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RE: Top/Bottom perceptions - 5/9/2007 11:56:46 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ICGsteve

Now that BDSM has gotten so buzz worthy a lot of people come around for kicks, they are not into power games but what to be where the action is. Some are into power games for the thrill, to build passion in their relationships, or because they want to learn about power or themselves, but they are not primarily Dom or sub-they are a somewhat even split. Those who can alternate can be switches, those who are even all the time are neither Dom, sub or switch. Power must have two poles to dance around, those who are not either Dom or sub at least part of the time eventually figure out that BDSM has nothing to offer them and they move on. Until that time that hang around confused because they want to play but they don't understand the game. .

It is posts like the above that people think they have to slap stupid plastic labels on themselves and or thump their chest and blather on about being an "uber dom". I am a more talented and intense dominant than many in the scene and last weekend I was flogged and knelt before a woman on a throne while eating her cunt. You can ask anyone watching or her and nobody would call me a switch, a top, a bottom, a lefty, a prima donna maybe (at least if they don't speak Italian) but few if any would have had any doubt who was running those scenes.

My advice is to be honest about your desires, remember that many who are new don't yet get the fluid reality that is present in a real relationship and thus temper the image but not the core, and play up your intelligence and your qualities as a partner. I mean, if I can meet amazing women here, there isn't any reason you can't.

(in reply to ICGsteve)

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RE: Top/Bottom perceptions - 5/9/2007 1:29:08 PM

ICGsteve

Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
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I was speaking about identity, not about a need to define that identity for others. I do believe that people should know themselves well enough that they can use language to communicate this info to others, I don't think it is fair to others to refuse to define yourself if you are able to do so, but I was talking about the fact that many don't define themselves because they can't. This is important information because those looking for others to play with (I am not) need to be aware that some people they hang around are just goofing around, and many have no idea of who or what they are. Getting mixed up with these types of people is risky. I was trying to point out this risk without being overbearing about it.

A question was asked and I was answering it. As for the rest you don't know me, so your opinion about me is worth nothing. Hopefully you know about yourself, your partners and something about BDSM practice, but you don't know anybody whom you have not met. You might think that you know, but if you want some good advise practice telling the difference between what you know and what you only think that you know. Doms at least, who hold (on however a temporary basis) power over other humans can't afford to be confused about what they know and what they don't.

< Message edited by ICGsteve -- 5/9/2007 1:33:39 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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Post #: 22

RE: Top/Bottom perceptions - 5/9/2007 1:43:04 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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MORE IS BETTER

It plagues the entire society not just our little corner of it.

More happens to be better FOR ME when it comes to many things including power/authority exchange.
But my ranking of values for my own life in no way should be used as a yardstick for measuring someone else unless they are exactly like me (God Save Us from that).

(in reply to ICGsteve)

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RE: Top/Bottom perceptions - 5/9/2007 3:07:13 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
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my profile states 'exactly' who and what i am; a masochistic bottom/sub...

which boils down to me needing and wanting the sadism before seeking the sex; though sometimes the sadism is the sex, and sometimes it's combined with sex

i have never, and i mean never ever,
placed a superior value on someone based on a the definition of their role, when it comes to bdsm lifestyle issues or beliefs...

which goes to show you why i don't worry at all about whether other people see me as more or less based on a title that i throw around; makes for a much happier me

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

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RE: Top/Bottom perceptions - 5/9/2007 5:24:54 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Steve,

My "experience" is quite extensive although for this discussion, it is humility that is in short supply. Your post is full of slights, insults, pejoritives for anyone but yourself or at least those who do it "your" way. The fact that you can't see that is rather sad.

As for knowing you, I could care less. Your words are ugly enough.

(in reply to ICGsteve)

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RE: Top/Bottom perceptions - 5/9/2007 5:45:08 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere

I've been floating around these forums for a month a so now and have seen some very thoughtful and entertaining questions about what BDSM is to various people and what it is they want out of it.

But I can't help but feel that many of the profiles I've read seem to indicate an apparent interest in the D/s dynamic when their isn't. While I know lots of people here are into the full 24/7 D/s, what about those that aren't? I mean, my profile name really does indicate my preferences, bondage and Topping. I've only one area I consider myself Dom and even that one isn't an all the time thing. But often when I read profiles, it seem other are hesistant to identify themselves primarily as a bedroom Dom/Top or a bedroom sun/bottom. This paticular phenomenom extend even to the forums, where someone who calls themselves a full submissive or Dominant has an entirely different flavor to their posts.

I'm simply wondering if this is a case of "adaptive" desires, and many people are simply not expressing what it really is they want out of fear of being labeled a player, fake, wanna-be, "do me" top or bottom. I've seen a lot of topics in the Ask the Mistress/Master forums about subs who are "do me" subs, and about as many in the ask the submissive forum expressing the same problem with "do me" Doms. I know it takes all types and sizes, but so often I do often feel a negativity towards tops/bottoms as "greedy" people who are only in it for the sex.

D/s permeates those relationships I am in. I like it that way. I don't lose respect for someone or think they are less when they identify themselves as a "bedroom sub" or, like you, as a Top. As a matter of fact, I appreciate the honesty. BDSM is broad as someone else noted, D/s a little less so. Yes, the lines can blur between full-time and part time and bedroom only but the blurring tends to take place when someone identifies and argues that they are one thing and yet all their words and actions indicate something else entirely.

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

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RE: Top/Bottom perceptions - 5/10/2007 10:40:27 AM

marfre

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/5/2007
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I ‘m a noob to the forum that has lurked and read for a while. After reading many posts and opinions, I am uncomfortable stating that I am a bottom or recreational sub or bedroom sub or part-time sub… whatever label you want to attach to me. I’m a very strong female in RL. I would never be interested in a full time submissive situation or long term commitment. I only want/need that to be part of my sexual life.

And, yes, I do feel a definite “sense’ of hierarchy to the forum, even if it’s unintended.

I do feel a definite need to reach out and know there are others that feel and need in the same way I do. I don’t see a lot of it here from those with my particular interest, but I am able to identify with a bit of the experiences of all here. I wish there were more posts from the bedroom subs or doms, but I can learn from all that are open enough to express themselves here and I’m glad to find the forum.

~m

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

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RE: Top/Bottom perceptions - 5/10/2007 11:19:57 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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Wow… from the OP all the way through this thread, I’m flabbergasted at the wide range of meanings given to fairly popular words here. MY interpretation of what is Dom or sub to what is Top and bottom is hugely different from what has been described here.

It’s true; people take what they want and leave the rest. Quite frankly, I’m hoping I misunderstood the ‘hierarchy’ Julia included because (while I sort of understand some people believing M/s as being…further along (?) than D/s); I surely never thought I’d see a regular contributor here lump bedroom submissives, service tops, wankers and switches all in the same group!

Perhaps I should just quit now, by saying I’m submissive in most of my relationships (all.. that were not vanilla) and yet I’m a Top who’s more than greedy to Top…but not for sex. I just wanna play with the toys!

b

(in reply to marfre)

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Post #: 28