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What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/7/2007 3:16:36 PM

Einzelganger

Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
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So I'm reached a stalemate, so to speak. I've met several Dommes who exude the qualities I seek, both here and in person, at local munches, etc. None of them are my age (21), which doesn't bother me, but most of them are around 30-35 and prefer to find someone who is at least 30 years of age. While I'm not here to complain, I do have a question regarding the age issue: What is it that you look for in a sub's age? Is it the fact that they're closer to your age, or more experienced? Or is it a certain 'mental age' or maturity you seek, or perhaps something entirely different?

I ask not out of idle curiosity; I'm wondering if there's something I can do to either offset my age (or lack thereof), or if I'll have to bide my time. Thank you for your time. *smiles*

-Einzelgänger

Post #: 1

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/7/2007 3:44:51 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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For Me, it is definitely the age itself, rather than the level of experience. I would be more likely to consider someone who is 30 with no experience (as long as their willingness to learn was there) rather than someone who is 25 and has five years experience. Being 38 Myself, it's just a compatability thing. I mean, I call them My boys, but I have to be a bit realistic.

(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 2

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/7/2007 3:58:14 PM

TigressFL

Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
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At 35 years of age I know how much I have grown since I was 21 and the difference in some ways is like night and day. I simply do not want to take the risk of being with someone that has so much growing to do just within adulthood.

Good luck!

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Live your own truth, Life is short

(in reply to Einzelganger)

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RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/7/2007 5:35:13 PM

SweetDommes

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Joined: 10/5/2004
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We look for someone close in age to us for compatability issues. We just don't have much of anything in common with someone more than about 4 years younger than me or 6 years older than me. Because we are looking for a lifelong committment, having someone who is a lot younger or older than us just doesn't make much sense.

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(in reply to TigressFL)

Post #: 4

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/7/2007 5:41:30 PM

Einzelganger

Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
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First off, thank you all for your replies. *smiles* As for me, it's not a specific age I look for; it's a level of maturity. Women who act like they're in their 30's or older (regardless of their physical age, or lack thereof) appeal to me due to a certain sense of humor/intelligence/wisdom that, most of the time, is not found in people my age; especially wisdom. It's a little difficult to describe accurately, but I'm a sucker for it. *smiles*

-Einzelgäger

< Message edited by Einzelganger -- 5/7/2007 5:42:05 PM >

(in reply to TigressFL)

Post #: 5

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/7/2007 5:47:05 PM

N4SDChastity

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DOUBLE-DIGITS

(in reply to Einzelganger)

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RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 2:33:52 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
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Personally I previously only wanted to play with subs/slaves a bit older than me, and all my vanilla relationships have been with older men by about 5/6 years. I have to say when my boy first approached me I was very concerned with his age , he was 22 at the time. Fortunatly for him he has a higher mental age than any of the 30+ year old men I have ever dated so I now have a toyboy

If he had been immature in his behaviour or persoanlity I wouldnt of given him the time of day. I am also concious that my own life is 100% different to how it was when I was 22 and my wants and needs have changed as I have gotten older so this worried me a lot too at the start but he is very mature for his age and very grounded so its all turned out good.
I guess if I look at it from the other end of the spectrum too I would feel uncomfortable dominating someone who was say late thirties because I would be worried they wouldnt take me seriously being younger. I think no age is ideal its all down to the person.

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(in reply to N4SDChastity)

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RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 6:25:56 AM

MistressLorelei

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Youth (legal youth) is attractive to Me on some levels. I love the young, innocent look, and the freshness and the 'need to be led' is enticing on the surface, but having been 21 myself (and a very mature one at that), I was at a different place in my life and my views of what is important in it. In a relationship, I expect that my male will have a solid direction in life, and will have a certain maturity and life understanding that can only happen by living life.

I have had a relationship with a male 13 years younger in the not too distant past (the attraction was overwhelming), and as mature as he seemed in some ways, he was not a the place in life where I needed him to be to create a long-term, successful relationship. I don't think the difference would be a real negative if I was in my late 40's/early 50's and he was thirteen years younger, but until then, he has a lot of maturing to do and life experience to gain.

I prefer a male's age to be above 28, though I will admit that there can be an occassional mature enough 27 year old, and there are many 'way too immature' males in their 40's. 30-40 is preferable as a general age number.

I don't think age is always only just a number.

< Message edited by MistressLorelei -- 5/8/2007 6:53:12 AM >

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 8

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 7:49:10 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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How this would be answered would be totally individual preference because how we factor age really depends on what we are seeking in a partner. If we seek someone who wish to bond with for a long period of time... age becomes very relevant.

I would imagine, like most people have already commented, that if a person is looking for a partnership with someone on a more long lasting basis, they will seek someone who is close to them in age. This is because at any age in life there have been milestones that have already been reached. When you combine someone who is 20 to someone who is 40, regardless as to their gender.... there is a great deal that the 40 year old has experienced &/or achieved that the 20 year old has yet to do.

In my own case I had a relationship with a 21 year old when I was 36. What ended it was their desire to have their own biological child & I was done in the procreation department.

I have a friend who became involved with an older woman who was retired. He was still working hard making a name for himself in business. She wanted to travel & enjoy her time. He had to put many hours in at work & wasn't free to take off on a whim whenever the mood struck her.

These are just 2 simple examples of the milestones that can cause incompatibility. Physical, mental & emotional attraction are easy enough to discover but it is the sum of all of our parts that have to be factored in when we consider relationships with long term goals

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MstrssPassion

(in reply to Einzelganger)

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RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 8:52:21 AM

AAkasha

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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The good news is, you are getting older, so you know it isn't a permanent problem. In the meantime, enjoy your youth and focus your time on personal growth and working on your social skills. Just because you can't find a femdom for a relationship doesn't mean you should not date. You aren't doing yourself any favors by remaining locked up for 10 years.

At your age I found that the goth/industrial/alternative dance club scene was a great outlet for my desire to dress in latex and boots and prey on unsuspecting young boytoys. There are a lot of kinky overtones at alternative dance clubs, and the age group is a lot younger. While you cannot be 100% sure that a woman who is dressed like a dominatrix is actually interested in domination, I think your chances are a lot higher there than at a sports bar.

Akasha

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(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 10

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 4:16:33 PM

Einzelganger

Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline

Thanks again for all the replies. *smiles* I realize this is largely one of those things that, often, boils down to a matter of personal preference, but I appreciate your sharing your views with me.

Personally, I've always had a much easier time forming lasting relations with people a few years older than myself, be it a friendship, or something more. I had my first real job years before I was supposed to, played in the Rollins College orchestra while I was in high school, etc. If anything, I have a difficult time relating to people my age in the long term.

To be honest, AAkasha, although I enjoy industrial music now and then, I'm not sure if I really want to meet anyone there; I've nothing against anyone who frequents dance clubs, but I'd prefer to meet someone with a more vested interest (for lack of a better term) in D/s than someone with a little kink. And as far as locking myself up for 10 years, I couldn't agree more. I'm still keeping my hopes up, and I would never turn down a date with someone who sparked my interest, or might be fun to talk to, but I've had my fair share of short relationships, and I'm looking for something longer, more meaningful now.

Thank you very much for the reply, though; you've given me some great food for thought...and, as you pointed out, youth is not a permanent condition. *smiles*

-Einzelgänger

< Message edited by Einzelganger -- 5/8/2007 4:17:20 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 11

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 4:24:28 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Einzelganger
What is it that you look for in a sub's age? Is it the fact that they're closer to your age, or more experienced? Or is it a certain 'mental age' or maturity you seek, or perhaps something entirely different?

I want mine younger. Always have. I like boys with little experience that I can train from the start.I find younger pets more attractive, usualy, though that is not a given. And, for the most part, I have had more in common hobby wise and other vanila aspect-wise with the younger pets I have kept than those older that Ive had.

Its all a matter of finding someone looking for what you are offering. There are a few of us that LIKE them young, so find one that does, rather than chasing those that dont.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 12

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 5:32:18 PM

MissSCD

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Joined: 3/10/2007
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I like mature subs and friends for that matter. I do not like hanging with the young crowd anymore. Nothing wrong with being young; however, I am old school. We do things differently.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 13

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 5:32:50 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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It probably doesn't need to be that much about 'age', just as long as IQ is greater than 'age'.

That would help a lot I would think.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 14

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/8/2007 6:16:53 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

I like mature subs and friends for that matter. I do not like hanging with the young crowd anymore. Nothing wrong with being young; however, I am old school. We do things differently.

Regards, MissSCD

I hear you loud and clear on that one. Couldn't agree more.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 15

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/9/2007 7:25:44 AM

NightVIne

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
Its all a matter of finding someone looking for what you are offering. There are a few of us that LIKE them young, so find one that does, rather than chasing those that dont.

I am often mistaken for being younger than I am, and I think I look My age, but it's an attitude, so younger people are more apt to come to Me than older ones. I've learned to make peace with this. My huband is 7.5 years older, and one of the few older people with whom I've been involved. He complains about Me sometimes being like a teenager. *ouch* So I'll agree with DV about finding a Domme that either likes or accepts you being young.

When you approach older FemDoms, hit the issue head on, and ask them that if they aren't interested, do they know somebody who might be? Also, at your age, are you looking for a serious long-term partnership, or would you be willing to be a secondary or temporary relationship? That may appeal to someone who has a sub, but might enjoy training one as a mentor. An older Dom is interested in helping me train a sub as He likes the idea of passing on his knowledge so that things are done correctly and therefore safely. He Himself had been trained by a Femdom for this very reason when He was young.

I'm all with you on avoding the goth girls! *shudder* Like how would they know what to do? Most I've met were posers. I was taken by friends to see a BDSM traveling show called "The Rack" in which audience members are put up on the device and played with. The club was full of goth girls in off the rack fetish wear, and they were giggly when they were put on the rack. The only one I saw up there who was really into it was a 30'ish guy who allowed himself to be blindfolded and really gave himself over. On the other hand, my group was dressed like middle class America, and most of the group was Lifestylers.

Which brings up another possibility: talk to subs with Dommes and see if they might know who would be in the market to take you on. You never know, but they might if you present yourself in a non-threatening and non-competitive way think of someone, perhaps their own Mistress, who may want to take you on. Your age may make you seem like you are out for a lark (like those goth girls) and not really serious, so perhaps some of your fellow subs might be able to get to know you and vouch for you.

Best of luck, and let us know how things work out. NightVine

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 16

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/9/2007 4:59:28 PM

Einzelganger

Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline

NightVine, I'm definately looking for a serious, long-term relationship, but I'd be interested in a temporary relationship if it were strictly for training, as long as she gets something out of it as well.

As for when I approach older FemDoms...well, I'm very shy, to say the least. *smiles* On the rare occasion I actually do, I might ask. But I definately agree that my age is a problem as far as making some wonder how serious I really am about this. I've already vouched for a friend of mine once, so I definately agree as to the value of having my sub friends vouch for me.

I'll have to think about training, though; I've never really given it any serious thought until now...thanks for the reply, as well as the food for thought. *smiles*

-Einzelgänger

(in reply to NightVIne)

Post #: 17

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/9/2007 5:08:59 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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Age never used to matter to me. More and more I see that younger people tend to be posers. Both males and females. My search paramaters are for 25 and up now. I do realize that I may miss a hidden gem and am never opposed to hearing out a younger person when they email me. Those emails must be sincere, well thought out and show that the writer has read not only my profile but my journals as well. This applies to everyone who emails me, regardless of age.

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 18

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/9/2007 6:49:30 PM

Travelino

Posts: 34
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

*************************************************************************************************

Hi there, Einzelganger.

For some reason, I felt the urge to comment on this query. This "age" thing you are at odds with, may very well be due your life experiences, up to this point. When I was in my twenties, I was always looking for older women(and just people, in general), as they seem to be more mentally mature than most people my age. I enjoyed the level of conversation with these women, and found them more stimulating(mentally and physically). Those qualities you are witnessing(in the 30-35 year olds) are likely ones that only come with a variety of experience, during the course of a lifetime, and you are just seeing in a "bdsm" format (munches/playparties/fet-nights/etc). I still enjoy the company of older people, and likely always will. Entering a new lifestyle, my preferences have yet to change, and the reasons are still the same. Life experiences of the individual. I have no ambition to take on someone who is even 5 years my junior, much less than 15-20 years my junior. When all is said and done, someone who is younger than me(stereotypically) will have very little(or nothing) to contribute(depending on age) to further myself in life(or a potential relationship). I need someone I can share life experiences with, someone who can relate to the world around them and say "I used to be like that, now I know better."

Aside what I have posted above(my personal views thus far), age may make no difference at all. I am sure there is no age requirement, min/max, to be able to, say, play with someone. I, myself, am looking for a longer-term relationship and currently feel that basing a relationship on "playtime" is somewhat fruitless and a guaranteed dead end. Although, on the flipside, a person can gain some sort of experience "in the field" of their chosen role, and the use of the tools we use to put smiles on our faces. I have come across a few younger people in the lifestyle, and all I can do is assist them as best I can, with what I know.

Is there a way to offset "your" age? I am going to venture to guess there may be a way to do this, and that is to "show your peers that you are serious in what you claim to want." To do this, you must *know* what you want. Keep in mind, this will take longer than you think to achieve. Be honest and truthful in your everyday life(this builds integrity). Portray who you really are, versus what you "think" people want to see. I am willing to bet, you are being watched already, by some prospective partner. your actions will speak louder than words, in this case. Good luck with the adventure, and remember "its the journey to your goal that enriches your life, and those around you."

Take care,

Travelino.

_____________________________

~~"When the student is ready, the Master will appear."~~

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 19

RE: What do you look for in a sub's age? - 5/9/2007 7:00:44 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Travelino

Hi there, Einzelganger.

For some reason, I felt the urge to comment on this query. This "age" thing you are at odds with, may very well be due your life experiences, up to this point. When I was in my twenties, I was always looking for older women(and just people, in general), as they seem to be more mentally mature than most people my age. I enjoyed the level of conversation with these women, and found them more stimulating(mentally and physically). Those qualities you are witnessing(in the 30-35 year olds) are likely ones that only come with a variety of experience, during the course of a lifetime, and you are just seeing in a "bdsm" format (munches/playparties/fet-nights/etc). I still enjoy the company of older people, and likely always will. Entering a new lifestyle, my preferences have yet to change, and the reasons are still the same. Life experiences of the individual. I have no ambition to take on someone who is even 5 years my junior, much less than 15-20 years my junior. When all is said and done, someone who is younger than me(stereotypically) will have very little(or nothing) to contribute(depending on age) to further myself in life(or a potential relationship). I need someone I can share life experiences with, someone who can relate to the world around them and say "I used to be like that, now I know better."

Aside what I have posted above(my personal views thus far), age may make no difference at all. I am sure there is no age requirement, min/max, to be able to, say, play with someone. I, myself, am looking for a longer-term relationship and currently feel that basing a relationship on "playtime" is somewhat fruitless and a guaranteed dead end. Although, on the flipside, a person can gain some sort of experience "in the field" of their chosen role, and the use of the tools we use to put smiles on our faces. I have come across a few younger people in the lifestyle, and all I can do is assist them as best I can, with what I know.

Is there a way to offset "your" age? I am going to venture to guess there may be a way to do this, and that is to "show your peers that you are serious in what you claim to want." To do this, you must *know* what you want. Keep in mind, this will take longer than you think to achieve. Be honest and truthful in your everyday life(this builds integrity). Portray who you really are, versus what you "think" people want to see. I am willing to bet, you are being watched already, by some prospective partner. your actions will speak louder than words, in this case. Good luck with the adventure, and remember "its the journey to your goal that enriches your life, and those around you."

Take care,

Travelino.

Just wanted to see if I could get it onto one screen. They are good comments, which might not be read unless the centering effect could be fixed.

(in reply to Travelino)

Post #: 20

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