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Book idea/story idea - 5/5/2007 7:06:31 PM   
preciousneko


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline



Characters
Main Character #1
Description of Character Type
Female:
Name: Aingel Cutwolf
Place of Birth: Malin (Northwest Region of Ireland)) Castle Rea (Northwest Region))
Age in 2050:22

She was born in late December of 2028 on the 20th.... Her hair is a reddish-blond and her eyes a vivid shock of violet..... She is not very tall she is maybe about 5','1 ½ if she is standing tall....

She has always had to somewhat fight to survive ever since she was a young girl... When her parents were alive they instilled in her the love of nature and music. They were teaching her magic up to the point of their death... Her parents died when she was only thirteen... She was heart broken as it was nearing her birthday when this happened.... Soon after that she realized how very different than the other young ladies her age she was..... Though her parents were well known no-one came forward to care for the girl......... She is sweet gentle charismatic strong of mind could become a powerful witch if she wanted... Knows how to use magic but will only use it if she has to: She hates fighting and will only fight if she is sure there is no other way out.....

From the time she was thirteen till the time she was seventeen she did odd little errands for local Lords and Ladies either delivering a letter, or doing the shopping for them just so that she could survive. She did far more than deliver letters or do simple shopping in the market..... Every now and again a Lord or Lady would ask a spell or reading be done, she was nervous to do so as she had not been fully trained when her parents had died, she always refused......

Finally one day when out running an errand for the Lord Fitzroy, she ran into a Lord or whom she thought was a Lord , till she looked up and saw the well known very powerful Wizard, she had heard of this Wizard and was nervous and scared as she had just ran completely into Him.... she had heard He could be ruthless but this Wizard this man did not look like He could harm a simple fly... Yet still she had heard of His reputation... she looks up gasping softly seeing the beautiful emerald eyes looking at her but showing no anger but intrigue. ((The first two main characters met in 2045)) She murmured an apology and moves to walk away when His strong hand grabs her wrist... she stops startled wondering what this Wizard could want with her.....

He began to speak to her asking “Where are ye going in such a rush lass?” His voice was rich and deep it had an edge to it as if there was a dark secret he kept…

Aingel unsure what to do says nervously “I am off te deliver a letter fer the Lord MacGregor te Lady O'Brian.” She is quiet for a moment then asks “Why does M'Laird wish te know?” She smiled softly looking up at the Lord......

The Lord just smiled at her, a smile that un-nerved her and sent chills down her spine something about him didn’t seem quite right but the Lord seemed so kind and gentle. She still had the impression that he couldn’t hurt a fly.

When he spoke again his voice was low when he spoke “Ye look hungry. Twas just wondering if ye would like lunch when ye are through?” He smiled at her as he looked at her tiny frame. “I am Lord Ahern

She winced a bit at his words she knew that she didn’t eat much, but she did what she could to survive from day to day. She was lucky to eat may once a day every other day, the most important thing to her was to keep a roof over her head at the inn so when she had enough money she would eat, but eat but even then it wasn’t very much. She smiled weakly whispering “M’Laird I do naye know if that tis such a good idea. I must work te keep the roof over me head at the inn. But I would enjoy lunch. So aye I will join ye, but I can naye stay long” She was alarmed that she had actually had yes to lunch with this Lord she knew this could be trouble but she ignored that feeling and added. “Lady O’Brian lives just down the road at the edge of the village it twill naye take me long te deliver this letter if M’Laird would like te come with me. Or I will can ye when I return” She quickly adding as she looked up to him “I could ride with ye there but ye would naye be able te come up te the house with me.”





Main Character #2
Male:
Name: Ahern Fitz-Patrick
Brief Description of looks:
Height: 6','3
Hair: pure white(((or blond))
Eyes: emerald green
body build: muscular but not real buff
{very pleasing to the eye}
Date of Birth: April 3, 2007
Place of Birth:
City at time of meeting aingel:
City of Birth: Wicklow (midlands)
((traveled to north))
Age in 2050:43

Brief history description: ((Character would be 38 when He meets aingel))

Main Character #3
Male:
Name: Keegan Brennan
Brief Description of looks:
Height:6','7
Hair: Dark Brown almost Black
Eyes: Sapphire Blue with hint gold
body build: muscular well muscled due to fighting in the battle-field
{very pleasing to the eye}
Skin color due to travel is tan...
Date of Birth: October 30, 2022
Place of Birth:
City of Birth: Castle Gregory
(Travels north))
Age in 2050:28


Brief History:((the character would be about 28/29 when He runs into aingel. The year would be 2050 when this happens..))






Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Book idea/story idea - 5/6/2007 12:08:27 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
I did a jumpthough to get into this before it gets pulled for beieng fiction, but then it might be OK, dunno.

I have a few recommendations, you do have a good concept. The thing is first of all in the beginning you plunge the reader into the world. You do a decent job of painting the picture, but you would do well to literally illustrate the backdrop first.

Later on, it sounded like you wanted to get it done. To me that is an anaethma.

Now, I say this, I would give the thing a B+ mmaybe, but for the end. It got all muddled. I realize that dialog is a pain to deal with.

This where one person says one word and then another says a word, it can drive you crazy..

Have a look at

http://members.aol.com/zzyzzwicky2/eg01.doc

That should give you an idea of my style, and that later guides you in how much you decide to take my advice. Which is to give a set and setting in the bginning, like "It was the beginning of the new age" or something like that.

This part of spinning a story s akin to a tapestry, something upon which the story is imposed.Or impressed.

Nuff said, but I like it.

T

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 2
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