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Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:12:33 PM

CuriousLord

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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I ran into a homeless guy asking me for food money a while back. Remembering my father's advice, I declined giving him cash, but offered to take him to get some food. (Not that I even had cash. Everything at the college is on a charge-card basis. Even the vending machines.)
He declined and walked away, claiming he had to watch his diet as he was diabetic.

This has been bothering me, and I even discussed it with my slave today. Maybe he just didn't realize he could've gotten a salad or something else not harmful to his condition.

On my way to the diner tonight, which I'm presently in (on Wi-Fi), he caught my eye, wandering around looking for a meal. I took him up to the second floor, which has a charge-on-enterance with an all-you-can-eat buffet behind it. He's sitting not far from me, now; I paid his enterance.

Now here's my problem.
He strikes me as either having child-like intelligence or he's simply timid about me. I'm not sure which. But, as evidenced by his physical appearance, he's not going to be able to take care of himself once he walks out of here. I'm going back home to my family tommorow- my last final was today. I know for a fact he wouldn't be welcome- so that's not even an option.

It's heartbreaking. He's innocent, or at least looks that way. He doesn't appear malicious. Harmless and dejected, at worst.

I get there's poor people in the world. And I get I can't help this man right now. I get he's not my responsibility. But, seeing him look at me, like I can help him somehow, I'm.. I'm not going to sleep very well tonight.

Post #: 1

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:14:50 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

While you are online, look into shelters. See if you can suggest or drop him off somewhere he can find a bed at least. It'll make you feel at least a bit better than tonight he will have somwhere to stay

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 2

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:17:17 PM

CuriousLord

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It's good advice.. I don't have a car here, I'm getting picked up tommorow, but I could still look it up.

I'm going to feel like an ass if I ask him about wanting to find a shelter. I already feel like an ass for asking him if he'd like to come up and get some food with me (since it was obvious I was implying he couldn't get food without help).

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 3

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:23:23 PM

CuriousLord

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Okay, I don't buy the diabetic story now. He just ate half a pie. Unless I misunderstand diabeties..

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 4

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:23:29 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

I already feel like an ass for asking him if he'd like to come up and get some food with me (since it was obvious I was implying he couldn't get food without help).

Well, if he asked you for food money, it was a safe bet that he needed help. And he accepted your offer, no? So it sounds like you did the right thing.

You're in Richmond, right? It looks like there's a place called Freedom House that might be able to help.

Bless you for caring and have a safe trip home!

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 5

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:23:41 PM

Tuomas

Posts: 242
Joined: 2/7/2007
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Interesting you are coming to all of these conclusions ... without having talked to him all that much. Do you know why he's homeless? Why he can't get his next meal? I mean you assume, but do you know. I do quite a lot of work with the poor and the near-poor, and the reality of talking with these people is a lot different from what people have in their minds. I think it would be a good exersize for you to spend the evening with him, get to know about him, his life, what makes him tick, what he looks forward to in the future, his dreams... what makes him as a person.

Otherwise, you are just being selfish and catering to your feelings of guilt by buying him a meal...

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 6

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:24:35 PM

dcnovice

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Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

Okay, I don't buy the diabetic story now. He just ate half a pie. Unless I misunderstand diabeties..

Like everyone else, diabetics sometimes make poor food choices.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 7

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:27:13 PM

dcnovice

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Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

Otherwise, you are just being selfish and catering to your feelings of guilt by buying him a meal...

That seems a bit harsh. The gentleman asked CL for help, and CL gave it.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Tuomas)

Post #: 8

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:27:59 PM

CuriousLord

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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Thanks for the link. Yup, Richmond (well, university here).

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 9

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:29:49 PM

mistoferin

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I know it sounds really bold but maybe you could talk to him.

Years ago I used to have a small video store. There was a homeless guy who used to come in asking for bottles and cans. Other than being in need of a good bath and clean clothes, he seemed like a pretty decent guy. I wondered a long time what his story was. One day I finally got the courage to ask him. I told him that I couldn't help but notice that he seemed kind of down on his luck and if he cared to share I could be a good listener and maybe even be able to help. He explained to me that he had lost his job and couldn't find another. He had been evicted from his apartment because he couldn't pay the rent and now that he had no place to call home he couldn't really present himself to a perspective employer in his current "condition". I asked him about any possible skills he had. As it turned out he knew some construction and I had some friends who had construction firms. I gave him a few numbers and made a couple phone calls for him. Two weeks later he was working on a crew. He turned out to be a great employee and worked there for about 10 years before he met a girl, got married, had a couple kids and started his own small construction business. I still run into him from time to time and he's doing just fine.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 10

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:31:02 PM

Dauric

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Joined: 7/13/2006
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There's only so much you can worry about man. It's a beautiful ideal to have everyone taken care of in the world, but it just isn't going to happen. You've already done more than most people do, probably with that paid trip to the buffet, given more in cash value than most people ever would have. By making sure that it was for a meal, you made sure that it didn't go to alchohol, or drugs, or even get stolen from the guy.

It's not a nice thing to say, but there is an inherent survival trait in selfishness. There's too many people for us all as individuals to do something about. Even if you were to house him, you know nothing about him, like what -exactly- his mental state is, or how often it may change. Doing something like that can put you in immense risk, not only of being stolen from, but risk of bodily harm. It's sad but true that a large quantity of homeless people are in some way and to varying degrees mentally ill, and have no where to go. Regardless, you need to think of your own safety and well being first.

If it really bothers you tonight, resolve to do something about it in your life. Resolve tonight to take this experience forward with you in to your career. If you're a lawyer, take on cases that deal with the issue. If you're an archetect, design cheap affordable housing. If you're a culinary student, figure out a way to provide nutritional, cheap, and flavorful food in a way that it can be -more- easily and cheaply distributed by homeless shelters and churches. You need not make it your 'Life's Mission', but do -something-.

And the shelter idea above isn't a bad one either.

Just my own $0.02 on the matter,

Dauric.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 11

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:31:06 PM

dcnovice

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Joined: 8/2/2006
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Glad I could help. I used to volunteer at homeless shelters; now I find links on BDSM boards! Still, it's somwthing.

< Message edited by dcnovice -- 5/10/2007 8:32:20 PM >

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 12

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:31:46 PM

CuriousLord

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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Alright, just tried.

Me: "Hey there. I'm without any company for the evening. Would you like to join me?"
Him: (barely audible tone) "No, I'm fine."/"No, that's fine." (Couldn't hear well.)

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 13

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:32:46 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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It sucks...There is no way to possibly begin to help....You know way to little about any individual to start to think that with what limited time and resources you possess could actually be of any consequence or produce any tangible long lasting results.

I have bought meals but I usually give people cash...I was watching the show "Ethics in America" and C. Everett Koop was on and this very topic came up about giving homeless people money...He said (paraphrasing) "I have bought plenty of strangers a drink at a bar...And yes, I realize this individual is probably going to spend the money I gave him on booze or drugs...Yet it's a sad fact that there is of little chance for this person to recover based upon me not giving him money...But the thought of this person suffering from dt's or worse is enough to compell me to hand over a few dollars and hope that better days await for this individual."

So I give money.

CuriousLord it is at least the acknowledgement that other people are suffering that is a first step. Perhaps when enough people feel the same way some true inroads can be made to hopefully get these people to receive the care, treatment and housing they need.

_____________________________

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Post #: 14

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:35:39 PM

CuriousLord

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tuomas

Interesting you are coming to all of these conclusions ... without having talked to him all that much. Do you know why he's homeless? Why he can't get his next meal? I mean you assume, but do you know.

This is the second time he's asked me for food money. He looks as he hasn't had a hair cut in many years, and no shave in at least six months. He's stick thin. I've seen him wandering around, asking for food.

I'm going to assume he's without his next meal, and I'm going to further assume he's without a home.

(in reply to Tuomas)

Post #: 15

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:36:47 PM

Tuomas

Posts: 242
Joined: 2/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

Otherwise, you are just being selfish and catering to your feelings of guilt by buying him a meal...

That seems a bit harsh. The gentleman asked CL for help, and CL gave it.

Well, yes. But I get annoyed by people being all magnaminous about doing their "good deed of the day". If he is sincere about his desire to help, he will get to know the guy.

Like mistoferin did. Now that's a very good thing, that mistoferin did.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 16

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:38:06 PM

CuriousLord

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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Yeah, I'm just now noticing the strangeness of seeing a homeless man and thusly resorting to making a plea for advice on a BDSM board.

I'm slow today.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 17

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:39:49 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I feel for you, just because you know someone needs help and you are willing to give it doesn't mean they are going to want it or take it. If nothing else take comfort in the fact that you made THIS night for him better. Even the light of a single candle can be comforting when you are surrounded by nothing but darkness. You brought a little light to a very dark place.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 18

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:42:14 PM

Adelphus

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know it sounds really bold but maybe you could talk to him.

Years ago I used to have a small video store. There was a homeless guy who used to come in asking for bottles and cans. Other than being in need of a good bath and clean clothes, he seemed like a pretty decent guy. I wondered a long time what his story was. One day I finally got the courage to ask him. I told him that I couldn't help but notice that he seemed kind of down on his luck and if he cared to share I could be a good listener and maybe even be able to help. He explained to me that he had lost his job and couldn't find another. He had been evicted from his apartment because he couldn't pay the rent and now that he had no place to call home he couldn't really present himself to a perspective employer in his current "condition". I asked him about any possible skills he had. As it turned out he knew some construction and I had some friends who had construction firms. I gave him a few numbers and made a couple phone calls for him. Two weeks later he was working on a crew. He turned out to be a great employee and worked there for about 10 years before he met a girl, got married, had a couple kids and started his own small construction business. I still run into him from time to time and he's doing just fine.

Wow...that's just awesome.

I was homeless for about a year and a half but I was lucky, my mate (now wife) took me in. I lived on her couch and the super of the building looked the other way because I did yard work. Still, not having privacy, a place for your stuff, living out of your car or boxes...it messes with your head. Some people will turn down help because of pride or they just want to be alone in their misery. It's sad really...

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 19

RE: Homeless Guy - 5/10/2007 8:42:17 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tuomas

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

Otherwise, you are just being selfish and catering to your feelings of guilt by buying him a meal...

That seems a bit harsh. The gentleman asked CL for help, and CL gave it.

Well, yes. But I get annoyed by people being all magnaminous about doing their "good deed of the day". If he is sincere about his desire to help, he will get to know the guy.

Like mistoferin did. Now that's a very good thing, that mistoferin did.

Give me a break! I bought him a meal, then I came seeing what other people had to say. I wouldn't even have bothered getting on my computer and asking about it if I thought giving him a meal for tonight was enough!

I don't think I've done enough. At least, not as much as I want to, okay? I feel like an incredible ass over all of this.

Edit: Of all the fucking stupid things people decide to have flame wars over on CM, let's not have this be one of them. I'm trying to help this guy, but I'm at a loss for what to do. I can't spend the night with him. I haven't slept in days thanks to finals and don't have anywhere to go with him (no cash, no car, everything closes at night), and he won't even talk to me. I want to help him. So don't make a point against me. This isn't the time.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 5/10/2007 8:45:52 PM >

(in reply to Tuomas)

Post #: 20

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