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motoki -> RE: Real Service (5/16/2007 8:59:21 AM)
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Interesting question - thank you for posting it!
i served in the military, or rather, in the militia. The initial training i did was as a private, then i subsequently went through further training as an officer and received my commission (which i regretted - i had more fun as a private!).
When i went through this training and experience (which was somewhat limited: 3 yrs, all peacetime and part-time milita), i was still unaware of my submissive nature. More accurately, i was aware of it, but at that time, i had no vocabulary for it (yet) and so it remained deeply buried and more a part of my subconscious being. Nevertheless, it really appealed to me for rather obvious reasons (i.e., from a D/s perspective): to be issued commands from men (and the rare woman, but it was the men i really responded to!) in authority; to be treated somewhat objectively (and, i might add, rather harshly at times ... lol "yum"); to be challenged both physically and mentally (which was designed to make me into the best i can be). There's no doubt in my mind that my hidden, latent, amorphous (to me) and still very secret D/s desires fuelled, in part, my decision to join the militia.
How has that experience affected my service to my Master? When i think about it, i can identify at least a few aspects of my submission and slavery that i'm sure my militia experiences impacted in terms of my current M/s relationship.
- the ongoing desire for D/s as the underlying structure or "fabric" of our relationship -- i don't think that my military experience led to this desire (i feel that it was there prior to my military experience), but i do feel that it heightened the desire dramatically because of how much i LOVED the protocol and dynamic of the structure of D/s that exists in the military. It is there every nanosecond of every moment of every day, whether you are eating or sleeping or peeing or standing at ease or standing in full attention with sweat dripping down into your eye, making it sting, but you can't move to wipe it away. And i adored the constant presence of that dynamic when i was in the military. In my current M/s relationship, that dynamic forms the foundation of our relationship, and all else flows from it. It provides the "rock of Gibralter" that i know i can come back to ... that structure will always be there ... i am slave, He is Master.
- obedience -- when i was given a command in the military, particularly when i was taught military tactics and section attacks and field combat, there was NO ROOM for sassy comebacks, loophole-finding, lawyer-like discussions, and so on. Had my sergeant issued a command like "move to your trenches" and i had said "now, or perhaps after i pee?" .... holy smokes the sh*t would have hit the fan, and at the LEAST i'd have been carrying the radio for the next day plus the shovels plus something extra (if i was lucky) as well as doing a few push-ups on the spot ... at worst, i'd have earned my whole section a penalty. Because of when and where i served, i never saw real combat, so a court martial wasn't as big a threat, but extreme disobedience could have been met with that in such a situation (even in peacetime). In my current M/s relationship, i am not always held to a code of conduct that requires full discipline; Master allows me to be playful with Him, and to joke and laugh and be light-hearted. But, i am NEVER permitted to disobey a direct command ... ever. Without doubt, my military training and experience has helped me with this, especially at certain select times when Master chooses to place me under particularly intense levels of discipline/control under which i am permitted only very limited responses. There's no doubt that M/s brings out discipline between Master and slave, but i also feel (quite strongly!) that a slave must have her own well established sense of self-discipline in order to serve her Master to a high degree of excellence. The military helped me learn more self-discipline, but i also know Master helps me learn more, too. *g* (it's an ever-evolving process)
- attention to detail -- i learned after countless military inspections that they are going to look in EVERY blessed nook and cranny that they can find until they find some dirt to throw back in my face. Over time, i learned to spend time cleaning the things that mattered, but to leave a bit of extra time to also clean the extra things that they were more than likely to run their fingers over. Of course, i also learned that they could find dirt where there was none (LOL), but that's beside the point *g*. And, i learned not to sweat the small stuff .... to keep my chin up during inspections, to be built up from what they taught me, and to not let them kick me down if they found a morsel of dirt, but rather to take it as a "growth opportunity" to clean that next time. That attitude gained me favor even later on when i was in the military - i called it "being green" and working with my buddies towards a positive goal. In my M/s relationship, it takes a slightly different slant because Master doesn't (usually *g*) try to find dirt. i do my best to perform assigned tasks with as much attention to detail as i showed when i was in the military, often much more. When He does find a problem, i don't fall apart at the seams and get tearful and bonkers. i feel genuinely upset that i disappointed Him (if i did) because i genuinely HATE disappointing Master - it's the worst thing i can do - then i follow whatever orders He gives me to make it right. If He gives me no orders to make it right, i ask or beg for the opportunity to do so, although that hasn't come up because He (so far) has always told me what's wrong, and what needs to be done about it. Then, when i'm correcting the problem, i make BLOODY sure that i've done it with 100% of my ability, triple check everything, and i try to add something to it (ONLY if appropriate/possible) to make it a bit more special. And when i present it to Him, it's done with particular care and humility, with another apology for the previous mistake. Then it's over, no more drama, we move on.
- deportment and dress -- in the military, everything was under scrutiny, including deportment and dress. Master decides what i will wear most days, what jewelry i'll wear out to an event, and He tells me if my make-up is adequate. i adore this, and it feels similar to how i felt in the military when i knew that my dress was always under scrutiny.
i could probably go on, but i think that gives a good idea of how my military experience has impacted my current M/s relationship. Overall, it's very positive. Honestly, i can't think of any negatives .... i sometimes joke to Master that i was a commissioned officer so He should call me Ma'am, but He only responds by grabbing my collar (or just my throat) and putting me on my knees, or something similar! lol - ahhh, the joys of being a slave. [:)]
-motoki-
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