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RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 11:54:14 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 11:54:47 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Raven,

Same shock here!

quote:

  We don't often find ourselves on the same side of many discussions Focus... but you nailed that one!


(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 12:21:25 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		Here is another take too...perhaps she totally enjoyed it but was shocked or even horrified by the fact. I know the first time I got spanked I loved it beyond belief yet I was totally horrified by the fact and came very close to ending that relationship because of it. This was many yrs ago and among my first consensual sexual experiences. It took me another ten plus yrs to totally accept that I was submissive and to be totally okay with kinky sex, to not feel guilty and wrong for being that way.

aurora

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 12:25:37 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know.


I agree completely.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 12:34:54 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know.


Definately! And I've met a lot of quiet, better listeners then talkers kinda folk who were quite happy taking control in private. You simply never know.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 12:58:06 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Much less risky thing to determine if the girl/ guy you are getting to know is submissive.

Make a series of requests and watch the reactions you get.

Examples
look at them accross the table, tell them "Come here" with a waggle of the finger gesture.
Watch the way they do or do not comply with the direction.

"I would like you to (insert a pose or display that you like to see) for me."
Evaluate response

The way you tell a submissive is by how eager they are to comply with requests/ directions.
(Note make sure the requests are on level with how well you know each other)


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 1:10:02 PM   
gentlethistle


Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Once I found the scene again I didn't bother looking in vanilla environs.... you don't go duck hunting in a hen house, you stand a better chance down the duck pond



I know of a flock of free range chickens and ducks that share a house.  One morning a white chicken was found dead, squatting on the floor with its neck broken.  The only conclusion we could draw was that the drake had mistaken it for one of the ducks and discovered the hard way that a chicken's neck isn't as strong as a duck's when he grabbed it with his bill to hold it to the ground and have his way with her.

I'm not sure in exactly what way this (true story) links in with RavenMuse's metaphor....maybe it's just that sometimes chickens and ducks co-habit and even go further than that.  I guess sometimes it works, and sometimes it goes disasterously wrong.

Laura

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 2:02:34 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Here's a tip.... 
 
Instead of creating an atmosphere where she gets lost, confused and of even having to read your freakin' mind, how about discussing your kink intentions openly and honestly *BEFORE* acting them out!  You afraid she'd decline?
 
We call it COMMUNICATION.
 
To answer your question, it hasn't happened to me since I was about 18 = young, dumb and fulla cum.
 
Focus.


We don't often find ourselves on the same side of many discussions Focus... but you nailed that one!


on this same note, if you dont tell them your kink and you just do it where is the consent???

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 2:08:51 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oh and there is no way to really know if someone wants to be YOUR submissive unless you ask them. Some people can act rather submissive many who just dont want confrontations or its just natral for them to comply it doesnt make them a submissive in the sence of BDSM D/s or M/s  it just means their personality is on the submissive side, this does not however mean they want you to spank them tie them up or even take controll of them in any way!!!

TALK damn it, if you are interested come out and ask I dont find it very Domly to be sneeky in trying to get what you want or beating around the bushes about it, that seems more childish then anything els!!

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 5/11/2007 2:10:33 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 2:38:31 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		The fact that she didn't respond to spanking doesn't mean she isn't submissive. It may mean that spanking has a bad connotation to her because of family of origin issues, or that she has no masochistic tendencies. It may also be that with the right man she would submit and learn to enjoy rough sex but that you had not earned sufficient trust to be the right man.

My line is always that I am submissive but not to you. I do not choose to act submissively to someone who has not earned my trust and respect. They doubtlessly conclude that I'm not a 'real' sub, but the truth is that they aren't my idea of a 'real' dominant.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 3:21:24 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Outside of the bedroom, I think it is impossible to tell a submissive. Too many intelligent women who are in high powered positions of leadership that they handle skillfully are submissive in private. Ya never know.

It's still a dynamic of *two* and I would contend that that everyday "high powered" submissive would respond in some way (even if very subtly) to someone of complementing dominant qualities. 
 
I'm not publically open about my D/s sexuality, but I flirt with it all the time to gauge reactions.  Only the other day I "pounced" on the new office girl (about 20 yo) because she'd written something on the back of her hand.  I gave her the full disapproving headmaster treatment, albeit in a lighthearted manner.  I came back in about 30 mins later and she proudly displayed her recently cleaned hand for inspection.  And then there was her eyes with it.... 
 
Submissive?  Possibly, but that's up to her to explore about herself.  I find lots of young women respond to my "outrageous" commands when I'm in full flirt mode.  "Sit up straight girl, NO slouching", for eg, and as many snap to attention as the ones who just give me the "fuck off geezer" look in response.  I enjoy both but I remember the former more readily.
 
Having "sub" emblazened across the forehead would make life a lot easier, but life never works like that.  Ya gotta start somewhere and work with the responses rather than your own selfish wishful desires.  And if it does end up in bed together, surely an intimate partner is someone you can openly *communicate* with re sexual kink desires.
 
Focus. 

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 3:25:19 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Raven,

Same shock here!

quote:

  We don't often find ourselves on the same side of many discussions Focus... but you nailed that one!

Whoa!  High praise indeed.... <gasp>
 
Focus.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 3:44:54 PM   
OTKkindaGirl


Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

At a dinner party of mixed company (vanilla and lifestylers) the conversation turned to D/s.  We were discussing the very same topic, how can you spot submissives.

A vanilla lady said,
"I wouldn't know a submissive if I fell over her"

The Domme lady said,
"Yes you would, she would be the one apologising!"

Well it made me laugh

:: smiles ::




Thank you so much for sharing this it made me laugh too, it just sounds so familiar!

_____________________________

~~ lil darlin' ~~
hope



(in reply to subsfaith)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 3:46:33 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

If you want to see if a male/female is submissive, get on top and gently take their wrists in your hands a pin them above their head.. then watch their reaction.  Take it from there.



EwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyGAWD. ~delicious shiver~

Err ... yeah, Lotus. That might work.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 4:16:02 PM   
OhBeMyMind


Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline 		~quickie~  
Perhaps the look of confusion was her wondering why you were spanking her instead of her spanking you......hey, it could be a possibility!

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to slaveish)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 8:25:28 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Submissive?  Possibly, but that's up to her to explore about herself.  I find lots of young women respond to my "outrageous" commands when I'm in full flirt mode.  "Sit up straight girl, NO slouching", for eg, and as many snap to attention as the ones who just give me the "fuck off geezer" look in response.  I enjoy both but I remember the former more readily.
  
Focus. 


GAH!

i sat up straight when i read this.  *shakes head at self*  well i guess its pretty obvious which way i bend...

and yes, i know in *me*, anyone who is aware of their own Dominant nature would be able to tell which way i bend fairly easily.  but that's *me* and i dont claim to speak for anyone else.

kitten, who is easily amused at herself....

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 8:52:24 PM   
stella40


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline 		Well here we go again trying to label people.

Why don't we make it easier for each other and wear signs on our foreheads - such as 'SUBMISSIVE', 'DOMINANT', 'INTELLECTUAL', 'PERVERT', 'IDIOT', etc?

This isn't addressed to the OP who apparently knew the person he was writing about, but why don't we bother to get to know the person before we start moving onto D/s?

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 8:59:14 PM   
marfre


Posts: 41
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

It's still a dynamic of *two* and I would contend that that everyday "high powered" submissive would respond in some way (even if very subtly) to someone of complementing dominant qualities.  
 


Complimentary qualities are the key here. I would say that everyday “high powered” submissive would describe me. I have found myself reacting to overtly dominate people. Occasionally, I didn’t realize I had reacted until later reflection. Once, not so subtly.

~m
 

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 9:55:07 PM   
Stazia


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		you know i was talking to a dom friend of mine the other night, and he told me that if he met me in a bar, or got set up with me on a blind "vanilla" date that he wouldn't think i was submissive at first.  it isn't a side of me that i show the general public.  however, he said that the more he talks to me gets to know me and the way my mind actually works he totally sees my submissive side now.  i am an extreemly privet person, and it takes a while to get to know the "real" me vs the mask that i wear for the general public.

(in reply to marfre)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Spotting a sub - 5/11/2007 10:28:23 PM   
farieanne


Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

stella40  Why don't we make it easier for each other and wear signs on our foreheads - such as 'SUBMISSIVE', 'DOMINANT', 'INTELLECTUAL', 'PERVERT', 'IDIOT', etc?


ok. i have dibs on PERVERT!

< Message edited by farieanne -- 5/11/2007 10:32:34 PM >

_____________________________

Master Peter's

"A woman will always sacrifice herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of self-indulgence.” - William Somerset Maugham

(in reply to stella40)
Profile   Post #: 40
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