Is it something I said?

Is it something I said? (Full Version)

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strangegame -> Is it something I said? (5/4/2007 7:13:13 PM)
I've exchanged a few messages back and forth with some submissives on here but then all of a sudden they stop responding. Is it because I asked them for their yahoo/aim/msn account? In one case they sent me their account and then stopped responding and may have deleted their account or been banned. This has happened about 4 times now. This is just a bit weird and I am wondering if submissive women on here are of the opinion that they should not give out their IM or that asking for IM names is a trigger for their "creep alarm". This is not the same as not getting responses to initial messages, this is more like someone just walking out the door in the middle of a conversation.

mstrjx -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/4/2007 7:25:07 PM)
I have always let a submissive woman 'run the show' during the initial stages. That way, she moves at her comfort level. Her level could still be quick, but at least it is comfortable for her. If she wants to chat, she'll let you know. Jeff

sintralgasub -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/4/2007 8:03:06 PM)
There will always be the people who play games, or don't know how to politely say they aren't interested. Perhaps instead of asking for theirs, you could provide your screen name and ask them to contact you if interested. sgs

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/4/2007 8:58:13 PM)
It sucks, but it means she's not interested. If you keep having this happen to you- examine what your own patterns are and adjust your screening process better.

chrissyslave -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/4/2007 10:11:07 PM)
Without particulars with each sub contact, it's hard to say. You say "may" have deleted their profile or been deleted. Like you went to view their profile and it/they were gone? If so then likely they deleted it and may have simply gotten scared after things sounded a bit more serious...like might end up with real time or 24/7 situation. Are you mostly going to woman who are newly listed? Or maybe not show many BDSM interests which might indicate they are novices in all this, and therefore more prone to back off or run when things start going beyond the intial chit-chat stage? I would bet some of the above factors have played into their disappearing acts. The other factors are that sometimes, especially more desirable ones sometimes get swamped on here by new contacts even when One has been chatting with a Dom/e frequently. I took a few weeks off from here and being off-list got about 30 messages, but in the one week back and clearing those up I got 2-3 times that number just because I was showing as active (even with using the no on-line option status)...as still show up on the main page and seaches. I now have to go back and pick up dropped contacts, and give my apologizes in the process. This might be a factor as said especially if the sub is considered "attractive" in a variety of ways. Even words in a profile to help limit new contacts barely slows down new ones. Also that the shire number of intial contact for a newly listed sub can cause quick burn-out for them, and give some reason to freeze up, or decide to go slower. But with you I am hearing a pattern, so seems is either due to a particular choice of subs (new list or highly attractive ones) or what you are conveying that is not as appealing to go on to the next level which is to me at least IMing and off-list messaging. Know that a LOT of the flakes and fakes on here typcially want to go to IM very soon, and if you sound like you pushing her it seems you might be "one of those types." I like the idea of letting the sub/slave go at their own pace at first, and when it becomes more relaxed just offer her your IM if she is open to a live chat. However, if they are gone completely at this point then seems they just got completely scared off, and that may or may not be due to your chatting with them, but likely the effect of being overwhelmed or found out their play was turning too serious and just bowed out, so I wouldn't really take it too seriously of pattern for you unless it continues to occur. The best of luck, and wisdom to you sir! chrissy-slave

BigEyes -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/5/2007 12:27:51 AM)
This will sound cheesy, but there is something vaguely traditional about waiting for a message. IM is so unromantic! Waiting for a reply is more like a letter. I will happily swap messages on here with anyone, but if someone wants my yahoo/msn thingy too soon I am immediately put off. I will once I know I really want to get to know them and then it is a godsend, but constantly being told to 'add so and so' gets boring. I forget who they are etc. That may be no help whatsoever (sorry!) but its just my experience of the whole thing. Big Eyes

WilliamWizer -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/5/2007 12:38:31 AM)
just don't ask for their yahoo/aim/msn account. instead offer them to give yours when they feel they are prepared to take that step and then wait. sooner or later if they are interested they will give it without being asked to do.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/5/2007 9:35:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BigEyes This will sound cheesy, but there is something vaguely traditional about waiting for a message. IM is so unromantic! Waiting for a reply is more like a letter. I will happily swap messages on here with anyone, but if someone wants my yahoo/msn thingy too soon I am immediately put off. I will once I know I really want to get to know them and then it is a godsend, but constantly being told to 'add so and so' gets boring. I forget who they are etc. That may be no help whatsoever (sorry!) but its just my experience of the whole thing. Big Eyes Ditto!...Tempting

chicagochick -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/5/2007 11:22:33 PM)
I agree with some of the comments above about it being tough to know if it was just a bad run of people and had little to do with you or if its something you said. All I can say is that the best you can do is try to really read your emails and see what kind of "vibe" you're giving off. A lot of guys on here don't mean to come across a certain way but just send off the creepy kind of warning signs. Understand that with the crush of messages some girls on here get, you might only get one strike before getting ignored. Not saying its "fair" but thats reality.

GeekyGirl -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/6/2007 2:04:46 AM)
It doesn't bother me for someone to ask for my IM name after 2-3 messages. I was raised in the online world and waiting for messages here on CM just takes too long. I get frustrated with the waiting. Once I've decided the person is worth talking to, I want to be able to have a real time conversation without waiting hours to see what they have to say. That said, when I've broken off contact it's been because I wasn't that interested in the person. Did the subs in question genuinely seem interested? Or were they just being polite ? Sometimes I'll message someone back 2-3x if they come at me politely but I try to give off subtle clues that I'm not interested in them romantically but that I appreciate their good manners. I don't like just flat out saying "stop messaging me" if the person has been polite up to this point. I'd rather just send polite short answers that indicate "You're an ok person but I'm not really into you." Maybe when you gave them your IM, they realized you weren't "catching the hint" and broke off contact.

Areflectionofyou -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/7/2007 4:43:09 AM)
maybe im not the norm.......Master had my number the second time we chatted on aol.

cjenny -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/7/2007 5:03:28 AM)
I dislike being asked for my IM after just 1 or 2 short emails. To me it is presumptious and a bit intrusive. Now if I've been communication via mail with someone for a few weeks then sure, but not when I am in the basic hello stage. I think part of that is because once someone is on my list I don't block them, so I tend to be choosey about who is on my IM list.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/7/2007 5:13:53 AM)
Personally speaking, I do not give someone that sort of access to contact me at will until I know them much better than a few messages. Some submissives, however, have trouble telling a Dominant that they are not comfortable moving to that level yet, and they simply disappear rather than confront it. You might want to try a slightly subtler approach. If you feel things are actually going well enough to warant it, then hint at it. "If you'd like to chat furhter, I have yahoo messenger. You're welcome to contact me there, let me know if you'd like the screenname" Make it their choice, and let them make the decision of whether or not they are ready for it. Let them ask you for your screenname or offer theirs, rather than specifically asking them. I have had more than my share of people (Dom and sub) who have really misused the IMs after they had my information. I am not going to be in constant contact and have a running dialogue with someone every second I am logged in just becasue they have my IM info. Unfortunately there are some who either dont understand that it is nothing personal that I ight not have the time to spend chatting with them right off, or they cannot take no for an answer. Thats why I am hesitant to give out my info anymore, unless I have learned enough about someone to trust they will not abuse the IMs. Hope that helps DV

cjenny -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/7/2007 5:59:58 AM)
DV you said what I was trying to. The 'contact at will'. Thanks!

stella40 -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/16/2007 5:25:47 PM)
I think some people tend to abuse IMs. I'm very selective about who I give my IM details out to and make sure that when I do give out such details that the recipients are aware of the protocol - but I'm a writer who works on my computer and though I may appear online doesn't mean I'm available for conversation. The only person who overrides this protocol is my Domme. My family and my Domme are on my IM as well as a close few friends. Those who are new into my life are offered alternatives - e-mail, cellphone - initially text then call. I'm pretty much WYSIWYG, so I would tend to be open about how I feel but I know many people aren't or cannot be. I know from the OP's side this can be frustrating, but apart from the 'is everything okay' type of message there's nothing you can do.

OsideGirl -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/16/2007 5:37:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Personally speaking, I do not give someone that sort of access to contact me at will until I know them much better than a few messages. I feel the same way. Especially, because I use my IM account for business, too. I can't be signed onto two accounts at once and I'm not about to take myself out of contact with my clients during business hours. Nothing like being in the middle of a business conversation and having a guy pop up that just won't stop for a nansecond. So, I just don't give it out to someone unless it's really someone I'm interested in talking to.

slaveish -> RE: Is it something I said? (5/16/2007 7:12:53 PM)
Do you sign off with "Love, Mom / Grandma / Auntie" ? If so, I think I may detect the problem.

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