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ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

No - I completely understand OG - and celeste rocks and she would be the first to knock us into shape!
 
the.dark.

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1
That is interesting. Especially given in another thread discussing public play, when I said that I would never consider playing in public, I was lambasted for "obviously you could never connect deeply with your partner like I can in public where I can ignore everything and anyone else around me that is how strong my connection to my sub is"
 
If that is not an elitist attitude, I don't know what is. When I tried to explain that I can and do have the most incredibly intense connection and experiences privately and do not need to share it in public, I was told that I was criticizing other subs.
 
Sorry. I am still not getting where I went wrong with my opinion. I did not put anyone down for loving public play, I simply said it was not for me and refused to be put down as not being "deeply into my submission and Dominant" enough for not doing so.

I would suggest that there are many times when "the battle" is perceived to be there when it really is not. Sometimes, for some reason, people will take offense if you share your own experience if it is different than theirs. This seems to be especially true if you present your reality in a light that is joyful. I'm not sure why this occurs because one's experience does not invalidate the other's, nor does it make either of them better, deeper, more right or more wrong.

This would be a perfect example and I would suggest that you go back to the thread you are referring to once again and try to read it from a different perspective. I didn't see the "lambasting" and "putting down" you are referring to other than that is obviously how you perceived what was being said. I am not sure how others relating their own experiences, especially when they have not said their experiences are somehow superior to your own, as being "elitist". I really am not trying to be snarky here, nor am I trying to attack you or put you down, but no one on that thread ever suggested that you could not "connect deeply with your partner" or that the way you choose to interact is in any way wrong or inferior. Aside from the OP who kind of lashed out at you AFTER you made some rather venomous comments to him. If you are feeling like people were trying to make you feel inferior, you may want to take a closer look at where that might be coming from, because it wasn't in the thoughts expressed by other posters on that thread.

No, erin, I am perfectly capable of discerning what exactly happened on that thread, but I am not surprised you are seeing it this way, since you agreed with that OP, of course you would.

I did not make any "venomous" comments (again, judging my comments is not your place) to him, and if I made any comments at all to him, it was only after he expressly stated that if I did not agree with what he said, then I must be putting down all subs who scene in public and that I must not be capable of forming deep attachments in my own relationships because I did not "fully support" the romantic prose he was writing about publically. He also has no idea of me and proceeded to insult me right and left. If you think I was just going to walk away, you were mistaken. Perhaps I should have, since it resulted in the posts being moderated.

Oh and erin? Not only I am quite positive that I am not inferior, in fact, my self esteem is at it's pinnacle right about now, but I can assure you, I am at a point in my life where no one, least of all pixels on a screen could ever make me feel badly about myself. When you have a core of self-worth, nothing and no one can take that away from you. You should know that.

That, however, would NEVER stop me from slapping someone down who acts like an idiot when I express myself and tries to misinterpret my comments.

That right to self expression is what makes the online forum experience such a delight.

But thanks for your analysis, all views even if incorrect, are interesting to me.

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ORIGINAL: Maya2001

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1
That is interesting. Especially given in another thread discussing public play, when I said that I would never consider playing in public, I was lambasted for "obviously you could never connect deeply with your partner like I can in public where I can ignore everything and anyone else around me that is how strong my connection to my sub is"
 
If that is not an elitist attitude, I don't know what is. When I tried to explain that I can and do have the most incredibly intense connection and experiences privately and do not need to share it in public, I was told that I was criticizing other subs.
 
Sorry. I am still not getting where I went wrong with my opinion. I did not put anyone down for loving public play, I simply said it was not for me and refused to be put down as not being "deeply into my submission and Dominant" enough for not doing so.

I would suggest that there are many times when "the battle" is perceived to be there when it really is not. Sometimes, for some reason, people will take offense if you share your own experience if it is different than theirs. This seems to be especially true if you present your reality in a light that is joyful. I'm not sure why this occurs because one's experience does not invalidate the other's, nor does it make either of them better, deeper, more right or more wrong.

This would be a perfect example and I would suggest that you go back to the thread you are referring to once again and try to read it from a different perspective. I didn't see the "lambasting" and "putting down" you are referring to other than that is obviously how you perceived what was being said. I am not sure how others relating their own experiences, especially when they have not said their experiences are somehow superior to your own, as being "elitist". I really am not trying to be snarky here, nor am I trying to attack you or put you down, but no one on that thread ever suggested that you could not "connect deeply with your partner" or that the way you choose to interact is in any way wrong or inferior. Aside from the OP who kind of lashed out at you AFTER you made some rather venomous comments to him. If you are feeling like people were trying to make you feel inferior, you may want to take a closer look at where that might be coming from, because it wasn't in the thoughts expressed by other posters on that thread.

No, erin, I am perfectly capable of discerning what exactly happened on that thread, but I am not surprised you are seeing it this way, since you agreed with that OP, of course you would.

I did not make any "venomous" comments (again, judging my comments is not your place) to him, and if I made any comments at all to him, it was only after he expressly stated that if I did not agree with what he said, then I must be putting down all subs who scene in public and that I must not be capable of forming deep attachments in my own relationships because I did not "fully support" the romantic prose he was writing about publically. He also has no idea of me and proceeded to insult me right and left. If you think I was just going to walk away, you were mistaken. Perhaps I should have, since it resulted in the posts being moderated.

Oh and erin? Not only I am quite positive that I am not inferior, in fact, my self esteem is at it's pinnacle right about now, but I can assure you, I am at a point in my life where no one, least of all pixels on a screen could ever make me feel badly about myself. When you have a core of self-worth, nothing and no one can take that away from you. You should know that.

That, however, would NEVER stop me from slapping someone down who acts like an idiot when I express myself and tries to misinterpret my comments.

That right to self expression is what makes the online forum experience such a delight.

But thanks for your analysis, all views even if incorrect, are interesting to me.

Sexyred   you start offed mocking the OP calling his story a fantasy,  then when he explain in was a scene as a club, you then  told his he was lying  that he cannot do described there,   after he explain again, you were the one that flared up  about you keeping your sessions in private  and that he was being la de dah..   You were the one antagonizing him for simply describing how he felt during a scene with his girl,  and he just happened to be an excellent writer.   People come on here all the time talking about how good their experiences was, or describing their first meet or that they becmme collared etc, does that mean  they need to be flamed and accused of being holier than everybody simply because they wrote about something that made them happy??  for example      should we flame a person  who announces  they are collared  and accuse  them  of being holier than thou and  of   putting down  other  uncollared subs for expressing joy at being collared.  This is basically what you did  with that dom all because he expressed the joy at how he felt interacting with his sub, in his OP  he never mentioned it was a public scene  till after you accused him of writing a fantasy piece.  and from there you continued making accusations.No where did he imply that publuc play was better than private ....Go back and reread  then maybe you can understand why I spoke up

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ORIGINAL: topcat


B&D was used for the lighter, more bedroom oriented side of things- those that were sometimes disparaged as 'the silk scarf crowd' or daytrippers.
 
D/S was used to denote the more psychological  or spiritual side of things, SM to cover the more purely physical aspects, and most relationships were seen as being a melange of the three elements.
 
Which is not to suggest that the above are the right way to refer to these things, or that we should adopt them. 
 
I'm just sayin'
 
Lawrence

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ORIGINAL: Gardenista
Well, since we're on the subject......
I'm really fascinated by physical masochism! Do you know how many times I've wanted to ask people here a ton of questions, but didn't want to be a nuisance? I'd like to know how pain is experienced by masochists.. how it's transformed into pleasure. Is it simply a threshold issue?
LOL, sorry for the outburst, I just think the whole subject is just amazing. The human body is a nifty machine and I try to have a healthy appreciation for the all the different wiring. =)

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ORIGINAL: Gardenista

Well, since we're on the subject......

I'm really fascinated by physical masochism! Do you know how many times I've wanted to ask people here a ton of questions, but didn't want to be a nuisance? I'd like to know how pain is experienced by masochists.. how it's transformed into pleasure. Is it simply a threshold issue?

LOL, sorry for the outburst, I just think the whole subject is just amazing. The human body is a nifty machine and I try to have a healthy appreciation for the all the different wiring. =)

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ORIGINAL: catize

I’m not clear on what you mean by ‘a threshold issue.’
Certain kinds of pain do hurt but are immediately translated into pleasure.  This happens especially with stinging sensations such as a single tail. 
There are some types of pain that make me scream and cry; although my body doesn’t like it, my mind and spirit soar.
And there are some pains that I find no pleasure in at all, except for the fact I submitted to the dominant's wishes.
Does that help?

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think this just once again proves that it doesn't matter what you choose for yourself- there will always be plenty of people telling you how wrong you are.

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

"The clash of the S/M submissives and D/s submissives has become a resounding clamor of late. (The B/D submissives may find themselves in either group, depending on their motivation and activities.) For the benefit of the novices who might happen to be reading this soapbox speech and are lost by all those letters; S/M=Sado/Masochism, D/s=Dominant/submissive and B/D=Bondage/Discipline. It's time to face the simple facts. There IS a difference in the terms and there IS a difference in the motivation of the ones who surrender their personal power in the two groups. I am weary of fending off the macho-masochistic subs who continue to beat on their pierced-nippled chests shouting how much more submissive they are because they have been whipped, branded, poked full of holes, passed around at the local scene party or humiliated to the lowest form of human life. If that's what you like, then more power to you, but it's not for everyone nor does everyone want or need it and it certainly is not a measure of submission."

Exerpt taken from jade's piece on "Submission vs Masochism or Playing the Game with Two sets of Rules". There was no date on it but was probably written sometime in 1997 or thereabouts.