quote:

ORIGINAL: charismagirrl


He simply said "Stop trying to control this"...it never struck me but i was trying to regain some of the power that i'd given to him. i was scared of a new situation and afraid to TRUST. This snapped me back into my reality. He reassured me that he would watch me and see how i was handling things and HE would KNOW what to do and when.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
He would mention to sometimes various extreme things he was considering doing to me or subjecting me to, things that were so far out of the realm of all i had previously known or experienced that i would just be terrified at the mere thought. sometimes he would actually go through with these things. most of the time he wouldn't, it was more of a test to see if i could bear the idea.
sometimes i would go beyond panic and fear over these things and become downright angry. anger that i never outwardly expressed, but anger nonetheless. and then from anger would come the sense of hopelessness, like, so this is my life now? and of course that would lead to despair and deep depressive spells, as depression is already something i battle with.
my saving grace throughout all of that was my Master....his determination, his stability, and most importantly his love. somehow he finally got it through my thick noggin that he doesn't want to see me miserable any more than i want to be miserable.