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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/8/2004 4:46:26 AM   
LadyBeckett


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quote:

Sensuality is not reliant on sexuality


What an interesting article. I never did see one of those little books that he's talking about. I quoted what Schno said, because I've always believed that also. I believe that BDSM is sensual, not sexual. Sexual, to me, is laying in soft clean sheets, on a just right pillow, in that somewhere between sleeping and being awake drifting place, and feeling the big, strong, warm hand of he whom I love and trust, gently caressing my foot and lower leg so pleasantly as to be divine.

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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/8/2004 12:27:38 PM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
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quote:

To me, BDSM isn't about sex; it's about power and control.


That is what it is about for me also, but .... those are my needs, my triggers, if you will. That is what arouses me and makes me happy and fulfilled. Sex is a tool, like a flogger or a spark-ly pair of nipple clamps thathurtsobadIwannapeemypants.... it isn't the means to an end. : ) You can seperate BDSM and sex in a scene, but I don't think you can put them into different catagories altogether.

Syn

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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/8/2004 2:03:41 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
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Quite funny this topic came up here...I have been going through a mighty interesting self-inspection on my core desires, and the base is really this question: how important is sex??? (For the sake of this diatribe, I will define sex as meaning genital intercourse.)

My answer: very very very!!!

Yet, this really isn't the whole answer (or, perhaps more accurately, "how important is sex?" really isn't the whole questions).

In looking around the huge playspace at BR, I realized that all these people were exploring, exploiting, and enjoying some of the wildest, most intense sexual experiences, yet not a one was having sex. This realization led me to question my own need for sex, and more intensely, my own feeling that this need of sex was somehow keeping me from finding a place in the lifestyle that I truly fit.

The simple truth is that while I consider “dominance” to be a central and core part of my sexuality, it isn’t its sum total. I have never had an erection while in “domspace”, nor do I masturbate to “domination” fantasies. The practice of dominance while unbelievably fulfilling, isn’t about sex, it is far deeper and more shallow at the same time.

This revelation led me to understand that while I wanted, needed, and loved sex (kinda kinky wild and imaginative sex), I also needed and wanted to explore my dominant side in a non-sexual (though still entirely sensual) way. Which has caused me to completely re-evaluate what I am looking for…

More to come as I work it out.

Yours,
Taggard

BTW, BR was quite a weekend. Something I dreadfully needed and I feel so completely recharged.


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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/8/2004 3:38:57 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		My rating of the importance of sex in a relationship varies by what amount of time you spend having sex and what amount doing other things. Here comes peter cottontail hoppin down the bunny trail..................Mykal

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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/8/2004 4:04:49 PM   
smile2cu


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/21/2004
From: Dayton, OH
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA
I think that depends on how you define "sex". Do you mean insert Tab A into Slot B?
It just occurred to me, that since I love giving oral sex, I've got multiple Tab A's. Hurray!

In answer to the original question, I think sex is very important. The thing I like to do best in this world is please women. And I haven't found anything more pleasing to a woman than having multiple orgasms. (Even shopping trips, although I admit sometimes its close.)

After sex, cuddling and caressing is wonderful. Like being in a world just made for the two of you.

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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/9/2004 10:30:26 AM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline 		"So the question is - how important is Sex to you? Really?"

Today, like most weekdays, I am spending 8 hours commanding a number of pro-sub minions. Their limits prevent me from tying them up, having sex with them, or hurting them. This doesn't bother me, they're a pretty unattrattive bunch anyway -- frumpy cube drones -- and I feel absolutely zero desire to have my hand slapping against their flabby butts. If I could tie them up, I'd have nothing to follow up with, and would just end up untying them again. If they started kneeling naked by my desk, it wouldn't do a thing for me, they'd just be in my way.

Non-sexual domination bores me. I refuse to do it unless paid handsomely.

Sexual domination is an entirely different matter. My worst moment as a sexual Dom is far more pleasing than my best moment as an office Dom. Sexual domination never, ever bores me. Sexual domination is, by anyone's standards, kink. Asexual domination is only kink if telling your secretary to go get more coffee makes you breathe hard. I realize that there are people who get off on giving mundane orders, but I'm not one of them. It would be different if I could grab that secretary by the hair, and tell her that if she was slow with the coffee I'd tie her up and make her orgasm until she begged for mercy. Now THAT I would be happy to do for no pay at all. I might even drain the coffee pot in advance.

Non-sexual bondage? Feh! Non-sexual sadism? Perhaps... but I'm not a sadist.

So there's my answer. Marriage isn't all about sex. BDSM isn't, either. I find sexless BDSM to be just as exciting as a sexless marriage.

< Message edited by NoCalOwner -- 11/9/2004 10:35:48 AM >

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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/9/2004 10:49:15 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		I know, I never got around to elaborating.

What shocked me most, was so many posting the 'Politically Incorrect' answer - Not that sex was very important, but that it was incorrect to state it. Why, even within a BDSM community that addresses topics from Dacraphylia, Roman Showers, and bodily contortion of all types, would plain sex end up seeming taboo?

Sex is one of the few instincts we still possess. When people are hungry today, we don't think about chasing an animal and killing it. We think about going to Kroger and buying a bag of potatoe chips. When we are cold today, we don't look for a cave to huddle in, we turn up the furnace. (Most of) our instincts have passed by the wayside. Our drive to have sex ensures the continuation of the species - if the creation of children were less pleasent, say, like paying taxes or watching the weather channel, then we probably wouldn't be around much longer (no offense to those who love the weather channel or get off on paying taxes.)

Most of us love sex, in one form or another. Not all D/s or BDSM is sexual, not all sex is BDSM or D/s related - as it should be. I believe the notion that BDSM or D/s absent sex is somehow more acceptable, or some sort of elevated consciousness is false.

Stephan



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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/9/2004 4:39:32 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		This is such a funny topic to me. Having been born and raised Roman Catholic and long since completed my rebellion and come to terms with religion in general, my need to justify or explain my NEED for sex is a thing of the distant past.

I loved the essay and luaghed out loud several times while reading it.

newflowers
who should mention she is easily entertained

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/11/2004 6:45:48 AM   
tymegagme1


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/10/2004
Status: offline 		i'd say sex is very important, but then, i'm a male! :)

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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/11/2004 1:45:36 PM   
blushes4u


Posts: 278
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		In searching for someone i am not thinking "sex" is the most important issue. Not having had any with someone in years its not like i miss it but, not having had any in years doesn't mean i dont please myself either. That being said if i do ever find the right one...there better be sex lol. Yes i think sex is important.

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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/11/2004 2:47:54 PM   
Brindle


Posts: 33
Joined: 10/18/2004
From: West Yorkshire, UK
Status: offline 		I would say that rather than "sex (slot A into slot B) it's the ability to be sexual and SENSUAL, to be able to be open to those desires and feelings, without recrimination, without shame, without fear and without worries about what is "right" and what is "wrong" that is crucial.

having been in a sexually deprived - bordering on abusive - relationhip for many yrs is was THOSE aspects that were critical in me deciding to move on that the actual lack of "sex" itself.

I could have coped with the almost none existent sex if I'd just been allowed to be openly and honestly a sensual, sexual person. If maybe we'd may not have managed the act itself so often - but to have been allowed to be desirable and to desire others - which can be expressed in so many ways (including BDSM) that's what I missed. For it not even be seen as acceptable to be sexual - that's a killer.

I finally decided I'd rather be single and celibate for teh rest of my life rather than live in that environment - and so I left. And come what may I'll stick by that decision. Nothing can get that bad again and if I DO end up single and celibate I'll still be better off than I've been for teh last 17/8 or so yrs of my life. :) Cos now I can express myself and be who and what I want. And Even if that's on my own it's better than being starved of that ability.

So sex itself - slot A into slot B - no it's not THAT important.

The ability to express your sexuality, to be allowed to be openly sensual and to be able to express desire and take satisfaction from the diversity of interaction available to us as human beings - that's what's important.

In my mind anyhow lol


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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/11/2004 2:48:22 PM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with Blushes i need it and want it as part of my BDSM.

And at this point i wont sedttle for a relationship without it, without d/s and without bdsm i am greedy i want it all lol.

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It's because I can!

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RE: No really, how important is Sex? - 11/11/2004 10:08:33 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		To me it is about power and control, and absolutely yes sex...
So, sex is VERY important (with the knowledge that there's more than one way....).
Lady in RI

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Profile   Post #: 33
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