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RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 11:08:00 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I think that the vast majority of those ads are a reflection of a relationship where the "Master" wants to have his cake and eat it too and the sub/slave is involved because she either desires to please her "Master", thinks that going along with such a plan will indebt him to her or thinks that she has to go along with it in order to keep him and be viewed as a "good" "sub/slave".


In our case, I'm bi and I'm geared more towards women than men. I actually used to have a girlfriend that was seperate from the male in my life (in a previous relationship). So, having another female sub come into our relationship is actually a bonus for me and is something that I look forward to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe
 But then, who would want that second role?


I have a friend that is a very busy Doctor with her own practice. She's on call 24 hours a day on week days and every other weekend. She doesn't have the time to dedicate to a full time relationship, so she enjoys being the second. Everyone gets what they want. She's got a D/s relationship where she's not being pressured to put in more time than she can, and the Dom isn't left without a submissive.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 11:34:26 AM   
gentlethistle


Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe
 If you are in a primary relationship with a male dominant and he wants another femsub to join you, how have you handled that? How would you handle it? What about jealousy? It seems like it must be very difficult.


I do suffer from jealousy, and I think this is more about emotional attention than sexual jealousy.  I think that the key thing for me in helping me through this situation, if it ever arose, would not only be an openness on the part of the dom so that I was kept informed about what was going on and exactly where I stood, but also respect from the other woman about my priorities and concerns. 

I try to respect a significant other's non-sexual comitments to others and would hope that I could do the same for another submissive....but it would really annoy me if she couldn't reciprocate that concern and consideration.  In theory, I don't have an 'objection' to the idea of being in a poly relationship...but that's a bit like saying I don't 'object' to a relationship with a woman.  I think that my predisposition is probably for being in a straight, monogomous relationship with at least some degree of submission.  But I see that basic orientation as sitting somewhere on a continuum....with the right third party, one who was prepared to work as hard as I would have to to form a good triad relationship I wouldn't reject the idea out of hand.  But I do find it really difficult and complex forming and maintaining a good, healthy relationship with only two people involved, adding a third seems to make things yet more complicated again, with all the extra attendent issues of communication.  I admire those who can do that well and find it fulfilling.

Laura

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 11:39:16 AM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well, every situation is different...and I am the one who initiated the conversation about adding a third to our family, as an equal to me. But, Daddy and I have a Daddy/little girl dynamic that He is not wishing to duplicate, nor am I. So, we seek someone who is interested in a different D/s dynamic.
 
The "search" for us, really isn't a search at all. It's more that we've let it be known that there is a dynamic that we are open to. We don't spend our time perusing profiles...we meet and talk with people. If one of these people turns out to be exactly who we are looking for and we are exactly what she is looking for...BONUS!!!

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 11:40:25 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe
I believe that anyone in the submissive role wants to feel that they are satisfying their dominant, so having to go along with a second contradicts that. Unless the second is definitely *second* in the heart and mind of the dom. But then, who would want that second role?

Just more questions...
Smythe


If by "second", you mean not as valued as than the "first", then i would agree that it wouldn't be a nice feeling to be "second".  But, if "second" means to be subordinate to the "first" and submissive to the "first", then i am one who would prefer to be "second" rather than "first".  That is just my nature to want to serve a man and a woman, even if the woman is another submissive or slave.  i have never had any interest in being dominant over another.  If my Master were to take another sub/slave, (and this has been clearly stated in the profiles and ads i have posted on various sites in search of a sister slave), i would gladly and eagerly be submissive to her.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 1:03:21 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		If Master wanted to add another, it would be breakinf one of the thing we had disccuued befire i recieved my collar.  I an mot wored for poly and i do have jealousy issues, It not that i am insucure its just that when we are together i want all of his attention.  I wouls not like to share his attention.  The one on one relationship is the only one that works for both of us.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 5:52:44 PM   
simplyangelic1


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		I don't have a problem with Master wanting another.  There are some things that he enjoys that I can't or won't do.  I also know that it's not something that is gonna happen overnight either.  Finding the right person is gonna take time.  I'm not worried that someone will take my place.  The only way that would happen is if I allowed it and I won't let that happen. 

The most important thing I've learned about Poly is that communication is key.  If that ain't there, nothing is gonna work.  And that is one thing that Master and I do very well is communicate. 

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 5:56:04 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		i have some experience in the poly situation, but more from a swinging type of arrangement, than a bdsm one.

I think that the pitfalls and pleasures are very similar from these two perspectives.

If my Sir had a need for a particular style of play that i was not able to provide, for reasons of limits, or health, or kink incompatability, then that'd be a good option.
We then get to discuss it, lots! 'we' meaning, everyone involved.

I no longer am interested in poly for the following reasons:
In a swinging set of poly people, everyone is there as equal. Everyone has their own control. Everyone can say no or stop. I know that you could negotiate with your Dom that you can safe word out at any point, but this doesnt take into account the need of the sub to please the Dom.

My friend (Domme) who is poly within a bdsm lifestyle has shared her experiences with me on poly. Ive listened to the high level of drama it causes, when someone has a issue with it. These issues have cropped up as things progress, despite lots of pre-negotiation and planning on her part at least.

A second person, (or 3rd or 4th for that matter) comes with their own set of agenda, issues, needs and wants. Lots of variables to rock 'our' boat.
My boat currently involves Him, me, my chidlren. Im not sure id want that risked for the pleasure that is not a need of mine or his. More icing on a bdsm cake.

Ive seen people get hurt in poly, despite them saying that are ok with it, wont be jealous, i listened to a guy tell me how he'd cope if his partner got issues with poly, then when she did, he couldnt cope himself and was in no position to assist anyone!

Its a tricky dynamic to pull off successfully. Certainly NOT something id ever do with a newbie. Im happy to accept responsibility to others involved, if they have played in this way before, and allready know their likely reactions. But first timers, it can bring a whole lot of hot issues to the surface that'd been buried perhaps.
little1

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 7:43:42 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Very true, little. There are many who think they have what it takes to handle poly, but they just don't know what it takes. No amount of pre-planning can cover all of the bases. Situations crop up and sometimes you just have to wing it. That's when you learn if everybody has what it takes.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 7:48:51 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Well, every situation is different...and I am the one who initiated the conversation about adding a third to our family, as an equal to me. But, Daddy and I have a Daddy/little girl dynamic that He is not wishing to duplicate, nor am I. So, we seek someone who is interested in a different D/s dynamic.

The "search" for us, really isn't a search at all. It's more that we've let it be known that there is a dynamic that we are open to. We don't spend our time perusing profiles...we meet and talk with people. If one of these people turns out to be exactly who we are looking for and we are exactly what she is looking for...BONUS!!!



Sounds like you have a great situation, and it's one that I would consider poly, if the two of you choose a third. My curiosity is more about a Dom/sub dyad where the dom imposes his desire for another. It struck me as being incredibly difficult. But clearly, just from the responses here, there are people who love the idea of a sister slave...cooperation, not competition.

Smythe


_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 8:09:25 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well, hopefully, these are the types of things that are generally worked out before anyone enters into a seriuos realtionship. If a Master is imposing his will on a not-so-pleased submissive...well, I would imagine these are the threads we've seen on poly realtionships going down in flames. 

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 8:56:48 PM   
masterelf


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline 		Master and I seek a sister for me, though it was initially my idea. We had one before, though she didn't work out, she became jealous and all the stuff you don't want to happen. It is just in the person temperment and nature I suppose would be the words, if they could handle a poly and 1rst and 2nd  are not a big deal if the person is happy with their placing and know their place.
Jealousy is not something that you can have in such a thing as a poly relationship though, and if you have a problem with not being the center of attention then one definately shouldn't try it.
Master seeks a sister slave primarily for me to enjoy, but also for the reason of being able to do things to that slave that he has agreed not to do to me due to me not prefering it. I have no quams in my mind if we were to find another since I know I am first and foremost important, and if he can get the thigns that he wishes that I can not provide then all the better. A poly relationship relies alot on communication and honesty, without both there can not be any true happiness.
You must first know that you are the one that stays though, in a matter of speaking if the second doesn't work out. Voicing your problems with a poly relationship is the key or was the key to keeping ours going as long as it did.
Our second tot he House of elf didn't communicate with Master or myself very well, she didn't wish to try to talk her problems out nor did she wish to even acknowledge they were there. This caused her to bottle up emotions and become very resentful in fact jealous, for she had been his submissive previously though she had been released upon bad behavoir. I do not see why poly relationships are sometimes confusing besides the fact of who would want to share their Master or their daddy or whatever your superior happens to be called to you.
There are many that like this trust me, but there are some that think they would and end up feeling even worse. If a Master wishes it and the sub/slave/pet does not wish it then yes there will eb problems along the way. Especially if your submissive gets very jealous, or has to be teh center of attention.
My words probably don't make alot of sense but alot of what all you guys say is right, and I just figured I'd tell my opinion perhaps brighten up some of the darkness.
Slave Francine
Slave to Master Elf
Of the House of Elf

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 10:00:21 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		We handle it by making sure everyone gets along first and foremost, by nature I am not a jealous person, neither is Rob. I actually love to watch him with others. We also have 17 years together  to be where we are today in our relationship.  I was more than happy when we had a girl living with us, unfortunatly-everything that could go wrong did go wrong and it was a good lesson in what works and what doesn't work. That was also 15 years ago.
Rob and I both came into our relationship with honesty and  made it clear that neither of us were monogamous minded.

We both can love linearly without it harming what we share with each other. If someone has five unmentionables they don't just love one of them they love all of them but each uniquely. That is how we see our outside relationships. We can love others, and do.   Rob and I didn't start D/s and we are not a typical relationship on all fronts but if he were to come to me and say I met  girl 'b' and I really want her to be a part of our family, I would make an effort to get to know her and go from there.

denika

< Message edited by denika -- 5/7/2007 10:03:04 PM >

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: your master wants another - 5/7/2007 10:45:56 PM   
piawia


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		i have talked to many slaves that there Master is inviteing another slave into His household and i can tell you this *they felt hurt*the reason why i ask them is cause i have the same feelings too*and i wanted to know it was just not me *in everyone i asked they felt there was something in there heart that was taken from them..they even felt guilty feeling this way*and diappointed with themselves*i can honestly say it must be nice to have one Master one slave and together both grow ..but and thats a big butt..its a pain when He thinks differently

(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: your master wants another - 5/8/2007 8:09:08 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Even though i was the one to first bring up the idea of looking for another sub/slave to join my Master & me, if it had been the other way around, i would not have had a problem with it.  In fact, He has brought others in for a day of play occasionally, even though it wasn't for anything more than that. 
 
First Rule:  He is the Master & i am the slave.  That is the way O/our relationship began and that's how it remains.  i don't OWN Him, He OWNS me.  He Controls the relationship and if i have a problem with it, i can leave or learn to live with it.  It is not an equal partnership.  That is how O/our relationship is.  That's how W/we planned it and that's how W/we like it.
 
The ONE thing i have always said that i need from my Master is for Him to be HONEST with me.  In fact, that is what i have always told ever Dom i have ever been involved with.  If He wants to have 20 women at His feet, that's for Him to decide.  If He wants to go meet other women for sex, that's for Him to decide.  But, He does need to keep me informed about it.  If He isn't honest with me about that and He is keeping that a secret from me, then the agreement W/we have is broken and i can take off my collar and walk out the door.
 
i am His slave, but i am His CONSENSUAL slave.  i have consented to live under His roof,  His rules, His requirements and His way of life. But, it is based on Informed Consent.  It's based on the information He gave me, at the start, and the information i gave Him.  It's based on continuing to have honest and complete information.  Without that, it's meaningless.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: your master wants another - 5/8/2007 8:22:41 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I think that the vast majority of those ads are a reflection of a relationship where the "Master" wants to have his cake and eat it too and the sub/slave is involved because she either desires to please her "Master", thinks that going along with such a plan will indebt him to her or thinks that she has to go along with it in order to keep him and be viewed as a "good" "sub/slave"
Hello erin,
i think that may indeed be the case in lots of relationships but i can honestly say, as others have here, that i am actually the one who suggested adding another (for more than play).  It's not to be seen as good or to indebt Him or simply because i think He really wants it and just won't say so...lol.  It is because i really like the idea of having a female friend, companion, lover, and fellow slave who would be into serving and pleasing Master as i am. 
"most" people who think they are poly have not thought it all the way through to the end and are incapable of functioning within such a relationship in the long term. Issues like jealousy (which in my opinion has no place in a poly relationship....or any relationship for that matter) rear their ugly heads and destroy the foundation
This is what worries me the most.  i tend to not be jealous at all as far as the sexual realm.  i love Master being with other women and encourage it.  It's the non-sexual things that i have had fear about as far as feeling that would make me jealous.  To me, there are so many things more intimate than sex.  i don't get jealous if Master enjoys another sexually but i can imagine situations that absolutely involved no sex in which i may feel twinges.  i must say that over the past year, i have come a looooooooong way in my thinking about this, however.  i feel closer now that i ever have to being able to live comfortably within the confines of a poly relationship.  Not saying i'm totally ready, just alot closer to being ready.
 
The ones who ARE poly have usually done the necessary ground work to determine if such is a situation that is workable for them, discussed and negotiated the possibilities of such at the beginning of their relationship and do their search in tandem to find someone who would be the correct fit for their particular dynamic and relationship
Exactly.  W/we have begun doing this and possibly someday He will feel O/our relationship is ready. 


LA hit the nail right on the head for me as far as needing to be "secure."  That is the magic word for me.  Until i felt that absolute security, i was not fully able to entertain the notion of poly.  Now that i've reached that point, W/we have begun to seriously think about it.  It wasn't something Master could force.  It just had to naturally occur. 
 
Spanklette also brought up an interesting point.  With Master and i, there is a special dynamic that no one else can ever share.  He has made it clear to me that if the right one ever does come along and we discuss poly and decide to try it, that she and i will not be equal in His eyes.  He feels that there will be times when He will wish to spend time with me apart from her but not with her apart
from me.  i tend to lean toward the idea that it should be equal or why would she want to be part of it.  As others have said, who wants to be "second?"  But, there were some good answers for that and there are all types of people seeking all types of different things.  In my thinking, the ideal situation would be where another female comes to live with U/us but still has a life outside the home (friends, other lovers, etc).  She and i would love and care for each other and for Master but she would understand and be fully accepting that i am His wife (which i will be by the time this ever happens...lol) and that W/we have a special dynamic above and beyond what He and i share with her.  It would have to be a very, very special woman indeed because Master or i neither one can or will deal with chaos, jealousy, or drama in O/our life together.  If her desires could mesh with ours without those negative side-effects, that would be the ideal.....slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: your master wants another - 5/8/2007 8:43:38 AM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		I've seen a lot of doms who just want another woman for themselves, and rationalize it by claiming it's for their sub, subs that seek another for themselves first and master second, poly families, etc etc., whatever works, just gotta be careful of the emotional side of things, particularly with the primary submissive if she's a woman, they tend to be more emotional. Whatever works lol.

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: your master wants another - 5/8/2007 9:10:38 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

I've read lots of posts and profiles from female submissives who indicate that their master (and sometimes they) are searching for a second sub to join them. Mostly they seem OK with this. Can that be true? If you are in a primary relationship with a male dominant and he wants another femsub to join you, how have you handled that? How would you handle it? What about jealousy? It seems like it must be very difficult.


Me and neph aren't actively looking, as such, but we've talked about bringing a second sub/slave into the relationship. We also have an "open relationship", in the sense that we both engage in play with others, although we remain faithful in that we don't get into romantic entanglements. Both of us have used this option in the past, with no ill effects.

I think it depends a lot on the people involved, and we wouldn't bring in a lifestyle sub or a slave to live with us without that person having every appearance of being the right one for us. A particularly important point, which excludes almost everyone, is that we're not looking for someone of equal rank to hers, although I guess things might change if she felt a romantic attraction to the newcomer.

Anyone to be considered would have to realize, and be okay with, the fact that although I would take care of them, I would not tolerate any "competition" for my romantic affections. Of course, neph doesn't have a dominant bone in her body, and that might make things easier for some to deal with.

Such a candidate would either need to be ready for this kind of situation, or willing to be changed into a person that is suited for it. My neph has a place, I'm not putting anyone else in that place, and I'm not sacrificing her happiness for the sake of another.

In situations where the subs/slaves are of equal rank, I get the impression that it's a lot of work to manage things.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: your master wants another - 5/8/2007 9:16:03 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

no, you can't make anyone poly, bi, or submissive ( and so on) when these things aren't within them.


While I don't think you can make someone submissive while fully retaining their mental health, I do think you can make a lot of people bi with sexual orientation reconditioning. More relevantly, I think you can make most, if not all, people neutral or indifferent to sexual contact of a kind that isn't aligned with their orientation.

I doubt you can make anyone poly, though. The capacity to love more than one person in the same way at the same time appears to be something you either have or don't have. One can probably get rid of jealousy, if one has the appropriate skills and all parties are willing to see it happen, and one can probably make someone accustomed to a poly situation. I don't think you can make them love the whole group if that isn't in their nature, though.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to phoenixinchains)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: your master wants another - 5/8/2007 9:33:10 AM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		if you could make someone bi, couldn't you make them poly?
i still stand by my origanal statement, but now, Aswad, i'm curious on the theory,,,
for me, being bi means i don't see gender as a limit to whom i might care for, or be attracted to sexually. both are wonderful. as for poly, i feel my heart has volume enough to take another into my life. in a way, it seems the commonality is that both intale less retrictions apon tradition (one guy/ one girl) relationships, or restricting what a person might truely disire, even if the ideal situation never presents itself.
how did you come apon the theory presented above? just wondering- phoenix

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: your master wants another - 5/8/2007 10:22:07 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad
I would not tolerate any "competition" for my romantic affections
Master feels exactly the same way.  He has made it clear that even when "playing" with another female, He will not tolerate any kind of perceived "competition."  By Him allowing someone to join U/us, it is for the enjoyment of all involved, not some kind of contest as to who's the best, who can endure the most, etc.  And as for His romantic affections, He's made it clear that contest has been won.

Of course, neph doesn't have a dominant bone in her body, and that might make things easier for some to deal with.
Again, i can say exactly the same thing in O/our situation.  i have no desire to dominate anyone. 

My neph has a place, I'm not putting anyone else in that place, and I'm not sacrificing her happiness for the sake of another.
My Master's sentiments exactly.  That's why it would take the perfect fit to even consider poly.  If W/we find her, cool.  If not, W/we're doing just fine anyway.  It's definitely not something W/we are in a hurry to do just to have it.  Per Master, all of U/us must be comfortable and accepting of whatever poly relationship may eventually be established.........luci


_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 40
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