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Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 8:14:40 AM   
ocslave4u


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		i think this is the best site to meet like minded people but it has been my experience that people are quick to judge a person on one e-mail or a picture on their profile. i am sub male and i do not like to be labeled and i try my best not put labels on people because it so much more then that. Because i am looking for a dominant woman i can only speak about my experiences with the dominant woman who have been on this site and are currently on this site. i have e-mailed many dominant women on this site that i felt that we had some common interests based on our profiles. After all that is all we have to go on at this point.
It amazes me how someone can make a snap decision based on one e-mail. Aren't we all looking for the same thing? Lets take the time and yes make alittle effort to treat each other with respect. Discuss among yourselves. Good Day!

< Message edited by ocslave4u -- 4/25/2005 8:17:50 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Are people real on this site? - 4/25/2005 8:18:24 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u
It amazes me how someone can make a snap decision based on one e-mail.

Eh, we're busy, information is high and time is short. Just be you.
quote:

Aren't we all looking for the same thing?

Not even close.
quote:

Lets take the time and yes make alitle effort to treat each other with respect. Dicuss among yourselves. Good Day!

Making a quick judgement is not disrespectful.

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 8:54:36 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

it has been my experience that people are quick to judge a person on one e-mail or a picture on their profile.


Let's consider this statement, shall we?

This is an public, free, site. The only way to communicate is by email and a picture, those are the available resources. What other way should people judge and make a decision? This is the perfect example of getting one chance to make a first impression.

People meet from this site all the time. We've met a few. A group of us even decided to get together in Vegas next month. We've never met before in person and would have never know each other at all if not for this site.

Based upon your profile from your location you have access to many more opportunities in the community than the majority of people. Use them; go to munches, go to club functions, go to open houses. Between the groups in LA and Orange county you could go to some function almost every day, but for sure every weekend.

Stop whining. I've never seen a profile from a Dom or Domme seeking a whining sub. Maybe that's why you've gotten the response you are complaining about.

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 8:57:37 AM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		Yes we do, and sometimes all it takes is one email to determine the lack of suitability. Every one judges, you go to a restaurant and the people at the next table are obviously drunk and rowdy, when all you wanted was a quiet dinner. You judge them.

I cannot judge whether a man is a submissive for real or not, but I can judge if there are enough commonalities to warrant a meeting. He may not be the right sub for me, that doesn't mean he should doubt himself, it just means he may be the right sub for someone else.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 9:15:11 AM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		Hi fellow newbie.

My feeling here is that it's you who are rushing, which is pretty understandable if you've suddenly been faced with a huge community like this one!

quote:

Because i am looking for a dominant woman i can only speak about my experiences with the dominant woman who have been on this site and are currently on this site.


Now you see, that says to me that you need to be more flexible yourself - why write off the possibility of random friendships?

You're right in that it's good to take time, but you seem to be in a desperate hurry to find 'the one' and as such are very sensitive to rejection. There's always going to be rejections, whether it takes one email or several. Don't be discouraged. Just be yourself, be honest and have faith - in yourself - but also in other people.

Best wishes and good luck :)

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to LadyShoshin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 10:24:43 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Unfortunately I must agree with Merc on this. You are in the So Cal area. The orange county region has more FemDoms than any other area of the country...at least in my experience.
However, the more you whine and bitch about things not going your way. The less and less of a chance you will have with any of them. In my year's in the public scene here....I've seen a couple male subs who whine. Basically they get labeled whiners and nobody wants to play with them.

Fem Doms are in short supply. Finding a real good femdom is nearly impossible. It would be better not to start off on the wrong foot.
Let them make their snap decisions here, then move on. Don't take it personally. Then get out to Lady Badgers munch. Every second Saturday in Orange.
If they pass you up they have passed up the best anyway, correct? So, let them be.

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 11:17:31 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

i am sub male and i do not like to be labeled

wtf? You label yourself a sub male but you don't like doing it? That's cute!

quote:

It amazes me how someone can make a snap decision based on one e-mail.

Why? Aren't you making snap judgments about your compatibility with these women based on one profile, or is that irrelevant and simply being a female dominant is enough?

Grow up. It sounds like you expect them to just gush with excitement because you think you have so much in common, and that they should invest the time to pry out of you just how wonderful you are when you apparently haven't made that clear to them. This is typical victimization and blaming other people instead of trying to understand how you could improve, and it only guarantees that you'll be less attactive to any potential matches that see this.


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 11:32:05 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with every one else not the flaming tone but the real time meets. I am a member of the cvbdsm group and the norcal group and I even get some evens in orange county. You'd have a much better chance of meeting and making the best impression you can in a real life meet. I sugest joining a few local groups. I can provide the links.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 11:33:34 AM   
ocslave4u


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Wow! I agree with most. I am not whinning nor am I desperate. All I am saying lets not judge and assume. Look how some of you have judged and assummed about my post. This is exactly what I am talking about. You read an e-mail or post and you are so quick to judge or assume. Why not ask a question instead? I am really talking about communicating skills. I may mean one thing when I write an e-mail or post but when you get around to reading it pending on what is happening at the time or in your life you may understand it all wrong so you may say "what a jerk this guy is?" and assume and judge. Instead why not ask a question? I started this post to prove my point. Everyone who posted today does not even know me but is very quick to assume I am whinning or desperate. Not one person cared to ask any direc t question. It does not hurt to ask.

PS I surely do not know anyone in forum so I cannot make any assumptions. We talk about freeing or mind.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 11:36:31 AM   
ocslave4u


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I so agree about getting out and having fun in socials and events. I think that is the best way to meet. I just thought it would be intereeting in starting a post. I love the Lair and Dragons gate. Looking forward to Domcon.

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 12:02:19 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Why not ask a question instead?


I'm here to learn.

What question should have been asked?

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 12:18:35 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u
i think this is the best site to meet like minded people but it has been my experience that people are quick to judge a person on one e-mail or a picture on their profile. i am sub male and i do not like to be labeled

I don't think there's anything wrong with judgement if it is based on facts and one being true to self.
If I emailed you a nice email, but you on seeing my words/profile found me unsuitable, you'd arrive to same conclusion based on your judgement... I don't like when people come a whining about how judgemental others are; if we could just meet anyone who labels self one thing (sub/domme) time without prior consultation to our brains/loins and have a grand old time it would be nice, but life and our libidos don't work that way.
I believe we are all judgemental in our own right; hopefully our judgement is tempered with good information and a kind/benevolent heart, but there are no guarantees there either... Do I have a point? Not sure....

What questions would you have had us ask by the way? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 1:02:11 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u

i think this is the best site to meet like minded people but it has been my experience that people are quick to judge a person on one e-mail or a picture on their profile. i am sub male and i do not like to be labeled and i try my best not put labels on people because it so much more then that. Because i am looking for a dominant woman i can only speak about my experiences with the dominant woman who have been on this site and are currently on this site. i have e-mailed many dominant women on this site that i felt that we had some common interests based on our profiles. After all that is all we have to go on at this point.
It amazes me how someone can make a snap decision based on one e-mail. Aren't we all looking for the same thing? Lets take the time and yes make alittle effort to treat each other with respect. Discuss among yourselves. Good Day!




I will tell you this: a lot of emails we get do not follow our directives in our profiles. So, call it a snap judgement, but, if I say (like I do) I require a picture with your emails, then rest assured that one who cannot follow that simple directive will not get a response. I also do not know what information your emails contain. If they are not well thought out, and directed specifically to me and my interests, they get deleted. A good way not to get a response is to email a one liner, "i think we have a lot in common, and i would love to serve You. i look forward to hearing from You." On the Ask a Mistress forum there is a wonderful post about pointers of what to say to a Mistress, as well as one that is about what NOT to say.I don't know for sure, because I have not seen your emails, but especially study the one about what NOT to say, and make sure you aren't saying something that does not accurately get your thoughts and feelings across...Good luck!!!

Edited for typos, lol

< Message edited by kc692 -- 4/25/2005 8:48:57 PM >

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 1:03:29 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Why not ask a question instead? I am really talking about communicating skills. I may mean one thing when I write an e-mail or post but when you get around to reading it pending on what is happening at the time or in your life you may understand it all wrong so you may say "what a jerk this guy is?" and assume and judge. Instead why not ask a question?


I've seen that happen many times in person before with male subs. You are not going to be capable of making people think differently the first second you try to talk to them. They've made their opinion. No changing it..espeically if they have already cut you off.

Why not ask you a question....you won't ever get the answer to that because of the caliber of people who do this to you and to everyone else. Think they only treat you that way or the world?
If I asked them, do you think I'd get a different response from them? Doubtful. At the very most I can even fathom is...."oh I saw something in his profile I found dis-tasteful" In a perfect world they would tell you that themselves. However, as you've already found out this is not a perfect world.

I'm merely stating I've been around the So Cal public scene longer than most. I am picky about what circles I circulate in. Although, I've seen male subs branded.
So, heed my warning or not but I'd be a bit careful if you could be.

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 4:00:14 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u
i think this is the best site to meet like minded people but it has been my experience that people are quick to judge a person on one e-mail or a picture on their profile.


What you consider to be quick to judge might simply be many years of experience at work. I can tell right of the bat if anyone has a chance with me. First impressions are very important to me to be honest. And I am an excellent judge of character.

If someone however wants more then a first impression chance with me, they simply have to join the forums and start interacting. Then they usually will get more of my attention. Funny how so few have clued into that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u
It amazes me how someone can make a snap decision based on one e-mail.


Well then be amazed! This site might be free but my time is not unlimited. Neither are most people here. The fact remains that no one owes you a response. I'm not saying this to be harsh. I'm just laying down the cold, hard, probably unpleasant facts. You can't change the way people operate so you'll have to learn how to operate within this environment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u
Aren't we all looking for the same thing?


I don't think so. In fact, many here already have significant others and are simply looking to interact. I have a full house and I mention that right at the beginning of my profile. Funny how I still get a dozen requests a week from boys begging me to be their mistress… They now simply get blocked. I figure if they cannot give me the courtesy to read my email before sending me a mail, they do not get the courtesy of a response or a second chance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u
Lets take the time and yes make alittle effort to treat each other with respect. Discuss among yourselves.


I think setting limits and criteria is more respectful then wasting someone's time entertaining a discussion that we know from the get go is going nowhere.

So I have a question for you. How do you deal with the email you get? What kind of personal filters do you put emails through?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 5:21:25 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Ditto what Happy Pervert said.

No one owes you anything, not even courtesy. Unfortunately, that's what's become of this mode of getting to know someone.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 5:24:04 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Wow! I agree with most. I am not whinning nor am I desperate. All I am saying lets not judge and assume. Look how some of you have judged and assummed about my post. This is exactly what I am talking about. You read an e-mail or post and you are so quick to judge or assume. Why not ask a question instead? I am really talking about communicating skills. I may mean one thing when I write an e-mail or post but when you get around to reading it pending on what is happening at the time or in your life you may understand it all wrong so you may say "what a jerk this guy is?" and assume and judge. Instead why not ask a question? I started this post to prove my point. Everyone who posted today does not even know me but is very quick to assume I am whinning or desperate. Not one person cared to ask any direc t question. It does not hurt to ask.

PS I surely do not know anyone in forum so I cannot make any assumptions. We talk about freeing or mind.


Dude, lighten up for the love of God. None of us are mind readers, we can only go on face value of what you are saying. And what you've been saying has been kinda snotty with regard to the Dommes who havne't returned your emails.

You might want to hang back and learn a thing or two... ~shrugs~

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 7:21:43 PM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		Actually, I thought my post to you was a little different. I didn't say anyone was whining *shrugs*.

You posted a question and you wanted it to be answered with questions? That's a new one. And I did ask you one, but you ignored me completely. Actually that's pretty disrespectful.



< Message edited by PenelopePitstop -- 4/25/2005 7:24:14 PM >

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to ocslave4u)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 7:22:50 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You block people who email that you don't like? See I find it even funnier when they email a few months later and don't remember emailing you the first time.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 7:38:08 PM   
ocslave4u


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I find random friendships great and I have made some great friends. The way I look at it is someone took time read my profile and send me an e-mail. i will take a minute to reply back. Yes, I am looking for a woman who enjoys the lifestyle and she tends to top or is Domme or sadist and we have some common interests and take it from there.

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)
Profile   Post #: 20
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