How does your label affect your view of others? (Full Version)

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spanklette -> How does your label affect your view of others? (5/6/2007 11:22:45 PM)

Seems like for a couple of days we've been dancing around labels and definitions. Those who have been around long enough realize the futility of trying to come up with exact definitions that everyone is comfortable with.
 
So, as much as I despise being labeled, I am. I have come to accept my label of submissive and sometimes even embrace it...in my own way, of course.
 
The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?

I'm not looking for universal definitions or a debate on such. I am merely wondering how your own definitions affect your reactions to others who's definitions might vary. 



juliaoceania -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/6/2007 11:28:03 PM)

I do not think it affects my views of others to be honest, although it does affect their view of me.

I put this quote on my sigline tonight... I do not like others labeling me. I think naming a thing is a very powerful and spiritual act.  I want to define myself, I do not want others nonconsensually labeling me, not that I can stop them. I can dissassociate from them and take my power back by negating theirs.



CuriousLord -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/6/2007 11:30:50 PM)

I wouldn't say my label of myself so much as my labeling system effects my views of others.

I believe it's foolish to believe there's a definate system of labels- this person is a sub, that guy over there's a Dom, this girl's a switch..

Instead, I believe it's important to understand what one's own identity means to themself.  Such as, I label myself a "Master".  In my "Masterhood" thread, I elaborated on what I mean by this.  While others share views similar to my own, many others do not.  For these people, there may be disagreements on what to label an individual.
Therefore, I would say that I am a "Master" in my system, as there is no absolute system and I can not claim to be certain everyone would call me a "Master" in their own system.

On this note, I believe most have similar ideas of what a sub is versus what a Dom is.  What a slave is versus what a Master is.  Some general agreement on differences between the Dom/sub dynamic, the top/bottom dynamic, and the Master/slave dynamic.  This can allow labels to be useful without explicitly defining the system  in which they are derived as the general system, though vague, is still useful.

I conclude that labels are for vague understandings until more detailed understandings come about and that labels are relative to the system in which they are referential.  I would empathesize that associating the referential system to a more specific usage of a label is important to its understanding.



phoenixinchains -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/6/2007 11:31:09 PM)

as a ( insert orientation label ) i wonder if i'll be taken seriously when i ask questions, or wroten off as ignorant. i know some wonder why if i'm married to a male...
if i'm labeled, will i be judged? if i'm not labeled, will i ever find my place in the greater scale of Life?



MissOchistic -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 1:17:23 AM)

I don't view it as a label, just a title. I am a slave. Master is Master. My mother is a radiographer.


Unless someone puts the word "only" or "stupid" in front of it, I don't have a problem.



MasterNdorei -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 2:01:22 AM)

Being a slave affects my view of others in that everyone else's opinion is taken down a notch in importance, while the opinion of the One i serve remains elevated.  What affects my view of others is how they conduct themselves, their experiances, their goals, and the ideas they express.  i do not believe my perception of this has anything to do with my station in life as a slave because these are the same qualities i considered when forming an opinion before i was enslaved. This is a good question, and one i have not seen asked before.Master's dorei



IrishMist -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 3:38:44 AM)

quote:

how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?

it doesn't



julietsierra -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 3:39:31 AM)

The label I've assumed does not determine how I view others. How I view others has determined the label I've assumed.

The label I've assumed does not determine how I view others. How THEY view me is affected by the label I've assumed.

It's not about the label. It's about the assumptions that are made by others and it's about the assumptions I've made about my views, my beliefs and my LIFE that determines the label I choose.

Focusing on the label before the life choices is kind of backwards.

juliet




LadyPact -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 3:58:13 AM)

It is a very good question.  I always appreciate the ones that can have different interpretations.
 
Aside from a generalization, I don't put that much into the labels.  As was mentioned, the definitions can vary, so until I've learned a little bit about the individual in question, I reserve the opinion of what it means to that person.  I think the best that a label can do is give a general idea and not much else until the opportunity to discuss specifics arises.
 
The other reason that I can't say I put much stock into the labels is because anybody can slap any label on themselves, but it doesn't mean it carries much weight.  Just as an example, until "Master" So and so has talked a bit about why He considers Himself that, I don't think much of it.  (BTW, CuriousLord.... read the piece You wrote.  It was interesting.)  For all I know, the person in question may not have "Mastered" anything.  It many just be some cute little screen name they came up with.  Until I know a little more, I take those types of labels with a grain of salt.
 
What might be closer to the point, I don't view the opinions of those with bottom/submissive/slave labels to be worth any less than Those with Top/Dominant/Master labels.  Being a Domme Myself, doesn't make Me think that those on the other side have less value in their opinions.  Sometimes, they are the best ones to ask certain questions because I specifically want to hear the thoughts from a different viewpoint. 



canupleaseme -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 4:21:04 AM)

I've tried not to label myself too much.  As you have pointed out its quite futile someone will always disagree.
I take people as I find them be they Dom/Domme/sub/slave/old/young/black/white/green lol  Everyones opinion is valuable to them and if its relevant or helpful to me then its all good regardless of their "label".

With regard to it affecting how I view them as an individual no not at all we all play a different part in life and we are all important.  I have friends who are sub that I hold in higher regard than some of the dommes I have met, like with my vanilla friends I dont judge them for not being kinky I judge them on who they are as a person.



Smythe -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 5:32:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette


The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?

I'm not looking for universal definitions or a debate on such. I am merely wondering how your own definitions affect your reactions to others who's definitions might vary.


I'm a dominant woman. Therefore, when I look around and see a submissive male, I might think of them as a potential partner or object of interest. I might also assume that we share certain interests or goals. If I see that he is a dominant male, I won't think any less or more of him, but I wouldn't see him as a potential partner. Same with all the other permutations. Definitions don't affect my view of others, except in this one limited way.

Smythe





cjenny -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 5:42:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette
The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?


It doesn't. I view people & their opinions from my own perspective, it has nothing to do with how others label me. *checks the back of her neck* I don't have a self label.



CypherEnigma -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 5:50:19 AM)

Thank you for the great thread and something to think about today.



mistoferin -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 6:11:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette
The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?


I believe that to say they have no effect is not accurate, although the effect that they do have may certainly not be intentional or even conscious.

We all have basic ideas in our heads of what everything we have a word or label for is. Example: dogs. We all have an idea of what a dog is. Now there are endless possibilities of breeds, combinations, colors, sizes, characteristics, etc....but we all have a basic understanding of what makes a dog a dog. So when something comes along that does not seem to fit into that basic understanding....say a parrot...that would effect the way we view it and most of us would not recognize it as a dog.

Human beings are broken down into women and men. We all have a basic understanding of what a woman is...and what a man is. If Sylvester Stallone came on the tv and tried to convince us all that he is actually a woman...it would not fit into our basic understanding.

I believe that most of us have alot of room for interpretation and generally we can accept and understand a very broad spectrum. It's when something comes along that we just can't seem to fit in anywhere on our spectrum of basic understanding that it's effect is most pronounced.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 6:12:20 AM)

It doesn't affect my view of others. I respect whatever label they choose or if so no label at all. Life is too short to worry about what others may think. I just concentrate on what our view is and how that affects us.



OhBeMyMind -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 6:50:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Seems like for a couple of days we've been dancing around labels and definitions. Those who have been around long enough realize the futility of trying to come up with exact definitions that everyone is comfortable with.
 
So, as much as I despise being labeled, I am. I have come to accept my label of submissive and sometimes even embrace it...in my own way, of course.
 
The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?

I'm not looking for universal definitions or a debate on such. I am merely wondering how your own definitions affect your reactions to others who's definitions might vary. 


Kind of ironic that this has come up on the board, a similar conversation has recently surfaced in my life that has pretty much left a bad impression for me and has altered how I view those who label themselves a certain way.  The problem for me began when a few people explained why they label themselves as they do, and what they feel defines them in that way.  I can accept their opinions, I may not agree with it completely but nonetheless accept it.....however, those same people who have described what makes them this label no sooner turns around and speaks and or  behaves in such a way that is so contradictory to what they just described.  So now when I find myself in the presence of someone who labels themselves this way I find myself rolling my eyes and yeah kind of judging them even, it does not stop me from spending time with the person, or if just meeting them getting to know them, but when it comes to the label topic I try to avoid it with these people. I am really not sure how to get past letting this specific label and definition alter my views, opinions, and how I interact with certain "labeled ones", I just keep hoping it will work itself out.   Maybe I have not been too terribly confusing.



TigressFL -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 7:21:51 AM)

My personal definitions do not effect how I view someone totally, however, they do effect how I view behaviors. For example, when I see someone that refers to them self as a submissive or a slave sling a shitty attitude toward their owner for any reason it throws me off for a bit. I look to the owner with the hope of seeing them give their property a look or say something to them and when they do not react at all I am left bewildered until I shrug it off and remind myself "To each their own". While that behavior just throws me off, the next bothers me. When someone that refers to them self as a Dom/me and/or Master/Mistress treats every sub/slave that he or she comes into contact with as if they are he or she's property. I think that behavior is completely inappropriate and it does effect how I view him or her to a certain extent. Last but not least, I have a hard time wrapping my head around when people refer to them self as a Dom/me, Master/Mistress or sub/slave when their daily life does not reflect adulthood as it is out of control. At the bare minimum, I think of those "labels" as being reserved for at least semi-responsible adults rather than people that are struggling to even have any type of control of their own lives. In the end the things that bother me above also bother me within the vanilla world because if I just remove the Dom/me... type labels and replace them with the word adult then the same behaviors bother me.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 7:29:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette
The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?

It doesn't.  I don't know why people seem to insist that one's personal relationship orientation means anything else about a person, but they do.

I don't.  Telling me their personal orientation really doesn't mean much more to me than knowing what sort of car they drive.

Now, because so many OTHERS attach meaning to an orientation, I get treated very differently depending on what I call myself or what sort of symbols I wear in public, but that's to be expected.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 7:40:49 AM)

I have a tendency to assume that others' definitions are the same as mine. While I know in my head that this is true, it's still my knee-jerk reaction to be slightly annoyed most of the time. I'm a very logical person and have come to my definitions in a very logical way...hence they make perfect sense to me. However, I try to be respectful and listen...and have changed my definitions when I've heard someone say it better. For example, I changed "power exchange" to "transfer of authority" when speaking of a Ds or Ms relationship when I read LA's definition. She said what I was thinking in a much better way. But, in the end, it was still what I was thinking. And since, from my viewpoint, this is the Universe According to Fire...that made it ok.

Master Fire



CreativeDominant -> RE: How does your label affect your view of others? (5/7/2007 7:44:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Seems like for a couple of days we've been dancing around labels and definitions. Those who have been around long enough realize the futility of trying to come up with exact definitions that everyone is comfortable with.
 
So, as much as I despise being labeled, I am. I have come to accept my label of submissive and sometimes even embrace it...in my own way, of course.
 
The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?

I'm not looking for universal definitions or a debate on such. I am merely wondering how your own definitions affect your reactions to others who's definitions might vary. 


It doesn't.  I have my own ideas of what dominance/submission are and the way that they fit in my world and I realize that my views are not for everyone.  Most of my thoughts jibe with other dominants thoughts in the basic definition of dominance and as those thoughts get more complex and expansive, then come the deviations from this "basic path".  The same holds true for how I view the label of "submissive".  I have an idea in my head of what I consider to be basic submission, I have more complex ideas of what I need and want and like in a submissive and then there are those areas of my brain that are open to new explanations of submission and dominance.
But without conversation with someone, I have no idea what type of dominant/submissive/switch they are...I only know how they see themselves and how they wish to identify themselves...as a starting point only...to the world.



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