RE: I thought you didn't like me

RE: I thought you didn't like me (Full Version)

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Copulo -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 11:38:27 AM)
I often think that someone who deliberately snarls or puts down someone on a forum without very good reason, is someone who does this for their own amusement. On an open forum the scorn is there for everyone to see and although the author can get up and walk away from the keyboard feeling perhaps refreshed, it can leave the person it was aimed at feeling upset. Its happened to me in the past but I always reassure myself that this person has got real issues and seriously needs to deal with self control.

LaTigresse -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 11:57:27 AM)
Actually, I always felt that anyone that gets upset by this stuff was the one with issues and self control problems. We all chose how we allow things to affect us. What really amazes me is when someone gets all upset and acusatory about how something was directed at them. I think to myself "wow, they really must think too highly of themself to imagine that they are important enough for me to bother caring, and wasting my time to try and upset them". Because quite frankly, IF they are indeed getting upset, they aren't.

mistoferin -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:04:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Copulo I often think that someone who deliberately snarls or puts down someone on a forum without very good reason, is someone who does this for their own amusement. On an open forum the scorn is there for everyone to see and although the author can get up and walk away from the keyboard feeling perhaps refreshed, it can leave the person it was aimed at feeling upset. Its happened to me in the past but I always reassure myself that this person has got real issues and seriously needs to deal with self control. See though, you could take that and turn it around the other way and say that the person who sits upset over it has some issues and needs to deal with their self control too. I can get just as snappy as the next person, in fact, I'm pretty damn good at it sometimes. I've also had my fair share of being snapped at. But I can get up from the computer, regardless of whether or not I am the snapper or the one who just got my ass chewed off and not carry it even one moment into my life. I don't assume that because someone disagrees with me, even snappily, that they hate everything about me. I just assume that on that particular subject we are definitely not on the same road and that the subject is either a sore spot or one they feel very passionately about. As darkinshadows said earlier, I do try to go beyond listening and actually hear what people are saying. She and I have vehemently disagreed on different things...but that hasn't detracted from my opinion of her as a person. Truth be told, I think that if we were to meet we'd probably have some wonderful conversation and a great time. But it would seem that there are a lot of folks who, if you don't change your opinion, take it as a personal slam. I can hear someone and really try to get my head around their viewpoint without having it change my own thought processes...and it generally doesn't mean that the agreement or disagreement makes me view them as a person who is to be liked or not liked.

MstrssPassion -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:16:59 PM)
ok mistoferin, you started this & based on the responses so far should we all be sitting around singing kumbaya or just sing out with heartedly chorus of "shut the frack up" ? :-)

Copulo -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:18:29 PM)
I agree with what you have both said to a degree. Yes the person who is upset could have issues but how do we know before we aim an insult right at them that they have issues or not? They may have issues because their dog died that morning or they fell out with a partner. The last thing they need is to be insulted that day. We don’t know what anyone is going through and although that is not our fault we should at least perhaps consider that before we post. I do not bite back if someone tries to insult me. I either walk away or reply with an intelligent answer. That way my conscience is clear and I can then go about feeling sorry for the person that insulted me but clearly if someone throws a personal insult it is lack of self control, just as the person who is wounded by the insult has lack of control. Actually I have enjoyed this post. it's not become flamed and I think people have really given some good replies

LaTigresse -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:26:52 PM)
Copula, the point is..............who is determining it is an insult? There are some people on here that the very moment you disagree with them about ANYTHING, they get their drawers in a bunch and take it personally. Then you have others that love the mental stimulation and wouldn't even dream of considering a debate, even a heated one, insulting. Hell I am closer to being insulted by the insipid stupidity of the giggly, nice crapola. Fortunately I have the option of ignoring it. The reality is that if someone is so sensitive, for whatever the reason, by words on a computer screen typed by someone that only knows a teeny tiny bit of who they are, that they would become seriously upset by them............that person needs to get away from the computer and deal with their life issues. Not one of us is responsible for anyone else's stuff. You can write/call me, every godawful nasty bunch of words you can imagine typing and how I take that, how I allow it to affect me, is MY responsibility....NOT YOURS.

onestandingstill -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:29:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Do you feel that because someone disagrees with you here on collarme that they "don't like you"? Do you think that if someone else's opinion is different it's a personal thing between you and they? Sorry, have not read anything but the OP. I personally respect and enjoy when people disagree with me here. It opens me up to more food for thought. I've got many many friends who are so concerned they'd be judged they read the forums only, and will not write for fear people will blast them. I say please if we disagree say so, but some just can't take the critical opinion of their point of view. I say the more views the merrier is my opinion for me. suzanne

MstrssPassion -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:35:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Copulo I agree with what you have both said to a degree. Yes the person who is upset could have issues but how do we know before we aim an insult right at them that they have issues or not? This is what started this whole thread... one person perceived something that was said on here as an indication that they were not liked.... they possibly perceived the reply as an attack on their person. When they two met, this wasn't the case & it was only because the person perceived it as such that there was any anxiety of whether they were liked or not or whether they would find anything they liked about the person who they thought didn't like them so here ya go.... who is to say that someone was actually insulting someone else.... when in fact the perceptions may not be accurate people read too much into written posts.... too often I hear people mention a "tone" (The quality of something --an act or a piece of writing-- that reveals the attitudes and presuppositions of the author.) The presuppositions of the author... not of the reader. This is just another case that can be easily cleared up.... when in doubt, ask

MstrssPassion -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:37:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse The reality is that if someone is so sensitive, for whatever the reason, by words on a computer screen typed by someone that only knows a teeny tiny bit of who they are, that they would become seriously upset by them............that person needs to get away from the computer and deal with their life issues. Not one of us is responsible for anyone else's stuff. You can write/call me, every godawful nasty bunch of words you can imagine typing and how I take that, how I allow it to affect me, is MY responsibility....NOT YOURS. [sm=wave.gif] CAN I GET AN AMEN

mistoferin -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:38:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion This is just another case that can be easily cleared up.... when in doubt, ask And there ya go! No singing required!

Copulo -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:42:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Copula, the point is..............who is determining it is an insult? There are some people on here that the very moment you disagree with them about ANYTHING, they get their drawers in a bunch and take it personally. Then you have others that love the mental stimulation and wouldn't even dream of considering a debate, even a heated one, insulting. Hell I am closer to being insulted by the insipid stupidity of the giggly, nice crapola. Fortunately I have the option of ignoring it. The reality is that if someone is so sensitive, for whatever the reason, by words on a computer screen typed by someone that only knows a teeny tiny bit of who they are, that they would become seriously upset by them............that person needs to get away from the computer and deal with their life issues. Not one of us is responsible for anyone else's stuff. You can write/call me, every godawful nasty bunch of words you can imagine typing and how I take that, how I allow it to affect me, is MY responsibility....NOT YOURS. An insult is not someone disagreeing with something you said. If they get insulted by that then I agree with everything you have just said. An insult is when someone takes a name and calls them a name. An insult is when someone puts someone down in a personal way. Of course if they deserve this because of something they have said then so be it but the girl I spoke about in my first post on here would get herself in a mood and then go to the forums, pick up on something she disagreed on and then call them names like ‘tosser’ and ‘loser’ and ‘Ive heard your mothers a whore’ The thing is she would never of done this in real life. When you met her butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. She used her powers of being behind the keyboard to take her wrath out on anyone she perceived as weak. She thought this was hilarious and that, to me, is unacceptable.

MstrssPassion -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:44:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion This is just another case that can be easily cleared up.... when in doubt, ask And there ya go! No singing required! well darn... I was rather looking forward to a campfire song, I got marshmellows & everything (was making copies of what I'd be singing to hand out just in case y'all forgot the words) [sm=boohoo.gif]

mistoferin -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:46:58 PM)
ah ah ah....careful with those marshmallows now....I mentioned those just the other day and someone perceived it as an attack!

shyinini -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:47:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Do you feel that because someone disagrees with you here on collarme that they "don't like you"? Do you think that if someone else's opinion is different it's a personal thing between you and they? It is ALWAYS so much more about how one says it than what one says.

LaTigresse -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:48:06 PM)
I understand what you are saying. My point is this, those she was spouting her venom towards have no control over her behaviour however rediculous it may be. They can only control how they react to it. It has been my observation that when faced with a negative behaviour in whatever form, there are ways of dealing with it that either feed it or starve it. Which is why I said what I did about the name calling. If you call me something offensive I can react and feed it, therefor giving you fuel to continue........OR I can starve it, in any number of ways, and that would eventually cause you to go somewhere else for the satisfaction.

MstrssPassion -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:51:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin ah ah ah....careful with those marshmallows now....I mentioned those just the other day and someone perceived it as an attack! only when I lite them on fire & toss them at someone OWWWWIEEEEEE

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:56:26 PM)
Mean people suck, and you know who you are. I think it's absolutely amazing that some people find it impossible to state an opinion without being rude and/or mean. but thats just me.

Copulo -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 12:56:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I understand what you are saying. My point is this, those she was spouting her venom towards have no control over her behaviour however rediculous it may be. They can only control how they react to it. It has been my observation that when faced with a negative behaviour in whatever form, there are ways of dealing with it that either feed it or starve it. Which is why I said what I did about the name calling. If you call me something offensive I can react and feed it, therefor giving you fuel to continue........OR I can starve it, in any number of ways, and that would eventually cause you to go somewhere else for the satisfaction. And I agree about starving it, though if someone said this to my face they would not walk away and that would be very much a controlled action on my part.

LaTigresse -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 1:06:18 PM)
And that would be your choice and you would be responsible for any repercussions. However we were not talking about physical confrontations, we were talking about typed words, perceptions and how they are dealt with. Two completely different animals. In a physical confrontation you have more than letters bunched together to determine the nature of the intention. In addition, that type of behaviour is a rather rare occurance in the real (face to face ) world. At least in my world. If someone said something like looser, twat.......etc to me, I guarantee it would be with a smiling face followed by a hug and laughter. I would know exactly the nature of their intent. On here, who knows.........why bother to get upset?

happypervert -> RE: I thought you didn't like me (5/11/2007 1:16:57 PM)
quote: This is just another case that can be easily cleared up.... when in doubt, ask heh . . . but the folks who are gonna worry about it will ask: "Why don't you like me?"

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