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Spotting a sub - 5/10/2007 9:38:34 PM

WorldTraveller7

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline

A few days ago, I had an experience where I tried to spot a submissive.

I came across a very sweet young lady, a law school student. I found her to be a good listener than a talker, yet always knowing what I was talking about. She seemed to have very limited sexual experience. I barely knew her so was not interested in coming out openly about my interests and talking about things that my devious mind usually cooks up.

As things progressed to being in bed together, I had this rising feeling that she is so submissive. Unable to hide my curosity any more, I though of replaying an old experience and spanked her ass hard, while having her from behind. The first time I spanked her, she didn't know what or why and was probably still confused when I spanked her again. She turned her head to look at me with a mix of question and confusion, which soon turned to why-the-fuck look.

Since I did not get the familiar positive look, I did not feel like investigating any further. I was hoping it would turn out like an experince I had few years ago, where I chanced upon a closet submissive. She responded with a bright thank you look as in , finally someone sees me a woman who can take spanking. It was good.

How often does it happen to you, that someone supposedly vanilla is actually a submissive, just waiting to be discovered?

(I do not post often. sorry, if this topic has been discussed above. I will love to hear replies)

Post #: 1

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/10/2007 10:18:34 PM

bigskycountry

Posts: 43
Joined: 4/19/2007
From: montana
Status: offline

You will get a better response if you post this on nerve.com.
I will throw in a quicky though: if you are rehashing a moment with a past partner in hopes to recreate a prior experiment or scenario, you have not and are not investing yourself.

(in reply to WorldTraveller7)

Post #: 2

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/10/2007 10:29:38 PM

N4SDChastity

Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline

I think you're thinnking too deep into the experience. You tried someting *you* enjoyd, but she was less that enthusatic about. There was as much chance that she would have liked it, or, maybe even been reviled at the prospect of you slippin in doggy-style... Maybe it just dint click, sexually, with you two. It happens. Or, maybe she just needs to be drawn out of her shell. Maybe YOU ain't the one to do the drawing-out... Maybe you are... Too many variables. Like I said, you're thinkin too much. Either move more slowly with this one, until you get a better feel for what she's into, or, move on and tryN find someone more experienced, and kinkier.

(in reply to bigskycountry)

Post #: 3

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 2:04:04 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

At a dinner party of mixed company (vanilla and lifestylers) the conversation turned to D/s. We were discussing the very same topic, how can you spot submissives.

A vanilla lady said,
"I wouldn't know a submissive if I fell over her"

The Domme lady said,
"Yes you would, she would be the one apologising!"

Well it made me laugh

:: smiles ::

(in reply to N4SDChastity)

Post #: 4

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 2:34:33 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

I have a different take on this....
There are submissive women, that no matter who they are with sexually, will be submissive, not initiating anything and they seem "cold," not assertive. Being one like this myself, having sex with someone I like, am dating or picked up, if a man doesnt catch on that I dont initiate, the whole thing is off. Just doesnt click.
A dominant man, if I perchance happened to tag one, would find me most submissive until he tried to initiate some pain I didnt enjoy.

But then I do believe a dominant man can spot a natural submissive women, but not usually a bdsm submissive women who only "performs" (sexually submissive) as she wants to and for whom she wants to.

I hope I didnt generalize (to the point of being accused a moron) or step on too many sensitive toes.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to subsfaith)

Post #: 5

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 3:10:07 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

It was generaly quite easy for Me to spot them.... I am certainly no adonis, never have been. If they are attracted to Me its because they are attracted by the personality.... which means there is a high likelyhood, in the case of it being MY personality, they have at the very least, submissive tendencys and are attracted by a Dominant personality. If I saw signs they where attracted, then I was on the right track

Once I found the scene again I didn't bother looking in vanilla environs.... you don't go duck hunting in a hen house, you stand a better chance down the duck pond

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to shyinini)

Post #: 6

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 4:27:09 AM

farieanne

Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

Hi,

IMHO, i don't think liking to be spanked means your submissive. It means she is a bottom but being submissive has little to do with sex or BDSM. There are many D/s couples who do not practice BDSM at all and even some that do not have sex at all. This is just my oppinion.

< Message edited by farieanne -- 5/11/2007 4:28:30 AM >

_____________________________

Master Peter's

"A woman will always sacrifice herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of self-indulgence.” - William Somerset Maugham

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 7

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 4:46:47 AM

PhoenixLM

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/12/2005
From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: farieanne

Hi,

IMHO, i don't think liking to be spanked means your submissive. It means she is a bottom but being submissive has little to do with sex or BDSM. There are many D/s couples who do not practice BDSM at all and even some that do not have sex at all. This is just my oppinion.

I completely agree, I have seen dominant people bottom and submissive people top. This does not make these people switchs, it also does not mean a dominant person who bottoms is a sub, or a submissive person a dominant. It just means that they like the sensations/feelings/thrills of bottoming or topping, regardless of how they live their day to day life.

_____________________________

Phoenix
House Ds Haven
http://dshaven.com

(in reply to farieanne)

Post #: 8

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 4:50:03 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: farieanne

Hi,

IMHO, i don't think liking to be spanked means your submissive. It means she is a bottom but being submissive has little to do with sex or BDSM. There are many D/s couples who do not practice BDSM at all and even some that do not have sex at all. This is just my oppinion.

Yes, I have to agree with this.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to farieanne)

Post #: 9

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 4:53:39 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Here's a tip....

Instead of creating an atmosphere where she gets lost, confused and of even having to read your freakin' mind, how about discussing your kink intentions openly and honestly *BEFORE* acting them out! You afraid she'd decline?

We call it COMMUNICATION.

To answer your question, it hasn't happened to me since I was about 18 = young, dumb and fulla cum.

Focus.

(in reply to WorldTraveller7)

Post #: 10

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 4:56:47 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Here's a tip....

Instead of creating an atmosphere where she gets lost, confused and of even having to read your freakin' mind, how about discussing your kink intentions openly and honestly *BEFORE* acting them out! You afraid she'd decline?

We call it COMMUNICATION.

To answer your question, it hasn't happened to me since I was about 18 = young, dumb and fulla cum.

Focus.

We don't often find ourselves on the same side of many discussions Focus... but you nailed that one!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 11

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 5:21:59 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Lol just because someone likes to be spanked during sex does not make them submissive.
I've slept with a few gals who love it yet if I dared tried to do anything more then fun spanking I would get killed.(although one gal went into Gor so go figure).

By the op thoughts tapping ya gf on the butt while she is walking past means she is submissive. I always thought it was getting a cheap touch lol.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 12

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 5:52:41 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

We don't often find ourselves on the same side of many discussions Focus... but you nailed that one!

Lol, for what it's worth, I don't seem to be hitting it off with any of the other site Doms, either! Surely the common denominator couldn't be me???

Back to the topic.... I've got my own method of "sub spotting", even the ones who haven't yet explored that side of their sexuality. It has a lot to do with the eyes and how they respond to mine. But the trouble is that familiar fem/sub "look" is shared by vanilla women who are nothing more than shy - which is possibly what happened in the OP's example....

Doms lead and subs look to them to lead. There's enjoyment in spontaneity but it needs to be balanced where new experiences are concerned and I certainly don't think the OP demonstrated a lot of leadership in the communication department with this one!

Focus.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 13

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 6:01:24 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Plus, as has been mentioned, he doesn't seem to know the diffrence between a submissive and a BDSM bottom.

When My searching was in vanilla environs, I used to be in control and excersising that contol quite openly before I even introduced the subject... she'd often be modifying her choise of clothing to accomidate My preffrences, keeping her hair down when she'd prefer to keep it up, leaving it to Me to choose where we went and what we did. If she dithered when given a choise I'd often be making the choise for her (Pretty much an acid test, if she didn't balk at that... she was a sub, even if she hadn't been introduced to the lable yet)

We'd be in a light D/s relationship from the first moment mutual interest was acknowledged. BDSM play however was NEVER introduced without discussion.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 14

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 6:02:34 AM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

I have to say, what happened to consent?

Sincerely,
minxy

(in reply to WorldTraveller7)

Post #: 15

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 6:14:03 AM

angelthighhighs

Posts: 104
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline

sometimes its hard to "spot" a sub. to anyone i'm not in a committed relationship with they wouldn't know. i'm a strong person, i know what i want and won't settle for less. there are times i'll take charge of things without even realising it...perhaps because at work i was use to having to do this and also with raising 3 kids on my own. yet, when i'm in a relationship with someone i've willingly surrendered to..or when talking to someone i'm attracted to that makes me feel my submissive side. there isn't any doubt. but even so if some guy i don't really know and haven't surrendered to came up out of the blue and spanked me. i'd give him the wtf look too. remember the word consentual?

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 16

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 7:20:59 AM

MamaDomme

Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WorldTraveller7

A few days ago, I had an experience where I tried to spot a submissive.

I came across a very sweet young lady, a law school student. I found her to be a good listener than a talker, yet always knowing what I was talking about. She seemed to have very limited sexual experience. I barely knew her so was not interested in coming out openly about my interests and talking about things that my devious mind usually cooks up.

As things progressed to being in bed together, I had this rising feeling that she is so submissive. Unable to hide my curosity any more, I though of replaying an old experience and spanked her ass hard, while having her from behind. The first time I spanked her, she didn't know what or why and was probably still confused when I spanked her again. She turned her head to look at me with a mix of question and confusion, which soon turned to why-the-fuck look.

Since I did not get the familiar positive look, I did not feel like investigating any further. I was hoping it would turn out like an experince I had few years ago, where I chanced upon a closet submissive. She responded with a bright thank you look as in , finally someone sees me a woman who can take spanking. It was good.

How often does it happen to you, that someone supposedly vanilla is actually a submissive, just waiting to be discovered?

(I do not post often. sorry, if this topic has been discussed above. I will love to hear replies)

teehee-- since it was a law school student, you are damned lucky that she didn't slap you with an assault and battery charge! You hit her without her permission. Shame on you!

(in reply to WorldTraveller7)

Post #: 17

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 10:11:53 AM

Masterdarkone26

Posts: 63
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline

I have to agree with the posts here..

First you need to be willing to talk with her about your kinks and the possiblity of what she likes.. if she is a true sub and wants more she will be willing to open up and won't run off when you bring it up... but if she isn't and really thinks it wouldn't work out she will leave and it will be for the better..

As for the first time where she was confused with the spanking... maybe she is wondering why you did it and didn't say anything... maybe you should have been a bit more vocal on why you were spanking her and then watch for her reaction to what is said.. if she looks dumbfounded then its probably not going right and its time to stop and really look at what your doing.

Good luck.

(in reply to MamaDomme)

Post #: 18

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 10:42:33 AM

WorldTraveller7

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all for the wonderful replies. I really appreciate those who shared thier experiences and methods. Also good to read about the analysis of what I did and how she reacted but I think I will have to provide lots more information about her and me to make that meaningful.

Mama Domme,
ha ha I did evaluate my risks. ;-) . Good to read you noticed that too.

imtempting,
that is true. just spanking and submission are two different things.

But i was more interested in the bigger picture, not just this specific case. In everyday life we all come across situations where you just feel that the person is submissive. I was looking for a ideas on how to test it. some answers have helped but do answer in global terms not just american.

Thanks,
WT7

(in reply to Masterdarkone26)

Post #: 19

RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 11:46:25 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

If you want to see if a male/female is submissive, get on top and gently take their wrists in your hands a pin them above their head.. then watch their reaction. Take it from there.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to WorldTraveller7)

Post #: 20

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