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born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 10:12:39 AM

willwork4bondage

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Joined: 5/4/2007
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Classic question, in the past ive tried to "mold" a GF into my Dominatrix...Im finding out a woman must be born with the Domme gene...Mistress would you agree? I also know some of the best submissive women make great Dommes, for they know what feels good!!...More confussed now!!!?

Post #: 1

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 10:16:40 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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I don't think there is any requirement for being 'born' a particular way.

Interest, a willing partner that you care for, creativity. These are the things it takes to 'start' or 'try'. From there, if it becomes hot and addicting, that person is off and running.

That's fairly well how I got to where I am.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to willwork4bondage)

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RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 10:24:24 AM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
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I think that by adulthood, people have developed some "natural" inclinations--about their sexualities, and about their personalities. Then it's a matter of cultivating and learning skills and strategies in both cases. If you're inclined to be dominant as a personality or general mode of behavior, and if you like that, you learn to cultivate it by learning to persuade and get your way. If you're inclined to top sexually, or to dominate sexually--to run fucks--then you develop sexual power and, possibly BDSM topping skills like impact play and bondage.

(in reply to willwork4bondage)

Post #: 3

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 10:41:36 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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I believe that some people are born with a seed that is cultivated. I believe in reincarnation and that some of us return with impressions that almost demand to be expressed. We spend our lives discovering the truths of out soul.

I believe there are women that are truly born Goddesses and born with a purpose. They come into the world and affect so many lives. As with the many faces of the great Goddess she is teacher, destroyer, lover, bitch & more. I believe there are women that are manifestations of this. Some are aware and some can’t seem to grasp it yet but there are everywhere.

I believe there are people born with an intense desire to serve. Even when they are very young they feel different then others and the longing within them never stops.
I believe that all women can taught to be sexual free if they are given the chance without manipulation. She may or may not enjoy kinky sex but the fact remains that when its HER idea, its going to be much hotter. Few males ever get to watch a flower bloom because they are too busy trying to force her or tell her what to do. You’re fantasies are boring, selfish and stupid. Give her the reins REALLY and you’ll discover your wildest dreams.

I believe that if two people are in love they sit down and decide things they will explore together. They then decide what works and what doesn’t work.

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RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 10:55:30 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: willwork4bondage

Classic question, in the past ive tried to "mold" a GF into my Dominatrix...Im finding out a woman must be born with the Domme gene...Mistress would you agree? I also know some of the best submissive women make great Dommes, for they know what feels good!!...More confussed now!!!?

Speaking as a submissive, if I may...

I don't think there's any question that one can be born with a dominant or a submissive gene. But I believe that there are other factors involved, such as learned behaviors from observing our own families while growing up. One can also be domineering, rather than dominant. Many women are domineering, but can't quite equate it with sexual dominance, maybe because they can't get past the idea that it's taboo or just kinky sex. I think that those who do not have a strong interest in being either dominant or submissive can still play at it for the benefit of their partner, but I'm not sure that those people can take it out of the bedroom and incorporate it into everyday life.

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"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to willwork4bondage)

Post #: 5

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 11:06:36 AM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta
I believe in reincarnation and that some of us return with impressions that almost demand to be expressed. We spend our lives discovering the truths of our soul.

I completely agree with your view of reincarnation, because genetics and learned behaviors cannot account for all of our personality traits. We would have had to learn them from some kind of previous or past life experience.

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 6

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 11:53:35 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

One can also be domineering, rather than dominant. Many women are domineering, but can't quite equate it with sexual dominance, maybe because they can't get past the idea that it's taboo or just kinky sex.

This has been my experience as well. There are many domineering women out there, that aren't what I'd call dominant! More importantly, they aren't or don't have what it takes to be sexually dominant! If the OP is trying to take domineering women and turn them into dominants, he's barking up the wrong tree.

- pixel

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 7

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 12:02:41 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

One can also be domineering, rather than dominant. Many women are domineering, but can't quite equate it with sexual dominance, maybe because they can't get past the idea that it's taboo or just kinky sex.

This has been my experience as well. There are many domineering women out there, that aren't what I'd call dominant! More importantly, they aren't or don't have what it takes to be sexually dominant! If the OP is trying to take domineering women and turn them into dominants, he's barking up the wrong tree.

- pixel

I completely agree that you can't make someone into something that they are not. Case in point: My ex-wife, a very agressive business woman and horse woman. Trained horses and dogs, but couldn't quite wrap her head around being a domme to me (Talk about barking up the wrong tree.). Maybe I wasn't the best example or teacher, but then I was probably looking for something in her that wasn't there. But when the wife you want to be your domme thinks that she is giving you a birthday present by being your sub, well... Need I say more?

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 8

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 2:31:30 PM

womanworshipper

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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i'm interested in the statement "There are many domineering women out there who aren't what i'd call dominant". What do you (addicted2it) call dominant? A Woman who will fulfil your fantasies about (let's say) being beaten by a leather-clad "vixen" with a whip? That sounds to me like someone who is submissive to your desires.

i have coaxed a female friend with dominant tendencies into expressing and realising those tendencies by taking control of me. We/we have also experimented with bdsm but that was incidental to Our/our relationship, not its goal. Mainly it was about Our/our mutual fulfilment through power exchange. It certainly wasn't about "teaching" Her to do what i wanted to do in the bedroom.

i believe that many more women have this dominant nature than is commonly thought and when it is there, is can be drawn out, with time and patience. This is not teaching, though; at least in the sense of instruction. Instructing someone on how to dominate you is a contradiction in terms. If it is teaching in any sense then it is more like Socratic midwifery. There is a Domme within Her which the sub "midwife" helps Her to bring into the world.

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 9

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 2:44:31 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: womanworshipper

i'm interested in the statement "There are many domineering women out there who aren't what i'd call dominant". What do you (addicted2it) call dominant? A Woman who will fulfil your fantasies about (let's say) being beaten by a leather-clad "vixen" with a whip? That sounds to me like someone who is submissive to your desires.

A dominant by design is not a dominant, but a figment of the submissive imagination, and not really what a true submissive is seeking. As a submissive with over 20 years of experience, I cannot even imagine what you are suggesting, simply because this idea of a "leather-clad vixen with a whip" doesn't mean much at all. Instead, why not take issue with those so-called summissives who need their femdomme fix, as if it was something that you could get on any street corner?

< Message edited by addicted2it -- 5/6/2007 2:46:09 PM >

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

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RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 3:07:55 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
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First of all, your girl friend has to want to be in the lifestyle.
Second of all, not all of us are cut out for this. The best thing you two can do is get a Mentor to work with you if you really want to get into it.
Don't waste their time. They will dump you in a minute.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 11

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 5:15:41 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: willwork4bondage

Classic question, in the past ive tried to "mold" a GF into my Dominatrix...Im finding out a woman must be born with the Domme gene...Mistress would you agree? I also know some of the best submissive women make great Dommes, for they know what feels good!!...More confussed now!!!?

You first need to clarify what you mean by "mold" her into a "dominatrix" - how much control are we talking about, what context, how often, and how kinky. I've seen many "vanilla" women take to domination like a duck to water...but so long as they are really the ones in control. It all depends on the nature and length of your wish list....

Akasha

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(in reply to willwork4bondage)

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RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 5:43:59 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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Even though I'm a skeptic of vanilla to dominant conversions, I think the trick lies not in molding your partner into a dominatrix but in getting your partner excited by and engaged in your submission. If your GF sees that being submissive fires your engine, she might want to start taking control of this thrill ride for her own benefit.

Who knows, she might actually find kissing you that much more exciting when you are tied up.

(in reply to willwork4bondage)

Post #: 13

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 6:10:24 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Just an opinion, but I think it's possible to "train" a gf to Domme you for roleplay, but I don't think it's quite the same. A lot of people have fun being either a top or a bottom for the bedroom, but it's a lot harder for them to assume the role for anything more than that.

In contrast, I do think some of Us are born this way. It just is what We've always been. It calls to Us, in much the same way submission calls to Our conterparts. It's something that is always inside of Us, whether excersized or not.

Some strides have been made in opening the potential, rather than the old stereotype of women being in more traditional roles. A lot of advancement has been made in more and more women being comfortable as Dominant. Gender really has nothing to do with it and that is more accepted now than ever before. Just compare the difference between now and 20 years ago. The same will hold true between the present and 20 years in advance.

(in reply to willwork4bondage)

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RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/6/2007 6:31:12 PM

MistressSassy66

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I was born a Domme.However I know some switches so I dont
think it has to be something your born with.

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Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to willwork4bondage)

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RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/8/2007 7:35:16 PM

NightVIne

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline

Domineering women, and also men, are not dominant but selfish. They are the type who think the whole world is about them, and walk in and expect everyone to kowtow to their wishes. They don't make good Dominants, because D/s is a relationship, and domineering types don't want to relate, they want to rule and think they are really better than others. I can think of an old battleaxe that owns the company for which I worked some years back. If she didn't know something or believe something, you were wrong and stupid. She always had the last word and didn't care to learn from others. She was also a sexist and underpaid women compared to men, but as they were in di played havoc with fferent jobs, you couldn't prove it. It's if you looked at average wages in the area for that type of work that you saw that. She fawned over men if she liked them, and could be played, so she was also a fool. Men learned to play into her, whereas she never gave a woman no matter how bright a break. That total lack of consistency and fairness played havoc with the moral of all women and the men she didn't like. Good dominants are supposed to have rules and look to growing subs from what I understand. That's why trust is there. People like her play it day-by-day by their mood. Don't care what happens to you. So if someone is domineering, run fast and far away. They are emotionally dangerous and abusive.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

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RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/8/2007 8:00:05 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NightVIne

Domineering women, and also men, are not dominant but selfish. They are the type who think the whole world is about them, and walk in and expect everyone to kowtow to their wishes. They don't make good Dominants, because D/s is a relationship, and domineering types don't want to relate, they want to rule and think they are really better than others. I can think of an old battleaxe that owns the company for which I worked some years back. If she didn't know something or believe something, you were wrong and stupid. She always had the last word and didn't care to learn from others. She was also a sexist and underpaid women compared to men, but as they were in di played havoc with fferent jobs, you couldn't prove it. It's if you looked at average wages in the area for that type of work that you saw that. She fawned over men if she liked them, and could be played, so she was also a fool. Men learned to play into her, whereas she never gave a woman no matter how bright a break. That total lack of consistency and fairness played havoc with the moral of all women and the men she didn't like. Good dominants are supposed to have rules and look to growing subs from what I understand. That's why trust is there. People like her play it day-by-day by their mood. Don't care what happens to you. So if someone is domineering, run fast and far away. They are emotionally dangerous and abusive.

Have you ever considered that you might be laboring on the false pretense that all dommes are selfish and easily manipulated? Have you ever considered that your view is narrow, or that it might be flawed by your own limited experience with Femdommes?

There is a big difference between "domineering" and "domination." And if you choose to follow one path as opposted to another, you will most certainly reap what you sew.

I do not know what your level of experience is, if any, but I think you owe it to yourself, as well as to prospective partners (Dommes and subs alike) to make determinations about relationships that are based upon multiple life experiences rather than one obvious bad lesson.

Domineering woman can be found anywhere, and I do not think that a domineering woman is what you are seeking. Otherwise, why would be be here?

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to NightVIne)

Post #: 17

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/8/2007 8:10:07 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught???

Both. Both? Yes, both. It's just like stuffed crust pizza. You can eat the cheese side first and the crust first.

Sorry. I am hungry.

I think one's openess or level of interest in dominance is a combination of nature and nurture. I think dominance can be learned if enough of nature is there to find a receptive mind, and that this learning or meeting another into BDSM can serve as the nurture component.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 18

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/8/2007 9:22:05 PM

needDomme

Posts: 115
Joined: 4/8/2006
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I think that if someone is not naturally Domme, teaching her to play a role is smply an act and will come across that way. Just my opinion.

need

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: born to Domme or can it be taught??? - 5/8/2007 9:38:06 PM

NightVIne

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

Have you ever considered that you might be laboring on the false pretense that all dommes are selfish and easily manipulated? Have you ever considered that your view is narrow, or that it might be flawed by your own limited experience with Femdommes?

There is a big difference between "domineering" and "domination." And if you choose to follow one path as opposted to another, you will most certainly reap what you sew.

You misread what I wrote. I said domineering people ARE NOT good Dom(me) material. Domineering ones are selfish, not Dom(mes). I was talking about a domineering woman who owned the company, not a Domme. A good Domme has to be able to read people and communicate and respect limits.

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 20

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