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Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 4:49:14 PM

Trampler

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**This isn't a rant or trying to start an argument, just want to bring up points to ponder**
Ok on a vanilla site a guy sent me a short but nice note,expressing an interest in my profile and in my picture. Before writing back I looked at his profile, including pictures, and while I did like what he had written, I wasn't attracted to him because he was black. Now I don't consider myself a racist, I have no problems with interracial dating,marriages or children. I do not believe in any sort of racial purity, (so-called racial purity to me is a crock of sh**.) I wrote back a short but polite note, stating that I just wasn't attracted to black guys. He wrote back saying I was a racist bi*** and all this stuff. I just blocked him, and am moving on. I have noticed quite a few white submissive girls that state they want a black dom, does that make them racist? The point to ponder is: Where is that line drawn? Would prefer no flaming. Anybody else who wants to bring up a point to ponder is welcome.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 4:53:59 PM

irishliberty

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i think it comes down to personal preference. Some men prefer blondes, some redheads, etc.,etc., etc.
Women are the same way, we're either attracted to a certain type, thin, tall, thick, brunette, orange..whatever. It's like i've never understood why ppl get all crazy about others being gay. It's just a preference, either you feel a certain way sexually about someone or you don't. Love might be blind, but attraction isn't. just my humble opinion.

(in reply to Trampler)

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:05:16 PM

Real0ne

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wrong choice of words, think about "you are not my type" done.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:08:04 PM

slaveluci

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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Trampler
I wrote back a short but polite note, stating that I just wasn't attracted to black guys.
i think his response was extreme BUT didn't you kind of know that making a blanket statement like that would possibly elicit such a negative response? i mean, you and only you know who you are attracted to and i think it's good that you were honest BUT perhaps it would have been better to say that you weren't attracted to HIM rather than that you are never attracted to ANY black man? (Just a side note here: Have you ever SEEN Snoop Dogg, Shemar Moore and several other hot, hot, hotties who are black?) Ok...back on track here...i think what he probably found so offensive was the blunt statement that you find no man of his race attractive. Can you see my point?......slave luci

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:10:24 PM

domiguy

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Just to let you know that you are not alone....On more than one occasion I've started a dialogue with some of the women from this site...The conversations are great and finally after a period of time we agree to meet. I suggest a coffe shop around the corner from where I live which means about a two minute walk for me and sometimes up to about an hour drive for the women involved....When I know she has arrived at the coffee shop I call her cell phone and tell her that I finally looked at her pics and I see that she is not black and I no longer have any interest in meeting...She usually responds "But my pictures have been available for you to look at since we began talking!! Are you fucking serious?"...I respond, "Yes I am serious...I only date black women and don't ever contact me again!"......Then I hang up the phone while I can still hear her yammering on, "You are such a motherfucker and a rascist...God I fucking hate yo......"

I am not a rascist ...I am an asshole.

Anywhooo who you choose to date is your biz...Everyone has their own preferences. I prefer brunettes but I am still willing to toss a blonde or a redhead a bone every now and again...I know some black dudes who date only white women and I know white dudes who prefer Asian gals....To each their own...as long as it is honest and doesn't come from some fear of family or from the perceived pressures of society.

I consider myself to be the Ellis Island of dating...Nothing more enjoyable then ass-fucking the huddled masses.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:18:48 PM

domiguy

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In all seriousnes you probably wouldn't have respond back to a white guy in the same manner..You probably would have gave a reason...And as Real One ointed out you chose your words rather poorly...."I am not interested" would have sufficed.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/9/2007 5:19:42 PM >

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:20:59 PM

mnottertail

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Well, as a side note to this conunundrum---I ain't interested in domiguy, and don't know whether he is black ; white; cuban or asian----whole different scenario---

Can y'all feel that?

Mellie Mel

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:26:50 PM

Trampler

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Well my reason for responding to him so bluntly, so he wouldn't keep writing back and asking why. I have gotten that so many times, and just wanted to nip it in the bud.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:34:41 PM

CuriousLord

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Racism is when an unjust discrimination is drawn as a sweeping generalization of a particular race, human.

Racism:
All of (a certain race) are stupid.
Not racism:
All of a (certain race) are more prone to acquire (a certain disease).

Racism:
All of (a certain race) are better at (something).
Not racism:
The proportion of (a certain race) in (a certain professional sports league) is higher than other races for the population.
(Such as comments as to how there's a higher proportion of black people in the NBA or a higher proportioin of white people in hockey. Assuming these are accurate. I'm not a big sports fan.)

Racism:
All of (a certain race) are inferior/superior.
Not racism:
I sexually perfer (a certain race).

People are attracted to weird things. Hell, some people are into dogs. That doesn't mean they're racist against humans. If it's just not your cup of tea, no worries, it doesn't make you racist.

Edit:
PS- A lesbian not being attracted to a man doesn't make her sexiest, either.

A lesbian can be sexiest, just as you could still be racist (this is NOT an accusation), but not being sexually attracted to someone of a specific gender/race isn't prejustice.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 5/9/2007 5:41:59 PM >

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:36:32 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
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From: Nashville, TN
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You blocked him and moved on when he got bitchy afterwards, so nipping it in the bud was not necessary. There is always a block option. Sometimes, diplomacy dictates that we not speak our minds, but we sugar coat. If you have no connection to this person, you might want to consider that you run the risk of hurting their feelings by making a racial remark, or any other physical characteristic.
First blush, just tell someone they are not your type. If they canot take no for an answer, then tell them specifically why. If they wont accept no, then they no longer deserve the minimal respect of sparing their feelings.
DV

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(in reply to Trampler)

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:36:50 PM

GeekyGirl

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Be careful, Trampler..I got seriously flamed for this same statement here on the general board. I'm not going back into my reasons but I'll just say that while I have many black friends and completely approve of interracial dating, I am not physically attracted to black men in any way shape or form. I find many black women attractive, but not men.

ETA: I agree though that I would simply have said "you're not my type" and moved on.

I know that when someone responds to me, I'd rather hear "You're not my type" as opposed to "I don't do fat chicks" or "I hate blondes."

If they still persist after you have politely declined, then that's a different story as they are not taking no for an answer.

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 5/9/2007 5:39:22 PM >

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:44:39 PM

cjenny

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IMO by giving a reason it tends to make it feel negative, as if the person is lacking something.

A generic 'no thanks' then a block if you have to block is a lot more impartial. I'd much much rather get a generic no than a particular reason why no!

In the end, it does not matter to the other person why you say no. They don't require insight into you or your reasoning & by giving a reason it makes it more of an interaction than rejection.

I hope that some of that made sense somewhere in it.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 5:50:31 PM

domiguy

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I am Alleutian...."The world of Alleutions is exciting" according to Doug Henning...R.I.P.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 8:34:27 PM

Tuomas

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Bah, people are just too sensitive about race now. Hell, a friend of mine was approached by a beggar, and he refused to give him money. More like shook his head and kept walking. The beggar turned on him and accused him of being "racist". Whether or not he is racist is moot; the beggar did not have enough information to judge, and was himself being racist. There was too much grime on the beggar's face to tell what race he was from, anyway -but since my friend is latino, I'm guessing the beggar wasn't.

In the same coin, I was wandering down the street a while ago, where there were some punks asking for money. I was with a friend, and I only knew this happened because he brought it to my attention afterwards. As we were both walking by, the female of the punk couple approached me to ask me for money (and I automatically ignored her, because I don't give money to beggers. Of any political/social/racial/whatever ilk. Ever.) The male with her pulled her back, saying, "don't ask them; they are nazis." Since we were both dressed "normally" and had no other outward sign, I'm guessing these punks came to that conclusion because of our cropped blond hair....

So, yeah. People are just too sensitive about the issue. Prudence might have dictated you lie. Our society does not exactly encourage honesty anyway.

What I find entirely laughable, however, are the people who throw around accusations of racism as if that's going to solve anything. All that does is get more people annoyed, and foster more racism. Morons.

(in reply to domiguy)

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 9:41:52 PM

spanklette

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Like others have said, you might have used a more generic response just to be tactful, but no, your personal preferences do not make you racist.

I'm not surprised, however, at his response. He took the time to write a nice letter and you attributed your "not interested" to his skin color. It wasn't racist from your perspective, but his perception was different.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/9/2007 9:48:11 PM

LadyPact

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In what little I have on My profile, one of the very specific criteria I have listed is "interested only in SWM submissives". It's a preference of Mine, and I'm entitled to it.

Therefore, if approached by someone other than the described, of any catagory, I have every right to say, "You are not what I am looking for. Please reference My profile".

(in reply to Tuomas)

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/10/2007 2:43:28 AM

windchymes

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If I'm not interested/attracted or just plain repulsed by a profile when someone writes to me, I simply say, "sorry, it's not quite what I'm looking for, but I do wish you the best and hope you find what you're looking for!" Or something along those lines.

Sometimes I say, "I like your profile, but I've started seeing someone and want to see where it goes. Good luck in your searching, though!"

That way, they're not offended by what sounds to them like bigotry, and if they write back again, you can do the block thing.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/10/2007 3:12:37 AM

meatcleaver

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This is a problem I find with trying to meet someone on the internet, one has a list of preferences and anyone who doesn't conform tend to be dismissed. Very few of people I have dated would have conformed to my preferences or what I would have asked listed on the internet. I wouldn't list black or Asian women as a preference on the internet because I feel it gives the impression I want a woman for her exotic qualities rather than herself. However, my last two serious relationships (relatively serious as I don't do serious) have been black and Asian.

One just misses so much of someone on the internet (negative as well as positive)so I just don't bother looking.

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/10/2007 5:24:37 AM

Sinimint

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It's great having a preference and being honest about it, but still, we have to be polite in our lives and I think a response as mentioned above "you're not what I'm looking for" or others would have been the decent thing to do. If I wasn't interested in someone because of say, their height, I wouldn't say "you're too short", or "you're blonde, I dont like blondes" - it just comes across as being rude.

Politeness goes a long way :)

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RE: Things that make you go....hmmm? - 5/10/2007 5:43:11 AM

Trampler

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Well I had another point with my post, which is hoping people would bring up other points to ponder, inconsistencies, perceptions, and so forth about our society. ( I mean society at large.) Believe me after I wrote that I regretted it, I've thought about writing him an apology but I thought that it would just fuel the fire. Jokingly says: It's been a while since I felt like an idiot, and forgot how it feels.

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