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RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 4:59:37 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I deal in het......man dom woman sub........just cause that's life to me..your milage may vary........ this is a chicken and egg thing to me.....

I ain't no Jack Rinella or other maven of masochism, but:

A woman by simple obiesiance ruleth her husband...... @ 1543.

ME: the notion of women as submissives is wholly fantasy; they are just dominating from the long way around...........stupid chicken dance
*NB: Don't make a bit of difference; the truth;
' I yam whats I yam'........ Popeye to OliveOyl.................

Admiringly to all you women,
Ron

(in reply to sweetnygirl)

Post #: 21

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 5:02:18 PM

CalliopePurple

Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline

Ever notice that people are more willing to talk about subs/slaves being "dominant" in their day to day life than they are to talk about Dom/mes being very laid back and more "submissive" in day to day life? Sure, I lead small groups and stuff, but only when nobody else steps up to the task. Even my mom (yes, my mom knows I'm into BDSM...only because she's kinky too) says she was surprised to hear my position in it.

Ehh, just my two cents. Take it or ignore it.

CP

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 22

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 5:07:14 PM

BobcatsLilMinx

Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

Hi sweetnygirl :)
You know, my friends are the same!! It took them god knows how long to accept I was submissive... although I think it may have been partially denial for one of them, I found out later he had been hoping I could be a Domme for him! It's incredible... I could never be a Domme to a submissive man...

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 23

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 5:44:07 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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That is as non sense to me as Gorean saying that all women are slaves at heart. The whole all men/all women thing smacks of overgeneralizing beyond the pale.

Elegant is what I call a Dominant slave in that she has the personality traits to dominate almost any situation she chooses to. She has though chosen or been called to, or has the heart of slavery, her soul feeds on being owned, on serving me, and when I fall short as any mortal man will on occassion, she feels a great loss, and loses her focus, the center/anchor for her life.

A dominant personality with a slave's heart, people of this sort often have a tendancy to overcommit themselves to the various things they do, to Master/own one of them a person needs to be able to regulate their commitments to a level that is healthy so that the long term goals of everyone can be better met.

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 24

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 8:14:22 PM

sweetnygirl

Posts: 106
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi Minx,
Years & years ago one of my bf's wanted me to dominate him & I did for awhile. At first it was wild because he was 6'6" to my 5" & having him under my control was pretty liberating. But it got old quick & after that I realized I wanted a man who was stronger than me both physically & mentally and also one who I would listen to. It only took me another 18 years or so to figure out I was submissive, sometimes I'm a slow learner<g>.

_____________________________

Take time to eat the flowers!

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 25

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 9:09:38 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Archer- or teach them time and energy management skills so they can be more competent on their own.

Sweet- I always am curious about this. I worship the Owner, and he is indeed smarter, physically stronger, wiser and more experienced than I am in many ways. However, sometimes I'm better than he is, sometimes I have a better skill than he does, or a better idea or perspective than he does.

What happens if a slave only submits if their dom is better and smarter and something occurs so that the dom is NOT smarter or better anymore?

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 26

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 2:40:22 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

A woman by simple obiesiance ruleth her husband...... @ 1543.

Makes no sense to me...

quote:

ME: the notion of women as submissives is wholly fantasy; they are just dominating from the long way around...........stupid chicken dance

Disagree with this statement.
I wouldn't deny myself, because that you make me less of who I am - making me null and void. But there is no 'dominating from a long way around' in a majority of cases - thats just topping from below. I have no contol and I dont dominate, yet I don't deny that I have power - but they are two different things entirely. Confusing the two is just taking the advantages and dismissing them both.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 27

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 5:06:04 AM

Kindred2Evil

Posts: 227
Joined: 4/16/2005
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I'm confused...How can a dominant have a submissive personality? I'm a dominant and to be quite frank with you, there isn't a submissive bone in my body.
And if you have a dominant personality, wouldn't that make you a dominant?
And as far as newbies setting up their boxes, are you saying that you never made judgements on someone upon meeting or speaking with them the first time? I know I have. Some people just come across as idiots with access to a computer, who have learned just enough to get by but end up tangled up in their own bullshit when allowed enough rope.

It's one of the reasons I hate the "dominant submissive/slave" B.S. alpha maybe, dominant not a chance. And what you do outside of your relationships has no bearing on what you are inside BDSM. You are who you are, IMO.

Just my thoughts.

_____________________________

Her touch is on the breeze that brushes your cheek, Her voice rides the thunder as the storm breaks, Her tears will clean your heartache when the rains come, Her sun will light the darkest times when you feel alone...She is the Goddess.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 28

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 5:38:32 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kindred2Evil

I'm confused...How can a dominant have a submissive personality? I'm a dominant and to be quite frank with you, there isn't a submissive bone in my body.

That's fine, I didn't say ALL dominants have a submissive personality.

quote:

And if you have a dominant personality, wouldn't that make you a dominant?

No, that would make you a person with a dominant personality. Lots of vanillas have dominant personalities too.

Personality traits are completely independent from orientation.

quote:

And as far as newbies setting up their boxes, are you saying that you never made judgements on someone upon meeting or speaking with them the first time?

When I said "setting up boxes" I meant things like setting up limits such as "good subs don't do X" when obviously lots of good subs DO do X.

Of course I make judgements quickly on people, but I don't make judgements based on a false "all good Xs do Y, so if he doesn't do Y, then he's not a good X"

quote:

And what you do outside of your relationships has no bearing on what you are inside BDSM. You are who you are, IMO.

Just my thoughts.

I won't say it has no bearing on it, but I agree that how I interact with the Owner is no indicator of how I will act in general or in other contexts.

(in reply to Kindred2Evil)

Post #: 29

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 5:41:10 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Of course I make judgements quickly on people, but I don't make judgements based on a false "all good Xs do Y, so if he doesn't do Y, then he's not a good X"

How do you know they aren't false? Are you Omnipotent?

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 30

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 5:57:06 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

Of course I make judgements quickly on people, but I don't make judgements based on a false "all good Xs do Y, so if he doesn't do Y, then he's not a good X"

How do you know they aren't false? Are you Omnipotent?

Lily

Because the idea that "all people who do X are good" or "all people who don't do X are bad" is always a false idea.

People just can't fit into those sorts of boxes, life brings far too many complicated situations to simply fit into lines.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 31

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 5:59:14 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

Oh, I wouldn't call her omnipotent...lol. I would say she is pretty intuitive though.

I make quick judgments like that too...as far as people I would like to hang out with. I've almost always found that I'm correct, but on rare occassions, people I initially think I would like to get to know end up not being.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 32

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 6:05:39 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Oh, I wouldn't call her omnipotent...lol. I would say she is pretty intuitive though.

I make quick judgments like that too...as far as people I would like to hang out with. I've almost always found that I'm correct, but on rare occassions, people I initially think I would like to get to know end up not being.

best regards,
fate

fate, that's my point. We all make them. My question was with the idea that they were 'true or false.' By placing a value on them, it seems that to make a snap judgement needs some kind of qualifier.

My question pertained to the 'true/false' idea, not whether first impressions are important.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 33

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 6:10:22 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

I understand now what you were trying to say, Lily...but I think the key was in the rest of her statement, which she clarified. Generalizing...like saying ALL women are bad drivers by virtue of the fact that they are women is never going to be true. Some women might be bad drivers, but not all of them, so you can't judge a person's driving ability based on the fact that they are a woman. (Did I choose a really bad analogy...<giggling>)

best regards,
fate
(who really is a good driver most of the time)

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 34

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 7:52:52 AM

sweetnygirl

Posts: 106
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi Emerald,
When I'm starting a relationship is when this comes into consideration, once I realize that I will not be able to walk all over a man then it doesn't come up again. It's just guidance for me because I am very strongwilled & have found that I cannot be with someone who cannot control me or who I won't listen to. When I submit to someone it is with all of me, what he wants is what I will give him gladly & willingly as best as I can. I know that he is human & will make mistakes or differ in opinion from me, but it doesn't affect my submission. I have always had a very difficult time with anyone telling me what to do, so when I meet someone who can make me want to do their will without being forced, I know the relationship has a chance of happening. It's hard for me to explain but it's a feeling I get inside of me. I hope this makes sense to you.

_____________________________

Take time to eat the flowers!

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 35

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 7:59:48 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

A dominant personality is independant of the heart or calling to be a slave.
In this case it is a language problem because dominant is and adjetive in the case of the term domianant slave and a noun in the case of a Dominant. Differenciation between the two can be difficult, since it takes looking at sentance structure rather than just the word.

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to Kindred2Evil)

Post #: 36

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 8:15:29 AM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BobcatsLilMinx

For some reason, I don't like the term "dominant", because it sort of implies (to me at least) wanting to be in control. I don't really know how to describe the way I am, I like things to get done, and I like them done as well as possible. In group work at high school, I often took charge, as most the other kids didn't seem motivated enough to get off their asses by themselves and do some real work. And once I'm running a show, I hate it when people try to replace me, it kind of feels like they're trying to take the credit for the hard work I did getting it all started. But if someone else is willing to lead from the word go, I'm happy to sit back and let them, and I know I prefer that, as I tend to get frustated when I'm trying to create something, and no one else seems to be achieving what I want. I'm hell the second I get an ounce of control, very domineering, and frankly I hate it! I feel much safer when I have someone elses yardstick to live up to, rather than my own ridiculously high expectations.

Minx

I agree, but I understand the way the dominate term is being used here, it is just as you described you see something that needs being done, and no one is taking charge of the project so you step up to the base and send the ball out to left field with the hopes someone comes along to help out. i have been there to and feel just as you do, if it needs getting done lets do it and be done with it, but once I start don't you dare push me out of the way and try to take credit for doing it, I give credit where credit is due and if you help me I'll make sure it is known who all is involved, but again I too am happy to be led, if and when someone else takes the reins. I do not see myself as creative so really hesitate to take the lead in situations that demand creativity, or I pray with everything in me that someone has an idea to get the ball rolling at least, LOL. Sorry guess I got off track just wanted to say that this is what the OP meant by her dominate personality I beleive. perhaps instead of dominate it should be strong, just an idea

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 37

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 9:05:31 AM

subinvt

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/7/2005
Status: offline

Speaking only as a very interested newcomer, I found this thread very interesting.

Although I also crave submission in a relationship, I’m worried that actualizing this type of relationship will brand me as a passive and introverted guy—something I definitely don’t want in my professional life.

I wonder if it’s healthy in the long run to have this sort of split personality. To assert and dominate in the workforce yet be submissive when you get home to your master. Will one of the two personalities win out in the long run?

subinvt

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 38

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 9:15:32 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinvt
I wonder if it’s healthy in the long run to have this sort of split personality.

That's the point that I made- it's NOT a personality split. Being a submissive personality is completely separate from having a submissive orientation.

Do people struggle sometimes to reconcile and switch between aspects of their lives? Yes, even vanillas have this problem.

quote:

To assert and dominate in the workforce yet be submissive when you get home to your master. Will one of the two personalities win out in the long run?

subinvt

It's not two personalities. How do you define "be submissive"? For me it involves keeping things moving, scheduled well, keeping people informed, cleaning up the house, doing work, running errands and all sorts of things.

If the dominant requires the submissive to "be submissive" by being totally passive and quiet and not involved in decisions, then perhaps it would be harder to transition from an active decision making role that they have at work. It would take more time to get used to the transition and work into it.

But EVERYONE has to make the transition from "focus on this to focus on that" even doms.

(in reply to subinvt)

Post #: 39

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/9/2005 10:04:32 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I deal in het......man dom woman sub........just cause that's life to me..your milage may vary........ this is a chicken and egg thing to me.....

I ain't no Jack Rinella or other maven of masochism, but:

A woman by simple obiesiance ruleth her husband...... @ 1543.

ME: the notion of women as submissives is wholly fantasy; they are just dominating from the long way around...........stupid chicken dance
*NB: Don't make a bit of difference; the truth;
' I yam whats I yam'........ Popeye to OliveOyl.................

Admiringly to all you women,
Ron

You are welcome to your opinion, but, no matter whether male or female is sub, in my particular case, and a few others that are on these boards, woman is dom.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 40

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