physical mobility and natural physical functions, and plenty more...

when i talked to him, he said, 'i've had a good life, my wife and friends have passed away, and i'm ready to meet my maker', and he was perfectly content with that fact. he planned on living the rest of his days without seeking a treatment option to prolong his life or to prolong his life in misery. his one and only daughter was not as accepting of that fact as he and i were, and she fought tooth and nail to get all treatment that would prolong his life, and she won due to power of attorney and all that good stuff. his last days were spent the direct opposite of what he wished for, and it's not because she thought she knew better, it's because she loved him...

love doesn't always bring us to make the 'best' decisions sometimes, and there's no guarantee when it comes right down to it, how any of us will react. it's just a chance you have to take; sad but true.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: health and Ds - 5/4/2007 5:55:37 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		". his one and only daughter was not as accepting of that fact as he and i were, and she fought tooth and nail to get all treatment that would prolong his life, and she won due to power of attorney and all that good stuff. his last days were spent the direct opposite of what he wished for, and it's not because she thought she knew better, it's because she loved him...
"
 
that is what really worries me ... i dont know if i could forgve that action in my loved One

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: health and Ds - 5/4/2007 5:56:03 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		I have to say that you are the one who knows your body best, and this is something that you should definitely retain control over. As a sub with a Master who has many health problems, I know that He knows when things are bad enough that we seek medical attention. That should be the same when the shoe is on the other foot.

Your Dom should be able to respect your wishes in this matter without feeling like his control is being undermined. Your life is more important than anything else. You are not being selfish, you are being pro-active in keeping yourself alive.

I have seen Master throwing up.....in pain.....feeling so ill that He doesn't want to do anything other than lie down. He doesn't like me seeing Him like that, but it is a comfort to Him that I am there through everything that is going on. If He is being treated by doctors, I am there. I know all about His treatments and medications and sometimes He can't remember what He takes and when.....that is when I come in and tell the medical staff. Mind you we have had 3 years together and we work as a team in keeping Him as healthy as possible.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: health and Ds - 5/4/2007 6:31:00 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		Softness, I hope that you are having a good breathing day. And I’m glad to hear that your health is improving. Wishing you the best.

I have to say I don’t think, how you are taking care of your health is selfish at all. You know the best way of treating it. I would hope that anyone that fully understood would be more then willing to let you have full control over this. I personally would defer to you in such a situation, since this is a very important.

I very much agree with what Rayne58 said in regards to you know your health the best.

Again wishing you the best.

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: health and Ds - 5/4/2007 9:31:13 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

< snipped for brevity, I love dat word.

Now to the meat of my post. When i first became ill around 3 years ago i was single and developed a coping strategy and a personal system for monitoring and maintaining my health (emotional and physical) totally based on being alone and needing self sufficiency. After about a year of being ill i was in a Ds relationship where the Dom could not accept that while i was ill .. i needed complete and unfettered control of myself and my headspace. The control you hand over in play is totally different from the control snatched from you when your body begins fighting itself. Just like the difference between consensual non-consent and rape. This is so very well put, it is a scary loss of control. Sort of a betrayal of the body. Would it be okay to borrow those last 2 sentences? I think your words hit that right on the head.
This caused an ongoing battle between Uus about what to do when i was ill. I needed him to follow my wishes to the letter or not to be around me, i want only to have to think about my self, the last thing i need as my airways are closing is more stress. having somebody question me, or to take over my conversations with medics etc. The Dom i was with foud it almost impossible to step back and let me command the situation, to the extent that once i had him removed from the A&E department because he was stressing me so much. I've found certain things that trigger my stress/illness are things that other people sometimes just do not get, we can only control our bodies and reactions to a certain extent unless you are a monk levitating in Tibet.

Its the difficult situation of the balance between my need to be utterly selfish and centre all my energy into my needs and the need to acknowledging the fact that someone i care for will be just as frightened if not more so than myself. At the moment i can only see the problem from my persepctive ... i would like some input about how you would see the situation. 

so sub.slaves .... if this was you .. how would you approach the situation .. am i being selfish wanting to be alone and cope with it myself .. am i beig proud? .. or am i being wise ... is it too much to ask that someone either betray no flicker of stress to me or not be with me at all while i am ill. is it to much to say to a Dominant .. my way or the highway? we talk as slaves and submissive as our very life being in the hands of our Owners .. but i often wonder how many of those people have actually looked death right in the eye and know its a matetr of medication adn willpower that it keeping it at bay. Its very romantic to believe we would give our last breath for our Master if the asked it, but as one who has taken .. if not her second to last breath .. then at least as close as i am ever willing to get ... its not romantic at all, its the worst thing i can imagine ... and in those moments i dont think i could cope with looking across the room and seeing the \Man i love seeing me like that.
It is the way you cope, the way YOU manage & to me there is nothing selfish about that at all. Only you can know how it feels to be panicking and without air :( sure others can empathize but it is impossible to know exactly how you feel.
What you are doing is educating someone else for a specific need that doesn't just effect your health but your life. As hard as it is to watch a loved one going through what you go through, they have to know that you need UberControl for that moment. I don't imagine that you can easily split your energy while under an attack nor should you have to. If someone cannot learn that then they are detrimental to your life and that isn't something you need to fight against. All I can really suggest is what you wrote here, let them know that this is the way you manage it. It is not too much to ask that someone remain stoic. An opposite reaction makes it much worse for you. Personally it would take me a couple of episodes to be .. not comfortable but.. able to keep myself from rushing to your side. It would take understanding what YOU need and education on how to carry that out from my end.
... and in those moments i dont think i could cope with looking across the room and seeing the \Man i love seeing me like that.
Again I see that as a worry you don't need but this one is coming from you... do you feel it is weak or wrong to have this problem? If he sees you like 'that' then he is seeing a part of you. I think I am trying to ask.. what is it that you think he sees? Yup thats the question lol.. what do you fear that he is seeing?


_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: health and Ds - 5/4/2007 12:29:28 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		Y'know, personally, I think you need to make it clear to any potential partner that unless you are unable to speak for yourself in a medical emergency, you expect them to allow you to do the talking. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. Hell, you could make it a hard limit if you have to!

You could probably make your partner feel better and more secure if you gave them a "cheat sheet" in case of an emergency, so that if something happened, they would know your medications/dosages, condition, who your doctors are, where to find your insurance card, and what needs you have when you are having a severe attack and/or notes on common questions they might have to answer. Go over it with them, and ask them to have it handy whenever they are with you and there is a possibility that something might happen. Make them your emergency contact, if that's what you want. In a way, you are preparing them to be able to handle something like that without so much stress, and giving them some insight into what your needs are in that kind of situation- and also allowing them to feel like they have some control in a scary event, even if the ultimate control is in your hands. Go over it with them, let them ask you questions, but help them to understand very clearly what your needs are, and make a note for them that if you can speak for yourself, they should not interefere unless you ask them to. Give them what your "rules" are for this, and help them to understand why you need to do what you are doing in that kind of situation, and why it helps you. I think more than anything, they want you to be okay, and probably step in because they see you are struggling and want to help you- give them the tools to understand how they really are able to help you, even if that means allowing you to run the show in an emergency. Delegate them some basic tasks, but have it planned in advance. Even allowing someone to gather your things, drive you to the ER, or call an ambulance is going to help them to feel better about being able to help you.

Your partner is of course going to be concerned for you, and scared, and it won't be fun. But if you prepare ahead of time with them for what could happen, then you are both going to have an easier time if/when it does.

I hope you continue to improve, and good luck with everything. I hope this helps.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: health and Ds - 5/4/2007 8:13:21 PM   
sintralgasub


Posts: 31
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I have a few health issues, which aren't life threatening as yours is, but also come about with triggers, and a trigger today isn't a trigger tomorrow.  I dealt with this by myself for a long time, but now I'm not alone in coping.  My Dom is very alert and responsive.  He can now pick up on the fact that an episode is coming on even before I am.  He cared enough to learn about my condition, and learn what He can do, or should do to get me through.

You are very wise for knowing what it is you need to do to survive an attack.  It is not wrong of you at all to expect someone to trust that you know what is best for yourself.  Having someone know your history and what you need is very important should there come a time when you can't communicate that for yourself.  If someone cares enough, it will not be a war of wills, it will only be what it should be and that is respect for life.

sgs

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 5:13:04 AM   
EvaLass


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		Your Dom absolutely and positively should be mature enough to listen and be responsive to your health concerns. Dom/sub are just terms to signify a relationship with certain desired dimensions. You are two human beings. You have the ultimate responsibility for your health, and any Dom worth his salt would understand and be relieved that he was dealing with an adult woman, not a child. I have health problems myself. I have written out an agreement to a potential Dom saying I will be available to him unless I am ill or have work or family obligations. I have other stipulations, too, in our agreement: simple but necessary to protect my health. We both agree to notify the other if we are planning to start a sexual relationship with another person; this is a health issue because all STDs - not just AIDS - can cause unbelieveable, long-term health problems. Take care of yourself, nurture yourself, love yourself. Go, girl.

(in reply to sintralgasub)
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RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 6:36:46 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

my perspective? it isn't a d/s problem at all


I don't understand why you opened your post with this statement. Do you mean that she should not have posted here because it is not a dominant or submissive issue in your mind?
Not every post here revolves around a D/s issue but they come from people in the D/s lifestyle.
Of course her health effects her & her dominant which places it in the category of 'a d/s problem'.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 8:30:24 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		oh for fucks sake; how in the hell did you read all that into my statement? if i meant what you stated you thought i meant, i would have wrote that in the first place!!!!!! perhaps you need more coffee or are feeling a little confrontational this morning?

d/s consits of humans
humans care/love their mates
care/love can make us pull out all the stops to save save someones life.

therego: it's a matter of how people choose to express their care/love

which isn't limited or defined soley in a d/s context.

no where did i say the question didn't belong in the forums; i said that the op shouldn't think about it in such a limited definition of it being just a d/s thing.

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 5/5/2007 8:46:27 AM >

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 8:57:07 AM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..you do what you feel is best for you.Just keep in mind that with good communication your Dominant can know what your wishes will be, and act upon them when you cannot.This is the person you have placed your trust in, your body, your life and possibly your heart..So hence communicate what happens when you get like this,what you would do,I have no doubt he will listen and respect what you have to say, and keep an eye out for your welfare.if you chose your Dominant wisely..This puts me in mind of a friend of mine who dealt with his mates illness,she gave him medical power of attorney ,he followed her wishes and made sure others did as well,since she could not. He kept track of Doctors, nurses, how they cared for her, her medications, her health history, he battled the medical system valiantly, he fought for her, right up to the end.Isn't this  the kind of man you would want to be by your side at such times? rather than going it alone?...Tempting

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
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RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 9:32:10 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

oh for fucks sake; how in the hell did you read all that into my statement?
Well I read that into your statement when you typed " my perspective? it isnt a d/s problem at all. "if i meant what you stated you thought i meant, i would have wrote that in the first place!!!!!! perhaps you need more coffee or are feeling a little confrontational this morning?

d/s consits of humans
humans care/love their mates
Not all D/s involves love.
care/love can make us pull out all the stops to save save someones life.
The OP has a tailored way to deal with her medical emergency and seeks how to have her D work within her confines.

therego: it's a matter of how people choose to express their care/love

which isn't limited or defined soley in a d/s context.

no where did i say the question didn't belong in the forums; i said that the op shouldn't think about it in such a limited definition of it being just a d/s thing. She specifically asked how to deal with this in regards to a dominant not in regards to a neighbor or friend.


Confrontational? Not at all and I'm sorry that you read it that way. I did not, and still don't get why you opened your post with that sentence..
That is what I asked. Somehow you took a basic question and turned it into something aggressive lol. Sorry that you are angry over this, I sought clarification not hostility.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 9:33:41 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

so sub.slaves .... if this was you .. how would you approach the situation .. am i being selfish wanting to be alone and cope with it myself .. am i beig proud? .. or am i being wise ... is it too much to ask that someone either betray no flicker of stress to me or not be with me at all while i am ill. is it to much to say to a Dominant .. my way or the highway?we talk as slaves and submissive as our very life being in the hands of our Owners .. but i often wonder how many of those people have actually looked death right in the eye and know its a matetr of medication adn willpower that it keeping it at bay. Its very romantic to believe we would give our last breath for our Master if the asked it, but as one who has taken .. if not her second to last breath .. then at least as close as i am ever willing to get ... its not romantic at all, its the worst thing i can imagine ... and in those moments i dont think i could cope with looking across the room and seeing the \Man i love seeing me like that. 


I would wonder about a dynamic in which a dominant created a situation which caused stress to an ill submissive. Disease loves stress. It thrives in a body that lives in stress. I would not be able to submit to someone who did not understand that, but on the other hand...

It relieves stress for me to be submissive. Sometimes it is hard to trust that he is doing the right thing for me when it goes agains my first thought, but so far he has my best interests at heart, as well as a vision of what will come. If he went against my intuition about how to obtain health for myself, that would be a deep conflict that might sever what we have. I cannot imagine him doing that. Laughter is the best medicine, and he knows this.

It seems the job of a dom is to listen to their sub when it comes to things like this, to stay out of their way while the submissive tells them "what feels good". If I came down with cancer or something... all I would be thinking of is how to make myself feel good, my life would depend on that! Disease has a hard time thriving in a happy, joyful body.

I think the key is finding a dynamic in which you are feeling whole and happy and contented. Being submissive does not mean sacrificing our very lives because someone calling themselves "dom" thinks that they should be allowed to cause stress whenever they feel like it. If it is a destructive relationship, get the hell out of it! Only the people involved know if it is destructive for them or not.

I sense something in your OP, that part of you feels "less submissive" due to what occurred here... with another dominant that shared your worldview, it would not have been an issue. It is not about how submissive you are, it is about finding a relationship in which both people have their mutual needs met. And if I felt someone was another alligator when I was trying to be well, they would be gone.


< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/5/2007 9:34:55 AM >

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 10:41:33 AM   
bliss1


Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline 		Softness, I can understand where you are coming from.  I also have a health issue that has caused me to pull out of the r/l D/s aspect of my life. 

When it comes to your health/life - that is a power I would not give up.  No matter how well your Dom knows you - what is happening is not something they will ever know - no matter how well they know you. 

He needs to stand back and let you handle it - he needs to trust you. 




_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 6:22:18 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings softness,

i have many physical issues - mostly chronic pain problems - that are extremely painful on a day to day basis and do affect how we interact with each other. that said, i would trust him with my life, my mobility, and my health as a whole - so i do not "demand control" so to speak in these situations. then again, as a 30-year military veteran, he's one of those who HAS looked death in the face, and as someone who has coped with health problems, although not the same ones, he has some idea of what it feels like to be in my situation. therefore, he is pretty understanding about me handling my own health problems when they come up.

in short: if he wants control of it, it's his, but more often than not, he knows i am capable of handling it myself, and prefers to leave those situations to me.

i think any dominant who does not accomodate for what you need in a situation where your health and life is at stake is one to pass over. then again, i also believe that if you can't trust them with your life in a 24/7 relationship, perhaps it's not meant to be. if this is a NEED for you, and it is a very real one, you need to be with someone who is understanding enough to provide for this need.

annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 5/5/2007 6:23:35 PM >

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i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 8:07:02 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I realize that your problem is a physical issue and mine a psychological (OCD)...but I considered it a flaw, something inherently bad that a Dominant would have to work arround.
 
Daddy has taken the time to understand my "affliction" and tasked me accordinly ie. "fold all of the black socks". Hey, it works for me.
 
It's really all about approach and acceptance. As long as a Dominant is able to tell when you're having an emergency and is able cope with it in a healthy manner, then I would have no qualms about entering into a D/s relationship...it wouldn't be selfish.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 8:31:31 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline 		Softness,  I don't believe what you are describing is selfishness.  It is simply what you need to deal with the health issues you have.  If a dominant is not willing to understand this, I wouldn't be able to trust him at all.  My oldest um has asthma that is triggered by stress, and I've had to throw in-laws out of the house to get them away from her.  They were freaking out because she was having an attack, and I'm sure you know how that vicious cycle feeds.  I've been accused of being cold and uncaring because I can sit beside her while she's in the hospital being treated singing softly to her and seemingly totally calm.  I can do it because she NEEDS this from me, and I love her enough to deal with my own emotions later.

I don't think you should settle for anyone who cannot understand your health needs (and by understand, I mean care enough to let you lead how problems are dealt with).  You are not selfish.  These are the things you need to help you survive an attack.  If wanting to live is selfish, well, get a number and get in line because most all of us are selfish. 

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: health and Ds - 5/5/2007 8:50:44 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		*sighs*

its not asthma on my part...but psudo-seizures.  and bad pain spikes to the point that i'd REALLY welcome a bullet at that exact moment.  goes hand in hand with the other chronic pain/broken nervous system/broken immune system issues.

and i've been brutally honest with every Domiant i've spoken to about these things when it gets kind of serious, and how i HAVE to be able to dictate how he will react/be able to touch me/how he can talk to me when these things happen.  its driven a couple away, and that's ok.  i figured that either there will be a Dominant out there who will HEAR me and understand or i'll break my word to my late Master and stop looking.

Sir found me, kept pursuing me even when i threw one thing after another at him to make him lose interest.....

and formally collared me on friday.  i am exceedingly content, and he takes care of me...he proved that when i had a bad pain spike to the point of being unable to speak, contorted in pain.  *without touching me* he asked what he could do....and when i gestured, held my hands and let me squeeze till it had passed, and held me till i got control of myself again.

i believe that being proactive in taking care of oneself supercedes who the Dominant is, and who is the submissive.  if i cant make sure i'm in as good health as i can...i'm not an effective sub.  and if he cant see that i need caring for in *whatever* way *my body* dictates, he isnt the Domiant that i need.  fortunately for me, Sir is.

kitten, who hasnt stopped thanking the gods yet.

(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: health and Ds - 5/6/2007 10:16:15 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		from cjenny

Again I see that as a worry you don't need but this one is coming from you... do you feel it is weak or wrong to have this problem? If he sees you like 'that' then he is seeing a part of you. I think I am trying to ask.. what is it that you think he sees? Yup thats the question lol.. what do you fear that he is seeing?
[/quote]

its not that i dont want them to see part of me, well not really. It has two parts. I dont mind that they see me like that, any Dom who was close enough to me to be around while i was ill would have most ;likely seen me in far less apeealing conditions than a hospital bed. Its the very subtle change that comes over people once they realise how ill you are. often its totally unconscious, but when we see such a fragility in another, especially a lovced one, we cant help but want to protect and shelter it, i dont want to suddenly be treated like glass because they have seen what can happen.

The other factor is this, i am terrible at seeing any degree of suffering in a loved one, seeing the looks of concern on the face of a doctor or nurse i can cope with, but seeing fear and panic or distress in the face of someone i love, seeing them in pain and knowing i am causing it, i would rather they were not there at all so that they weren't worrying. Its exhausting trying to hold it togetehr so as not to frighten someone or worry them.

and feel free to use anything from the OP which is helpful *s*



_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 20
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