Are we born this way?

Are we born this way? (Full Version)

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DaddyDeSade -> Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:16:50 AM)
I have a ten year old who has gone around asking people to spank him since he was say three. And when he put his feet up on the table and his mother said to put them down or she would tie them to his chair agreed that being tied to the chair sounded good. And other interesting antics that might be too personal for him to appreciate me telling here. But the question is, do you folks think we are born this way? Or is he just a little freak (which I assure you seems likely) Or like being gay or anything else are there some who are born that way and some that become that way enviormentally. I have always been honest with my kids. Not detailed but honest. And none of them have ever asked about bdsm. And like everyone else I am a different person around them then I am around my friends. But I do wonder if he was born like this and I just notice it more than a vanilla parent would.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:18:10 AM)
Orientation is innate. Expression of orientation is learned. http://www.collarchat.com/m_944150/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#944163 When did your bondage interest begin? http://www.collarchat.com/m_801288/mpage_1/key_innate/tm.htm#801320 What event or series of events leads one to become Dominant or Submissive? http://www.collarchat.com/m_575022/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#575202 who taught you about bdsm? http://www.collarchat.com/m_615627/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#615885 bdsm humble beginnings http://www.collarchat.com/m_693002/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#693352 first time submissive feelings http://www.collarchat.com/m_744252/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#744266 Do you think you were "born this way"? http://www.collarchat.com/m_691960/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#691984 naturally Ds? http://www.collarchat.com/m_499963/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#499979 Nature or nurture? http://www.collarchat.com/m_307130/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#307130 Do you feel being a dom/me is innate or can be learned? http://www.collarchat.com/m_461558/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#461558 hard-wired, why why why! http://www.collarchat.com/m_143698/mpage_1/key_born%252Craised/tm.htm#143698 nature versus nurture http://www.collarchat.com/m_760860/mpage_2/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#761518 born to serve? http://www.collarchat.com/m_468650/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#468650 nature vs nurture http://www.collarchat.com/m_35901/mpage_1/key_learned%252Cborn/tm.htm#35901 born or learned, how we become dom?

IrishMist -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:19:26 AM)
Since I tend to believe that submission and dominance are personality traits as well as just roles that are played; I would say that yes, there are some who are born this way. I would not worry too much about him though; youngins tend to go through phases, much like we did as youngsters and played cowboy and indians [:)]

mstrjx -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:20:30 AM)
I'm certain some would argue yes, perhaps born this way. I don't necessarily feel I agree. I 'knew' of my interests from a very young age, say, 5. But I would attribute them to cultural influences rather than nature. Having said that, if two people stand side-by-side and witness the same 'event' and are affected two different ways, what can we say about that? Jeff

daddysliloneds -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:30:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade But I do wonder if he was born like this and I just notice it more than a vanilla parent would dude, quit trying to psycho-analyze your little bugger and let him enjoy his childhood, which includes not necessarily fitting into the 'norm' of things by your or anyone elses standards... and no, i don't think you're noticing it more because you're not vanilla, i just think you're going way off the deep end with the thought process because you're trying to fit your kid into your bdsm world type of thinking, instead of you trying to think like a child!!!!!

astarri -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:34:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Orientation is innate. Expression of orientation is learned. i agree with this. I think that indeed we are born with predispositions in our personality that make us either Dominant or submissive and i think some have more of one than the outher but everyone is some of each ... but through our environment we are either reinforced or discouraged from our orientations. It sounds like your child DeSade is more inclined towards submission though i don't believe that it means that he will definately become a submissive. Hope this helps as i talk in circles lol.

DaddyDeSade -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:35:53 AM)
How is me watching him and having my own thoughts influencing his childhood? I'm not interfereing in his natural expression of himself. I am watching and thinking. And I would argue watching people and thinking about what you see is the most natural way of interacting with anyone.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:46:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade How is me watching him and having my own thoughts influencing his childhood? I'm not interfereing in his natural expression of himself. I am watching and thinking. And I would argue watching people and thinking about what you see is the most natural way of interacting with anyone. reading comprehension not your strong suite? i don't see anywhere that i implied or stated the words 'influencing' or 'interferring'... you asked if you noticed it more because you're not vanilla, and i gave you my answer, which i stand behind.

windchymes -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:48:34 AM)
Kids today hear and see a lot more stuff than previous generations did, due to tv, movies, the internet, other friends, etc. And they hear and know a lot more stuff than we give them credit for. He may walk to the beat of a different drummer, but unless he starts doing it in inappropriate places, like in public, I don't see any reason for a lot of concern. He might have heard someone else making a joke about being tied up and he's just being a typical 10 year old smart aleck. It's a little bit odd to ask for a spanking when you're three, since kids usually fear spankings....but hell, when I was four, I liked to take my pants off and pretend I was bound spread-eagled to my mom's boudoir chair. I have no idea where that came from, which affirms the "inborn" arguement. And I think I turned out okay. :)

Lashra -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:56:15 AM)
LOL he sounds like alot of fun :) Dominance and submissiveness are personality traits which are not gender specific, so he has a chance of going either way or somewhere in the middle. I think we are wired this way along with some help from our environment. I know when I was his age I was tying up little boys and yanking their hair. It seemed normal to me then, it seems normal to me now. But I am sure that some didn't view it as such, I just never let their views bother me. I wouldn't worry about him too much unless he really starts doing some off the wall stuff like cutting or trying to hurt himself/others. I would say he is trying to figure out who he is, what he likes and what he dislikes. ~Lashra

mythi -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:58:30 AM)
I think we're born with inclinations and predispositions and potentials that may or may not assert themselves based on environmental factors. And those factors can come into play at any time. We all change constantly in response to what we encounter both internally and externally as we go through life. So does that mean that your lil tike's behavior is a sign he's prone to BDSM later in life? Probably... lol But has nothing to do with whether or not he persues it...or which side of the kneel he ends up on.

PONYSEEKER -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 8:59:46 AM)
I'm having the same problem with my daughter. I have actually caught her tieing up all of her stuffed animals and some other stuff which shocks me because I know she has never seen anything of this lifestyle in any form.

DaddyDeSade -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 9:03:03 AM)
I do kinda get the feeling I in some way came off as worrying about this. I'm not in the least. I find it cute and amusing and I'm proud that he is his own person regardless of who that person is. I just brought it up because I thought it was an interesting question. And like any other aspect of the nature v. nurture debate it's not going to get solved on a message board. But it's fun and interesting.

kittinSol -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 9:18:49 AM)
I will quote Copulo here from another thread: you're getting a bit carried away, aren't you?

mythi -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 10:52:18 AM)
In thinking about this further... A lot of us have mentioned behaviors we had as kids which could be seen as 'foreshadowing' of activities to come. Maybe a more interesting question would be to ask what percentage of 'vanilla' types did the same things as kids? Of course, not sure how we'd answer that around here! lol

IrishMist -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 10:55:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mythi In thinking about this further... A lot of us have mentioned behaviors we had as kids which could be seen as 'foreshadowing' of activities to come. Maybe a more interesting question would be to ask what percentage of 'vanilla' types did the same things as kids? Of course, not sure how we'd answer that around here! lol Kids are kids. They role play all the time. Some followed it to the edge of control [:)] and some chose not to.

earthycouple -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 11:01:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds quote: ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade How is me watching him and having my own thoughts influencing his childhood? I'm not interfereing in his natural expression of himself. I am watching and thinking. And I would argue watching people and thinking about what you see is the most natural way of interacting with anyone. reading comprehension not your strong suite? i don't see anywhere that i implied or stated the words 'influencing' or 'interferring'... you asked if you noticed it more because you're not vanilla, and i gave you my answer, which i stand behind. I'm with DeSade on this one.... D~

HutchGarahl -> RE: Are we born this way? (5/4/2007 1:37:47 PM)
Personally, I believe we are born this way just as I believe a person is born gay, straight or bi. I've had numerous people throughout my years tell me of how I would try to control even from the playpen, and I wasn't even walking then. I have always liked girls, have always preferred girls. I have a 2 1/2 year old grandaughter who is in her own way, pulling the dominate nature. It's driving her mother batty, but I just thinks it's cute. Like Meme, like grnadaughter. :P But in anycase...I wouldn't worry too much about it, nor should you be too concerned about your son at this time. They are only babies and will do a lot more wierd stuff as they grow. This trait you see in him now may very well change as he grows, or it may become stronger. Just enjoy him for the little boy he is.

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