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What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 8:03:30 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Since we had so many questions about mails, maybe time to focus on something the guys should avoid, and after all this week has had a few examples of quite stupid mails...

- No cock or anus shots - Boys we REALLY don't want to see them with an introduction mail, it's automatic block and delete

- "Hi, I'm into <insert fetish>! Get back to me!" Yeah right, dream on

- Compliments about how nice the profile is when you obviously haven't even read it

- Bitching about pro dommes and how greedy they are, when all you want is to have your kink fulfilled... Seriously boys, an attitude of entitlement and bitching that pros (they do provide a service, why on earth should they not charge for it?) actually don't give you their time, experience and equipment for free, it's not going to do you any favours! If you don't want to see a pro domme, don't go and see one, those ladies aren't kidnapping you!

- "Hi, come and see me on cam!" Why would I want to watch a stranger masturbating on cam? You gotta be joking! Plus I don't take orders very well!

- "Hi, I know you aren't looking but I am and if you knew me, you'd change your mind!" Kudos for reading as far down the profile as "not looking" but thank you, being full of yourself doesn't make you more interesting...

Just a few things that crossed my mind this week... I'm sure the ladies here can add a whole bunch of things...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

Post #: 1

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 8:35:08 AM

dougie159

Posts: 21
Joined: 2/20/2011
Status: offline

they do provide a service, why on earth should they not charge for it?) actually don't give you their time, experience and equipment for free, it's not going to do you any favours! If you don't want to see a pro domme, don't go and see one, those ladies aren't kidnapping you!

Well said. i have been defending PD's (mainly on IC) for a while. i think they provide & give a tremendous 'service' (most....in 30yrs on & off visiting have had only 2 'poor' ones & even 1 of them admitted it was not really her thing, before the days of the internet and easy advertising, but put me onto a 'specialist'). i think a lot of it is the mind set of (too many) subs who think they should get all they want and don't like to see someone being successful/making money. It costs a lot to have good kit/get the needed experience, they (if successful) deserve their rewards (and i like to think i provide them with a bit of a laugh - which normally ends in pain for me).

Over the years, when i find a good'un i stick with them, their worth their weight in gold for those that cannot, for whatever reason, go lifestyle or live out their fantasies or needs/dreams.

SUPPORT YOU PD.

273-797-178

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 2

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 8:40:54 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'll expand on one of yours first.

Whatever it is in the profile, don't expect to be the exception to the rule. If the profile says that a woman doesn't want X, do not send a messages that says, "I know you don't want X, but I'm X and............". Yes, somebody is bound to come along and say that they wrote somebody one time asking if they would be willing to change their rules for them and they did, but take My word for it. That is rare and in the meantime, you're going to irritate everybody who isn't willing to do that.

Don't just send some compliment about the pictures on the profile if you're not commenting on the photography. You have no idea of how many thousands of times over the years I've gotten some version of "you're hot". It doesn't work, so don't do it.

Here's the big one. Don't send any message that you wouldn't say if the person was standing in front of you in the physical world. If you wouldn't walk up to a stranger in real life and tell them about your sexual fantasies, don't do it on the net, either!

ETA - I forgot this one. If the woman on the profile specifically says she is not a pro, don't send messages offering to pay her for a session.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 6/10/2011 8:42:05 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 3

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 8:41:27 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

dougie, I have no issue if somebody doesn't want to see a pro domme, then they simply shouldn't, it's just if they are writing to me and bitch about them, it's something that would kill any potential interest ASAP!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to dougie159)

Post #: 4

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 8:43:54 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Here's the big one. Don't send any message that you wouldn't say if the person was standing in front of you in the physical world. If you wouldn't walk up to a stranger in real life and tell them about your sexual fantasies, don't do it on the net, either!

Can we have that in big and bold? I think that would cancel most of the attached pictures too...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 9:00:37 AM

dougie159

Posts: 21
Joined: 2/20/2011
Status: offline

LadyConstanze,

I hear what you are saying but in my current situation (helping and advising and being a guinuepig) for an aspiring PD, she yesterday received a horrible, insulting & awful message about her weight & things. Why would anyone be so pathetic as to 'need' to send such a message. It just makes me so angry (not just yesterday but previous attacks on IC of PD's). If they are claiming, even hoping, to be subs/slaves whatever it should not be about them.......i accept i am not in charge, things (punishments) are not always to my liking.........but that's what it's about if you want 'really' to serve.

End of rant

273-797-178

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 6

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 10:06:29 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

My take.

You should write to a Domme if and only if you think you'd like a conversation with her. You should base your first message to her on whatever it was that led you to think you'd like it.

There may be play or a relationship later. There may not.

It's not that complicated.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to dougie159)

Post #: 7

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 10:11:08 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

My advice...

Write to the woman...not the domme/mistress/goddess you want her to be.

Really simple but not always easy for some guys that are all caught up in the fantasy.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 8

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 10:20:41 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

My advice...

Write to the woman...not the domme/mistress/goddess you want her to be.

Really simple but not always easy for some guys that are all caught up in the fantasy.

I think that's the single most important part of my strategy, such as it is.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 9

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 10:53:20 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Here's the big one. Don't send any message that you wouldn't say if the person was standing in front of you in the physical world. If you wouldn't walk up to a stranger in real life and tell them about your sexual fantasies, don't do it on the net, either!

Can we have that in big and bold? I think that would cancel most of the attached pictures too...

See, that is just too logical for most people to grasp. It really is astonishing how many people email me a question or fantasy or some other ludicrous comment that you would never ask me in real life.

Yet, they feel that because this is a kink site, logic goes out the window.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 10

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 11:04:23 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Nothing makes one feel more appreciated than being objectivied by guys - not....

I mean if I can't talk to them in a vanilla context, I seriously don't want to talk kinks with them, it is really so simple...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 11

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 11:40:58 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Stop watching porn. Seriously, porn movies are as real as Avatar and you have about as much chance of boning the blue alien chick as you do of finding that Mistress/Princess/Goddess of your one-handed fantasies.

Stop using the shotgun method of messaging. Randomly sending copy/paste messages to every woman with a photo within a certain age bracket and mile/kilometer radius does not work. However, it's a great way to trigger the spam filter.

Stop telling us what you want. We don't care. Tell us what you can bring to the table. We'll do the same. Once we get past the preliminaries and develop a friendship/relationship, we'll be much more interested in what you like.

Stop confusing sex with service. Bending over is only service if you're scrubbing the floor. Lying on your back is only service if you're working on the car.

Stop expecting us to help you cheat on your wife. If you can't talk to your wife about your submissive desires, go see a pro.

Stop expecting to get your freak on for free. Whether it's time and attention or cold, hard cash, you will pay. Decide which currency you prefer and get comfortable with it.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 12

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 11:54:23 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Oh, Velvet Buddy! Marry me when your kids are teenagers!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 13

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 1:23:36 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

You got it, babe! Shoot, I'd marry you right now.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 14

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 1:49:08 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Can I be bride's maid? You two fight it out who the bride and who the groom is...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 15

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 2:08:37 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

I'll Add: Never mass email... Especially the same cut and paste, often mentioning something that has nothing to do with her profile. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 16

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 4:55:41 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Nothing makes one feel more appreciated than being objectivied by guys - not....

Really? It gives me a hearty trouser-rocket when I get objectified by a woman, I must admit.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 17

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 5:02:46 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Can I be bride's maid? You two fight it out who the bride and who the groom is...

And I'll be the honeymoon photographer!

Er, I mean the wedding photographer.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 18

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/10/2011 10:29:39 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for the thread, LadyC. A lot of excellent advice, which I hope will help clean out my new messages pile.
I'd add:
Write a good vanilla profile, don't contradict yourself, and don't whine if you're caught lying. I've had innumerable msgs from guys purporting to fit my preferences, i.e., local, 35 years old, single, sub and straight, then clicking on their profile reveals a switch do-me bottom/ from Romania/65 years old/with a wedding ring. It's amusing but in an eye-rolling way to read a whiny 'But I'm completely straight!' reply below a profile pic of a guy smiling and drooling while being spit-roasted, or 'But I'm sub!' below a pic of bukake.
Craft your profile name with equal care. If I say I'm not interested in TV, bi- and infantilism, don't be surprised if I delete mail from 'sissybabybitchbibottom' unread.
Be honest with yourself and with others. If you're a fetishist or do-me bottom, recognise it, own it and say so. It'll save a lot of trouble and frustration all around.
Good luck!

Edited to add: true this:
SylvereApLeanan:
Stop watching porn. Seriously, porn movies are as real as Avatar and you have about as much chance of boning the blue alien chick as you do of finding that Mistress/Princess/Goddess of your one-handed fantasies.
Stop using the shotgun method of messaging. Randomly sending copy/paste messages to every woman with a photo within a certain age bracket and mile/kilometer radius does not work. However, it's a great way to trigger the spam filter.
Stop telling us what you want. We don't care. Tell us what you can bring to the table. We'll do the same. Once we get past the preliminaries and develop a friendship/relationship, we'll be much more interested in what you like.
Stop confusing sex with service. Bending over is only service if you're scrubbing the floor. Lying on your back is only service if you're working on the car.
Stop expecting us to help you cheat on your wife. If you can't talk to your wife about your submissive desires, go see a pro.
Stop expecting to get your freak on for free. Whether it's time and attention or cold, hard cash, you will pay. Decide which currency you prefer and get comfortable with it.

< Message edited by Tantriqu -- 6/10/2011 10:54:40 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 19

RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 4:14:33 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Thanks for the thread, LadyC. A lot of excellent advice, which I hope will help clean out my new messages pile.

Ha, I doubt the people who spam will read it! But maybe some newbies will find it helpful...

I wish we could have Syl's text somewhere on the main page, not as recommended reading but as mandatory reading...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 20

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