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D/S vs. S&M - 5/6/2005 6:32:50 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline

I am somewhat of a newbie, and just want to know more about what people think here.

Looking back I realized how much I have been submissive in my life, in previous relationships, and now I am entering into something that is defined as such.

I just am more into the dominance/submission than I am into sado-masochism. hence my name, from "Secretary." I don't feel ashamed of that, nor am I interested in judging anyone else's preferences.. don't get me wrong.

Was just wondering if anyone else felt the same way? how people feel about mental vs. physical? if there are people who aren't into d/s but into s&m? if there are people here who are vice versa? etc.? anyone out there? hehe

Just trying to learn and make friends. Thanks to anyone who wants to talk about it.

Post #: 1

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/6/2005 6:49:38 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Hey Pea's, quite name......
Although i'm a very green novice who has tons to learn it seems to me that titles and descriptions only go so far. Someone say's i'm this or that, but the actual meaning to another might not be what the other really means. Kind of like shades of green but then that color blind guy comes along and we get red in the mix too.
seems to me it's all in the perspective, what works works...............
btw, welcome to CM.

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 2

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/6/2005 8:13:07 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I just am more into the dominance/submission than I am into sado-masochism.

I know this is ask a submissive, but I believe it affects just about everyone. I can tell you that I'm very much into S&M, not more then D/s, well at least not as a top. But as a bottom, I do not do D/s, only S&M. I believe they are two very different things that can and often co-exist.

Confusing? Well I did make a post on this entitled S&M switch - but not D/S. It didn't get much attention so I think it's quite uncommon.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 3

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/6/2005 9:51:56 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I'm also more into the mental than the physical. The two don't always go together, but they don't have to be mutually exclusive, either. Still, physical sensations always seem a little empty to me when there is no mental connection.

Also, it's not uncommon to have different dynamics with different people. I've had two slaves who were both profoundly submissive, but they were also very adept at topping, and in fact quite sadistic with others--so people who didn't know their other side always assumed they were dommes or switches. But they both considered themselves submissive.

Lam

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 4

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 1:36:15 AM

sfogarty

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/15/2005
From: Houston
Status: offline

So, in my head, most SM that I do has DS aspects. Not all of it, but probably 90% or so. The submission is the primary energy that I play with, it is just very often in the context of pain. Sometimes the pain is what generates the submission... either as a gesture of dominance or just because, well, people hurting me makes me feel feel submissive to them. Sometimes the pain 'consumes' the submission... taking the pain is difficult and is something I do because "It's the privledge due the top." Sometimes it's a weird blend that doesn't really fit either of the categories.

Now, that said I also engage in d/s behaviors that don't have much to do with pain... usually cuddling with d/s flavorings involved, but sometimes sexual or embarassing acts as well. So I do consider the d/s to be 'broader' than the pain. I can do submission and pain, submission and sex, submission and embarassment, or just submission, but I rarely do pain without submission. So, to me, saying "I'm into D/S and not S/M" makes perfect sense: SM is just one aspect of submission.

(standard caveats: this is only in my head, not everyone is this way, not everyone should be this way, all claims subject to change on self-introspective epiphanies)

--
Seth Fogarty sfogarty@[gmail.com|rice.edu|livejournal]
Neep-neep at large AIM: Sorrath
"I know there are people in this world who do not love their fellow
human beings - and I hate people like that" --Tom Lehrer.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 5

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 3:55:13 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

I have always seen that D/s can be used as a tool in Sm and visa versa - they can co-exist, yet be seperate.

It's all personal choice.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 6

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 7:33:50 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

D/s tends to be the structure and orientation of the relationship. S&M tend to be things people DO.

There are masochistic dominants, there are sadistic slaves.

There are people who dont do S&M at all, there are people who do S&M but wouldn't dream of calling someone sir. I've met a lot of masochists who call themselves subs just because it's the accepted rubric but really are anything but.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 7

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 9:39:44 AM

HypatiaSwan

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

I like both Ds and SM. But if I couldn't have both and I had to choose, I'd pick Ds. The mental part is what mostly sets my sails. For me, SM without Ds just isn't exciting. I like pain and SM only in the context of Ds. Also, I think Ds has the potential to be used as a 24/7 framework. I mean, one can't really do SM 24/7, but 24/7 Ds is possible.

I think my need for SM has definitely decreased over the years. There was a point in time when I could/would do SM for the sake of SM itself. I could play with people without a Ds component and I wouldn't have considered a Ds relationship without SM being part of it. I think maybe I've had this paradigm shift because my current relationship is so strongly Ds polarized and well-structured around M/s dynamics. I'm thinking this solid structure and pervasive incorporation of Ds into the relationship has met most of my needs, such that SM has become less important to me. Or.. it could be that I'm just getting old..

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"Once we meet and talk, we are brothers and sisters." - Okinawan Proverb

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Post #: 8

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 10:09:57 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My Master is not into s and M much but a little pain is part of his play (his words) and i do think ds can exist without s and m. So many people think its the same in relaity they are very different though thet can co- exist peacfully at the same time.

JL's K

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 9

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 10:17:55 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

D/s tends to be the structure and orientation of the relationship. S&M tend to be things people DO.

This is a big fat bingo for U/us.
D/s is mental, physical, spiritual, emotional and social for U/us.
One the SM side, almsot none....why?
Cause thatis who we are.

dark~angel is right, it is your choice.

BUT i also understand you must know how to get from one to another and how you will understand one or the other.....

i can tell you how i did it, but i am not you...our paths and journeys are different.

but...start with your needs and desires. NOT anothers, yours.

i noticed the word Castlerealm ...may i suggest Claudia Varrin's books or www.submissiveloving.com ?

weighing in with my cents/sense

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 10

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 12:36:32 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline

I have been checking out www.submissiveloving.com. I think that's a great site. It has a lot of really well-researched articles that are very well-written that talk about both D/s and S&M, and it includes it all. One article about "the Healthy Submissive" really touched and moved me.

I am currently involved in something long-distance that is very real and it's just crazy the charge I get from even walking down the street knowing that I am obeying an order as simple as "hold your head high." I like that. Thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts! and thanks for the welcome.

(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 11

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 3:41:34 PM

feline

Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fourpeas

Was just wondering if anyone else felt the same way? how people feel about mental vs. physical? if there are people who aren't into d/s but into s&m? if there are people here who are vice versa? etc.? anyone out there? hehe

Just trying to learn and make friends. Thanks to anyone who wants to talk about it.

D/s here.

Take care,

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 12

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 10:54:05 PM

sfogarty

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/15/2005
From: Houston
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

D/s tends to be the structure and orientation of the relationship. S&M tend to be things people DO.

For me, d/s is very much something I do. It is certainly part of the relationship, but it's much the same as sexuality being part of a relationship. There are bits that are sexual, bits that are d/sy, and while they both flavor it, it is the doing of it that flavors.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 13

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 11:23:54 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

I am very satisfied with only the D/s factor
being present in a relationship.
And the only person I would play with and
accept pain for would be a Domina, where there was
much trust and love.
So, yes people can be active in One, both
and to varying degrees.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

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Post #: 14

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/7/2005 11:51:09 PM

Mariposa

Posts: 37
Joined: 9/28/2004
Status: offline

BDSM is very play oriented for me, so my response to the question may be a bit different. I am mostly into sadomasochism (I switch), but I enjoy scenes with a D/s dynamic. I can never participate in a D/s relationship, though. I exchange power with no one. (It's funny. Sometimes when I'm reading the boards, I feel like one of those oft referenced people who are "just looking for sex." What can I say, it's fun... Insert emoticon here.)

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 15

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/8/2005 9:23:04 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I am submissive and do not have a masochistic bone in my body.

It's all about what you enjoy.

(in reply to Mariposa)

Post #: 16

RE: D/S vs. S&M - 5/8/2005 9:38:06 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I don't exchange power with anyone either...but that's just because what I do is transfer authority.

Trust me, I get that feeling myself, since I AM a slut and I DO have casual sex and play often. I just happen to have long term serious relationships as well.

(in reply to Mariposa)

Post #: 17

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